She'd felt alone in her fears all this time. Was it really as easy as sharing them?
Why hadn't she shared them with Maddox?
Oh, dear Lord. What had she done? Last night, her hurtful words.
She had to find a way to apologize.
Maddox and Livy were making ice cream when Haley walked into the kitchen. The restaurant-grade ice cream machine was whirring noisily, and for a moment, she experienced a surge of worry for Elijah. Would they be able to hear him if he cried from upstairs—?
And then she saw the video baby monitor sitting on the counter. On the screen, her son was sleeping peacefully, one thumb stuck in his mouth.
Livy was wiping down what looked like strawberry juice and seeds from the counter. A pile of strawberries waited on the counter, a paring knife lying beside the cutting board.
Maddox looked up from the sink, where he was scrubbing out a pot. His gaze met hers, and she saw instantly how very wounded he was.
She'd done that to him.
She swallowed hard. "Can I help?"
Livy looked shocked as she tossed a dirty paper towel into the trash.
Had it really been that long since she'd initiated time spent with her girl? That was another arrow to the heart.
"We're pretty much done," Maddox said. His words hit her like a blow.
He meant with the ice cream, she told herself. Not their relationship.
But her chest still felt tight. It was hard to breathe. She looked down at the floor to gather herself.
Livy's puppy had been chewing mightily on a rope toy beneath the kitchen table. As Haley's gaze flicked to her, the dog perked up her head, ears flicking.
She squatted. Clapped her hands. "C'mere, girl."
The puppy got up and stumbled over its own feet before it scrabbled across the floor to her. Haley picked it up, cuddling it. Holding it for the first time. She stood, holding the puppy against her chest.
Livy's eyes had gone wide.
Maddox's expression was inscrutable as the puppy licked her chin. She rubbed one hand along its back, soothing it.
She needed to do this. "I need to apologize to you, Livy." She tried to send Maddox a mental message from across the room. And you. I'm so sorry!
Livy's nose wrinkled. "For what?"
"I haven't been doing a very good job as your mom."
The puppy wriggled, and Haley set her down on the floor. She didn't go back to the rope but rushed into the living room with a soft bark.
"She's really cute," she told Livy. Then, "Elijah has needed me so much, and I haven't... it's been really hard to adjust to how things are now. I should've been paying more attention to you and your needs. And I'm sorry."
Her throat closed up as she spoke the last words.
Maddox abandoned his pot. He stood silently at the counter, wiping his hands with a dish towel.
But it was Livy she couldn't look away from. The teen's face crumpled, and she rushed forward for Haley to catch in a full-body hug.
"I'm sorry, too," Livy murmured, not letting go. "I shouldn't have snuck out. D-dad says I can't keep Sadie because I broke the rules."
Ouch. Livy wasn't blaming him, though. She'd said Dad.
"That seems a little harsh," she said. "Coming from someone like your dad. I think we should keep Sadie."
"Really?" Livy leaned back in her arms, looking hopefully from Haley to Maddox and back again.
Maddox's expression hadn't changed. He crossed his arms over his chest. "First I'm a pushover and now I'm too harsh?"
"You're perfect!" Livy cried. She threw herself into his arms, and he caught her in a hug.
But over the girl's head, his expression was drawn.
The over timer went off, and Livy sprang away from her uncle. "The cookies are ready!"
"Cookies and ice cream?" Haley teased.
"And Dad doesn't have to go to work until after lunch."
Haley glanced his way again, but his stony expression remained.
She'd hurt him. Badly. And she needed to fix it. But Livy needed her too, as evidenced by the way the girl took her hand and dragged her to the oven. "I thought we could make ice cream sandwiches. The ice cream needs another ten minutes, which is just long enough for the cookies to cool."
And of course Elijah chose that moment to wake up.
She went upstairs, and the baby grinned widely when she reached into the crib to pick him up. His grin revealed a perfect white tooth on his bottom gum.
Chapter 8
Maddox's grace from Mrs. Heller ran out, and he had to return to teach the last two hours of the day.
The kids were antsy and cranky. He felt the same way.
Only, his frustrations didn't stem from a long summer day indoors, learning math and history.
Something had changed in Haley between the time she'd walked out of the house and when she’d returned. She'd been back to the quietly joyous woman he'd known and loved before Elijah had come along and disturbed the balance of their family.
Was it wrong that he'd wanted to be the one to help her find her new normal?
They still had unresolved issues. But they hadn't had a chance to talk, not with Elijah gurgling happily from his high chair and Livy chattering like her old self.
The dismissal bell rang, and his kids cleared out in under a minute. It was the work of ten minutes to straighten up the classroom and chart Monday's lesson plan on the chalkboard.
He was pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder when Kiera knocked at the doorway.
He winced, hoping she didn't catch it. He tried to cover, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. It wasn't her fault that his marriage was on the rocks.
"Rough day?" she asked.
He shrugged. No way was he airing his personal problems with her.
"I came by to check on you… on your class earlier and noticed Mrs. Heller was in here. Is everything okay?"
"We had some stuff going on at home. It's fine now." Or it would be, once he got a chance to really sit down and talk with Haley.
He started for the door but stopped abruptly when she reached out and touched his upper arm. He took a step back.
She didn't seem to register his discomfort. Her smile was warm and friendly. "I was wondering... Do you think you'd want to grab a coffee sometime? Maybe in that few weeks between the end of summer school and meet-the-teacher day?"
He was instantly flummoxed. "What for?" He winced. That might not have been the most polite way to ask. She wasn't his boss, but it was a general rule that you didn't want to get on the bad side of anyone in administration.
She tilted her head to one side, smiling. She wasn't flirting with him. Was she? "I'm new in town, and I wouldn't mind making some new friends. And we could talk shop, too. Maybe you can tell me the teachers to steer clear of."
Mind whirling, he replayed every moment of the time he'd spent in her company since she'd arrived during the second week of summer school. He'd helped her move some furniture for her office. Greeted her and made small talk in the teachers' lounge. He couldn't think of one instance where he'd shown more than a co-worker level of interest in Kiera.
He'd been friendly. That was it.
But first, Haley had had her suspicions. And now this.
Was it possible he was giving off some kind of flirtatious vibe without even knowing it?
He'd have to figure that out later. He cleared his throat. "Listen, Kiera. I am a happily married man. I haven't had to invoke a rule like no coffee or lunch alone with a female coworker before, but the truth is, I don't think my wife would be okay with that. I respect my wife and I would never do anything to hurt her. Not even the hint of anything that might hurt her. So, no, I won't be able to go to coffee with you."
Her smile faded at his blunt response. He saw color climbing into her cheeks, but he also knew that staying in this room, alone with her, might be enough to cause him problems, if she decided to get annoyed, and petty. If she lied to the principal or superi
ntendent. If she said he'd come on to her.
"I gotta go," he said and brushed by her quickly.
He didn't sit in his truck in the parking lot, either. His brain was on fire trying to make sense of last night and what had just happened.
It was coincidence that the very thing Haley had been afraid of had happened. Wasn't it?
He hit the gas pedal hard on his way out of town. He’d been blunt with Kiera. And now, he needed to talk to his wife. The time for distance, for tiptoeing around each other, was over.
They were going to hash this out tonight.
Chapter 9
Unlike the evening Maddox and Livy had come home late to a cold supper, tonight the back door banged open while Haley was still getting dressed.
She paused in front of the mirror, one earring dangling from her lobe. She only had on her bra and panties. Because she was alone in the house.
There were only a couple people who felt comfortable enough to barge into her house.
"Haley?" Maddox called out.
She grabbed the robe from the foot of the bed and donned it, quickly tying the sash. She stuck her head into the hallway. "Upstairs!"
He wasn't wasting any time. His tread on the stairs was sure and swift.
She pulled a face at herself in the mirror. Old ratty robe and one earring. So much for the impression she'd wanted to make tonight.
"Something smells good down there—" He cut himself off. Stopped in the doorway, taking her in. "You're wearing makeup again."
She tried not to flush at his scrutiny. She really did. Not that it helped, she thought as heat crept into her face.
"It's chicken Parmesan," she said. "Dinner will be ready in about an hour."
He lifted the strap of his messenger bag—the one she'd bought him just before he'd started teaching—over his head and deposited it on his side of the bed.
"Special occasion?" he asked. He wasn't looking directly at her anymore, but he didn't seem as stony-faced as he'd been earlier in the kitchen, and she felt a surge of hope. Maybe she could still fix this.
"I hope so," she whispered. She was opening her mouth to tell him how sorry she was when he sat on the end of the bed and put his face in his hands.
Her stomach did a slow somersault. "M-Maddox?"
She started to cross to him but stopped when he said, "You were right."
Everything froze around her. It felt as if even her heart stopped. But no—there was a slow, deafening thump in her eardrums. Her heartbeat.
Funny how it could keep beating when she felt as if the world she'd known had just imploded.
He rubbed his hands down his face and then clasped his fingers together, resting his elbows on his thighs. He looked up at her, eyes devastated. "At least, you were part right."
He went on to detail the afternoon's events for her.
Relief coursed through her, so deep that she sagged onto the corner of the bed, two feet still separating them. Limp, but relieved.
"I haven't sought her out in any way," he said, his gaze direct and unflinching. "I haven't flirted or given her any sign, unless... Do you think I'm a flirt, in general? All the time?"
His direct gaze asked for the truth, and how could she deny it to him?
"No." She had to clear her throat because the denial that had emerged was barely audible. "No," she said more strongly. "You're not. I didn't actually mean what I said last night."
She saw his own relief cross his expression. Knew how very badly she'd hurt him. She ducked her head.
And because her head was bent, she saw him extend his hand on the bedspread, palm upward.
She slipped her hand into his.
"Why'd you say it, then?" he asked quietly.
Could she tell him all of it? Trust him with all of it?
"No more hiding from me," he said.
Of course, she could.
"There's some stuff with Elijah that we should talk about later." There. She'd started with the easy part. But this... She forced the words out. "Mostly, I said it because I know I can't compare to someone like her, not anymore."
He tapped his thumb on the back of her hand, and she looked up into his dear face. He looked baffled. "What are you talking about?"
Knees knocking, she stood. He let go of her hand, and she tugged on the knot of the robe. "I was going to put on a dress, but..." She let the robe fall open, revealing her greatest insecurity to him. No one could blame her if she scrunched her eyes closed. "I look so... ugly." The word punched out of her on a soft sob, but she reined in her emotions tightly. This wasn't the time for breaking down.
Instantly, he was there, closing her in his arms, pressing kisses against her jaw. "What are you talking about? You're beautiful. Gorgeous. I—"
She shook her head, denying his words even as hearing them pressed all her hope buttons. He couldn't really think that.
"My body is..." She shook her head, unable to put it into words. The extra pounds, the stretch marks, the blotches on her skin.
She would never look the way she had before.
One of his hands came inside her robe to rest on her bare hip. "This body?" he asked. His nose touched the sensitive place behind her ear, and she shivered. She couldn't help it.
"This body that bore my son?"
She nodded, still pressing her eyes tightly closed.
"Haley, I love your body." His thumb ran up her side, as if punctuating his words. "I love how we fit together so perfectly." He kissed the base of her neck, his other hand pulling her even closer. "I'll never stop wanting you."
He kissed her lips then, his mouth teasing and caressing until her head swam.
Until she ached to believe him.
He broke the kiss, breathing hard and pressing his jaw to her temple. "Where are the kids?"
She was panting just as hard as he was. "Ryan and Ash's. For a few hours, at least."
His eyes lit with a lazy heat. "Good."
Dinner was slightly burnt. And Maddox couldn’t care less.
"I love you," Haley said quietly over her plate of chicken Parm.
She'd foregone the dress in favor of comfy sweatpants and a clean T-shirt—only when he'd insisted. He'd matched her outfit, as they'd been rushing to get dressed while the annoying kitchen timer beeped and beeped and beeped.
Now they were sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, both on the same side of the coffee table but facing each other as they chowed down.
He couldn't quit touching her. Right now, his foot brushed her thigh.
He wouldn't let her image issues get the better of her again. Trying to give her space had been the wrong answer. If the right answer was his constant affection, sneaking more kisses and cuddles, well, he'd fall on that grenade if he must.
He grinned.
She blushed adorably and shook her head, spooning another bite of food into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed. "I might've missed a few days of telling you, so I guess I'll have to catch up. I love you."
"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that."
As she'd plated their supper, she'd told him about her fears for Elijah, her fear that she was a terrible mother. And she told him about the moms' support group. He was happy she'd found the women who could help, but he'd also been frustrated that she'd kept so much from him.
She'd promised to work on it, and that was all he could ask for.
All in all, his life had turned a one-eighty in the last twenty-four hours.
He didn't kid himself that things were going to be perfect from now on, but he felt confident that they could find a way forward.
She dawdled over the last two bites of food on her plate, playing with her fork. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Last night, when we were fighting..."
He frowned. Hadn't they resolved everything stemming from last night?
"...it felt like there was something you were holding back."
Summer school. Cancun.
He
sighed. "There is something." There was nothing for it now. She'd shared her hurts and fears tonight. He couldn't keep his secret any longer.
Her expression shuttered. She put her mostly-empty plate on the coffee table.
He dug his toe into her side, tickling her. "It's nothing bad."
She glanced up at him warily.
"I took on the summer school session because..." He paused for effect. "Because I booked a trip for us. The two of us. Cancun over Christmas break."
Her eyes lit up, but then her maternal caution overrode the excitement. "But what about—"
"The kids will be fine," he said, anticipating her refusal. "Elijah should be weaned by then—right?—and I already talked to Ryan and Ash. It'll only be for a few days, and it'll be good practice for them anyway."
She half-smiled at his veiled hint. "I already know. Ash told me last week."
He waggled his eyebrows. "So... we won't be gone on Christmas Day, I promise. It'll be good for us. A trip just the two of us. And with the extra money from me teaching the summer classes, it's already paid for."
She plunked her chin on one hand on the table's edge. "Your big secret wasn't nefarious after all."
"What do you take me for?" he teased.
"A pushover."
He narrowed his eyes in mock outrage. "This pushover was going to make you an ice cream sandwich, but not if you're gonna call names..."
She laughed, and he stood, holding out his hands to help her up.
She stood upright and then came into his arms easily.
He'd missed this. The easy connection between them. He didn't want to lose it ever again.
He rested one palm against her jaw. "I love you, wife. I'll never stop."
Her beautiful eyes filled with tears as she hugged him tightly. "Me either."
Epilogue
"I'm not sure I can do this," Haley said.
"Sure, you can." Maddox tangled their fingers together.
Overhead, the terminal PA system announced boarding for their flight.
She'd been fighting nerves all the way from Redbud Trails to the Oklahoma City airport, where they were supposed to be boarding a plane for Cancun. Right now.
Kissed by a Cowboy 1 & 2: Sweet Cowboy Romance (Redbud Trails) Page 14
