“Givon says that Malik appreciates your opinions,” Fatima told her. “He respects you.”
“As I respect him.” She paused before going on. She and Malik were also making love every night, and that part of their life together was marvelous. Not that she was going to share the details with his grandmother. “I could very easily fall in love with him.”
“Then what is the problem?”
Liana drew in a deep breath. “Malik has told me that he will never love me. He believes that the best part of him must be saved for El Bahar, and he won’t let himself get tangled up in any serious emotions. So he will care for me and be faithful, but he won’t allow himself to love me. I’m assuming he intends that to also encompass our children, should we have any. So how can I stay with a man who vows never to give me the one thing I want?”
Fatima regarded her with dark, wise eyes. “Is love so very important?”
“Isn’t it? Chuck and I had infatuation, childish affection and lust. When that wore off, we weren’t left with very much.”
“All the more reason to be sensible the second time around.”
“Sensible,” Liana repeated softly. “It’s not exactly what every young girl dreams of for her marriage.”
“But you are not a young girl. You are a mature woman who has experienced some of life.” Fatima touched her glass, but didn’t pick it up. “Did it ever occur to you that Malik is deceiving himself? That he speaks the words because he wants them to be true, not because they are?”
Liana blinked. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Perhaps you should. How much has he told you of Iman?”
“I know that she’s not dead, and that she was unfaithful to him.” She shivered. “I can’t imagine how that must have humiliated him. Malik is a proud man.”
“I believe it was one of the darkest moments of his life. Not only because everyone knew what had happened and how his wife had tricked him right here in the palace, but because in his mind, he’d let down his people. He couldn’t see that her betrayal made him so much more human in their eyes. He was no longer a young god, but a real man who could make a mistake. He’d always been adored, but afterward he became truly loved.”
Liana considered Fatima’s words. “I don’t think Malik sees it that way.”
“He doesn’t. He sees only his mistake and he has vowed it will never happen again.” Fatima tilted her head. “Why did he choose you as his wife?”
“I haven’t got a clue. It’s a question I ask myself all the time.”
“Perhaps you should ask Malik instead. Perhaps you should think about Iman and of how he would make sure he never repeated that kind of mistake again. We are all products of our past. Malik’s history has had an influence on him.”
Liana thought she understood what the other woman was saying. “But it’s different with Malik. He never loved Iman.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me.”
“What else would he say?”
That had not occurred to Liana. If Malik had loved his wife, or if he’d been allowing himself to soften towards her and then she’d betrayed him, he would have been destroyed inside. He would have questioned his judgment and would have vowed to never be caught that way again.
He’d lived so much of his life emotionally alone. Oh, there were plenty of people around him, but no one special to hold him and look out for him. No one who didn’t demand but instead gave.
“Perhaps he needs to be shown that he’s found a safe place again,” Fatima said softly. “I believe it is in both you and your daughter to heal his bruised heart and allow him to open himself again. If he were to be loved, he might allow himself to love. Look at his actions, not his words. Then think about what you see there. Don’t be hasty, Liana. Be very sure on this. Isn’t he worth that at least?”
Once again the queen had given Liana plenty to think about. Later that afternoon she stood on one of the high balconies on the north end of the palace and looked out over the vast land that blended into the desert.
The sea was to the south of the palace and the city stretched out on both the east and west sides of the royal grounds. But behind the carefully cultivated gardens was only wilderness. Liana didn’t know how much land the Khan family owned, but she knew their property stretched for miles.
From where she stood she had a clear view of the riding trails and the stable. Two specks appeared in the distance. In time they would show themselves to be her daughter and Malik, out for their afternoon ride.
Despite his busy schedule, he always made time for Bethany. Sometimes they rode in the morning and sometimes after she returned from school, but at least six days out of seven found them together on horseback.
She’d been wrong about him, Liana thought to herself. She’d accused him of using her daughter to get to her, but that hadn’t been his plan at all. For reasons that didn’t make sense, his devotion to her child seemed easy and natural. Why did he do it? Liana loved her daughter with all her heart and believed her to be bright and charming, but she was still only nine. Hardly a sophisticated companion for someone like Malik. Yet he sought Bethany out, and seemed to find pleasure in the relationship for its own sake.
Fatima’s words—that she and Bethany had the power to heal Malik’s heart—came to her. Was that true? And if it was, how on earth was she going to walk away from him? No woman in the world could resist such a challenge. To heal a man such as Malik would be the most extraordinary work of her life.
She glanced around at the seldom-used balcony garden. She’d found it last week and had begun to rearrange the potted plants and trees until they created a secluded private sanctuary just as she’d done on the rooftop garden. Her latent interest in gardening and decorating had begun to assert itself, and she’d found herself wondering if there was a detailed inventory of the treasures in the palace. If not, it was a job she would enjoy. She’d seen the storerooms and knew that there were hundreds of wonders there. Different antiques needed to be rotated in and out of the public rooms so that all could enjoy them. And what about preservation and restoration? Had anyone seen to that?
She knew what was happening to her. She was slowly making a life for herself here at the palace. It was a dangerous thing to do, because she still didn’t know how to handle her future. Was she staying?
She turned back to the view and saw that Bethany and Malik were already at the stables. Malik dismounted, then helped Bethany down. Her daughter surprised her by throwing her arms around the prince. Malik surprised her even more by hugging her daughter back. There was something comfortable and familiar about their actions, as if they’d been performed dozens of times before. Actions not words, she thought, as Fatima had instructed her.
Her chest tightened as hope filled her. Was Fatima right? Could she and Bethany heal Malik to the point where he would admit he loved them?
She sighed. Who was this man who had tricked her into marriage? For a long time she’d assumed he was so arrogant that he’d just assumed he would get his way. But perhaps it was something else entirely. Was it possible that he’d acted to hide a fear of losing something he wanted or needed?
Liana sensed she was on the verge of discovering a very important truth. She thought about Malik’s childhood and how desperately alone he’d been. She thought about Iman and her betrayal. Both had taught Malik not to depend on anyone but himself. He couldn’t risk making a mistake about relationships, so he no longer invested in them.
But didn’t he still have the same needs as other men?
Her fingers laced together in front of her waist and she drew in a deep breath. He was afraid of being rejected again. Of being offered something he needed to survive, then having it taken away. She would have to show him that she really was a safe haven for him, and that he never had to worry about being alone again.
Chapter 16
“Why did you choose me?” she asked later that night when they were alone in bed. They’d just finished ma
king love, and she lay in Malik’s arms, safe and content.
“You are my wife. It would be inappropriate for me to make love with anyone else.”
She smiled and touched his lower lip. “That’s not what I mean and you know it. Why did you marry me? You could have picked someone entirely different. Someone more appropriate.”
He settled back on the pillow and tucked his hand under his head. “You were the one I wanted,” he said. “At first there was just an attraction I hadn’t felt before, and I responded to that. Later, as I got to know you and your daughter, I realized you had all the characteristics necessary to make both a good queen and a good mother.”
He looked at her. “Bethany is a wonderful child. You love her deeply and would do anything to protect her. I wanted that for my children.”
She nodded. His words made sense. After all, look what had happened to him.
“Also,” he continued, “you weren’t impressed with the fact that I was a prince. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with someone in awe of me.”
“Instead you find yourself with someone who will always tell you exactly what she’s thinking.”
“I don’t mind. If I don’t agree with you, I simply won’t listen.”
She wanted to laugh, but she knew he was telling the truth. She thought about what he’d said about why he’d picked her. Was her being a good mother to Bethany also about her capacity to love? Had he chosen a woman with a big heart so that he could find a place for himself there?
She wanted to ask, but knew he wouldn’t answer. At least not honestly. Malik kept his emotions firmly in check. However, she wasn’t like that. Her feelings spilled over, even when she didn’t want them to. Right now, she knew that while Malik might be arrogant and annoying at times, he’d somehow found that place he’d been looking for in her heart.
She’d figured out the truth that afternoon when she’d watched him with her daughter. Now she reached up and kissed his mouth. “I can’t imagine a world without you, Malik. I love you, and if you want me to stay with you, I will.”
She waited expectantly for his excited reaction. A smile hovered at the corners of her mouth.
But instead of whooping or gathering her close and beginning to make love with her, he simply nodded.
“I’m pleased,” he told her. “You’ve made the right decision. Except for telling my immediate family, there shouldn’t be any changes in our lives. We will have to talk about when we’re going to start our family. I would like to begin that process as soon as possible.”
He continued talking about children and a belated honeymoon and a ceremony to give her a title in her own right. Liana listened, but none of the words made sense. Instead she felt icy claws sliding all over her, and she couldn’t help shivering in response.
Had she been wrong about Malik? While she hadn’t expected a heartfelt declaration in return, she’d thought he would at least seem happy.
“Don’t you care?” she blurted out. “Doesn’t any of this matter to you?”
He frowned. “Of course. I told you I’m pleased.”
“Gee. If you’re pleased about this, imagine how excited you’ll be when the dry cleaning returns on time.”
He sat up in bed and looked at her. “Why are you upset? I want you to stay and you’re staying. We have details to discuss. If you would prefer we can talk about them later.”
“I don’t care when we talk about them,” she said, her voice thick with disappointment and anger. “I want you to be happy that I told you I love you. I want you to say you’re thrilled and pleased, and that you were afraid I would leave and you would be alone. I want to know this matters, that I’m not some interchangeable part in your life.”
“We have been over this before,” he said patiently. “You are my wife. I am your husband. I have great respect for you, and I have honored you by taking you as my future queen.”
She scrambled to her knees and glared at him. “Not good enough. I have given in on every point, Malik. I’ll live on your land and be your wife. I’ll learn the customs and raise our children to be good and wise rulers. But you and I don’t have an arrangement, we have a marriage. It’s not about duty and position, it’s about loving each other. You’ve won every single battle, but you’re not winning this one. I matter to you. I know it and you know it, and by God, you’re going to tell me.”
His expression tightened and turned unreadable. “I will not love you.”
“You’re afraid to admit it. Maybe just to me, or maybe to yourself as well. I understand that you had a lot of horrible things happen to you. I’ll even give you time to heal and to learn to trust me more. But you will have to bend on this one eventually.”
“Never.”
This time she was the one to stand up and look down at him. She crossed her arms over her bare chest. “It’s very simple. If you love me back, I’ll change the world for you. If you don’t, you’ll lose me forever. I won’t go away, but I’ll die a little inside until the very heart of me is gone.”
“Women put too much stock in emotions,” he told her curtly. “I’ll be a good husband. Measure me by my actions, not my words.”
Fatima had said almost the same thing, and for a while Liana had believed it would be enough. But now she knew it wasn’t.
Malik’s foul mood lasted more than a week. He didn’t understand women or their constant need for reassurance.
“Why won’t she give in?” he asked Bethany as they walked to the stable.
But the nine-year-old refused to take his side. “Mommy says she needs to know that she can trust you to always be there for us.”
“Of course I’ll be here. Where else would I go?”
Bethany stopped in front of the stable door and looked up at him. Shadows darkened the skin under her big, blue eyes. She suddenly looked small and impossibly fragile.
“Malik, you gotta tell her you love her,” she insisted. Her rosebud-shaped mouth pressed into a thin line. “Mommies and daddies always say they love each other. That’s how they have babies together. If you don’t love Mommy, she can’t have a baby brother or sister for me. Don’t you want that?”
“Of course. But loving her or not isn’t relevant to that issue.”
Bethany shook her head mutinously. “You gotta love people, Malik.” She paused, then frowned. Her face paled. “I love you. Don’t you love me back?”
She’d stabbed him with a large sword, and there was nothing he could do to get out of the way. “Bethany,” he said, dropping to one knee and pulling her close. “You are very special to me. You know that. I enjoy our time together, and I’m very glad to have you in my life.”
For the first time since he’d met her, Bethany pushed him away. Tears spilled from her eyes and her mouth quivered. “You don’t,” she accused, her voice cracking with pain. “I thought you loved me. I thought you were different from my daddy, but you’re just like him. You don’t love me either.”
Before he could stop her, she turned and ran away. He heard her sobs and started to go after her, but then he stopped. What was he going to say?
He stood in the center of the path for several minutes, then stormed into the palace and headed for the harem. Once there, he pounded on the golden doors until his grandmother opened them.
“It’s just a word,” he growled. “They’re all insane, expecting me to talk of flowers and love. I’m a prince. I don’t have time for this. You must speak to them and explain the situation.”
Fatima regarded him thoughtfully. “I assume you’re speaking of Liana and Bethany?”
“Yes. Liana agreed to stay, then in the next breath demanded that I tell her I love her or I will lose her or some such nonsense. It’s been nearly a week, and no matter how I insist, she won’t let it go. You have to fix this.”
“Actually, I don’t.” She stepped into the hallway and closed the harem door behind her. “You see, Malik, for a long time I agreed with you. I counseled Liana to see your side and to giv
e in. But now I’m not so sure.” She traced her pearl necklace with her thumb and forefinger. “I assume she has confessed her feelings.”
He thought about that night more than a week ago when she’d told him she loved him and that she would stay. All his fears had drained away as if they’d never been. He’d been relieved and happy and he’d wanted to lay the world at her feet. The emotions had threatened to overwhelm him. Rather than letting her see that, he’d kept his feelings to himself and had talked of their future. It was safer that way.
“She had indicated she cared for me and was willing to stay.”
Two perfect eyebrows raised slightly. “Cared? Was that her exact word?”
“No,” he said between gritted teeth. “She said she loved me.”
“Ah. But you don’t love her. I can see that might be a problem.”
Love? What did he know of the emotion? He knew that he needed Liana more than was safe or even sane. Without her, he was nothing—an empty shell living in an absolute void. Without her, he would go through the motions of living, but there would be no joy. Just endless gnawing pain and the promise of more of the same until death released him.
“I have honored her by making her my wife. That is enough.”
Fatima shook her head. “Your father and his ministers might have turned you into a leader, but as far as knowing how to make a woman happy, you’re a complete fool. Give in, grandson. The date palm that bends before the wind lives to bear fruit another season. The date palm kept straight with pride, breaks and dies alone.”
“I will never give in on this.”
Her eyes filled with sadness. “Then I am sorry for you, Malik. Because you can’t be a great king until you learn compassion, and you can’t experience compassion without first knowing how to love. She is everything you’ve ever wanted. She brings you the offer of peace and a wonderful little girl who thinks you are the sun and moon in one. Yet you would lose them because of your pride or your fear or maybe both.” She turned away. “I can’t fix this for you. I can only tell you to admit what you already feel in your heart. If you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
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