“It'll come off the wall and break before the night's over.”
“It's kind of nice. A shrine to Joe.”
“Yeah. Caleb's a trip.” He squeezed my hand and led me down the hall.
A male voice called out through the noise when we entered the hazy, crowded living room. I recognized it as the birthday boy. “Campbell! Where the fuck you been?”
At the same time, Nurse Joan slowly walked toward us with a red plastic cup in her hand. Knowing her, she was probably still fuming as a result of finding me with Caleb. She would surely demand an explanation.
I swallowed and tightened my grip on Tyler's hand. He glanced at Joan, then nodded in his roommate's direction. “Fuck.” He turned to me with a funny, annoyed look on his face, showing his gritted teeth.
I smiled at him. He was so precious. And he had no idea the emotional havoc he’d wreaked upon my life. There were times when I found him so incredibly endearing, I thought my insides might melt into a puddle on the floor from sheer, mushy, lovestruck joy. He made me tingle, and not just in the throbbing sexual capacity. But from my head to my toes, in the 'nothing in this world matters but me and you,' capacity. Especially when I caught a glimpse of his unassuming, transparent silliness. It was on full display that night, even through his waning inebriation.
And then there were times when he was exactly right. I was scared like a little kitten, ready to jump away to a safer place at a moment's notice. I knew exactly what he meant when he said that. The scariest thing in the world to me wasn't a monster. It wasn't a chainsaw-wielding horror movie psycho. It didn't roam the streets at night with claws or sharp teeth or a deadly penchant for blood or human flesh. No. The scariest thing in my world was the tall, broad-shouldered, long-haired Indian, holding my hand and gazing down at me with a sideways grin. The guy who had either really done his homework on me, or who actually had me figured out. He stared into my eyes like he'd known me forever and it hadn't even been four weeks.
My heart beat a mile a minute inside my chest. It was so violent, I thought for a second that maybe the pounding was noticeable through my blouse.
Half of me wanted to give up and give in. Be your girlfriend? Sure. Admit my undying love for you? Yeah, okay. Tell you every last filthy, shameful tidbit about my life? Including those things that didn't feel so shameful until you came along? Yes. You got it, James Tyler Campbell, Jr. The most wonderful man I've ever known. Anything you want. All I want to do is belong to you.
And the other half of me wanted to scratch that halves' eyes out. How dare she do this to me? Give away my freedom. Change my plans without asking. All for some guy she just met in a coffee shop in a part of town she shouldn't have gone to in the first place. She's a stupid, selfish bitch. No. That half of me wanted to run out the front door, down Lassiter Lane and beyond, not stopping until she'd gotten as far away from this guy as possible. She'd swim across oceans and scale mountains to distance herself from this nightmare.
Tyler pulled me back into the hallway. “I'm sorry, babe. Joe needs me for something.” He guided me backwards, against the wall under the stairs, giving my cheek a wet kiss. “Don't forget who you are tonight. You're mine.” He cupped my jaw and kissed my lips in the same sloppy, adorable fashion with which he'd kissed me all night. If any of the party guests were paying attention, they sure didn't seem like it. Sounds of too many people talking and laughing in a crowded living room were constant. Tyler was in no hurry to stop kissing me. Every time I thought he was finished, I felt him smile and pull my chin a little closer.
I kept my back against the wall and my eyes closed until he let go of me and his lips disappeared.
As slow as humanly possible, I forced my eyes open and looked to my right to see the person I knew was standing there. She wore a short, white, slutty nurse costume and was about to ream me out over Caleb. I wish I didn’t know her so well.
She peered at me over her red plastic cup as she took a drink. When she lowered it I could tell she was drunk by her scowl. It was an expression she never made when she was sober.
I winced. Great. This is the last thing I feel like dealing with.
Off to the left I saw Tyler and Joe in a heated discussion. People in costumes walked back and forth across the crowded living room, distracting my attention from Joan. Especially the guy with frizzy red hair wearing nothing but a big diaper.
“Hey!” Joan’s voice sliced through the noise.
“Hey.” I looked in her eyes and put my hand around her wrist, intending to pull her into the hall where it was slightly quieter.
She flicked her wrist away from my hand and took a step closer to me, using that same hand to point directly at my face. “You! I knew you were the reason.”
“Please let me explain.”
“No.” Joan’s eyes were cold. “What happened? Did you screw around with Caleb behind my back all summer? I should’ve known.” She brought her cup to her lips.
I sighed. Joan was completely unreasonable when she was like this. I immediately decided to try the sympathetic approach. “You’re wrong, Joan. I promise. Look, I’m sorry. I know you had a bad day today. I’m so sorry.”
Joan rolled her eyes and turned to look at someone behind her, then turned quickly back to me.
I craned my head to see past Joan. Kate Burnette. Well, if that ain’t the icing on the cake of this fucked-up night. She walked toward us with a big smile on her face, her long dark hair in a bun atop her head. Her costume was black and skin tight against her tiny, size zero frame. The material stretched from her neck to her wrists, stopping just above her black patent leather stilettos. I figured out she was supposed to be a cat when I saw a long tail swinging behind her.
Kate stopped beside Joan. I smelled her expensive trying-too-hard perfume the closer she got to me. She squinted and tilted her head to the side, analyzing me from head to toe.
“Hi Kate,” I said, making my tone as flat as possible. It was hard to believe that she and I used to be friends.
“Hey.” Kate’s eyes stopped close to my stomach, staying there as she spoke. “So where’d you get your costume, Sue? That new ‘Fat and Frumpy’ store down at the outlet mall? What? They don’t make cute costumes for girls like you?” She raised her eyebrows.
Joan sneered. It was obvious that she and Kate had drunkenly bonded over their mutual resentment of me. I wondered how many drinks it took to get the girl who called herself my best friend to turn on me completely.
And as for Kate, she knew damn well from the prior Halloween that I had a rack full of costumes in my closet that fit me just fine. I stood there in silence, suppressing my smart comeback with all of my mental stamina. Take the high road, Susie...
“Well, what’s your costume? Chubby... uh..” She turned to Joan and widened her eyes as they shared a split-second glance, then she looked back at my stomach. “School teacher?” She shrugged. “Administrative assistant?”
I faced Kate with a smile. “It’s actually called ‘Fat Bitch Who Stole Your Man.’” So much for the high road. I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth.
Kate’s face took on its familiar venomous glare.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
We locked eyes for a moment. And in that moment, I could’ve sworn I saw a glimpse of my old pal. One of the few people who’d seen the room across the hall from my bedroom. The one with the stripper pole and the video camera. Thankfully I hadn’t trusted her with much beyond that.
“God, you’re disgusting.” Kate shook her head as her eyes went up and down my body again.
“How many times do I have to apologize to you?” I was suddenly overcome with sympathy for the girl. I could still see the look on her face when she came to my house that day and saw me with Troy. I leisurely invited her in to join us. I had no idea I was doing anything wrong.
“Hey Susie Q!”
Out of nowhere, I heard Dan’s voice. Relief. Relief in the form of Dan Lafferty. My r
eal best friend. The one who always came to my rescue.
Kate’s mouth opened like she was about to respond when she and Joan both turned to look behind them. I didn’t see him until he placed a hand on each of their shoulders and stood in between them. Surprisingly, he wasn't wearing a costume like he did most Halloweens. He only wore a long-sleeved plain black thermal T-shirt with a plain, light blue, short-sleeved shirt layered on top of it, along with jeans and sneakers.
“Good evening, ladies.” Dan grinned. His eyes shifted between Kate and Joan as he spoke. He was only slightly taller than Joan, who was only slightly taller than Kate, even in her painfully tall stilettos. “You mind if I borrow Susie for a sec? I really need her advice. It's about a woman.”
Before either of them could answer, he stepped forward and put his hand around my wrist. “Alrighty then.” Dan looked in my eyes, winking.
“Whatever,” Kate said with a snicker.
I made no effort to look at either of them as I blew past them to follow Dan through the crowded living room to the front door. I took a brief look around the room and saw Tyler at the far corner near the television, laughing with a group of people I didn't recognize.
Dan reached for a brown jacket slung over a wooden chair. He handed it to me with one hand and opened the front door with the other. “It's Corbie's. Put it on. It's cold outside.”
As I stepped onto the porch the chilly wind blew so sharply through my clothes, I might as well have been naked. Either the temperature had dropped drastically or I was too preoccupied to realize how cold it was when I stood out there with Joan earlier. I put the jacket around my shoulders and pulled it tight against me. I knew my legs were going to freeze, but if the upper half of my body was warm I'd be fine for a while.
Dan led me past a group of three people in unidentifiable monster-like costumes, all drinking from red plastic cups. He walked straight to the corner of the porch and let go of my hand to reach into his pocket for his cigarettes.
I leaned back against the wooden porch railing. Through the window to my left I could see people milling around inside, all the way back to the kitchen. Dan stood to my right, facing the house. He put his cigarettes on top of the railing.
“Thanks for getting me out of there,” I said.
Lighting his cigarette, he shrugged, turning his head to exhale away from me. “No problem.”
“So I guess you're not mad at me anymore?” I asked.
Dan chuckled, then inhaled from his cigarette. “No,” he said, smoke blowing out of his mouth. “Thought you were the one who was mad.”
“Not really.” I lied... a little. I actually was upset with Dan for a few days. We got into a little tiff at my party four weeks earlier and we hadn't really talked about it. Around our friends, everything was okay. And even though he said he wasn't angry, he had his passive-aggressive ways of showing that he wasn't exactly happy with me.
“You’ve really changed lately,” he said.
“It’s that obvious?”
Dan squinted, staring at me. “You gotta be kidding me.”
I watched him take a drag, wishing I had something else of my own to smoke. He looked at me, then his eyes went to the window. I looked inside. Tyler was now there, laughing and telling a story to the amusement of a small group who had gathered around him. He had just been on the opposite side of the living room before we came outside a minute earlier.
I saw a faint line of smoke blow in front of my face and heard Dan exhale.
Dan spoke as I kept my eyes on Tyler. “I don’t know why you’re freaking out. He’s a good guy.” He chuckled. “A jealous asshole. But a good guy.”
I turned to Dan so fast, I had to grab Corbie’s jacket to keep it from falling off my shoulders. “What?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, bringing his cigarette to his lips. “You probably don’t see it.” He inhaled very quickly, then shook his head as he blew his smoke out. “Ever since that day I first saw you guys together. Remember how we all went over to your house to play Rock Band?”
“Uh huh.”
“You remember I left early?”
“Vaguely. Didn’t you have to go somewhere?”
Dan laughed. “Fuck yeah, I had to go somewhere! Michael had to leave and I didn’t wanna be the only guy getting the ‘fuck off, she’s mine’ vibe from Mr. Happy in there. Look.” Dan pointed with his cigarette to the window.
I turned to see where he'd pointed. Tyler was still talking and laughing with a few people just inside.
“Huh?” I asked.
He laughed his cackling, knowing laugh. “Yeah. You’re too smitten to see it. He moved right there where he can keep an eye on us. Damn psycho.”
I watched Tyler through the window. He wasn’t obviously staring at me and Dan, but I knew it probably wasn’t a coincidence that he found his way over to that side of the room so fast. The weird part was that it didn’t upset me. It wasn’t the normal stalker behavior that certain acquaintances of my past had shown. Troy would have just followed me out to the porch, smothering me with attention. Besides, I was Tyler’s girlfriend, just for that night. I took a deep breath as I felt the idea take root someplace within me. The half of me that was scared shit-less must have gotten lost in the living room somewhere. I giggled when I saw Tyler make a funny expression while he was talking. “I can tell he's jealous. But he’s not a psycho. I thought you liked him.”
Dan groaned before taking what looked like the very last drag possible from his cigarette. He exhaled quickly and let it drop on the floor of the wooden porch before smashing it with his heel. “He’s okay.” He shrugged. “I think we got off on the wrong foot back when school started.” Shrugging again, he looked down at the floor. “Yeah, he’s cool, I guess. Seems like he’s good to you, so, whatever.”
“Well, which is it? Is he cool or is he a psycho?” I pulled Corbie’s thick jacket a little tighter across my chest.
His mouth slowly formed a smirk. “I figure he’d have to be a little bit of both to put up with your shit.”
Our eyes met. My stomach twinged, reminding me that my nervous pain was right there waiting to attack as I gazed into Dan’s eyes. He was the one person who knew too much. The one person I could trust with anything. “You know I love you, Dan.”
His sarcastic expression softened. The light coming through the living room window reflected in his blue eyes, making them look even prettier than usual. He leaned slightly closer to me. “I’d kiss you right now if I didn’t think that psycho’d run out here and snap me in half like a pencil.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I know.”
“You just had to go and ruin everything, didn’t you?” He smiled. “Just had to go find your knight in shining armor.”
“Shit.” I closed my eyes tight. It was stupid to waste my breath trying to deny it. “What the hell am I doing?”
Dan chuckled. “Had to happen sooner or later. I knew you'd fall in love someday.”
“I don't know what I'm feeling. You can't love someone you haven't known that long.” I opened my eyes and looked at Tyler. His hands moved in a frenzy as he spoke, like he was telling a story to a captivated audience. “He's so drunk.”
“No doubt.”
I turned to Dan, inching closer to him. “You know, I feel terrible about what I did to you.”
“Huh?” His mouth dropped open. “We're not having this conversation again. I told you. I regret nothing.”
“But I do. I always will.” Tears filled my eyes. I swallowed and thought back to my conversation with Caleb. “I've been so selfish. I don't deserve a good guy like Tyler.”
Dan put his hand on my back. He looked up at the window with a tiny bit of fear in his eyes, like he was afraid to touch me. “Look, knock that off right now.”
“But...”
“No.” He glared at me, angry. “Right. Fucking. Now.”
A few tears fell on my cheeks. I wiped them away.
“Holy shit,” Dan said, his mouth gaping. “You're cryi
ng?”
“Yeah.” I sniffled.
“Why?”
“Out of all the shitty things I've done, I think I regret you the most.” I held my breath, hoping the tears would stop.
“Ouch.” Dan winced. “Damn, Sue. You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself.”
“That's not what I meant.”
“I know. Still hurts.”
“That's what I'm saying. I hurt you. I know I did.” I wiped my face with the back of my hand. “You were saving yourself for marriage.”
“I'm a big boy. I'm fine.” He smiled, gazing into my eyes. He leaned down to my ear and spoke in a soft, sweet tone. “Look, how many guys can say their first time was with a porn star?”
It was more like Dan's first hundred times, considering the last time we did it was only a few weeks before I met Tyler. “Thirty movies doesn’t make me a ‘star.'" I sighed. “And it should've been with someone you cared about.”
Safe With Me, Special Edition Page 36
