by Lexi Ward
She noticed me first.
“Mommy! Mommy!”
Per usual, I took her outstretched arms and pulled her into my arms.
“Good morning my love!” I said, kissing her wild hair.
“Morning,” she said squirming under my tickle fingers.
“How’d you sleep little monkey?” I asked, allowing her to swing from my front to my back.
“I slept, great Mommy.”
“Did you dream?” I pulled her with me onto the couch.
“I did. I did!”
“Were they good?”
“They were!” She cheered before sliding to the floor with Liam.
“I see you met my friend.”
“Uh huh.” She nodded without looking at me. “He’s my new friend.”
I loved how Emmy saw everyone as a possible friend. She said it as a fact. She said it, so it was fact. He was her friend.
“Is he now?” I said, smoothing down her wild curls.
“Uh huh.” She brushed her doll’s curls as I brushed hers.
“Is he nice?” I pretended Liam wasn’t there. I ignored his presence. Ignored how sweetly he looked at my child. Ignored any possible recognition he could see of himself in her. I ignored the way he eyed my body and the way he smirked knowing what we did on this very same couch.
“Uh huh.” She repeated.
“Did he feed you breakfast?”
“Uh uh, nope,” she said. “He said we had to wait for you.”
I finally looked at him, watching him eye our affection.
“She wanted pop tarts.”
I chuckled at her childish mischief. Of course, she tried to trick him into that.
“Not before you take your vitamins.”
She ran into our small bathroom to get the Flintstone chewables.
In her absence, I admitted, “we don’t have anything else. I try to make sure she eats vegetables every night for dinner, but we can’t afford much better for breakfast.”
I couldn’t look him in the eye. He stood, moving the dolls to the side and bent to kiss my forehead.
“Last night was amazing.”
He was redressed, his clothes still smelling faintly of alcohol. He probably used the washing machine downstairs.
He leaned down closer and kissed my lips. “I will see you tomorrow. At 7:00. Don’t be late.”
I couldn’t ignore my morning breath or that his lips on mine were enjoyable. As he walked to the door, I yelled out something to stop him.
“Don’t forget to say goodbye to Emmy.”
She came running out of the bathroom. “Done,” she sung.
“Hug your new friend honey,” I said moving towards the kitchen. Emmy liked her pop tarts toasted.
“Bye Mr. Liam!” She sang, swinging from his neck. She was so small in his arms and so trusting.
Why couldn’t I be that way too?
CHAPTER TWELVE
The suit was tailored, dark blue and sharp looking. It was the sort of outfit that a woman would pick out for her man to wear to a formal event. The short man before me held pins in his mouth and a tape measure in his hand. He stretched it and moved with precision. The tailored look was the only way to go. This wasn’t my wedding but I wasn’t going to show up any less spectacular.
I only have one shot at this. Every time I tried, she shut me down…except for last night. Last night she let me in. She let me past the wall in her heart and I was not going to rappel back over. My mind faded. I wasn’t being fitted for a suit. I was with her. Sharing her space. Enjoying her company. Remembering the moments we shared. Her body under my fingers was a dream and the sounds she made were music. Last night made me think about our first time, two nights before graduation. It was almost four years ago.
While we were playing I asked Emmy how old she was. The beautiful little angel held out three fingers. I asked her when her birthday was and she said February 23rd. I did the math and it was perfect. We graduated May 15…she could be mine. When Maddie and I made love, words failed me. I never felt so connected with a person as I did with her in my entire life. We were in sync, we were breathing the same air, she was within my soul and I was within hers. Out of all the women I have had sex with, she was the only one I couldn’t forget. She touched me. She gave me purpose. She gave me reason and I just knew no one could replace her. I thought we were inseparable. I thought we would make a difference, no matter where we were or what we wanted to do. But she didn’t agree.
She said the distance would kill us. She said we should just be friends and then the next day she told me being friends with me would infringe on her friendship with Cara. None of it made sense and the more I tried to make her stay, the more she wanted to leave. Now, in hindsight, it still didn’t make any sense. Did she quit school just for Emmy? Did she know she was pregnant when she broke up with me? Had she cheated on me? Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t even Cara know? It was like this never ending rabbit hole of unanswered questions and it boiled my blood.
“Did you hear what I said?”
“Huh?” I asked. My future brother-in-law was saying something.
“I said which color do you think is best? Cara wanted to add a touch of color. Should I go for the red square or the blue?”
“I don’t know,” I said irritated that he disturbed my thinking. “Don’t you practically live in Hollywood? You should know.”
“But she’s your sister. You should know.”
“Exactly. My sister. We didn’t paint our fingers and talk about which color makes your skin pop best.”
He sneered. “What is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem,” I said rolling my shoulders.
“It is perfect Mr. Shields,” the tailor said. I looked down at his bald head, forgetting that he was there. All around me, he had been working, and I was stuck in my mind.
“Did you get that girl to say yes?”
“What girl?”
“Cara’s best friend. I think her name is Maggie.” Why is he asking me about her? Why is he even speaking her name?
“Her name is Maddie.”
“Oh ok,” he said defensively. “So did she say yes?”
“Why do you care?” I demanded.
“What the hell is your problem?” he asked turning from his reflection.
“Nothing,” I said, bristling. Nothing. She was one hundred percent under my skin.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
That money pit of a truck pulled up, and I climbed in, hoping, wanting to hear his compliment. When it came, it fell flat. Something was wrong.
“You look nice,” he said, barely glancing in my direction.
“So do you,” I said taking in his attire. His thick arms bolstered the material, stretching it to its capacity without ripping them to shreds. He looked amazing, but his face was anything but chipper.
“Yea,” he grunted before pulling out.
“Thanks,” he said five minutes later as an afterthought.
He looked angry. I wondered if he knew. He had to know. Why else was he giving me the cold shoulder? Thankfully the ride to the reception hall, like everything in Small Town, was just a short ride away. The radio played quietly as background music to the tension in the car. The hall was lit brightly, lighting the entire block. The music was jovial, and I knew before I even stepped in that the food would taste good.
We entered together, and although he held me, intertwined at the elbow, he was distant. We were standing beside one another and standing on the other side of a chasm. Was it filled with my lies? I immediately sat down, leaving the introductions to Liam. He was the celebrity. I was just a nobody. I found that out the hard way when my friends dropped off like flies in the wake of me not going to college. Cara found me as she greeted guests.
“Madkins! You came!” she exclaimed, reaching to kiss both of my cheeks. “I am so happy!” She was practically jumping for joy. “Remind me to kiss Liam for thanks.”
“I will,” I said returning the ki
sses.
“Now, before I go. Prepare a few words love.”
“What?”
She was seriously scaring me.
“It’s a rehearsal dinner honey. You eat and toast.” She started to walk away and said, “Can’t wait to hear what you say, dear.”
“Wait – No. Cara, I can’t.”
She moved across the room and greeted someone else.
I knew one thing for sure. The Shields children would be the death of me. Whether it be the son or the daughter, I couldn’t know for sure.
When Liam finally made his way back to my table, he was severely sloshed. His words were still clear but his actions, they told an entirely different story.
When the time came for toasts, I still had nothing prepared, and all my fidgeting under the table wouldn’t change that.
“Can I have your attention please?” Blake said.
Silence descended onto the room and then he continued.
“Since my beautiful bride insisted on following no traditions we have no groomsmen or bridesmaids. We’re just going to do our own thing tonight. First and foremost, thank you for coming tonight. It has been an absolute pleasure to share it with you. I wouldn’t be here without you all but the real person I want to thank tonight is the woman standing beside me. Cara Shields, you are everything to me. You are the light in my life. You are the wind beneath my wings. You are, every single good thing that could happen to me, and I’m thankful.” He planted a kiss on her lips, and everyone applauded.
“I’m just grateful he’ll tolerate me,” she said, taking his mic briefly.
“Now without further ado, we’re going to start the night off with a toast from Cara’s big brother.”
Liam stepped forward. He adjusted his jacket before taking the mic.
“Is this thing on?” He said deeply into the mic. “I’ve always wanted to say that,” he joked, and a few laughed. “So my little sister’s getting married.” He sobered a little and looked at her. “You know, I still can’t believe it. I look back over all the years we’ve been together, and all the things that have changed but one thing has stayed constant.” He caught my eye from across the room and held it. “Love.”
He turned around to look at Cara. “We haven’t always gotten along. A three year age difference didn’t make us the best of friends, but when it came down to it, I know that no one ever loved me more. We stick up for each other. We fight. We hate each other, but no matter what, I love this little she-devil and I know she loves me too. If Blake is lucky enough to have even a sliver of the love she has for me, he is one lucky son of a gun,” he paused and grabbed a cup to raise as toast. “And he is in for the ride of his life these next couple of years.” Everyone laughed. “Cheers to the happy couple.”
“Here, here!”
“Now we’ll have a word from my best friend,” Cara sang into the microphone.
I approached, cautiously and stood beside Liam. He waited until I stood beside him and then bowed.
“Hey everybody. I’m going to make this short. That woman up there, well, she’s my best friend. I could tell you of the time we pranked Liam or the time we decided that wearing our clothes backward was cool. I could tell you about the countless times she chased after my exes with weapons, but that would just add fuel to the fire Blake already knows exists.” Everyone laughed at my tone. “So I won’t. What I will tell you is this, I want nothing but peace and happiness for her. She has been a star in any darkness I could have lived through, and I can only hope Blake can give her the same love and peace she gave me all these years. I love you girl.”
Cara, who uncharacteristically had a tear in her eye, said back, “I love you too.”
After my toast, they concluded, and Liam in his drunken state tried to convince me he could drive me home. We sat in the parking lot, under the shadows of places the streetlight couldn’t cover.
“God you are so sexy. I can’t believe how beautiful you are.” I couldn’t believe his words. The alcohol had completely changed his previous mood. “You had no idea how bad I want to make love to you Maddie.” He grabbed my face and pulled it close. “You really don’t.”
“So do it.”
He groaned, leaning even closer, “I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Can’t. Until you tell me, you want me.”
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to admit he was so sexy my panties were already drenched.
“Say it.” His breath tickled my lips, and my tongue darted out to catch it. He planted kisses along my jaw and suck my earlobe, avoiding my lips altogether.
“Ok,” I gasped, shivering under his butterfly touches.
“Say. It.”
He would leave a hickey, and I didn’t care. “I want you.”
He wasted no time, pushing my dress up with one hand and unbuckling his pants. He didn’t bother with preambles or hesitation. He slid into me and pushed into me with a steady pace. I could only hook my feet behind him, following his rhythm, urging him on, and ignoring the stick shift lodged in my back. The car shook in sync with our every move.
One of my hands reached down to rub my clit, and he took it as my cue to increase his pace.
“Tell me the truth Maddie.”
I whimpered, knowing exactly what he was asking.
“Is she mine? I gotta know.”
Waves of orgasm rippled through my body before long, and I couldn’t stop my mouth from moving.
“She’s yours,” I moaned; back arching, toes curling in ecstasy.
Every sensation was heightened, my muscles twitched erratically around his cock, and he buried his head between my breasts, feeling my heart beating wildly. I wanted to go again, but I could see from under my hooded eyes how angry he was.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Why Maddie? Why?”
“I had to Liam, I had to,” I cried.
“No, you didn’t.” He sat up to button his pants.
“I did! You were going to play football. I did not want to ruin your life. I didn’t want to leave you. I just wanted you to have a future, and I wasn’t going to take that away from you.”
He started the car, so I pulled my dress down hastily.
“Don’t you understand? I loved you so much. I love you so much, I had to.”
Maybe he drove too fast or maybe I was frozen in time, but we were in front of my apartment building before he spoke again.
“You made the decision on your own Maddie. You took my choice from me, without involving me. I don’t know how I can forgive you.”
His words were deep, hollow and chilling. I stepped out, and he sped away. Who knows if I would ever see him again?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Two days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen her beautiful face. It took me two days to realize what really mattered. So here I was, in front of her apartment door, the door I will never forget leaving, knocking, praying it’s not too late.
“Just a second honey, let me see who’s at the door.”
She opened to door, dressed and clearly in the middle of organizing Emmy. Her small face held smeared toothpaste and she was clad in only her pajama top and underwear. Maddie’s face was awed, and her mouth hung open in a small circle.
“Before you say anything, know this: You are the light of my world. You and the little girl in there mean the world to me and now that I have you, I will not let you go. I won’t leave this time. I love you Maddie, and I hope you love me too. From this moment forth, we will make it work. We can make it work as long as you love me. Do you?
“I love you,” she said crying.
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her with my entire being. Her tongue was minty, and her body was willing. I would take care of that as soon as the wedding was over.
“Now, dress Emmy in her best princess attire because this is a family wedding and we’re going to it, as a family.”
Maddie had tears running down her face as I walked in and closed the
door. Emmy finally noticed me. This time her face was clear of paste.
