Anyway … where she sent Dora, the child didn’t get fed much there either. Some … not much. She was sent to be a orphan. Her piece’a family left town with her mama lookin back, sad and disgusted, weary heart wailin the blues. I don’t think Dora’s mama smiled in the rest of her life fore she died of TB. Dora didn’t do much smilin either!
Dora was there bout ten, eleven years. I don’t know. Couldn’t count. She was there tho, and they, that orphan home, was poor too! Didn’t nobody worry bout givin them nothin cause everybody who cared didn’t have nothin to give. Them rich people musta been too busy cause … well, let me tell you.
Them orphan kids was fed, but they was fed so little, and the food wasn’t much nurishin, bein that they had to take what they could get and stretch that … like beggers do. That made them kids mostly sickly, and you know there wasn’t much of no doctor to see to em. If there was one, you had to watch and see just what he was bad at, cause them good doctors was mostly off makin money with richer folks.
All them children had they own little cot and raggedy blanket, sometimes clean, sometimes not. Well, I’m tellin you, who cared bout them kids? Do you? With all them kinda things to worry bout, and hungry people can be mean people, most of em left there early as they could, goin to find some way to work and eat and live.
I remembers Dora saying all her life how she loved heat. Couldn’t stand cold. Said she would never be warm enough after all them cold years of growin up. She almost always had some food in her hand or near her, too.
Dora decided to run away one day, when she was bout fourteen or fifteen years old. Musta been thinkin bout it a long time tho. Told me she had been lookin round to see how could she take care herself.
Everybody knows there is always some men, old and whatever, that be pokin they fingers and eyes toward girls they hope is too young to have any sense to know zackly what they is after. But, bein poor in close quarters like Dora had done grown up doin, she knew … what they was after. Some sense is just born in some people. Some without it, too. I know you knows.
Dora wasn’t ugly and she wasn’t dumb, I done tole you that. She sat and calclated a while on the mens in this town, old and young. The man she wanted had to have a place to live and a job. That liminated whole lot of the few that was. Her mind finally settled on one she thought was a nice man, cause he use to buy her little cheese and things when he be comin home from his work and see her standing staring in the grocery window. Name Larris. She decided to watch and see where he lived so she could talk to him. She did that.
One night she bathed good as she could with no soap, just rubbin her hands over them soapy tin holders in the shower. Pressed out her little clothes with her hands, then dressed and got in her cot with her clothes on. After the lights went out, she went out too.
Now, Larris. Larris was a nice middle-age man. Well … he was bout thirty-four or thirty-five. That’s young now, old then, cause they was more tired. His wife had died not too long ago, I don’t know from what cause, it’s so many things a poor woman can die from. Her mama had took the two children to raise and Larris was alone in a nice little shack he had whitewashed clean, built a little fence around it while his wife was livin, cause he was a jealous man. He took care himself with a small job at the only railroad stop within about thirty-five miles round. He didn’t do much and nothin important, but somebody got to keep things clean and do things nobody else want to. He did.
She got to his house, knocked on the door, didn’t waste no time.
Said, “You got company in there with you?”
He was a little bewildered, said, “No. What’s the matter?”
She asked, “Can I come in then? I wants to talk to you, Mr. Larris.”
He didn’t move, just frowned. “Me? Why? What’s the matter?”
She went on round him and went in, lookin round to see did she want to live there. Turned back to him and said, “I know you been lookin at me … and I needs a husband.”
He laughed, hand still on that open door. Laughed cause that was funny and he didn’t have much fun in his life either now.
She asked him, “What you laughin at? You don’t like me?”
He answered with a smile, “Course I like you. But I don’t know you.”
Dora said, “Well, you always buyin me things to eat, lookin at my dress tail.”
He laughed again, said, “You always look hungry. And,” he shut the door, “you got a nice lookin dress tail. Little ragiddy, but it’s nice.” He looked round the room, like she was doin. “Whyn’t you sit down?”
She didn’t laugh, said, “My dress tail is clean … and it ain’t been nobody else’s.” She looked in his eyes to see did he get her meaning. He did.
“Little girl, what you know bout things such as that?”
Dora’s stomach growled. Larris jumped up to get somethin for her. Said, “You hungry right now. I blive I got some …”
She stopped him, “I don’t want nothin right now. What I want is to know what you gonna teach me if I be your wife.”
He looked at her thoughtfully and sad-like. “You a child, girl. What you know bout love?”
She looked thoughtful and sad too. “I know I ain’t got none.”
He frowned, but didn’t say nothin.
She went on, “I don’t blive you got none neither.”
He looked into her eyes. “That don’t make you know nothin bout no love.”
She say, “I know love makes babies.”
He say, “It’s more to love then that. People sposed to fall in love and try to be happy.”
She say, “Let’s fall in love then. Let’s us try to be happy.”
He laugh. “Girl, you can’t just haul off and fall in love anytime you feel like it. If you make yourself fall in love, it won’t last noway.”
She smile. “Why? We sure can try. Let’s us try.” He didn’t say nothin, so she went on. “I’m a clean girl, woman. I ain’t never let nobody put they hands on me. I need a home.… And I want to fall in to that kinda love … wit you.”
Larris looked just as deep in her clear young eyes as he could, as serious as he could be. Dora was kinda powerful when she got to talkin to you serious. She was makin him think bout somethin that hadn’t even crossed his mind a hour ago.
She looked back in his eyes just as serious, and talkin. “Don’t you want no children?” There was fear, as well as longing in her voice.
He smiled and answered, “I got two.”
“Where are they then? You done give em away?” Fear in her eyes now.
He laughed, sadly, understandin. “Naw … they live with they grandmama.”
She relaxed and smiled. “Ohhhh. They grandmama.” She could almost taste the word. She remembered she was alone. “I could take care of em for you. You want your children back?”
He leaned his head toward her. “You just a child. What you know bout takin care of children? You ain’t even been to no school. Can you read?”
She leaned her head toward him. “That’s what you want? Me, to read to you? Then, I’ll learn. I can cook if I got food. I can clean up if I got soap. I can sew a little if I got a needle and thread. I done tole you, I’m a woman.”
Larris smiled with half his face. Thinkin to himself, he spoke out loud. “Wellll … I been thinkin bout gettin me a woman of my own. I spected to get me one older than thirteen, fourteen years old tho …”
Quickly, Dora said, “I’m fifteen goin on sixteen.”
Larris smiled, again, this seem to be his night for more smiles than he had in a year or so. “You mighty small …”
Dora smiled. “Big enough for you to see my dress tail.”
Larris stopped smilin so hard. “What your mama and daddy gonna say?”
Dora stopped smilin. “I say for me … from now on.”
Larris looked down into the bright, serious, hungry eyes set in a face that was smooth, clean and open honest. He knew the child needed everything and was tryin to survive. He began to respect h
er as more than a child … and we all know love is born in respect.
In one week, Dora had a new dress and a thin engagement band that would be the only weddin band she would ever have. Larris talked to Dora a whole lot. Told her he had two rules. Number one, no lovin til they was married so they would have no trouble. Number two, she would get the test of keepin, savin and spendin his pay one week, if she passed that and she could do it right, that would be settled. She would be the woman of his house. Equal to him as he was the man of the house. Now with a view back on all the men I done known and know to be known, he was a good, fair man. Then he smiled down at her from his man’s perch!… respected her some more and thought the test would be too much for her, be failed by her and everything would be over soon. But … she passed the test. Both of em did.
Larris smiled cause, by that time, he sure liked that little girl-woman. He broke his own rule number one. He made love to Dora to be sure she was a virgin. She was. He wasn’t, but men is like that sometime. A lot.
Chile, they got married. He was a little bit happy and plenty scared she might grow up and learn life and leave him, you know. She, Dora, heaved a great big sigh of relief … and grinned many days and nights startin out her marriage, her life. Mrs. Larris. She was the woman of his heart and life all the days of his life, which I know now, was only ten years.
Dora and Larris really did fall in love. They seem to be happy. I know she was. She was full all the time now. She was clean, she had clothes and that little ole house was her home. She blonged to somebody and somebody blonged to her. She musta been satisfied, cause she didn’t go to lookin for her old family. I know she thought of em, but she didn’t do no searchin for em.
Still, even with all that lovin, it was bout five years fore Dora had her first child. They turned out to be all girls. The first time, when she was pregnant, Larris told her she could name all the girls, he would name the boys. She said she was gonna name em all after herself, so everybody would know she had a family. Now! He thought she was just kiddin and he laughed. But she wasn’t kiddin.
She was still in love, so the first daughter was named Lovedora. Little over a year later, the second daughter was named Windora. Cause, she said, her mind was more on gettin somewhere in this world than it was on love. Little over a year later, the third daughter was named Endora. Cause, she said, there wasn’t gonna be no more. That one was the end. She was still happy to look up and see Larris comin home, cause she liked to say that word, “home.” But I think the work of three children and all the washin, cleanin and cookin everyday, everything bein the same everyday, was kinda wearin her out.
Larris was always workin hard too. He was a sure-nuff steady, hard workin man. A good man. Tryin hard to take care his family. I think he was happy too. That’s why it was so bad when he had that accident. See, one day on his job a foolish mistake was made bout a train backin up. He got a leg ripped off! Ohhhh, that poor man. His leg was gone! But that man, knowin all who was dependin on him did everything he could to get up and get back on his job. He knew he had to get well! Cause who was gonna take care them four people of his family? His medical attention left a whole lot to be needed. Them companies didn’t help nobody much back then. And didn’t want to give him no money to help him over! None!
Larris got well as he could and forced himself on back to work, tryin to do it on a crutch! They let him. Finally Dora hustled round them company offices and got him a peg leg … cause he needed that job. Now, that man loved his family, plus the two his mama was keepin, and he even still loved his job. Times was hard! But that man held up, with Dora’s help, of course. She was workin at odd jobs she could do at home. I blive that’s when she started cookin for people to eat at her house, holdin up them weak ends of they life. His backbone didn’t crack and hers didn’t neither, for no weakness to come sneakin out.
Chile, ain’t life somethin?! Lord, oh, lord. Wasn’t too long fore the same accident happened again to Larris, and he lost the other leg and a piece of his peg leg. That peg leg look just as sad as his real leg layin there mongst the tracks and gravel, dirt, rocks and blood. Was a man’s life layin there! Cause he gave up, his mind just couldn’t take it no more. Been tryin too hard to scuffle to get by, that’s all they was doin … gettin by. He just hollared one of them men’s deep, harsh screams whilst he was lookin down at the pieces of his body. While he stared at em, reachin for em like a wild man, his heart gave up … and died. And Dora would never smile down the street to see her man comin home to her again.
Dora grieved in what little time she had. Didn’t have much time then cause she had to get to work. She be grievin, sometimes, as she be workin, but she also be makin plans for her daughters. Six, five and four years old. Dora was bout twenty-five years old then.
Now … Dora didn’t have none of that false pride. She went right down there to the company and begged them railroad people. They didn’t give her nothin, said it was his fault he died. Then she went to a lawyer she couldn’t pay, offered him half of whatever she got. She wind up with $1500 of her own. The lawyer made them pay $3000. For a man’s life! He sure musta been a good lawyer what wasn’t in that railroad’s pocket. In the meantime, they was survivin with Dora’s cookin and washin for them workin mens. They come to her on accounta they knew what happened to her man.
When Dora got that money, she asked for cash. She just sit and stare at that money in her hands, count it over and over again. She didn’t trust no bank. She stared at that money somethin awesome. She was a uneducated woman tryin to figure a way to make that money grow for her girls not to be poor someday. But everytime she count it, it still $1500.
In the end, all poor folks can come up with is the land. Land. Buy it. Couldn’t afford to build on it, just buy it, hold it. Maybe grow somethin on it. So Dora went back to that lawyerman and he took her for a ride … to show her some land.
He pulled up, in his nice new little car, beside some land was covered with trash papers, empty bottles, little holes filled with muddy water. The land looked like it had bumpy, bad skin with a few whiskers here and there, little weeds, you know. Lawyer say she could get five acres for $200. apiece. Course Dora had told him what she wanted to spend. Ended up he owned that piece of land and they shoulda cost $25 a acre. But what did Dora know? She bought that land. One in each girl’s name, two in hers. She slept with them deeds in her bed for bout two weeks, then she hid em in a rat-proof box and put em away. When she be close round where she hid it, she reach round, under and over something and pat that box, then go on back to work.
Dora’s business now was cookin, feedin and washin for men who worked round the town what didn’t have no wifes. So, she made a livin, fed her girls, worked em too, but kept em in school. And survived. Never wasted a dime. She had plans for her girls. Never did plant nothin on that land after just one time when all the plants died even with all her work on em. Land too hard and full of somethin wouldn’t let them plants grow. It was too long a walk, too, for a tired woman to make every day. But, still, the land was there, the deeds in her box. Dora willed the town to move toward it, but it was slow.
I don’t have to say times was hard early in this century. Everybody knows that, everybody what was poor. Didn’t have to be no depression, things was just naturly depressed. Money was small. Things didn’t cost much, cause if they did, nobody could of got them but the rich and that is mostly what was happenin anyway. So, people was glad to have what they Needed. Never mind if they got somethin they Wanted or not. NEED … that is what it is … what life is.
Now … Dora had been so taken-up in the girls and their livin, her emotions and things hadn’t bothered her none. But, you know, they always do in the end, if you healthy, young or old, man or woman. Was one man was a customer. Not too old, not too young, round just right, I reckon. He was always starin at Dora as she put food out and took it in, talked to the mens, directed her children. Just stared at her. Well, she wasn’t ugly. Neither was he, I must say. She sure was clean and s
trong and because her life was goin in somewhat a way she wanted, she felt good and she looked good. Them acres gave her comfort and confidence too.
That man, I done forgot his name, took to bein early at dinner. Dora be workin in her garden, you know she had one. He took to helpin out here and there, just friendly like.
Now … I don’t know bout you … but spring can come and you be workin barefoot in that warm, damp dirt what feels good to you. All God’s work be movin. You see a new plant comin up, a blossom for strawberries or a squash, anything. A new leaf. Feel the damp dirt after a light rain. Livin things growin and movin round you. Air full of birds and bugs. Dirt full of worms and other little bitty things, all of em movin, doin somethin. Life. And … things have a smell. They smell fresh. They smell like life.
I believe, unbeknownst to Dora, things was happenin like that, inside her. Remember, need is what life is. It’s them needs that turns into wants, sometimes.
Anyway … he helped her … so he could watch her, I bet. He even brought a few flowers to plant, which she never did buy, needin food like she did. He helped and he never did want her to take nothin off his bill for his help. He took the little heavy jobs off her hands. Course, he enjoyed workin in the dirt too. It’s somethin good and real about it, chile.
After a while, sometimes when he didn’t come, Dora took to bein in the middle of standin, choppin, or weedin on her knees, and stop dead still, lookin out in the distance of the sky. Feelin the wind whippin lightly round her legs, her face, her breast. She became conscious she was still a young woman … and there was more to life then children and work. She began to feel her thighs rubbin gainst each other when she be walkin. Felt her body when she bend over or be reachin up or down.
At night, after they done got everything cleaned and put away, one of her daughters who all slept in one room, either Lovedora or Endora, usually leave their bed and go get in they mama’s bed. Now, she sent them back sometime, when it rain. She lay there and listen to the rain beatin on the windows and the roof. She thinkin of life … of that man, you see.
The Matter Is Life Page 12
