As she walked into the hallway, Bina sidelined her. “I have to talk to you,” she hissed. “Quick, before anyone notices.” She took Kate’s hand and drew her down the narrow hallway to her bedroom.
Nothing had changed. The same flowered pink curtains hung at the window, the same matching wallpaper covered the walls, and the print repeated itself on Bina’s bedspread. The dressing table with the pink skirt that Kate had envied so when they were in seventh grade still sat between the two windows. Kate herself sat on the bench in front of it. “What is it?” she asked.
“Oh, Katie, I just can’t keep this lie going,” Bina said.
Kate took a deep breath. She loved her friend’s simplicity, but sometimes it was just too much. “Oh, Bina. Nobody cares. If you just act normal now and carry on, everyone will be thrilled.”
Bina’s face registered horror. “I can’t believe that you would tell me to do that,” she cried.
“Bina, it’s just a party. It’s not a lifetime.”
Bina’s mouth dropped open. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I beg to differ with you. I think a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.”
Kate stopped examining the pictures and mementos on the dressing table. “What are you talking about?” she said. “Just because you pretended to be surprised doesn’t mean you’re starting your marriage with a lie. For God’s sake, have a sense of proportion.”
Bina took a step backward, as if Kate had physically attacked her. Then her lips began to tremble. “Is it really you saying this?” she said. “Max thought you would understand, but even if you don’t, I can’t go through with it. I can’t marry Jack. It’s not like he really loves me. I know what he was up to in Hong Kong. Max showed me.”
Kate sighed angrily. After all that Bina had gone through to finally get Jack, it seemed a little late in the day to find a misplaced sense of pride. “Well, that was very wrong of Max. Remember, you were dating, too.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to.”
“Oh, come on, you had a lot of fun with Billy.”
“But that was just fun.”
Kate raised her brows. “And why are you feeling guilty about that little sexual escapade?”
“Because it wasn’t an escapade,” Bina said. “I keep comparing it to being with Jack, and . . .”
Kate certainly doubted that Jack could be anywhere near as erotic and imaginative and warm in bed. But she certainly couldn’t tell Bina why she suspected that. And it was hopeless for Bina to think about Billy as an alternative to Jack. Kate truly believed Bina loved Jack, and with a little time she would get over this guilt and unhealthy comparison and settle down.
“Bina,” she said, rising and taking her friend by her shoulders, “you have to get over this guilt. You have to move on. This is what you have wanted your whole life.”
“But I was wrong,” Bina wailed.
“No, you weren’t,” Kate told her. “You’re wrong now. So just calm down. Enjoy all this.”
Just then the door opened. “Oh, here they are,” Mrs. Horowitz sang out. “The best friends are at it in here,” she called, and lifted her camera to take what would develop into a hideously unflattering picture of both of them.
Chapter Forty-two
Kate fumbled with the lock to her door and pushed in. The lights were on, and she gasped and almost jumped when she realized that her living room was filled with people. For a moment she was terrified that Elliot, Barbie, Bina, and the rest would scream, “Surprise!” But no one yelled—in fact, no one said anything. She couldn’t believe that Elliot—whom she had trusted with a key—would invade her nest, bringing a flock of raptors with him. She would get her keys back, and she would get him back some other way. Before she had a chance to ask what the hell was going on, Elliot, who was perched on a windowsill, spoke.
“Some of you might ask why we are gathered here today,” he said in a pretty good imitation of Dr. McKay’s pompous tone.
“What’s going on?” Kate asked. Her stomach sank, as if she were in a plunging elevator. But at the same time, she felt her rage ready to choke her. She didn’t even have a place to sit or put her bag down.
“We’re worried about you,” Bina said. She was the only one there who looked apologetic.
“Katie, look, you’re allowed to go out with him, and you’re even allowed to sleep with him, but you’re not allowed to fall in love with him,” Barbie added.
“What are you talking about?” Kate asked. But of course, she knew. Elliot must have told everyone, and now they were trying to do some kind of . . . intervention, or something, as if she were a drunk who needed to be confronted with her self-destructive behavior.
“Time to go now. Party’s over,” Kate told them, using the phrase Billy did when he was ready to close the bar. She turned into her little hallway to get to the bedroom and away from all of these so-called friends. Unfortunately, Brice was standing there, leaning against the wall.
“Sorry, girlfriend, you have to hear this,” he said, and gently turned her around, marching her into the middle of her living room. Bina got out of the wicker chair, and Brice maneuvered Kate over to it. Bev leaned forward as far as she could given the state of her belly and took Kate’s hand.
“I know how it is, Katie,” she said. “You want a home of your own. You want a wedding and a husband and a baby.”
Kate snatched her hand away. “I have a home,” she said. “It’s right here, and I would like you all to do me a favor and get out of it. Please,” she added so that she didn’t sound quite so rude. After all, they probably meant well.
Elliot came up from behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. His face was beside her own. “I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t think it was really serious,” he said.
“I want my keys back,” Kate told him, and extended her hand. “I mean now.” It was better to lock him out permanently, she thought, than ever to walk into a scene like this again.
“Look, you moved out of the old neighborhood. You might not remember what players in Brooklyn are like, but you’ve wasted enough of your time on jerks. You’re not getting younger this week,” Bunny said. “Or any other week.”
“Yeah. A fling is okay, but once you’re thirty your flings are flung,” Barbie added. “Whaddya think? A blow job’s a commitment?”
“Shut up, Barbie,” Kate told her. “None of this is your business.” She turned and looked around at the room. She couldn’t defend herself with logic. And a part of her knew they were probably right. But that was a part she didn’t want to listen to.
Elliot sighed. “I told you this wouldn’t be easy,” he said to the assembled bunch of gossips, yentas, and morons that up till now Kate had considered her friends. He leaned toward her again. “Kate, I’m not saying you did the wrong thing in turning Michael down.”
“I am,” Bev interrupted. “He was a doctor and a Pisces. Perfect.”
Brice silenced her with a look. “I think what Elliot is trying to say is that you can waste a lot of time with men like Steven and Billy, but you get propositions, not proposals, from them.”
Kate could feel her face getting warm with anger and embarrassment. “We only want what’s best for you,” Elliot said.
“We’re worried about you,” Barbie added. Then she looked down at Kate’s feet. “Where did you get those shoes?” she asked. “Are they Ferragamo?”
“Not now, Barbie,” Brice admonished. “This isn’t Full Frontal Fashion.”
“No. It’s Full Frontal Confrontation, and it’s over.” Kate took a deep breath. She looked at Bina, who had been the quietest. “How was the bachelor party?” she asked.
“Didn’t you hear?” Bev asked.
“There was a fistfight.”
“You’re kidding?” Brice said. “Why haven’t I heard about this?”
“My Arnie said it was incredible. Max and Jack really went at each other.”
“Yeah, my Johnny said Jack’s black eye probably won’t heal before the weddin
g. And if Billy hadn’t of broken it up . . .”
Once again Kate felt her stomach lurch, this time over the scene in a Brooklyn bar during a bachelor party. She knew Billy kept a baseball bat beside the cash register, but she wondered if he had been hurt. This, however, was not the time to ask.
“So what happened?” Elliot wanted to know.
“Oh, Max called Jack names and he got mad and took a swing at Max, but then Max got wild and jumped him. Whaddaya expect? They were all drunk.”
Kate stood up. She wanted to call Billy and find out if he was okay. She also needed all of these so-called friends of hers to leave her in peace. But Elliot had other plans. “Kate, you have to promise us all that you’ll break off this thing with Billy,” he said. “I mean, what’s the point? After he dumps you, you don’t want to get proposed to by a stranger.”
“Will you stop that!” Kate told him. “What makes you so sure he’ll dump me? And if you believe that garbage about proposals . . .”
The room filled with half a dozen hushed oohs. “Jesus,” Barbie said. “Do you actually think he’s serious about you?”
“Kate, this is a guy who has made fear of commitment a permanent lifestyle,” Bev said. She stood up with difficulty. She opened her mouth, but before she could continue her rant, a strange look came over her face. “I feel a little twinge.” She put a hand on her belly, and as she did her water broke.
Chapter Forty-three
It was the last day of school, and Kate was straightening out her files, packing her two plants, and saying good-bye for the summer to the children who dropped in. Once she was finished, she knew she should go to Bev’s to see her baby. Though she was curious to see it, her resentment of the Bitches still lingered, and to be brutally honest, she was also afraid she’d feel some envy.
Not that she was unhappy. She had the children at the school. Overall, she was very pleased with her work at Andrew. Though she hadn’t made any progress with the Reilly twins, she had convinced their parents to dress them in different clothes. It hadn’t stopped them from continuing to pull the switcheroo, but at least now they had to go into the bathroom or gym and swap their outfits to do it. If there was a darker side to their masquerading, she would have to find it in September. But most of her other work had gone well. Tina Foster was no longer taking dares or launching herself out into space. Though she was still a tomboy and preferred to chase boys than sit with the girls, she didn’t seem at all self-destructive.
As Kate put some papers into her backpack, Jennifer Whalen appeared in the doorway. Jennifer had stopped her exaggerated lying, and Kate smiled at the little girl. “Coming to say good-bye?” she asked. Jennifer nodded. “You know, I’ll see you in September.” Jennifer nodded again and then rushed into the room and hugged Kate.
“Thank you for helping me with my shelf-esteem,” Jennifer said.
Kate looked down at her, suppressing a smile. “You’re very welcome,” she said.
Jennifer nodded wisely and gestured to all the empty shelves in the office. “Do you have shelf-esteem, too?” she asked.
Now Kate allowed herself to smile. “Plenty,” she told the little girl, and Jennifer smiled, too, turned, and skipped out of the room.
“See ya next year,” she called.
Kate had just knelt down to straighten the dollhouse when she felt someone else’s presence behind her. Still on her knees, she turned and was totally surprised to find Billy standing in the doorway. He took a step into the room and closed the door behind him. His face was bruised, with a swollen patch on one cheek and a scratch over his eye. She jumped to her feet. “Are you all right? I kept leaving messages on your machine. Where have you been?” she asked, and moved toward him. He must have been hurt in the imbroglio at Jack’s party, as she had feared. She wanted to hold him and touch his face, but he put up a hand to stop her.
“So who do you expect a proposal from?” he asked. His face was pale, and the bruise seemed even darker against his livid skin.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“What kind of game were you playing with me?” he demanded. “Don’t try to deny it, because I heard all about it at the bachelor party. Those assholes called me Dumping Billy for most of the evening. And when one of them finally told me the score, I couldn’t believe it.” Kate realized she was holding her breath but couldn’t seem to do anything about it. “Bina got that jerk-off Jack. Who are you expecting to get?”
For a moment Kate considered saying, “You. I want you,” but she knew this certainly wasn’t the time for an admission like that. She moved toward him and tried to take his hand, but again he extended his arm, silently telling her to back off. She could see the anger on his face, but beyond that she could see real pain in his eyes. He must truly care for me, she thought.
“It’s not what you think,” Kate began, and then tried to figure out how she could possibly explain all the machinations and manipulations that had gone on since the fateful day of Bunny’s wedding. Before she could launch into an explanation, Billy spoke.
“Did you all do research? You know, to find out about the women I’d dated in the past and what happened to them after we broke up?”
“I didn’t,” Kate said.
“Don’t become a lawyer,” Billy snapped. “If it wasn’t you, it was someone in your posse.”
Kate looked away. She should have seen this coming, but somehow she had just thought things would continue as they were going or that Billy would tire of her the way he had with so many other women. She wanted to wiggle out of this, but she couldn’t lie. The problem was, she also didn’t want to tell the truth.
“My friend Elliot . . . ,” she began.
“Is he the one you expect to propose to you after we break up?”
“Billy, he’s gay, hooked up, and my best friend. He’s a mathematician, and, well, he noticed . . . he discovered that after you left girls they immediately got married. He thought there was a cause and effect. And he convinced Bina that—”
“And you convinced me to go out with her. Repetition compulsion, my ass. The whole thing was a setup. And I have no goddamn idea why it worked, but Bina is marrying Jack and I figure you’ve got someone on the hook. . . .”
“Billy, you really have this wrong.”
“Oh? I had three hours of bullshit from every guy at the party, all of them blaming me for their marriages.”
Kate felt herself begin to lose her own temper. “I think you made a reputation for yourself long before I came on the scene,” she snapped. “I just didn’t know when you were planning to dump me.”
“How about right now?” he asked. “And best wishes on your upcoming nuptials. I hope whoever your victim is richly deserves you.” He spun around, opened the door, and virtually smashed into Dr. McKay.
“Am I interrupting something?” Dr. McKay asked, his eyebrows raised and his eyes darting back and forth between Kate and Billy.
“No,” Billy told him. “We’re finished.” Kate could only watch his back as he strode down the hallway.
Chapter Forty-four
Kate cried for an hour in her office. Then, when Elliot found her and bundled her in his arms to take her home, she cried in the taxi all the way back to his apartment. She cried when Brice got in, and she cried over the dinner he made. At last Elliot took her to the sofa, sat her down, and put his arm around her. “Kate,” he said, his voice warm and compassionate, “I know how you hurt. And I hurt for you. But are you sure this isn’t just a Bina Horowitz impersonation you’re doing?”
Despite her pain, Kate almost laughed, and that made her choke, snorting tears up her nose.
“You also have to consider my rug,” Brice added, sitting beside them. “It’s a faux antique Tabriz.”
Kate took a shuddering breath. She couldn’t go on crying forever, though she felt as if she wanted to. But what was the point? She’d ruined her life. She’d hurt the man she loved, and now he despised her. Still, she might as well stop crying. She manag
ed a wet grin. “There’s my good girl,” Elliot told her.
“Why don’t you try to pull yourself together?” Brice suggested. “Go on into the bathroom and clean up your face?”
Kate nodded and stood up.
“Do you want me to help?” Elliot asked, but Kate shook her head.
“I’ll brew up some teabags for your eyes,” Brice told her, and patted her arm in a comforting way. “It will take down the swelling. Believe me, I know.”
Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, Kate couldn’t help it: She began to cry again. Her face was a ruin, her eyes red and minuscule in the puff pastry around them. Her nose, especially around the nostrils, almost perfectly matched the color of her hair. God, she was ugly! She filled the sink with cold water, took a deep breath, and lowered her face into it. The shock felt good, and she stood, bent at the waist, her face in the sink, for what seemed like a long time. Maybe, she thought, she could drown this way.
She thought of Billy in bed, his arms around her. She thought of him from the back, moving shirtless as he cooked breakfast. She remembered every book and picture in his apartment, their walks around Brooklyn, and his garden. Without ever admitting it to herself, she had hoped that garden, that house, would be one they would share and fill with their children someday.
Kate’s body shuddered for air, and she lifted her face out of the sink. She looked back in the mirror as she gasped for breath. She knew this breakdown was more than just about Billy. She had been crying because she’d hurt him and because she herself was hurt. But she felt she had also been crying for her past as well as her future. All the tears she had held back in grammar school, on lonely holidays, in high school, through the struggle of college and graduate school, all of the unshed tears seemed to be leaking out of her now. She filled the sink again and immersed herself. She opened her eyes under the water.
She could see now that Billy had been a chance to regain the good part of her background, to heal a lot of her wounds. She had changed her style, perhaps, but despite the education and the move to Manhattan, her roots were showing. She blinked. Underwater, with her eyes painful from crying, she could see that Billy had been a unique opportunity to love and be loved by an equal, by a partner who would truly know her.
Dumping Billy Page 29
