by Lexi Ward
“Yeah, but, why did you want to be one? I’m seriously asking?”
“How does a monster movie inspire such thoughts from you?”
“I am always thinking about these things, crappy movies aside.”
“Crappy?!”
Tanya smirked, snuggling into his chest. If he didn’t answer, then he didn’t answer. She made her peace that, with him, sometimes should would only get sarcasm in response. As outgoing as he was, he could be very secretive.
“I was really good at it,” he murmured, his head falling back on the couch’s arm. “And I liked it. But it wasn’t until I was recruited that I actually thought of being a professional football player. The money is fantastic, of course. I mean, look at my TV!” He motioned toward the large, thin screen. “This is like a miniature move theater in my own living room.”
She nodded, not looking at the TV. She had seen it, and she had been impressed. Her mind focused on his words, frustrating confliction twisting up her insides. Was it really that simple? You just…do what you’re good at and what you like, and then you’re happy?
Maybe she was over-thinking everything.
“You okay?” he asked, hugging her with all of his limbs. “You’re doing that weird quiet-thing.”
“You mean not talking?”
“That’s it, yeah.”
She kissed his chest. “I guess I thought people were instinctively drawn to their passions, and they found the meaning of life through them. But what if you don’t have any? What if you’re just…wandering, bored?”
“You realize that most people work as a means of survival, right? Not all of us get to be rich and famous.”
She hummed her affirmative answer, shame sinking in her. She kissed his chest again. Eric was the only thing that made her feel good anymore—like herself. And it was okay to be herself around him when it often wasn’t with other people. It was okay to be lost with him.
He kissed her head.
The TV darkened then flashed, exiting from the movie and revealing some news-gossip channel. The newscaster, in her smooth and loud voice, announced Eric Reed’s name.
Tanya’s eyebrows shot up, her attention shifting to the TV. She felt Eric stiffen beneath her.
“According to various reports,” the newscaster said, “the famous running back for the Yaks has dated with two famous porn stars at the same time, and it is rumored that he is currently dating a third one. Stay tune to find out about Eric Reed’s interesting past.”
A commercial blasted next, and Eric fumbled with the remote before he finally muted his fancy TV.
“Um,” he said. “About that…”
Tanya had been about to laugh, but his serious and awkward tone constricted her throat. She pushed herself off of him so that she could stare into his bright eyes.
He winced. “It was a long, long time ago, and both parties knew about the other one, so…” He squeezed her with his limbs again, his lips wobbling into a pained smile. “We alright?”
She blinked owlishly at him. She thought it over—thought about his reputation—and took a deep breath. “We are exclusively dating one another, right? There’s not another woman?”
“Yes, definitely. I swear. And I totally know you’re not a porn star.”
She snorted, rolling her eyes. Maybe THAT was her true calling. Troubled rich girl becomes porn star…. Good Lord, her father would die.
“Tanya? Baby?”
She grabbed the collar of his shirt and lowered her face to him, her eyes locking with his. Squeezing the collar, she said, “If you ever become interested in another woman, dump me, okay? Don’t cheat on me, don’t try to get me into some polygamy mess—just dump me. I’m crazy about you, Eric, and I would rather be alone than share you with anyone else. Fair enough?”
For the first time since she had met him, astonishment swirled in Eric’s eyes. His jaw lowered, as did his eyelids. At first, Tanya thought he was offended, and she tensed in preparation for the oncoming break-up.
But then Eric kissed her, his lips parting as he eagerly moved against her.
Tanya’s head spun. She nearly fell back on top of him, but her hand grabbed the back of the sofa to prevent her fall. Her other hand still clung to his shirt. Heat bloomed within her as the kiss became hungrier, more possessive.
He squeezed his limbs around her even tighter, finally making her fall on top of him. That broke the kiss, and she panted against his throat.
“No sharing,” he breathed against her forehead before kissing it. “Same goes for you, right?”
She chortled, twisting herself upward. “Duh.”
He grinned. “Good.”
She crawled over him to plant her lips against his again, and she reveled in the feeling of his breathing becoming more rapid. His broad chest moving like that beneath her touch, his limbs going limp while she ran her hand over him. He responded perfectly to her—felt perfectly against her. She needed this more than anything else—this moment—this human being—this peace.
His hands snaked beneath the bottom of her shirt, and she shivered with lustful delight. He snaked his fingers back out though, hesitance obvious in his movements.
They had waited long enough for this. Tanya tugged at his shirt, then raised her head a bit. “You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.” She winked at him, just like he always did at her.
He wheezed out a laugh, fondness flashing in his expression as he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and wiggled it off of himself. She helped him, of course, and then he helped her take off her own shirt.
Her breasts pressed against his pecks, their stomachs brushing against one another as they breathed heavily.
Tanya kissed him wherever she could—his jaw, his chin, his neck, his collarbone. She noted that his flesh was becoming a little darker, a little redder, the more she tasted him. The sight was mesmerizing, and she kissed him with more gentleness—wanting to savor him for as long as she could.
He ran his hands through her hair, over her shoulders, and then slowly down her back. When he reached her bra snaps, she arched according so that he would have better access to them. Consequently, that pressed her lower half farther against his, and Eric let out a guttural groan. His fingers stiffened for a second before returning to her bra. Once he got the garment unhooked, Tanya shouldered off the straps and tossed the bra aside.
“Tanya,” Eric breathed, eyes dark as he stared at her chest.
Arousal coursed through her, making the tender flesh between her legs moisten. Shuddering, she shakily reached for Eric’s pants and pulled at them.
Hurriedly—sloppily—awkwardly—he wiggled out of his pants and underwear, just as she wiggled out of her pants and thong. The clothing got squished between them and the couch, but they were otherwise forgotten.
Tanya fell back against him. Her eyes fluttered closed as their bodies moved together accordingly, heat and adoration flooding through her. She inhaled deeply, getting lost in his scent—in the feel of him—in everything.
Gently, then firmly, he grabbed her hips and positioned her over his hard member.
Tanya gasped as the tip of him brushed against her wet southern lips. As he pushed himself deeper, she couldn’t help but wrap herself farther around him. A whining moan jittered out of her, heat and pressure growing fervently within her.
For the next few minutes, it was nothing but them. There was no fear of the future, no doubts about her worth—nothing but the feel of Eric all around her and inside of her. It was one of the most blissful moments of her life.
She came fast, his name bursting past her lips as her body shook with pure, hot pleasure.
He came shortly afterward. His hot seed shot into her, making the aftershocks of her orgasm all the more enjoyable.
She didn’t think—didn’t worry. She just enjoyed having Eric Reed all to herself.
CHAPTER FIVE
Over one month later, she was late.
She was more perturbed than anything else. Perhaps it
was denial, but the first thought that came to mind was that she was having some kind of medical issue. Something must be wrong with her uterus. When another week past, she scheduled an appointment with the doctor.
“Are congratulations in order?” the receptionist asked warily after Tanya told her everything.
Phone pressed to her ear, Tanya furrowed her brow. She sat in her father’s house, a medical journal placed on her lap. “What?”
The receptionist sighed. “Forgive me, I…just congratulations on the baby.”
“The—?” Tanya’s eyebrows shot up, her body going numb. The magazine slid off her leg and collapsed to the floor. “Oh.”
She was relieved when no paparazzi followed her into and/or out of the closest convenience store to her father’s house. Though people normally didn’t bother her because of her father’s fame, there were a couple of times when a person with a camera jumped out in front of and scared the living crap out of her.
Luckily, today was not one of those days. A bag of several different brands of pregnancy tests in her quivering hands, the last thing she needed was to have her maybe-baby news posted on the internet before she even knew for certain she was pregnant.
When she got back into her car, she put the bag beneath the passenger seat. Her heart raced, mind too overwhelmed to form a coherent thought.
Shakily, she placed her hands on the steering wheel and forced herself to take a deep breath. As she calmed a bit, she pursed her lips.
She probably wasn’t pregnant. And then all this worrying would be for nothing. Once she knew the truth, then she could react to it.
At home, in the hallway bathroom downstairs, she peed on fifteen different sticks.
They all said she was pregnant.
“Crap,” she said, stunned. She tossed the last positive test into the trash can before sliding down to the bathroom floor, her feet kicked up and pressed against the cabinets below the sinks.
It wasn’t necessarily bad news. She just…it hadn’t been planned. Though everything in her life that had been planned went south quickly.
She smirked defiantly at the thought, her gaze lowering to her belly. With a great deal of caution, she placed her palm over where she believed her child to be growing inside of her. Protectiveness and affection rose inside of her chest and tingled at the base of her throat.
Maybe…maybe being a mother was what she was meant to be all along. Not that women couldn’t focus on career and family, of course, and not that all women had some kind of instinct to be mothers, but…but she used to fantasize about raising a large family when she was younger. She used to dream of loving her little ones and preparing them for the world—for them to achieve their dreams. Maybe she had that maternal instinct, one she had forgotten about.
She couldn’t regret going for an education. A lot of women—women and men—prospered from those kinds of experiences and trainings, and it often helped them discovered their true callings in this life—again, not necessarily involving children. Plus, parents should be educated, anyway, regardless of whether or not they pursue a career.
Tanya smiled at her stomach. It really wasn’t so complicated, in the end. Being a mom…it felt right to her. Maybe she was a fool, maybe she wasn’t, but in that moment…it just felt right. She felt content with certainty.
Fondness in her heart, she kissed her fingers tips before placing them over her stomach once again.
But as she thought of Eric, the fear returned. She raised her gazes to the cabinets and frowned. They had never talked about children, about marriage, about family—none of the big stuff. She bit her lip.
And then there was her father…he was going to have mixed feelings about this, that was for sure.
She looked back down at her stomach. She forced herself to smile, even though the child clearly couldn’t see her yet.
“It will be okay,” she whispered, lowering her face a bit toward the growing baby. “You will be loved and cared for no matter what. I promise.”
She ended up taking Eric out for a change—to a fancy restaurant, no less. In a strange way, she felt like she was going to propose to him. But instead of offering him a ring, she would have to point at her stomach and mention the little being growing inside of her.
Tanya turned red at the thought. In one of her best red dresses, she hid behind her menu while listening to the classical musicians play soothing tunes. A lot of people around them either didn’t care about Eric Reed’s fame or they were ignorant of it. Either way, it was a blessing. There had been some people from the media or paparazzi outside the restaurant, but they had their attention distracted by an actress who often dined here with her dates.
“So, babe, what’s the occasion?” Eric asked. After a few seconds, he peered over the top of her menu. “You’re doing that quiet-thing again, but it’s at a place like this. You’ve got me intrigued.”
She withheld a sigh. Maybe she should get this over with rather than wait until after they finished eating. She lowered the menu, her fingers tapping it. After she glanced around to make sure no journalist-snoop types were nearby, she faced Eric. “What are your thoughts about…about children?”
His face fell, all except for his lips—quirked upward. “Ah, this talk.” He leaned back in his chair and regarded her. “Tanya…I really like you a lot, so I’m going to be completely straightforward with you: I don’t want kids. Ever.”
Tanya’s blood iced over. Subconsciously, she placed her palm over her stomach.
“It’s nothing against kids,” Eric said, wincing and shrugging. “I just don’t want to devote my life to them. I want to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and you can’t do that if the kiddos come first. You understand?”
“Yeah,” she said, nearly choking on the word. It was a truly responsible outlook on the subject, and a part of her appreciated Eric for it. The other part of her shriveled up and screamed with agony. She opened her mouth to say more, but what? What could she say to his response?
“Tanya? You okay? You’ve actually gone pale.”
“Black people can get pale, Eric.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Just…what’s wrong? Are we good?”
She looked him in the eye. She desperately wanted to cling to him—to hold on to him for as long as she could. He was so exhilarating yet grounding, everything she needed. But this wasn’t right. Not anymore.
Tears welled up in her eyes, her heart shattering. “No. We’re not.”
Eric blinked quickly. “What? Because of the kid thing?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, but…but this isn’t going to work out if our future isn’t aimed in the same direction. I want children. Now.”
“Now? But it’s only been a few months.”
“I know.”
Eric’s eyes became glassy as he looked at everything but her. His expression was tensed yet obviously panicked.
“I’m sorry,” Tanya choked out again. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I don’t want to do wrong by you or anyone. I…” She shook her head. There was nothing more she could say to make this right. “I should go.”
“Tanya—”
She stood and hurried out of the restaurant, her hand snaking into her purse and grabbing her phone.
As she waited for her cab outside, Eric didn’t come out to get her. Tears poured from her eyes freely now, multiple sobs clogged in her throat.
This truly was for the best, it seemed.
CHAPTER SIX
“I told you he was no good,” her father angrily declared the next day.
She sat on the sofa, her pinkish eyes staring at the TV while she cradled a pillow to her torso. She sniffled and swallowed back a sob while tears continuously crawled down her cheeks.
“I’m going to kill him,” her father said, pacing. “At practice, I’ll make it look like an accident.”
“I broke up with him, dad,” Tanya said, voice scratched and wobbled. “Because he doesn’t want kids. That’s not a bad thing, it
just…” She buried her face into the pillow and cried harder.
Eric Reed wasn’t a bad guy. But that didn’t mean he would be a good father.
Her own father slowly walked over and sat beside her, his large hand resting on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She leaned against his arm. Moisture covered her face and sobs continued to clog her throat, so she kept quiet. Her father seemed to be okay with it though, for he leaned over and kissed her head.
It was practically impossible to not hear about the amazing Eric Reed. Her father was his coach, after all—fame aside. But Tanya did her best to avoid the news and topics about her father’s job during the following months. She had other, more important things to focus on than her heartbreak.
