She’d tried more than once to imagine what he’d gone through when they lived there. He’d left for work before she got up in the morning and got back home after she was already in bed. The only time she saw him was very briefly on Sundays. Even then, he’d spent most of his time in his home office. She remembered the arguments her parents had over his schedule more vividly than she remembered her mom. Her memories of her dad were mostly a collection of overheard yelling about not having enough time to do everything.
When her mom had died, her dad collapsed. Even at seven, Clover knew he wasn’t right after that. R.J. had just been born and they’d all been on their way to a doctor’s appointment. She didn’t know the details of the car accident, only that she and R.J. had escaped unharmed and her mom had died instantly. Shortly after that, they moved to the middle of nowhere.
“I kind of feel that way about here.” She hated to say it, that the place her father had worked so hard to build made her feel the way the city did when he left it, but it was the only way she could make him understand how much she really, really didn’t want to be tied to this farm forever.
Her dad smiled sadly. “It’s like that when you’re young. Things change.”
“I guess, maybe…” Clover couldn’t predict the future. All she could do was plan for it. He had been around a lot longer than she had, so she had to leave room for the possibility that he might be right.
“Regardless.” He set his hands on the desk palm down and leaned into the conversation. “It doesn’t matter where you live. This is the internet age. We can work together without actually being together.”
Everything he said made sense. Her only reservation about working with him was location based, but he was a big believer in using the internet to his advantage and making work come to him, not the other way around. There was no reason she couldn’t do the same. Plus, she liked the security that would come with having a post-graduation job already lined up.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“That’s all I’m asking. Thank you.”
Clover gave up trying to act as professional and grown up as her dad. She circled his desk and pulled him into a hug. He held her tight enough to let her know he thought it was a good idea, too.
When she finally left his office, she no longer had time to eat before Jake arrived.
Chapter 16
Seven Years Ago
Jake Feldman scuffed his sneakers in the gravel as he stared at Clover’s door and tried to think of something clever to say. If he rang the bell without working it out in his head first, he’d just stand there and mumble like an idiot when she answered.
At twelve, he’d officially hit the awkward stage where he couldn’t say anything without his voice cracking. His Adam’s apple was huge, but his neck hadn’t gotten any bigger. To compound the issue, his limbs kept growing, while his body stayed the same. He looked like a skinny scarecrow with legs he couldn’t quite keep track of.
Clover, on the other hand, had blossomed since last summer. Her hair did that thing where it fanned out any time she turned her head and it made her look like she belonged in a shampoo commercial. Her boobs had popped out and it was really hard to keep himself from staring. Not that he was an expert on tits, but looking at her made him feel wild and loose way down low in his belly.
He couldn’t get a handle on his reaction to her and it made the voice cracking thing even worse. When she was around, all he wanted to do was stare at her. His brain refused to form sentences and what he was able to get out shifted octaves halfway through the ones he did manage.
Puberty sucked.
As if she could hear him thinking about her, Clover appeared at her front door. She had a hardcover book open in her hands. He’d seen her read while she walked hundreds of times, so that was no surprise. R.J. was right on her heels. When Clover saw Jake, she stopped abruptly and R.J. crashed into her from behind.
Her eyes, more than any other part, drew Jake to her. They were bright green and flashed right before she said something smart or funny. When they weren’t flashing, like now, they still hinted at deep, meaningful thoughts. Every time he saw her, she was reading a book. Girls who read that much had to have meaningful thoughts, right?
It wasn’t hard to picture Clover as a teacher in ten years, with her hair pulled back and wearing those long tight skirts. He hoped he never got a teacher that looked like her. School was hard enough without adding that kind of distraction to the front of the classroom.
“What the hell?” R.J. swore and smacked his sister in the back to get her moving again. She didn’t budge.
“What are you doing here?” She held her book flat against her chest, blocking Jake’s view.
“Nothing.” His voice cracked on ‘ing’ just as he’d predicted and R.J. laughed and pointed. Clover simply stared.
“Then why are you even here? You could do nothing at your aunt’s place.” Clover regarded him with open curiosity. Her words were cutting, but her tone was not. She wasn’t judging. She just wanted to know.
He shrugged. “I got bored.” Miraculously, his voice didn’t crack that time.
R.J. edged around Clover and came down the steps to join Jake on the gravel. R.J. was at least a foot shorter than Jake.
“You want to come with us?” he asked. “Clover’s going to take me on a grasshopper hunt.” He pointed to the field behind their house.
Jake didn’t really want to hunt grasshoppers, but he’d do it if it meant he had an excuse to spend a little more time with Clover. If she allowed it, that was.
“Is that okay?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
She looked back and forth between her brother and Jake. Finally, she sniffed and said, “May as well.” She headed toward the field without checking to see if they were coming. She walked with her head down over her book the entire time, never once looking to check her path.
Jake walked half a step behind her, struggling once again for something to say. One day, he knew, Clover Watson would notice him for real, and that day couldn’t get here quick enough.
Chapter 17
Present Day
For the first time that summer, Clover wasn’t waiting on the front porch when Jake pulled up. He put the truck in park, killed the engine, and tapped the steering wheel. He didn’t mind going to the door--in fact, he preferred it--but Clover hadn’t seemed like she wanted him to. He stared at the front door for a few more moments before he realized that he was being an idiot.
He took the stairs two at a time, but paused to take a breath before knocking. R.J. answered the door and pointed toward the kitchen. “She’s in there.”
Somewhere along the line that summer, R.J. had stopped treating Jake like a friend and started treating him like Clover’s boyfriend. The difference baffled Jake.
“Thanks, man.” He patted R.J. on the back and headed toward the kitchen.
Jake found her standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open and an apple in her mouth. When she saw him, she took a big bite, then ran over and gave him a hug. The apple crunched in his ear as she chewed. In that moment, he knew for sure that he was completely in love with her. There was no other explanation for him finding the apple crunch adorable rather than annoying.
“Sorry.” Clover pulled away and placed her hand over her mouth as she spoke. “I haven’t had dinner yet.”
“Me either. I thought maybe we could grab a burger or something.” The choices for burgers were pretty limited. There was one local diner that was a few miles away on the other side of the river, or they could head back into town.
“I have a better idea.” Clover held up a package of meat labeled “RIB STEAK.” He recognized the white butcher paper and tape as being from a local butcher that his aunt regularly used. He wondered if the meat came from his aunt. She had a list of regular customers who bought grass-fed, hormone free, antibiotic free meats from her. He’d never checked to see if Mr. Watson was on the list.
Either way, the stamp on the package meant the rib steak was actually rib eye. That was way better than a burger any day. “You sure that’ll be okay with your dad?”
Clover gave him a small, mischievous smile. “Pretty sure. But I can double check if it’ll make you feel better.”
“Double check with who about what?” Brandon entered through the side door from the back deck.
“Jake doesn’t want to barbecue without permission.” Clover showed him the package of steak.
“Man, I’m starving. I’ll love you forever if you fire up the barbecue.” Brandon took the meat from Clover and headed to the sink. “I’ll do the dry rub.”
Clover laughed and pulled Jake toward the door. “You’ll love me forever either way.”
“That’s true. But start the barbecue anyway, okay?” Brandon washed his hands and opened the meat. “Sooner rather than later. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
“I got it,” Clover agreed.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Clover pulled Jake closer until she was backed against the side of the house and he was pressed tight against her front. She kissed him like it had been years since they’d seen each other rather than just a few hours since he’d dropped her off after work.
His hands settled automatically on her waist and he flexed and released his fingers until her shirt rode up high enough for him to slip underneath. Her skin was hot and smooth and he couldn’t believe that she let him touch her in such an intimate way. He’d wanted her for so long that it felt like a dream.
He swiped his thumbs over her skin absentmindedly, letting them move without thought in a way that mimicked the movement of his tongue inside her mouth. When one thumb brushed against her breast, Clover gasped and pulled her mouth away briefly. She panted, her body writhing against him until all he could feel was her desperate breath on his lips, the smooth swell of her breast beneath his palm, and her hips rocking against his growing hardness.
He squeezed and massaged and she closed the distance between their mouths with frantic urgency. “Don’t stop,” she pled between kisses.
“Never.” He swiped his thumb purposefully over her nipple and her body tensed. She gripped his head, her fingers twined in his hair and pulling him closer still. He cursed her bra and his lack of foresight. If he’d been thinking, he would have slipped his fingers beneath the sheer satin fabric to touch her bare breast, but he was too overwhelmed by what they were doing. His only priority was to keep doing whatever it was that was drawing that sexy whimper from Clover.
Except he really, really wanted to feel her skin, feel the pucker of her nipple beneath his thumb rather than the imprint of it through her bra. To do that, he’d have to stop touching her, if only for a moment, and that was made impossible by the noises she was making.
She wrenched herself away and grabbed his hand at the same time. “God,” she panted into his mouth and held his hand still. He swiped his thumb against her nipple again just to see what she’d do. She jerked and moaned, then pushed his hand away completely. “Barbecue.”
The word barely penetrated the haze and he rested his forehead against hers to try and settle his body. “Right.”
Clover looked at him, her eyes hooded and full of hope. “We can finish this after we eat if you want.”
He nodded, sobered by the reality of what she was offering. His body, especially his cock, loved the idea of going further, but a very large voice of doubt yelled that he wasn’t ready, that he’d do it wrong and mess things up between them. He’d waited this long to have sex because he wanted it to be right, special. With Clover, he definitely wanted to take the next step, but the pressure to do it right was even greater.
The reality that they were both leaving at the end of summer made him second guess everything. He already couldn’t imagine how he was going to let her go, but he knew it would be harder if they shared something as intimate as sex.
It all added up to make him far more reluctant than he should be. At nineteen, he should be jumping all over it when a hot woman offered herself to him, but he’d seen firsthand with his parents what happened to two people who listened to their bodies over logic. They were miserable together and that permeated every aspect of their lives, especially their relationship with him.
Clover was different, he knew. She loved her family and he’d never heard her raise her voice in anger. Hell, he’d never seen her angry. She was too logical, driven by the need to be practical. There was no reason to think he would repeat his parents’ mistakes with her.
Jake shook his head. He was getting carried away. He needed to relax and let his feelings and their relationship evolve naturally. When he was in the moment with Clover, nothing else mattered. He wanted everything from her and all his second thoughts evaporated.
He decided to let it all go, at least for now, and kissed Clover softly on the lips. The only thing he was absolutely certain of was how much he enjoyed doing that. They could sort the rest out later. “Right, let’s get that barbecue started.”
“Over here.” She led him around to the back of the deck.
“Wow.” Jake expected a barbecue like his parents had. They’d bought it at Home Depot and his dad put it together one weekend with the help of a lot of swearing and several beers. It was about three feet wide and one of the wheels fell off if they tried to move it.
This barbecue was nothing like that. There was a fifteen foot long set of cabinets with a marble countertop. On one end, there were two long silver hoods. He guessed they were about four feet each. Next to that, there was a four-burner gas stovetop. Clover flipped up one of the lids and opened the cabinet door beneath it. She turned to Jake with a smile. “Can you turn on the propane?”
“Sure.” Jake looked around for a small tank like he had at his house, but couldn’t find one. “If you tell me where.”
“Down the stairs, right there.” Clover pointed at a set of tanks that stood just on the other side of the deck. They were obscured by a tall hedge that blocked the view of the yard. The tanks stood chest high to Jake.
“This is like extreme barbecue.” Jake looked at the tanks and couldn’t tell which line fed which grill. “Does it matter which one?”
“Nope. Just pick one.”
A backyard barbecue shouldn’t have caused Jake to hesitate, but it did. He’d spent enough time with Clover and R.J. growing up that he’d become almost immune to the signs of Mr. Watson’s wealth. Still, that they had an entire outdoor kitchen on their back deck rather than a simple barbecue like most people struck a hard chord with him. It was a stark reminder of the differences between his life and theirs.
Was he fooling himself into believing that he could ever have more with Clover? He seemed to be behind her in every possible way.
“Did you get it?” Clover looked at him with that curious adoration that he’d come to love. That look told him yes. Yes, he could have more. All he had to do was quiet his fears and trust in the way he and Clover felt about each other.
“Yep. Is it working?”
“Let’s see.”
Jake heard an electronic click followed by the rush of propane flames in the barbecue. “Awesome.”
He left the shrubbery and joined Clover on the back deck again. With one arm strung around her waist, he dropped the lid on the barbecue to keep the heat inside. “What else do I need to do?”
Clover turned in his arms until they stood face to face with her hands resting against his chest. She seemed to like that position and he really liked that she liked it. She smiled and rose up on her toes. “Kiss me.”
They were still kissing when he heard Brandon say, “You guys have to stop that. Randy is right behind me.”
Clover ended the kiss with a laugh and she turned to take a plate of steaks from Brandon. “Thanks for the warning.”
Brandon pulled the plate out of her reach. “Oh no, you don’t. I got this. You go entertain your boyfriend. Just don’t let your dad see you entertaining him with quite so much ton
gue.”
Jake was still wiping away the evidence of Clover’s last kiss with the back of his hand when Brandon mentioned her tongue. All hope he had of being discreet went to hell as he choked and had a coughing fit at the same time. Brandon chuckled as he pounded Jake on the back a couple of times. Jake wasn’t entirely sure how Brandon fit into their family dynamic, but he knew enough to recognize that he’d been caught fooling around by someone he’d rather not be caught by.
As soon as he could speak again, Jake said, “I’m sorry, sir.”
Brandon shoved Jake’s shoulder lightly and said, “Get him out of here before he chokes to death.” He was speaking to Clover, not Jake.
She kissed Brandon on the cheek, then led Jake down the back steps. Their hands fit together in such a way that made him never want to hold hands with anyone else, ever again. They walked through the yard and hit a small trail that led out into the field behind the house.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so embarrassed.” Jake was still trying to get his breathing to settle down.
“Really? Why? Brandon’s a sweetie.” Clover swung their joined hands gently between them.
“But what if it’d been your dad?” He needed Clover’s dad to like him. His aunt had warned him too many times for him to screw that up.
She sobered a bit, but didn’t stop smiling. “My dad knows I’m not a little girl anymore.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s ready to see you being all grown up on his back deck.”
“Mmm.”
They walked far enough that Jake could no longer see the house and he debated heading back. There was a pile of steak waiting for them and he wanted to claim at least one of them. But the sun was getting lower in the sky and Clover’s hand felt good in his. He wanted to make this moment last more than he wanted steak.
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