by Sophie Stern
“To Christmas,” I say when the drinks come.
“To forgetting,” he says.
Chapter 3
Odessa
I wake up with a headache from hell.
Groaning, I roll over and reach for the water bottle I keep beside the bed. My hand hits the floor and I fumble around for a little while, but it’s not there. Did I seriously move it? Why would I do that? Usually, I’m great about making sure I have an easy way to stay hydrated when I’m up late reading books. Slowly, I manage to open one eye and then the other, and I peek over the edge of the bed.
Nope.
No water bottle.
Also, since when did I have hardwood floors?
I reach down and touch the floor. Where there used to be pale beige carpet is now a deep mahogany hardwood.
Fuck.
I’m not at home.
A million scenarios run through my head and none of them are good. I’m not sure where I am or how I ended up here, but I need to leave. I need to get home. It’s the day after Christmas and I’m supposed to meet with my dad and my little brothers for lunch. It’s this weird family tradition we have where we meet for pizza on Boxing Day. My mom started it when she was still alive. We’d spend Christmas Eve with Dad’s family and Christmas Day with Mom’s family and on the 26th of December, we’d all hang out together.
Now, even though she’s gone, we still carry on the tradition of meeting for lunch.
Only I’m not at home, I’m not dressed, I don’t have keys, and I don’t know where my phone is.
“Fuck,” I say out loud.
“Oh, hey,” I hear a feminine voice in the hallway. The bedroom door opens and my friend Piper peeks in. “You’re awake,” she says, coming into the room. Then I realize I’m in her guest bedroom. I’ve never actually been in this room, I don’t think. That’s why it’s so unfamiliar, despite having been to Piper’s home.
“Uh, yeah,” I say, still not quite remembering how I ended up here.
“I hope you slept okay,” Piper says.
She doesn’t even blink at seeing me sprawled out naked on her guest room bed. Piper and I play at the same sex club: we’ve seen it all before.
“Here,” Piper hands me a couple of pills and a glass of water. “Thought you might need these.”
Gratefully, I accept the medicine and the water. I swallow the pills and then proceed to finish the entire glass of water. I don’t feel too nauseous, so I don’t think I’m going to throw up. I’m definitely hung over, but it seems to all be centered on my head.
“What am I doing at your house, Piper?” I ask, looking up at her.
She raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, thank you for the water and everything, but why am I here?”
“You don’t remember?”
“I do not.”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Crying in the parking lot at Anchored.” I shake my head and instantly regret it. Pain blooms.
“Woah,” Piper says. “You need to lie down. Close your eyes, and I’ll tell you everything.”
I lie back on the bed and close my eyes. Instantly, the pain lessons. It’s not gone, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was just a few minutes ago.
“You said you had some sort of altercation with someone at the club,” Piper says. “You didn’t tell me exactly what happened. You just said you were upset. ‘Super pissed,’ is the terminology you used, actually. I called June, who is now engaged by the way, but she said nothing happened, as far as she could tell. I got the feeling she was sort of distracted, though, so I called Christina, and she said she saw you talking with Jasper, and then you got upset and left. She called you a few times, by the way,” Piper hands me my phone.
“Did you charge this?” I ask. It should have been dead by now, but it’s at full bars.
Again, she raises that perfectly manicured eyebrow.
“Thank you,” I squeak out.
“What happened, Odessa? You showed up here, completely inconsolable, and then you drank two bottles of wine while you cried on my couch.”
Suddenly, small snippets of the night come back to me.
“Oh, fuck,” I say. “I sang, didn’t I?”
“You did,” she says. “And I have to admit, I’ve never heard anyone sing Under the Sea quite like you.”
That’s because I made it into a striptease.
Fuck.
I came to Piper’s house, got super fucked up, danced to music from The Little Mermaid soundtrack, took off all of my clothes, and then crawled upstairs to her guest bedroom.
“Where’s Maddox?” I manage to squeak out. Did he see me in my moment of glory?
“Don’t worry. He went to bed before you hit the second bottle of wine.”
Somehow, that’s a little bit of a relief.
“Thanks for taking care of me,” I whisper.
“Hey,” Piper says gently. I hear her sitting down beside the bed, and then she takes my hand. She squeezes it. “I’m here for you, Odessa.”
“I saw Jasper last night.”
“I gathered that. Christina didn’t hear what you guys were talking about, but I assume it wasn’t good.”
Piper knows how hurt I was when he ghosted. She knows how much pain I was in, how sad I felt, and how I questioned so many different things. I don’t know if he vanished because the sex was bad or if it’s because he didn’t want to be in an interracial relationship. I don’t know if it had something to do with anything I said. Maybe he just figured it was a one-time deal. Maybe not, but it hurt.
“I thought I’d managed to work through all of my feelings.”
“But when you saw him, everything came rushing back,” Piper says kindly. “I get it, honey.”
“He didn’t seem to know I was even hurt, Piper.”
“Guys are dumb sometimes.”
“He’s a Dom, though. He’s supposed to be extra sensitive to a submissive’s feelings.”
“Even good Doms make poor choices sometimes.”
“Maybe.”
“Look, Odessa,” Piper says carefully. “Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you should just talk to him. Not at the club,” she adds. “But you could go out for lunch or meet up for coffee or something. Maybe he could tell you what happened that night or maybe it’ll just give you some closure. I’m not sure. I do know that you’re a good person, sweetie, and you don’t deserve to hurt like this.”
“I feel really dumb,” I whisper.
“You aren’t dumb, Odessa.”
The tears start falling, and I hate that. I hate feeling this regret, this anxiety. I hate knowing that Jasper and I were together exactly one time, and somehow, I managed to make things really weird and uncomfortable and awkward between us.
Piper sighs. “Maybe there’s a reasonable explanation,” she says.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Maybe his mom got sick and he had to go take care of her.”
“He still could have called.”
“I know.”
“You know what, though?”
“What’s that, hon?”
“I’ve got you, and I’ve got June, and I’ve got some amazing friends, and I don’t need to be sad about this anymore. In a couple of weeks, I’m starting graduate school. I’m pulling myself up by my boot strings and I’m doing something incredible for myself. I think that’s something to be proud of. Don’t you?”
“You know it, Odessa. You know it.”
I have a feeling that this wound is going to hurt for a very long time, but somehow, I think it’s going to be okay. I’ve had plenty of one-night experiences and it’s almost always been with people from Anchored, but usually there’s some follow-up. Usually, there’s aftercare. Maybe we’ll have breakfast or meet up for lunch a week later. We always text and we’re always polite to each other at the club. There’s a certain code of conduct that comes with sleeping with someone at Anchored, and I think I had expectations tha
t simply weren’t met.
And that’s the problem with not communicating.
He might not even know that I wanted a text.
He might honestly just not have expected any of that, so can I really be mad at Jasper for that? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life being upset over some random guy?
No.
I don’t.
“Okay,” I say to Piper. “I’m ready to get up and face the world.”
“That’s my brave girl,” she says, and somehow, when it’s Piper who says it, it doesn’t seem like she’s being condescending or mean or rude. She’s just being herself. She’s just being the sweetest damn girl in the world, and I am lucky to call her my friend.
I stand up and Piper smiles.
“Breakfast?” She asks.
“Shower first,” I say.
“You know where it is.”
I nod and head out of the bedroom and down the hall to Piper’s guest bathroom. I close the door behind me, start the shower, and climb in. The water hits me, but I don’t cry. Not anymore. Not today.
I’m done crying over Jasper.
It’s a new day, and I’m ready for a fresh start.
Everything is going to be okay.
Chapter 4
Jasper
Three Months Later
Spring break is always a really quiet time at Anchored. All of the professors and college students who are members are gone, but so are the members who are parents. They all have these incredible vacation plans for the week, which means that Anchored is basically empty, save for the two dozen or so members who actually show up.
It also means this is when June has everything deep cleaned, repaired, and new equipment brought in, new classes designed, and new employees brought in.
Tonight, she’s training a new bartender she’s bringing in. While June has been the bartender at Anchored for years, she wants to move into other aspects of the business. She loves owning the sex club. We all know that. Now that it’s grown so much, June wants to be able to be a little more hands-on when it comes to training, recruiting members, and even performing, and to be honest, I think she wants to do a little bit of playing herself.
One of the things I love about Anchored is that it allows for personal growth. If you join the club and you just want to watch people playing or performing scenes, that’s completely fine. If you want to jump right in and experience things firsthand, that’s all right, too. And if you change your mind or want to try something different than what you’ve been doing? That’s totally okay, as well.
June is a fantastic owner. She’s given so many people a safe place to play and explore sexual fantasies that they otherwise would never get the chance to. I love the fact that she had this vision for a safe kinky place and she made it happen. More people should have that sort of vision.
More of us should be brave.
“What do you think?” Ryder comes up beside me and jerks his head toward the new bartender. The young woman looks nervous and a little uncomfortable, but June is being really patient. Classic June. She’s always looking out for other people. She’s tough as nails, but she’s also got a heart of gold.
“I think she’s going to be just fine. She seems nervous, but she’ll get over that pretty quickly.”
Ryder chuckles and looks around the room. There are people playing and a couple of scenes happening, but nothing compared to most nights. On the busiest nights, Anchored can be overwhelming even for seasoned members. June was smart to bring in a new bartendress on a night when things aren’t too crazy.
“June is pretty good at calming people down,” Ryder says.
“She’s good at everything,” I agree. “How’s married life treating you, buddy?”
“Better than I ever imagined,” he admits. Ryder and June got engaged on Christmas night and had a quick, private wedding. A couple of people joked about it being a shotgun wedding, but the truth is that we’re all over-the-moon happy for the couple. June and Ryder are both hard workers, honest, and kind. They’re good people and they deserve to be happy.
This doesn’t stop just the tiniest bead of jealousy from forming in my heart.
It’s not that I don’t want them to be happy.
I do.
I just want something like that for me, and selfishly, I want that with Odessa.
“What about you, man?”
“What about me?”
Ryder’s eyes narrow. His Dom face.
“Are you seriously trying to Dom me?” I ask. “That doesn’t work on me, Ryder. I’m not a submissive.”
“What’s wrong, Jasper?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“He’s lying,” Zack says, coming up behind me. I turn around to glare at him, but he just smiles mischievously.
“I could have told you that,” Tony says.
“What is this? ‘Gang up on Jasper night’?”
“It’s more of an intervention, really,” Ryder says, and I realize I stupidly walked into their trap. When you’re hanging out with a group of Doms, they’re not going to let the little things slide. They’re not going to let you get by with doing things half-assed or not going after what you want.
“All right,” I sigh. “Just get it over with.”
“We’re worried about you,” Zack says. He’s never been one to beat around the bush. When I first met him, I wasn’t really sure what to think. Self-assured and a little bossy, Zack tells it how it is. He’s not being mean about it. He’s just very blunt. “You’ve been acting weird, and you’ve been avoiding dealing with Odessa.”
“There’s nothing to deal with,” I say.
I’ve never really talked about my feelings about Odessa. Not with the guys. Not with anyone. We had one wonderful night together and then I had to go away. I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t contact her. I didn’t call her. I couldn’t. Not while I was in the field. As a military man, I’m used to having to leave on a moment’s notice.
I’m not used to leaving someone behind.
If she was my wife or we were living together, I would have told her I was leaving. She would have known right away. Honestly, I should have told her, anyway. I should have called her or texted her before I left. I should have just let her know, but I didn’t.
Why not?
Why did I fuck it up so badly?
It’s because it was one night.
I wanted more, and I knew I wanted more, but I didn’t want her to think I was turning into the clingy, possessive guy.
“Really?” Tony asks. “It doesn’t look like it’s nothing.”
“You two have been dancing around this relationship for months,” Ryder points out. “Why don’t you just apologize for whatever it is you did to fuck things up?”
“Me?” I ask, jaw dropping. “Why do you think I’m the one who fucked up? Maybe she did something. You guys don’t know.”
They all start laughing.
No, not just laughing: guffawing.
And they’re being so fucking loud that it draws the attention of other people in the club who start to glare at us. When June shoots us a nasty look from the bar and the new bartendress follows suit, the guys immediately stop.
“Damn,” Ryder eyes the new bartender. “June’s got her completely trained. That look will put anyone – Dom or sub – in their place.”
“You’re a lucky man,” Zack says.
“I know it,” Ryder agrees.
“What’s her name, anyway?” Tony asks. “I haven’t seen her around before.”
“She’s new,” I tell them. “Amelia.”
“Pretty,” Zack comments.
“Yeah,” I tell them, relieved the focus has finally shifted off of me. “She just moved to the area. She’s a grad student, I think.”
“That’s right,” Ryder says. “She goes to school with Odessa.”
“Speaking of whom…” Tony turns back to me and glares. “You need to apologize, Jasper.”
“No offense, Tony, but you don
’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Actually,” he says. “I do.” His eyes narrow. “Or did you forget that I used to be a divorce attorney?”
Oops.
Yeah, I did.
I completely forgot.
Anthony used to be quite the shark when it came to divorces. He was a high-powered attorney and one of the best divorce lawyers in the city. He’d been thinking about making a change when he met his now-wife, Macie. She sort of won him over, stole his heart, and they fell madly in love. Shortly after, he left his corporate lawyer job to become the manager of her catering business. From what I can tell, things are going really well for them, but that doesn’t mean things have been easy.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Everyone has trouble and things they wish they could change and things they need to change. Anthony and Macie make it look easy, though. They really, truly adore each other.
Instead of being honest, I divert the question. “What does that have to do with me?”
All three men look at me, and then at each other.
“He’s dumber than I thought,” Zack says, shaking his head. “Come on, man. Life is short. You might not get another chance. She’s the one for you, isn’t she?”
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
In so many ways, yes.
I can’t even express it in words, but maybe that’s the problem. I know I’m not just some dumb military grunt, but I’ve hidden behind that mask for a very long time. Maybe I need to stop. Maybe it’s time to stop making excuses and start living.
Zack has a unique perspective on life being short because his wife was widowed. Her first husband died much too young and she was lost and alone when he met her. He wasn’t particularly experienced in BDSM or in being a Dom, but she brought out his protective nature and they fell into this beautiful relationship.
All of the men surrounding me now have been where I am, I realize, and they all got the girl.
Maybe I can, too.
Maybe it’s time to stop doubting myself, to stop being afraid, and to just admit that I need help.
