by Ann, Natalie
Beth smiled again as she watched Zoe grab one cheese puff between her thumb and finger, place it in her mouth, then run the ten yards or so to the lake and wash her fingers off. Zoe never liked having her hands dirty, even constantly washed them when she was playing in the sand. “That’s easy, the night out, just the two of us. Or rather, the morning after.” She looked over at him, the love reflected in her eyes.
“That was pretty good,” he agreed.
Zoe had made her way back, grabbed another cheese puff from the bag, placed it in her mouth, and then ran back to the lake to wash her little orange fingers. “What was yours?” she asked a minute later, trying to contain her laughter at Zoe’s third cheese puff and trip back to the water.
Each time Zoe dropped her hands to her side, her tiny hands spread out like a starfish, as she ran to the lake. Dirty starfish on the way to the water, clean starfish on the way back, letting them air dry before another cheese puff entered her mouth.
“I don’t know if I have one favorite thing,” he mused. “I think it’s everything. How you two have fit so neatly into my life. Seeing her juice boxes next to my beer and not thinking anything’s odd about it. Or seeing her bath toys in her bathroom, or beach toys in the bin. Everything seems to belong. I don’t know if I’m explaining it right or not,” he said with a shake of his head.
“No, I understand completely.” They continued to silently look at each other while Zoe made her fourth trip back for a snack. This time, picking her juice box up for a sip, she transferred the sticky powder to the box. Frowning, she brought the box down to the water to rinse off along with her fingers.
After Zoe made her way back to the two of them, Mac took the box from her hand and set it down, then picked Zoe up and put her on his lap, wet bathing suit and all. “So Zoe, what has been your favorite part of the summer?”
She thought for a moment, looked between both her mother and Mac and answered, “The horses.”
They had spent a day at the Saratoga Race Track the week before. Much to Zoe’s delight, Mac walked her back and forth from the racetrack where the horses ran, to the paddock where they warmed up. He was afraid she would have been scared of the large animals and wanted to ease her into it. Instead Zoe couldn’t get enough.
“Thanks for buying her the Barbie horse. Now all I hear each night before bedtime is neighing and snorting, Barbie telling the horse to run faster and make more money.” Beth narrowed her eyes and bared her teeth a bit at Mac, not thrilled, but not exactly mad either. “I’m not sure Zoe should be learning about that right now.”
“Hey, she lives in Saratoga. She needs to know about the horses,” he replied indignantly.
Mac set Zoe back on her feet and watched her walk back to her castle, cheese puffs currently forgotten. “Does someone have a birthday coming up?”
Zoe stopped with her bucket in hand and started to jump up and down with glee. “Me, me, me. I turn four,” she said.
“Yes, you do,” he replied, chuckling.
“I get a party, too,” she informed him. “With friends.” She grinned, both dimples appearing.
When Mac had realized Zoe’s birthday was coming up, he had asked Beth if she had planned any type of party or family get together. She had told him that it would just be the three of them because her mother wasn’t interested in driving the hour to see her granddaughter and Beth had no intention of going back to the trailer park. Other than Mitchell and Mac, they didn’t really know too many other people.
Zoe was actually going to turn four in a few days, but Mac somehow managed to convince Beth to have a party next Saturday with a few kids from the preschool Zoe had been attending part time. A beach party here on the lake.
Reluctantly, she agreed only because Mac asked Zoe if she wanted a birthday party at his house prior to getting her permission. There was no way Beth could let her baby down after seeing her excitement over the idea of a lakeside party.
Princess Party
“Is she sleeping?” Mac asked when he finished weed whacking around the house. He had mowed the lawn, trimmed the hedges and was putting the final touches on the property before the other children arrived.
Beth was currently filling little party bags with treats and princess-related items for the four little girls attending.
Zoe had only been at the preschool for a few weeks, and for only two days a week. She had made a few friends, but Beth had said she was unsure anyone would attend the end of the summer party. When they saw where it was being held and at who’s house, all four girls responded affirmatively. Mac laughed at Beth’s nervousness once she found out all four mothers would also be in attendance.
“Yes, for about an hour now. I thought I might have trouble with a nap today, but it only took one warning about naptime and her party before she closed her eyes. Let’s see how long she sleeps, though,” she replied with a slight smile.
At least Beth was smiling, Mac thought to himself. She hadn’t been a few days ago. He had gone to Beth’s after work on Wednesday for the small birthday dinner on Zoe’s actual birthday, and it seemed nothing he did that day was right.
First Zoe’s gift—her own mini tablet—had caused Beth to frown. Though Zoe squealed in delight. “Don’t you think that’s a little inappropriate for a four-year-old?” Beth had asked him.
“What? No, not at all. She probably knows how to use it better than you,” he said, joking. But when he saw she was seriously not happy, he added, “I downloaded several age-appropriate learning games and tools for her. Recommended by her pediatrician.”
Still no smile, so he tried one more time. “Listen, Beth, there is nothing wrong with her having one. You can still set the rules on her usage, like I know you will. And it’s a good thing to have to keep her entertained when we’re out. Maybe I should have checked with you first,” he conceded. “But look at her.”
Beth looked and saw that Zoe was indeed playing a game that was teaching her how to count on the screen. “At least it’s educational,” she said only somewhat frowning. One point in his favor.
Unfortunately that might have been the only point Mac got that night. In discussing Zoe’s up-and-coming beach party, Mac excitedly told Beth that Zoe kept talking about princesses and he thought it would be great to do a princess themed party. So he took it upon himself to stop at a party theme store and buy all the necessary balloons, tablecloths, plates and even five little princess dresses for each girl to wear.
“You did what?” she had shrieked.
That was the first clue that he should have asked her before he did it. “You know how much she loves princesses. I thought she would get a kick out of playing dress-up. Brooke always had princess and tea parties growing up. I figured why not let Zoe have one.” Of course Zoe’s wouldn’t be catered with servers walking around and everyone playing politely at their assigned tables. Zoe’s would be fun.
“First off, Zoe isn’t Brooke. We weren’t raised like you and I can’t give her those things. I don’t want her getting used to it, or expecting it,” she said, her blood pressure rising, evident by the twin red marks on her cheeks.
“You don’t have to give it to her. I am. I can.” He saw her eyes narrow, steam almost coming out of her ears. Oops, wrong thing to say. He then realized that maybe he should have kept this all to himself and surprised them both on Saturday. No, that wouldn’t have been much better.
“I’ve never asked you to give her anything. I can take care of my daughter on my own. I always have and I always will. I don’t need help from anyone.” She hastily picked up the wrapping paper from Zoe’s gift, loudly and angrily crumpling it between her hands.
“Beth, listen to me.” He looked over and saw Zoe engrossed in her gift and pulled Beth into the kitchen out of earshot. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that. I know you can take care of Zoe and you are doing a wonderful job with her. Better than most. And believe me when I say that. I see a lot of kids and mothers, and you are by far one of the best mothers ever.
I can’t stand to know that you have been on your own for four years, or how it was when you were growing up.”
He knew he had to choose his words wisely. It was a touchy subject for her and he hadn’t wanted to insult her, but he had to be honest. “I want you to have better, you deserve to have better. You know I love you. Why are you making such a big deal out of a little birthday party?” He picked up her hand, held it in his hoping to reach her. She took a big breath, but he could see the embarrassment flood her face when she turned to look at him.
“We aren’t some charity case.” She pulled her hand away from his and held it up when his face turned angry and he started to speak. “I don’t want people, your family and friends, or Zoe’s friends’ parents to look at me like I’m a gold digger and you are my sugar daddy. Because you know they will and most likely are. It’s embarrassing and I’m mortified,” she said, shamefaced.
“Not one of my friends or my family thinks you are some charity case. I thought we talked about this. They look at you like the person you are, and treat you as such,” he answered, his patience at its end.
“I know that, and I’ve seen that. But not everyone will think like they do. I don’t want people to look at Zoe and judge her, or me. I know what that’s like, and I don’t want that for her,” she said. Her anger being overridden by sadness, it filled Mac with guilt for even broaching the topic.
He was embarrassed for her. He knew what her childhood was like and hated it, but he couldn’t do anything about it. The best he could do was make the rest of her life easier, if only she would let him.
“You make it sound like you’re my mistress or something. Give me a break. I’ve done hardly anything for you. Let’s see, I took you two to dinner once at some chain restaurant and you and I had one night out together. That’s it, in almost three months. Yes, I bought those clothes that night, so what? That was for me as much as it was for you. One outfit and two dinners, Beth, you’re overreacting.”
She snorted. “One outfit which cost more than my rent each month. It’s nothing for you, but it is for me. I don’t know how to get you to understand. We grew up worlds apart. I can give her better than my old world, but I don’t want her to be judged by the one you grew up in either,” she said, her anger visibly returning.
“And another thing,” she added before he could respond. “It isn’t one outfit and two dinners. How about all those things for Zoe? Those things that show up at your house—the beach toys, the DVD’s, Zoe’s favorite foods and bath toys. I can barely get her to come home each weekend. How do you think that makes me feel?” she said hitting her chest with her hand, tears starting to form in her eyes.
He had wanted to shout at her that the only difference between her childhood and his was the money. If you took it away, they both had a set of parents who seemed like they couldn’t have cared less about their children. But she would never believe it, and she would most likely only get angrier. Instead he said the only thing he could think of.
He ran his hands up and down her arms, trying to calm her. “I’m sorry. It’s the only thing I could think of so that you would spend more time there. I wish you didn’t leave each Sunday. I wish you never left at all, but I’ll take what I can get right now. And if that means making it easier so that Zoe is comfortable there, then that is what I’ll do. I know how much you want to stand on your own two feet, and I’m trying to let you do that. But I’m selfish and I want you there with me, both of you.”
When she continued to stare at him, he finally asked, “What? Are you waiting for me to leave you high and dry? To find someone else better suited for me, whatever the hell that means? Why can’t you get it through your head that I love you and I want to be with you? For you and for no other reason. I don’t care if you have ten dollars or ten million dollars. I want you, and I want Zoe. What do I have to do to make you believe me?”
Tears had started to roll down her cheeks. “It’s so hard for me. I want to believe you, but I don’t want to get hurt in the end. I have to protect Zoe and myself.” She shook her head when he started to talk again. “I only ever had myself to depend on, so it’s hard to let someone else in. But I let you in, and I let you into Zoe’s life. That’s a huge step for me, and you don’t seem to understand that. It would hurt way too much if I ended up alone again.”
“You aren’t going to be alone ever again.” He pulled her into his arms, held her tight, and let her cry a bit.
They talked some more, cleared the air and finally worked everything out the other night. He had stayed that night and held her close. She clung to him in her sleep and he was fine with it, more than fine. But not before he had to break the news to her about the rest of Zoe’s party. He figured he better come clean.
***
Now he had a party to finish getting ready for. He looked at his watch when he heard a vehicle in the driveway. Walking around the house, he replaced the weed whacker and hedge trimmers in the garage, then came out to meet the delivery guy. Pointing him around the opposite side of the house, he instructed him to drive around and set up in the flat shaded area.
Once the delivery guy finished up and pulled away, Mac was sweating and in desperate need of a shower. Less than an hour before the party was to begin, he realized. Dashing up the stairs to his room, he showered and dressed quickly. Noticing a movement out of the corner of his eye on the monitor, he saw Zoe was awake, and decided to get her and let Beth finish arranging the snacks.
He opened the door to Zoe’s room, his old guest room that now boasted a pale pink comforter with a silver tiara in the center. Zoe was currently sitting in the middle of the bed rubbing sleep from her eye with one hand, while she clutched her stuffed horse from the racetrack in the other.
“Hi, sweetie. Did you have a good nap?” he asked.
She hopped to her knees, dropped her horse and cried out, “Is it party time? My princess party?”
“Not yet. Soon though.”
“I need to go potty.”
“You got it.” He snatched her up quickly, having learned that if she said she needs to go, then you better get there fast.
Once she was done with her business, he started to take her outside to Beth, but then realized that might not be a good idea, either. Zoe wouldn’t want to come back in to get ready. So instead he brought her back to her room, helped her into her little blue and white polka dot bathing suit and then pulled her blue Cinderella dress over her head. He would let Beth deal with her hair.
On second thought, he grabbed a ponytail holder and a brush. Maybe he could handle it, because he knew once Zoe saw what was in the backyard there would be no getting her back in the house.
With Zoe in his arms, literally bouncing against his chest in excitement, he made his way downstairs and then down to the guest suite in the basement where Beth was putting the finishing touches on everything. He could see balloons tied to the posts under the decking that was shading the area littered with tablecloths and drinks. She had already gone out and tied balloons at the top of his driveway and all the way around the house for people to follow the path.
“Mommy, I’m a princess. Cinderella.” She wiggled in Mac’s arms to be set down, and he complied, then watched while she ran to her mother. “Dr. Mac did my hair.”
“I see that,” Beth said, grinning. “Let’s let Mommy fix it a bit first. He did a good job, but it’s not up to Mommy’s standards.” She laughed when she eyed the ponytail that was meant to be on top of Zoe’s head but ended up over her left ear. Mac swore it was in the center when he was doing it.
Thankfully Zoe held still for Beth to quickly fix his attempt. A mother’s glance took in that Zoe had the right bathing suit and dress on. Of course they were laid out on the chair in her room, so there was no way Mac could have messed that up. Hopefully he got points for that, too.
It didn’t take Zoe long to notice the large addition to the backyard off to the corner in the shade where anyone on the deck could watch. And far enough away from
the water’s edge.
“Mommy! It’s a castle!” Zoe’s little hands were gripping the glass door, trying with all her might to pull it open. Mac reached over and helped, sliding the door open enough for Zoe to turn sideways and take off on a dead run as fast as those little legs would carry her.
***
“I know I’ve asked this before. But I repeat, how do you do it? I don’t understand. I see hundreds of kids a week, younger and older, and yet I am completely drained after two hours with five kids.” Mac lowered his exhausted body into one of the lounge chairs on the deck. It was shy of an hour before Brooke, Lucas, Ryan, his parents and Cori and Jack showed up. Brooke turned the big 3-0 today and he figured they might as well do both parties on the same day.
Of course it ruined his mother’s plans for Brooke’s dinner party. Not that Brooke minded in the least. Mac knew he was still in the doghouse with his mother, and this only added to it.
Instead, much to Brooke’s delight, it was decided that everyone would meet his parents halfway to Burlington for an early dinner on Sunday instead. Neutral ground. Surely they could all handle a few hours of dinner together rather than an overnight trip to his parents’ house.
Beth only laughed at him, and told him she gave him a lot of credit. He had tried his hardest to do everything and let her enjoy the party with the other mothers. Secretly, he wanted to be nowhere near the laughing and cackling ladies who were eying him like he was dessert and they’d been dieting for months.
He even went so far as to stay near the bouncy castle as the five little girls jumped around, each in a princess dress they got to take home as part of their party favors.
Thankfully the weather cooperated, and all the girls were able to wash off their snacks, cake and ice cream in the lake and cool off after running and jumping around the castle for over an hour. All in all, it seemed like Zoe had a blast, if watching her continuing to jump in the castle in her bathing suit was any indication. What he wouldn’t give for even a fraction of that energy right now.
