by Havana Scott
“You’re welcome. If I had to hear you tell me once more than Liam hasn’t called you, I was going to throw your phone into the pool.”
“I appreciate you so much, you have no idea.” I lean my head onto Leo’s shoulder.
“You have no idea how much I just want to drink myself blind right now.”
“You okay?” I raise my sunglasses and squint at him.
“Yeah, fine. Let’s go get mojitos, baby.”
For the rest of the gorgeous day, Leo, Ibis, her friend, Jackie, and I alternate between soaking up the sun on the beach and chilling in the shade at the motel’s pool deck. The three of them are expert partiers, teetering on the edge of inebriation all day while still maintaining an even-keeled exterior. Me, I pace myself, ordering no more than a few strawberry mojitos spread evenly throughout the day, giving me a pleasant tipsiness. I’ve never been one to get shit-faced, and I’m not about to start.
Hanging out with other people my age feels nice, normal, even though I never fully feel like one of them. As an introvert all my life, I interact with others as though watching another version of myself from behind a screen. Part of it is an act, and part of it is me wishing I could truly bond with them, but there is always a layer of distance.
Liam understood this, because Liam was the same way.
At the moment, as I witness Ibis pushing Jackie into the pool, who in turn hoists herself out of the water to yank Ibis by the feet, all the while Leo cracks up from a safe distance, this layer of reserve yields a consequence I was hoping to avoid. Suddenly, I miss Liam. I miss his hands, his gorgeous eyes gazing at me under sexy brows, his clean-cut beard brushing against me softly when he kisses between my legs. I miss his body claiming me, I miss the way he talks to me.
And I hate that he chose career over me.
What bothers me most wasn’t his request that we get back together after the semester was over. It was the uncertain tilt to his eye when he added “or in two years.” It was his way of letting me down gently, but I saw right through him—I didn’t make the cut.
I should be thankful he was there for me when I needed him and leave it at that.
Thinking back now, he was my first love. My first, real love.
In the evening, a storm front glides by on the horizon but doesn’t hit the beach. Breezes whip the palm trees, creating a blustery atmosphere while patio lights, chimes, and hanging decorations bob in the wind. The four of us are dressed to kill, strutting the boardwalk on the way to Coconuts, a nearby dance club. I’m hoping my slicked-back ponytail and dramatic eye makeup make me look like Kristie in the fake ID. I’m wearing shorts, a sexy one-shoulder top, and wedge sandals. Every guy on the boardwalk looks my way, and I own it, bitch. Yes, I do. This is my moment. I’m going to enjoy it.
If Liam could see me now, he’d bow down and suck it.
Because I belong to me and no one else.
Okay, I’ve had a few too many drinks.
Entering the club is a religious experience. The bass music pounds in my ear, shaking my chest, and rattling my soul. Every nerve ending feels alive, waking me from the pathetic stupor that has been my week. The energy of the crowd elevates me to a higher plane where I feel part of something larger, a collection of people all trying to forget, trying to be happy, same as me. Bright smiles, light-tinted faces, and screeches flash before me, as I hold onto Leo’s arm for support.
We get on the dance floor and move to the rhythms. I’m not much of a dancer, but tonight, it comes out of me without even trying. It’s like my body and mind are dying to live, grasp at anything that will shake me from lethargy. Leo dances with Ibis while Jackie dances with me, but she’s eyeing a cute older millennial nearby, and it’s only a matter of time before I’m left alone in favor of Cute Guy.
Everyone in the club seems older like maybe it’s Generation Y Night here at Coconuts, so the vibe feels more controlled, not as crazy as it would during Spring Break. As expected, Jackie bounces off to dance with her man while I make my way off the dance floor toward the bar. I order a bottle of water then lean back against the bar to survey the club. My heart stops momentarily when I see him—a man who looks like Liam.
Wait, what? No.
Squinting, it’s hard to tell in the darkness of the club, but if it’s not, then it’s definitely Liam’s doppelgänger, except no beard or glasses. The man walks right past me following two sexy women, a blonde and a brunette. He doesn’t even look at me, which is weird, because if it was him, he’d at least stop to notice me.
My mind must be messing with me. I’ve had too many mojitos.
I have to convince my heart to calm down. It wouldn’t be Liam. He didn’t want to come to Pine Island when I mentioned it to him that one time. It’s not him, just a super strong coincidence that there’s another guy his age using his nearly-exact same face. I ask the bartender for a beer, feeling weird about ordering a drink amongst an older crowd. Still, the Liam doppelgänger sighting has me downing the beer in minutes flat then asking for another.
Men in all four corners watch me. I think they’re all waiting until I’m good and drunk before approaching. I’m glad that they’re not, and it occurs to me that they might feel I’m too young to be here. I fall deeper into a beer haze, not knowing what time it is or how long a certain song has been playing. Lights and faces swirl together. Two men have finally started talking to me, but I laugh too hard and keep telling them I’m here with my boyfriend.
“Where? We don’t see him.” They laugh.
Leo, I’m talking about Leo, but Leo has not stopped dancing, and maybe I should get back to my friends before I get chewed by these sharks. “Excuse me.” I push past them toward the dance floor when I catch a glimpse of a couple in the corner of the club. They’re deep in conversation, speaking into each other’s ears, and the guy’s face resonates with my heart very, very strikingly. The woman takes his hands, and they embrace for a moment.
His hands.
I could be halfway around the world, at a police station identifying a hands-only line-up, and I would recognize them. But is it just another doppelgänger? No, that has to be Liam. That is Liam.
My stomach becomes a jangled ball of stress. He’s with an older woman. A sultry, older woman. I feel like I’m going to throw up. As I stand there gawking, I know he can feel my presence from across the room, because suddenly, he looks up from his intent conversation and glances my way.
Our gazes connect.
Beard. Glasses. Steely gray-blue eyes. He recognizes me. His date follows his gaze, as if trying to gauge what he’s looking at. I’m jealous beyond belief. He can’t be seeing someone else already, can he? This isn’t a girlfriend or worse—wife?
When he motions for the woman to wait a moment and gets up, heading my way, I know in my heart that it’s him. It’s Liam, here at Pine Island, away from me and with someone else. I can’t take it. Can’t believe he would let me seduce him one more time then just give himself to someone else.
He navigates through the crowd to reach me. I can only stand there, watching. Move, Sabine! My brain urges me. Run the hell out of here. Don’t let him catch up to you. Don’t let him talk to you or waste anymore of your time.
But Liam manages to cut through the crowd, pushing people aside left and right to reach me before I can move. “Sabine.”
“Leave me alone.” I turn and excuse myself through a group of people having a loud conversation.
“What are you doing here?”
“What does it matter?” I walk toward the club exit but he pulls me into an alcove. His hand on my arm both disgusts and thrills me at the same time. I hate not knowing which. “I can’t believe I actually missed you. Go back to whoever you’re with.”
His face slides between mine and the door where I’m aiming to go. “Sabine, I just met that woman.”
“I just met two men and didn’t sit in a dark corner with them, holding their hands.” I breathe deeply to keep from throwing up. “Jesus Christ, I see you ever
ywhere. There’s at least two other men here that look like you.”
Fucker actually has the balls to chuckle. “You probably saw Sean, my twin brother.”
Finally, I connect gazes with him. “You have a twin brother? What else don’t I know about you, Liam? Are you married to Mariana? Are you cheating on her with me? Just tell me the truth!”
“What? No! Hon, it’s loud out here. Let’s take it outside.”
“No.” I step back. “You’re a liar. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. You lured me to your house, you took advantage of your status to impress me, you made me think I needed you, and then you used me.”
“Sabine, that’s not how it is. I see how you would think that, but it’s not the case.”
“Then, what is the case? Tell me!”
“Let’s talk outside.”
“I’m not going anywhere else with you. You got what you wanted, then you dumped me. I won’t say I don’t share the blame, because I do, but—”
“What’s the problem here?” It’s Leo, emerging from the crowd. He arrives by my side and drops his arm around me. I’ve never felt happier for his presence. “Oh, my God…YOU?”
“There’s no problem.” Liam glances at my friend a moment before refocusing his gaze on me, as though begging me not to get distracted. But he doesn’t hold power over me anymore. “Sabine?”
In my peripheral vision, I see the woman Liam was talking to watching on, just as confused as I am. I don’t hate her. In fact, I almost feel sorry for her.
“Leave her alone,” Leo says. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage, man?” He speaks in a strangely masculine voice. I love how men are men are men, regardless of their sexual orientation. Right now, two men are facing off in a battle of testosterone. One to protect me, the other to lure me back, and the potential energy between them is palpable.
“Stay out of it, Leo. We’re just talking,” Liam tells him directly to his face. He steps back and shakes his head.
“No, stop fucking with her emotions. Do the right thing and leave her alone. You don’t know what she’s been through this week, because you haven’t called. I’ve seen it. Let her lick her wounds, and go about your merry way.” Leo’s shouting. I love him for it, but I want them both to stop causing a scene before we get thrown out of here.
“My merry way?” Liam’s eyebrows raise, then he glances back at where his female companion is still sitting and watching.
Leo moves into Liam’s view. “Yes, your merry way. Leave her the fuck alone, or I will make you.”
“Leo, it’s okay,” I tell him, taking him by the arm and tugging him back.
Liam finds this slightly amusing, which rubs me the wrong way and makes Leo bristle. I know he’s probably thinking we’re both a bunch of young drunks. Great. Right when I most wish Liam would see me for the sensible woman I am, my friend and I both act like the undergrads he sees in us.
“Let’s go. We’re out of here.” I push Liam aside and move past him, breathing in the strong ocean breeze outside, sucking in the salty air I desperately need. I don’t know if Liam follows me or not, nor do I care. I can’t believe I ran into him at Pine Island, the place I suggested we get away to.
“You okay?” Leo pats my back, talking to me like I’m a small child.
And guess what—I have been.
I’ve been so stupid.
So innocent.
So utterly naïve to think that Liam MacKenzie and I would ever amount to anything. It hurts to see him with that woman, whoever she is, having whatever adult conversation thirty-somethings have. I don’t fucking care anymore.
I hear a woman’s voice carrying on the wind right next to me. A female, maternal presence touches my shoulder. When I turn my face, I can barely see her through the blurry vision and sparkling starbursts of the boardwalk lights. She’s gentle and soft and I hate her for having Liam’s attention, not that I can blame him. She’s everything I can’t be—older, experienced, and elegant.
“Sabine, sweetheart,” she says. She knows my name.
I watch the ocean. At least the ocean is always there, dependable and strong.
“If it’s any consolation, you were all he could talk about.” The woman waits for me to respond, but I can’t. It’s like my soul has stopped working. When it’s clear to her that I won’t be responding—can’t respond—she says goodbye and takes off, strolling down the boardwalk in her slinky dress, clutching her purse.
I heard rejection in her voice, like she bit off more than she could chew when she met Liam. I’ve never empathized with anyone more.
20
LIAM
Nothing would make me happier than Sabine’s own happiness, but I can’t see a way to make that happen. I don’t know how to be the man she needs.
When she doesn’t make it to Monday’s class either, a sinking feeling pervades my body and brain. Now, she risks getting an F on the heavily weighted final exam. With an F averaged into her GPA, she might not pass the course and will have to take a summer class to finish her prerequisites for the Elementary Ed. Program. I feel like shit knowing she’s not here because of me. I feel even more like shit knowing I’m the one who’s going to be assigning her that grade.
Tanelle does not attend either, but I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if she fails.
An email dings in from Dean Albert marked urgent. The subject line reads: “Please see me.”
I look out the window of my office. This time it sounds serious. Does he know about Sabine? Does he want to talk about the fight between the girls last week? Is it about my nomination? Maybe it’s none of the above and I’m feeling unsettled for no reason.
I take off toward the dean’s building, doing my best to ward off a million, random thoughts. Why did I have to run into Sabine at Pine Island, of all places, where she wanted to go and I’d told her it wasn’t a good idea? Now I feel like a two-faced dick. Why did I have to be holding Hazell’s hand when she found me? Has the week’s separation from Sabine been worth it if I’m going to get in trouble now, no matter what?
I knock lightly on the dean’s door frame. “You wanted to see me, sir?”
“MacKenzie, come in,” Dean Albert croaks, fishing around for something on his desk. No smiles, all business. “Close the door.” I do as he asks and take a seat, folding my hands in my lap. “What can you tell me about the incident between two female students in your class?”
“I only walked in right after it happened. Apparently, two of my students were arguing when the discussion got heated, and one of them verbally attacked the other.”
“Verbally attacked…”
“Yes, sir. Said something defamatory, apparently, and the other student didn’t take to it kindly and struck her. Nothing major, Dean, I assure you.”
He looks at me like I might have a different opinion hiding under my jacket. “Nothing major…”
“No, sir. One of the girls left the classroom and called in the incident, but from my understanding, it just escalated a moment. You know how girls sometimes get.” Try as I might to diminish the severity of the subject, Dean Albert does not drop it.
“What were they fighting about?”
“About a man, I believe,” I say nervously. Technically, it’s not a lie. “But like I said, it was over, and I sent the students home to study, so I could deal with it.”
“What more was there to deal with?”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. “One of the students wanted to vent about the girl, so she spoke to me about it.”
“Was this the same girl some claim you are having an affair with?”
I stare at him. I have about 1.1 seconds to redeem myself. “Which girl, sir?”
“Why, MacKenzie? Are you involved with more than one?”
Great. Here it is—now comes the part where I admit to his accusation, and it’s all over. The nomination, my future, possibly my current position. I have no one to blame but myself. “No, sir. What I mean is—”
“Tanelle E
vans,” he spews, giving me a long look. “A few students who witnessed the argument reported that Evans has been seen coming out of your office dressed rather provocatively. Another anonymous caller reported that you are seeing one of the students. I can only surmise that it’s her. Is that true, Professor?”
Someone called and reported? Who would fucking care except Tanelle herself?
“Sir, Miss Evans did visit me a couple of times in my office to ask about the class, but we are not involved in any way. At all. If anything, I urged her to leave my office on a couple occasions. I can’t help it if she’s attracted to me, only the way I react.”
So, this is not about Sabine? He thinks Tanelle is the one I’m involved with? I try not to wring my hands so much and hold the armrests instead.
“So, you’re denying these accusations? Think about your answer carefully, MacKenzie. Your nomination is on the line.”
Has he seen the photo that Tanelle showed me? He might be asking me to respond carefully because he already has the evidence in his hands. I can admit right now, or I can fight for my life. “Sir, someone is trying to frame me. That’s all I can say.” I don’t feel wonderful saying that, but it’s what comes out.
“What are Miss Evans’ grades like in your class, MacKenzie?”
“She’s failing.”
Dean Albert unfolds his steepled fingertips and taps the desk. “Well then, that does it. If I had a dollar for every time a failing student has tried to cause a professor’s misfortune… Without any evidence, let’s just say this didn’t happen.” He smiles. Dean Albert has always liked me, and now I feel the effects of that admiration. Privilege is a tricky thing.
“Thank you, sir.” I wipe beads of sweat on my hairline. “How was your weekend?”
“Splendid. How was yours?”
“Great, drove to Pine Island to see my brother. A rather unexpected visit, but we had a great time.” I saw Sabine LaFleur, my student, there, and we argued about our separation.
