Madi rolled her eyes. “I don’t have time for smut. I only have time for torts and contracts. I don’t need to read about you and the latest girl you’re dating.”
“I’m dating you, in case you forgot. Although, we technically haven’t gone on a first date yet. Are you worrying again?”
Dammit! Madi hated how easily she could let her inner feelings slip out. She needed to be stronger. “Of course not. I know how much you love me.”
“I do. Don’t forget that. You have to ignore whatever you read in the paper. I promise you there is nothing going on between me and Allison Gregory, or any other girl. The only love I want, and the only love I’ll ever need, is the love that comes from you.”
“And you have it. Always.” Madi sighed into the phone as she reached for the lamp next to her bed. “Just promise me something...” She flipped the switch and realized how perfect the timing was for her words. “Don’t ever keep me in the dark. If you ever have second thoughts about this thing with us, just tell me. Don’t cheat on me. Just tell me how you feel before you make any decisions.” Madi could almost picture the look on his face as he spoke.
“I’d never do anything to jeopardize our relationship, and I’d never cheat on you. It took me twenty-eight years to find you, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some reporter’s sick, far-fetched attempt at luring in readers with lies push you away from me. When you move to L.A. in May, I’m going to prance around town with you on my arm. When you’re with me, I can protect you. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”
Madi felt a twitch in her stomach as he spoke. There was something in his tone that made her uneasy, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “Is everything okay? Why would you need to protect me?”
There was a small pause before he spoke. “You are my first and last thought at the beginning and end of every day. I want you with me so I can protect you from all the bullshit. I want to ease your fears. If you could see my face right now, you’d see a man who’s deeply in love, probably for the first time in his life.”
Madi felt her heart tighten and threaten to burst. “There you go again, saying all the right things at just the right time. I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve you.”
He laughed. “It’s all true. I miss you and I want you with me. I’m seriously thinking of blowing off my next concert and flying down there right now.”
“Don’t tease me,” she said, biting her lip. “I know how important your fans are to you. You would never do that to them, and I don’t want you giving up anything for me. I know you have a sold-out concert in Denver tomorrow.”
“What can I do to get you to move to L.A. at the end of this semester and finish off your classes there instead of in Chicago?”
“You know I want to be with you, but I have to finish school—here.”
He sighed and Madi could imagine his dark, smoldering eyes.
“In May, you are moving to L.A.,” he insisted.
Madi rolled onto her stomach. “Let’s not go there tonight. I just want to close my eyes and take in the sound of your voice. May is a long way away, and I promise we’ll talk about it soon.”
“Um hmm. Heard that before.”
“I’m not saying no. I just need to figure things out. You know I want to be with you. Don’t get frustrated or give up on me. We can make this work; I promise. Do you think you can wait another month?”
“You know I can. Stop worrying. I promise you, there is no one and nothing I want more than you. I would never do anything to lose you. I didn’t like that feeling, and I won’t put myself through that ever again.”
Madi sighed. “Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before you. Why are you so damn perfect?”
“We both know I’m far from perfect,” he said. “I know what you need because I need it too. We’re like two sides of a coin,” he said. “I can’t exist without you. You’re the other half of me, and without you I’m worth nothing.”
“There you go again. You, Mr. Morgan, have a way with words. Has anyone ever told you that you would make a fabulous songwriter?”
“If I had a way with words, then you would be easily convinced to move to L.A. Heck, you’d be on tour with me right now.”
Madi diverted him. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”
He sighed, “No, I don’t believe you have… How in love with me are you?” he asked alluringly.
Damn, his voice was sexy. Just the way he spoke was enough to give her chills. Madi took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She needed to change the subject before she got carried away. “Very in love. So after Denver, it’s Arizona, Nevada and then back to L.A. before Australia?”
“Yep, I’ll be in L.A. on Thursday before Halloween. Then the concert November first before I take off the next day for Australia. Then back again for a week, wrapping up in Boston, Manchester and New York. Halloween is only a week away. You sure you can’t come visit me? I’ll send a private plane for you. We could go to Trey’s party together and I could show you just how much I miss you. Many, many times.”
Madi bit her lip as her insides started to burn with need. She had to reel herself in. “I wish I could fly out there, but I’m still on call Saturday, like I told you. No one wants to switch, because it’s Halloween weekend.” Madi’s lips curled as she had a thought. “Plus, I promised Ken I’d be her date to the Tri Alpha costume party Friday night.”
“What party? You’re going to a fraternity party?”
Madi could hear the concern—maybe even jealousy—in his voice, and it made her giggle. She covered the phone so he couldn’t hear her laugh. “I thought I told you.”
“Mads, I don’t like the idea of you going to a party with a bunch of drunk college guys.”
“Are you rubbing your hair right now?” she asked with a laugh.
“You know I am.”
“I love you and only you. You know that, right?” she asked.
“I trust you. It’s the hormonal college dicks I don’t trust. Please go as a sumo wrestler or something.”
“I’ll go as one if you do. I don’t like the idea of you being around half-dressed, sex-crazed women, looking like a sexy fireman.” Madi frowned, then smiled as she remembered she’d be right there with him.
“You… have nothing to worry about. I’ll be thinking about you the whole time.”
“I’ll be fine, I promise. Don’t worry. Ken won’t let anyone near me. She’d kick their ass just for fun.” Madi giggled, and she could hear him sigh heavily. Madi wondered what he was thinking. She had a feeling there was more going on his head than he wanted to admit. “Are you sure everything’s alright? There’s something in your voice that worries me.”
“I’m just tired. And lonely. One more month until Thanksgiving.”
Madi smiled to herself, knowing she’d be seeing him in a few days. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. Get some sleep and dream about me.”
“I always do. Break a leg tomorrow. I love you.”
“And I adore you, Madi.”
Before he said goodnight, Madi heard that thing in his voice again. She couldn’t help the feeling he wasn’t telling her everything.
JAKE WAS RELUCTANT to end his call with Madi, but he could feel himself slipping up and had to call it a night. He couldn’t believe how easily she picked up on the fact that something was wrong. It still amazed him how, even over the phone, she could read him like a book. He’d never met anyone that understood him the way she did.
He hated keeping things from her, but he didn’t want her to be afraid. Jake said a silent prayer that Peter Markum would screw up quickly and get himself permanently placed behind bars where he belonged. The Halloween party Madi was attending was news to him. The guard Rob was sending would need a costume to blend in. Jake made a mental note to check in with Rob in the morning.
Jake yawned as he slid into bed, pulling the covers over himself. The tour was coming to a close before T
hanksgiving, and tomorrow he had a huge concert in Denver. He had mixed feelings about the tour ending. He loved being on stage, meeting his fans and traveling, but he was also anxious to spend some time with Madi and start working on his next album. Madi had brought out so many new emotions in him. He’d already written a couple of new songs. He was astonished at how much of an impact she’d had on him in such a short amount of time.
Jake still struggled daily within himself. He couldn’t shake the nagging worry that she would suffer when people found out they were dating, especially if she was still in school. He hated that he’d just kept something so major from her, but he convinced himself he was protecting her by doing it. He’d tried to protect her from the very start. After the concert in Chicago, the video of him saying, “This is for you, Madi,” before singing his song, “The Way You Make Me Feel,” had spread like wildfire. The press started searching to find out who Madi was and if they were dating. With the help of Ang and Caleb, Jake had managed to make sure none of his contacts revealed Madi had been on tour with him. It was a close call. Someone had released to the press that Jake had a Madi working for him, but Jake had managed to hide any facts surrounding it. Caleb let it slip that he might have said Allie. Jake was pissed at first, but realized he’d done it just to throw them off. The press had moved on when they saw him with Allison Gregory at the hospital fundraiser. Now reports were circling that they were dating. He had zero interest in her. She couldn’t compare. He smiled to himself at how lucky he was that Madi had walked into his life.
She still didn’t get how much she meant to him. Jake smirked as he thought of the surprise he had for her when he saw her in Chicago for Thanksgiving. He was sure it would help her transition from Chicago to L.A. He knew the idea of moving so far from her family and Kendra was a huge factor, but he wasn’t going to give up until she was with him. He hadn’t been home but once during the tour, and the sight of Madi’s room across the hall from his left him speechless with an ache in his chest.
Jake lay on his bed in the tour bus as it made its way to Denver. Everyone was asleep and it was just him and his thoughts. Jake folded his arm behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He remembered the night Madi had accepted his apology in Chicago. He closed his eyes as he pictured her face. He’d reserved a penthouse suite for the night. He’d hoped Madi would forgive him and that he wouldn’t have to cancel the reservation. He’d been thrilled just to be near her. The penthouse had just been so they could have somewhere private to be together, in case she wanted to stay.
They had pulled up to the hotel, and Madi had gone through the front door with Ang as Jake had gone around the back. When Ang had finally brought Madi to Jake’s room, he had already been there for ten minutes, waiting for her. He’d never forget the look on her face when she’d walked through the door.
He knew she probably hadn’t eaten, so he ordered both chicken salad and steak. The room was dark, except for the fire that burned near the table for two, set up in the suite he’d reserved. He remembered feeling nervous as she approached the door. He’d never been nervous with any woman before, but Madi wasn’t just anyone. When he’d finally allowed himself to admit how much he loved her, it opened the gates to feelings he didn’t even know he had. He’d never connected to any girl on the same emotional level as he had with her. No one else had ever managed to get him to talk the way she had. She knew more about him than anyone, and the first time he had kissed her had meant so much more than any kiss before her. Would they be the same as they were before today?
Jake got his answer when she opened the door. She glanced around the room and brought her hand to her heart, her mouth gaping.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
He smiled. Her gaze fell to the floor as he approached her. She was still so shy around him. Her nervousness made him less worried and more certain of who they were together and just how much he absolutely adored her.
Her eyes glanced up and met his. “I love it, but you’re crazy. I didn’t need all this,” she said, waving her hand around the room and chewing on her lip. He had to control himself not to grab her and bite her lip too.
He smiled as his head dipped down. He spoke as he stared up at her through the tops of his eyes. “I ordered both the steak and the chicken salad. I wasn’t sure which one you preferred.”
She smiled hesitantly as she placed her purse on the couch. He could sense her possible uncertainty. “There’s no pressure or anything,” he continued. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. I’m happy to be in the same room with you. I don’t want you to think I have any expectations about tonight. I will wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable with this,” he said as he pointed back and forth between them. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Madi turned her head and studied him briefly before a smile crept across her face. “Ask me again,” she said.
His head turned to the side as he pondered her words. “Ask you what again?”
“Ask me if I want the steak or the chicken salad.”
He smiled as he slowly stepped toward her. He focused his eyes on her mouth before raising them to meet her eyes. He could hear her sharp intake of breath and it made him smirk. He ran his tongue over his lips as he asked, “Do you want the chicken salad… or the steak?”
Madi reached up and traced his bottom lip with her finger, causing his breath to catch. “I’ve wanted the steak for a really long time. If you’re offering, I’ll definitely have the steak.”
Jake smiled as he opened his mouth to speak, but Madi’s hand trailed over his chin and down his neck, then to his chest, and he stopped himself, seeing something change in her eyes.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” she said with a sudden sadness in her voice.
Jake felt his heart ache at her words. “I know. I’m so sorry for everything I said and did. It seems you may have suddenly remembered just how much I’ve put you through. If you’re having second thoughts about me, I completely understand.”
Madi’s eyes jumped to meet his as she spoke, “I have zero second thoughts about you or us. I just feel like I’m dreaming.”
“You mean having a nightmare?” Jake’s hand plowed through his thick hair as he furrowed his brows.
She touched the button on his shirt. “Being with you could never be a nightmare.”
“I know I’ve been difficult, to say the least, but I swear to you that I will do anything and everything to show you how sorry I am for all those months that I pushed you away. Leaving me was probably one of the best things you could have ever done.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, suddenly surprised.
“That morning when I woke up after making love to you, I was prepared to tell you how much I loved you and wanted to be with you, but I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have pushed you away again.”
Madi tilted her head and got that look he knew too well—the one that told him she was trying to figure him out.
“What I mean is that it wasn’t until after Ang pointed things out that I realized that I was letting my past get in our way. Before Germany, I was convinced that pushing you away and going on with our separate lives would be best for us both. Then I spent two weeks of torture, not being near you. I honestly didn’t know how to breathe. I went through the motions of my life, but it was obvious to me and everyone else around me that I was a disaster. If I was a mess before you, then I knew for sure I would never function again without you. I can’t promise you that being with me will be easy. I can’t promise you that I won’t be an ass. I can’t promise you that I won’t ever hurt you, but I can promise you that I’ll never want to.”
Madi eyed him with such intensity that his legs felt weak. How could she have such a hold on him? Was there anything he wouldn’t do for her?
“I know I haven’t lived even half the life that you have, but there is one thing I do know: there are no guarantees about anything. I know that I would rather be hurt being with you than feel the hurt o
f never being yours. At some point we’ll probably fight and one of us will be upset. Making up will be worth the fight as long as we promise to always make up.” She grinned as she ran her fingers over his chest and slid her eyes up to his. “Our relationship may be harder than most, but there is nothing I want more than to try to give you what you need.”
Jake sighed as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “There’s no need for you to try. You’re everything I need, just by being you. You’ve changed me somehow. If anyone needs to prove anything, it’s me. I need to try to prove to you, and to myself, that I can be what you need.”
Madi smiled at him and his insides began to melt. He could see the confidence building within her and it left him at a loss for words. She was so damn beautiful. Madi lifted her hand and gently touched the stubble on the side of his face. Jake’s eyes closed at the feel of her touch.
“Do you know how many times I wished that you would kiss me and how many times I wanted to kiss you?” she asked.
Jake’s eyes opened and he could feel his heart constrict. “Tell me.” He couldn’t help but smirk.
“Too many to count,” Madi grinned. “And now...” She moved closer to him and lifted her mouth to his cheek. “I can kiss you here and you won’t stop me…” Her lips grazed his cheek and he took a breath. “And here…” Her lips kissed his neck and he stopped breathing. “And here…” She stood on her toes as her mouth sucked his earlobe and she rubbed her hands through his hair, pulling him in around her. “And most definitely here…” Madi’s lips reached up to his and gently pressed against his mouth. Jake kissed her tenderly, for a moment.
His hand slid into her hair as his lips caressed hers. There was something about the taste of her that made him greedy for more. When she parted her lips briefly, he took advantage of the moment, sliding his tongue into her mouth. She accepted him hungrily, meeting his tongue, point for point with her own. He wondered why in the hell he hadn’t kissed her in his bedroom that first night she came to stay with him. He should never have waited so long to taste her.
Waiting to Lose Page 3
