“And I do love him,” Bina said, and began sobbing again. “I love him with all my heart.” Now Max took Bina’s other hand, which left her none to wipe her nose with.
Kate turned away, feeling sick to her stomach. She and Bina both hopelessly in love with Billy Nolan. It was ridiculous. “Look, it’s just an infatuation. It’s a physical thing. It isn’t real love,” she said, trying to convince herself as well as her friend.
“It is real love,” Bina said, and looked at Max. “It’s real, isn’t it, Max?”
“Of course it is,” Max said.
Kate was wondering where the hell Max got off encouraging Bina’s delusional behavior when, to her utter amazement, he leaned forward and gave Bina a deep, soul-searing tongue kiss that left Kate reeling. Then he turned and looked at Kate.
“It isn’t just an infatuation, Kate. We’re sure of it. I love Bina and she loves me. We didn’t mean to do anything behind Jack’s back. I mean, after all, he’s my cousin. But he was, well, playing around and telling me all about it, and—”
“Wait!” Kate wasn’t sure she was hearing this correctly. “You slept with Billy Nolan and now you’re sleeping with Max?” she asked Bina.
“Billy Nolan? Why would I sleep with Billy Nolan?” Bina asked. “I just needed him to dump me. Then he did and Jack proposed, and I said yes, and you said it was all right even though I slept with Max, but . . .”
Kate tried to think back. When Bina had told her about her “indiscretion,” she hadn’t been talking about Billy. Kate had misunderstood. And she had spent all of this time tormenting herself about Billy’s promiscuity while he and Bina had never . . . “Oh, my God!” Kate said.
“See. I told you. Omigod!” Bina echoed. Max smoothed Bina’s hair and kissed her on the top of her head.
“Look,” he said, “I don’t mind telling Jack, and I don’t mind telling Bina’s parents, but she’s afraid that it will cause a big to-do and that they’ll hate me.”
Kate felt so hot and so confused that she was actually dizzy. The room was airless, but her mind kept working while she struggled for a breath. If she could possibly feel more regret about the end of her affair with Billy, she felt it now.
Billy had never slept with Bina. Her doubts about his character, all her suspicions, had no basis in reality. Billy had gone out with innocent Bina and had seen and respected her innocence. She could barely take it in. “But the towels. The night in the rain when he dried you off.”
“Bina told you about that?” Max asked, and looked at Bina. “Did you tell her what we did afterwards?”
“That was you and Max?”
“That’s the point,” Bina said. “I want it to be me and Max, not me and Jack. But I have Jack’s ring and the rabbi is scheduled and we picked out the flowers and hired the band . . .” She began to cry again.
“Do you two want to get married to each other?” Kate asked.
“Of course,” Max and Bina said simultaneously.
Kate took a deep breath. She looked at the two of them and remembered the way Max had looked at Bina after her makeover, and the time she had once met them sitting together on her stoop, and the night she had met Steven and seen Max with a woman, and even the noises she had heard upstairs. “How long has this been going on?” she asked them.
“Shortly after Jack left,” Max told her.
Kate thought back. She realized that virtually the entire time that Bina was dating Billy she had been interested in Max, and Kate had been jealous and . . . Oh, the whole thing was too ridiculous. She looked across at her friend. “Not the same old Bina.”
Bina shook her head.
“Okay,” Kate continued as the reality sank in. The truth was, she had never liked Jack. She had never thought he was good enough for Bina. And Max was perfect. All of this was a good thing—just because she had totally fucked up her life didn’t mean that Bina had to follow in her footsteps. “Max, you take care of Jack and your family. I’ll take care of Bina’s side. And it’s best to do it right away.” She looked at Bina. “But you’ll have to give him back the ring.”
Bina nodded.
“I’ll get you a bigger ring,” Max told Bina.
“I don’t want a ring. I just want you,” Bina told him, and they kissed again.
Kate reached for her phone. She dialed the number she knew so well. “Mrs. Horowitz, it’s Kate.” She was greeted with the usual effusive hellos, invitations to come over for a meal, and questions about her health, her job, and her dating life, all without a pause or the opportunity to answer. “I’m just fine,” she finally managed to say. “But I have some news for you.”
Chapter Forty-seven
God, it’s hot,” Elliot said, as if they didn’t already know that. He and Brice were in formal dress again, and once again they were in Brooklyn. But this time both of them were tanned, and the contrast of their sun-burnished skin with the blazing white of their shirtfronts made them even more attractive than usual. Kate, wearing a lilac silk strapless gown, was roasting.
Outside the Brooklyn Synagogue, dozens of friends and relatives milled around, greeting guests in voices as shrill as the call of mynah birds.
“Howahya?”
“Waddahya doin’? We haven’t seen ya in three Passovers.”
“So she’s finally getting married. I tell ya, her mother was plotzing.”
“Are the Weintraubs here? You know the story, don’t you?”
The crowd bean to move up the steps and into the building. Kate hung back while Brice moved with the press of people. “I’ll get us good seats,” he told them.
Kate stood alone with Elliot. She took a deep breath. “Another wedding,” she said, and tried to keep her voice cheery. “At least this is the last. I’ll never have to buy an ugly bridesmaid’s gown again.”
“Hey, you’re not a bridesmaid,” Elliot told her. “You’re an old maid of honor.”
“Thanks for reminding me.”
Kate sighed. She knew that both Elliot and Brice were trying to keep her cheerful, but this was really hard. She was still unable to pull herself together about Billy. Although she knew that there was no such thing as just one person for any other person, she felt that for the rest of her life, she would be comparing Billy to every man she met. And the others would suffer by comparison. She had been stupid and she was being punished, and there was nothing she could do about it except pretend she didn’t hurt as much as she did and wait for time to take the sting out. Having to participate in this wedding, however, wasn’t helping her to have a sense of proportion.
As if he knew just what she was thinking—and he usually did—Elliot took her arm. “Okay, Katie,” he said, making her grimace at the name. “It’s show time.” They began to move up the stairs together. “Look on the bright side,” he told her. “It’s not a three-hour Catholic mass.” He lowered his voice as they entered the sanctuary. “It actually looks more like a Jewish mess. Check out the outfit on the old lady with the walker.”
Kate glanced in the direction Elliot indicated and saw the old woman with a fur piece draped around her neck. “Is it living or dead?” Elliot continued. “And I mean the lady, not the fur.”
“Shut up,” Kate hissed. “That’s Grandma Groppie. She’s Mrs. Horowitz’s mother and bakes the best mondelbrot in Brooklyn. She used to send me care packages when I was away at school.”
“And for that you’re grateful?” Elliot asked.
Brice called out to Elliot before Kate had a chance to smack him. People were talking, waving to one another, and having mild disagreements over where they should sit. Behind her, two old yentas were busy gossiping. “. . . so, takka, he changes his mind, but he doesn’t know she’s going to change hers.” The woman, her hair fifty years older than Heather Locklear’s but the exact same shade, nodded. Her companion, short and dumpy but wearing a regal beaded dress, shook her head and tsked.
“After all those years, you would think Jack Weintraub knew what he wanted.”
“Oh, the Weintraubs. For them it’s a crisis to pick towel colors.”
“These kids today. What a shanda.” Heavily, she took her seat. But the elderly blonde wasn’t finished.
“Don’t judge like that, Doris. I lost Melvin after forty-one years of marriage, and if I had to do it over again, better I should have eloped with Bernie Silverman like he asked.”
“Bernie asked you, too?” Doris asked in a shocked voice.
Kate was fascinated, but she, of course, was part of the wedding party and had to join them. “Can I leave you here?” she asked Brice and Elliot. “Or will you misbehave?”
“You can trust us,” Elliot said.
Brice nodded. “I’ve never seen a Jewish wedding, except in Crossing Delancey. Will they really hold Bina in a chair in the air and dance around her?”
“This isn’t Fiddler on the Roof,” Kate snapped, and left them. By the time she found Bina and her mother, the hysteria had already begun. Somehow Bina had forgotten one shoe. “I must have left it on the dressing table,” she was telling her mother.
“Omigod! What are we going to do?” Mrs. Horowitz whimpered.
“Myra, it’s not a tragedy,” said Dr. Horowitz. “If it was a foot she lost, it might be a tragedy.”
“Arthur, what is she going to do? Hobble down the aisle like a cripple? And do you know how much we paid for these shoes? You have to go back to the apartment and get the other one.”
Kate looked at Bina and figured she was about to begin crying. But today she saw a different Bina. It was a cliché to say that the bride was glowing, but between Bina’s obvious joy and the heat, her face looked beautiful and incandescent, almost as if a candle burned within her. “Forget about it,” Bina said. “I’ll just go barefoot.”
“Are you meshuge?” Mrs. Horowitz asked. She turned to Kate. “My daughter, the bride, has gone crazy. Talk to her, Katie.”
“I think it’s a great idea,” Kate said. “After all, Julia Roberts did it.”
“Another meshugene,” Mrs. Horowitz said. She looked at Kate. “You look beautiful, darling,” she said, and kissed Kate on the cheek. Just then a sweating man in a shirt opened at the neck came in.
“We’re ready to go,” he said. “The cameras are set up, and we’ve put the lights on. You better start before the congregation melts.”
“Where are the girls?” Mrs. Horowitz asked.
“They’re in the ladies’ room. Where else?” Dr. Horowitz asked.
“Go get them and I’ll get the flowers. Katie, you keep an eye on Bina so she doesn’t decide to marry a third guy.”
Kate and Bina were left alone. “You look beautiful,” Kate told her friend. “Are you as happy as you look?”
“Omigod! I’m so happy. And it never would have happened without you. Thank you, Katie.” Bina’s eyes filled with tears. “I love Max so much. I didn’t know it could be like this.”
Kate knew exactly what she meant but said nothing. Just then the girls arrived, looking like a bunch of tangerines that had rolled out of a broken bag. “Katie!” they called.
“Shh,” Mrs. Horowitz said. “They’ll hear you. With decorum.”
“And the bouquets,” Dr. Horowitz called. “Refrigerator fresh.” All the bridesmaids received the same nosegay of orange orchids with glossy lemon leaves. Kate got a larger bouquet of lilacs, lianthus, and white roses.
“That’s not the only thing that’s fresh,” Mrs. Horowitz whispered into Kate’s ear. “I made kugel just for you. Just don’t tell the caterers.” She pushed back Kate’s hair and then looked up at Bina. “Time to go,” she said.
“Exactly,” Dr. Horowitz told her. “Now go sit down where you’re supposed to, Myra. I walk her down the aisle.”
“See you at the bima, Bina,” Mrs. Horowitz said, and cackled. “I waited thirty years to use that line,” she told them as she went to take her place.
Kate stood under the traditional canopy in front of the whole congregation with the Bitches arrayed behind her. There wasn’t a lot of room, and the brims of their picture hats were bumping into one another as well as into the back of Kate’s neck. She had her hair up and was actually grateful for the tickling because it kept her distracted. Max and Bina stood on either side of the rabbi. Kate couldn’t take her eyes off Bina. She looked so happy and stared adoringly at Max. He was a little pale, but he returned the passion of Bina’s looks. In fact, it seemed to Kate that they were unaware of the rabbi, the wedding party, or the couple of hundred guests before them. Kate looked out at the crowd. She wondered how many of the couples sitting in the rows loved one another. She also wondered if Jack was feeling desolate on this day. Along with his family, he had decided to boycott the wedding, and Kate couldn’t help thinking that he had no one but himself to blame if he had lost the most precious thing in his life.
Most of the ceremony was in Hebrew, and Kate was clueless as to what it meant. But she did know that it meant that Bina had gotten the man she loved and that Max was a kind, loving, and dependable man. Kate supposed that she would never find a man she could look at the way Bina was now looking at Max. When the wedding vows were repeated in English, Kate couldn’t keep the sadness at bay any longer. Bina would now join the sisterhood of young wives and mothers. . . . How ironic that just when Kate had merged her old friends with her newer ones, she would lose Bina to housekeeping, motherhood, and preschool.
“Do you, Max, take Bina to be your lawfully wedded wife . . .”
Kate heard the words, and this time it was not Bina’s but Kate’s own lips that trembled. She thought of Billy, now lost to her, and the way he’d looked at her when her face had rested beside his on the pillow. Had his eyes shone with as much warmth as she now saw in Max’s eyes?
“I do,” Max said.
“So do I,” said Bina, jumping the gun. People throughout the temple laughed, and Kate, who had been on the edge of tears, had to laugh as well. Same old Bina.
The heat and the noise at the reception were almost overwhelming. It didn’t help Kate’s mood that the reception was being held at the same banquet hall where Bunny had been married and where all of the Billy Nolan nonsense had begun.
Elliot and Brice were doing their best to keep her diverted, but it wasn’t an easy assignment.
“When do we Elders of Zion do the blood ritual with a little Christian baby?” Brice asked.
“That’s after the appetizer,” Kate told him.
Unfortunately, the two of them couldn’t keep up the bodyguard act because Kate had to sit on the dais with the wedding party. That left her open to the women who kept accosting her, wanting to know, “When is it going to be your turn?” Kate wanted to tell them she was a lesbian and had already had a civil union with a lady gym teacher performed in Vermont, but she wasn’t sure there was oxygen and an EMS team nearby. As soon as the bandleader announced that the dancing was about to begin, she stood up because she couldn’t bear to sit there like a target any longer.
“And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time on the dance floor, let us put our hands together for Mr. and Mrs. Max Cepek.”
The room was filled with the sound of applause, shouts of “Mazel tov!” and the dinging of forks against glasses. Max stood up, put his arm around Bina’s waist, and swept her onto the dance floor, where the two of them began to waltz. Kate applauded along with the rest, despite the tears in her eyes. Over Max’s shoulder, Bina threw Kate a kiss and mouthed, “Thank you.” Kate nodded.
To the end of her life Kate couldn’t remember how she got through the next couple of hours. Part of the time she hid in the ladies’ room, part of it she spent woodenly smiling, feeling like a target at a carnival shooting range. Occasionally she danced with Elliot or Brice but could barely acknowledge their jokes. She did remember how tired her face got from holding grimly to the smile she kept plastered on it. Finally, the cake was served and she saw that there might eventually be some escape. At last Bina came over to her. “We’re going to go soon,” she said. “Get re
ady to catch the bouquet because I want you to be the next one married. Meet us downstairs.” Kate nodded.
Then, because she could bear no more, she stepped off the dais and, as unobtrusively as possible, opened a door to the terrace.
Chapter Forty-eight
Kate slipped out onto the terrace unnoticed and leaned against the closing door. She was dizzy and having trouble catching her breath. She knew that most likely she was having what psychologists would term “an acute panic attack,” but at the moment she was more woman, less psychologist. She took a moment or two to calm herself. Behind her in the hall, she heard the band begin to play “If I Loved You.” Kate walked through the heat to the end of the terrace, but there was no escape. It was a corny song, and she didn’t like ballads from musicals. That was more in Brice’s department. But there was something undeniably poignant about the unexpressed fear and longing in the song. She felt her own loneliness welling up inside her.
She’d never get married, and even if she did, she had no parents to throw her a wedding. Not that she wanted a wedding thrown for her any more than she wanted the damn bridal bouquet that Bina was conniving to have her catch. She sighed, a catch in her throat.
Then, just a few feet away, there was a shaking of the ivy along the balustrade. Kate stepped away, expecting to see a squirrel or a chipmunk. Instead, the trembling became wilder, and the vines beneath the ivy actually jumped back and forth. Kate watched, fascinated, until a hand grabbed the railing. It was followed by a second hand, and then Billy Nolan’s head and shoulders appeared. He hoisted himself up by his arms, then threw his long legs over the balustrade.
Kate couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as he stood there, breathing heavily, recovering. He was wearing jeans, a white shirt, and loafers—obviously not wedding attire. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of staring at him in silence, Kate found her voice.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, working hard to sound perfectly at ease, as though something like this happened to her all the time.
Dumping Billy Page 31
