by Terra Wolf
Every additional second of silence between us seemed to make it worse until I thought I might explode from the force of not mentioning it out loud, but then Luke saved me from the trouble.
“Hey Ella, do you see that up there?” He pointed through the windshield, further down the road where there was a turn-off flanked by huge wood carvings. They had to be twelve-feet tall, carved from a single piece of wood that must’ve been a centuries-old tree as some point.
“Bears!” she cried, kicking her feet excitedly.
“Yep. They’re kind of our family animal,” he said. “And those two mark the beginning of the road up to our family property. We call it the den.”
Eleven
Luke
“Look who finally decided to show up!” Aiden called out to me the moment I walked around the den to the backyard. The party was already in full swing, with laughter and conversation filling the air, alongside the smell of grilled meat. I inhaled deeply and sighed, my arm around Claire’s waist protectively.
“I’m not late,” I growled back at my brother, but he just laughed.
“Tell that to my wife. She’s been peeking around the corner for you two every five seconds.”
Inwardly, I cringed. Claire looked up to me, a question in her eyes, and I just shook my head. “She’s a busy-body. Don’t listen to anything she says.”
A small, hesitant smile started to spread its way across Claire’s lips, but then she was yanked out of my arms.
“You must be Claire! We’ve heard so much about you,” Molly gushed. I tried to tell her with my eyes to shut up, but she didn’t notice or didn’t care. If Claire listened to Molly, she’d think I was all but stalking her around town the last week.
I should have known better than to bring her to a thing like this. But what choice did I have? I wanted so badly to spend time with her and she was so skittish, I thought this would be the least threatening, most comfortable way to approach things, but seeing Molly hover and crowd around her made me question the wisdom of that choice.
“And you must be Ella,” Molly said gleefully. “Who’s this?”
“Tubby,” Ella muttered, hugging her elephant tight, looking down shyly. I’d never seen this girl be shy in my life, but even she knew to hold back when faced with Molly’s overabundance of exuberance.
“Well, there are a lot of other kids over there that you and Tubby might like to play with, what do you say?”
Ella looked uncertain, clinging to Claire’s skirt, but Claire bent down and said something I didn’t quite hear. Ella looked over to the group of kids playing — there was a tree house and swing set and jungle gym all nestled right in the front of the tree line. Baby bears liked climbing and exploring, so the den’s playground reflected that.
Claire said something else and Ella gave a resigned nod.
“Okay, go have fun,” Claire said, straightening and giving Ella a pat on the head as she ran off.
“Don’t worry about her,” Molly said. “She’ll have a blast.”
“Luke, I think your brothers wanted your help over on the grill. You can come with me,” Molly added, tugging on Claire’s wrist. Claire sent me a panicked look, but there was nothing I could do to save her. She was at the mercy of my sister-in-law.
So much for spending time with her and getting to know her.
Aiden and Zion were both trying to get my attention from over by the grill, so I headed that way, my eyes traveling around the group to find Claire and Ella constantly. I didn’t want to let them out of my sight. I didn’t want them to be uncomfortable in any way. And I knew that my family could be overwhelming — okay, was probably guaranteed to be overwhelming — but when I found Ella, she was happily playing with some of the other kids, and then I spotted Claire in her sunny yellow dress and she was surrounded by the other wives and women in the family, being fretted over. Her cheeks were flushed, but she was smiling and when she looked up and caught my eyes across the party, her smile just grew and she went back to talking.
No look of panic. No silent plea in her eyes for me to come rescue her. She looked like she was having a good time. So finally, I managed to relax a little and greet my brothers.
“You guys really pulled this out for me, thanks,” I said nodding to Zion as he handed me a beer.
Aiden shrugged, flipping a row of burgers. “Man, you know we just bust your balls because we’re your brothers. If you actually need something, we’re there for you.”
I nodded. “I know. I appreciate it.”
I sipped the beer for a long moment of silence, enjoying the sights, smells and sounds of a summer family barbeque.
“How’d you manage to convince her to come? This is kind of a big move for you, isn’t it?” Aiden asked.
I shrugged. “I guess. We haven’t really been out together before this. It’s not ideal as a first date… obviously,” I added, gesturing at the big gathering, all of us split up, not even able to spend time with her or Ella. “But it’s something. And it wasn’t easy to get her to agree to this much, so I’ll take what I can get.”
“So?” Zion prodded, twisting the cap off a fresh bottle of beer for himself.
“So what?”
“So, is she…?” he continued.
“Is she what?”
“Is she your mate?” Aiden barked.
I sighed. Back to that again. “How should I know? It’s not like I’ve ever had one before is it?”
Aiden sighed and held up his hands. “Hey, you don’t need to get so defensive.”
“I’m just sick of you guys trying to make it more than it is. I just met the woman, and yeah, I’m into her. I feel like I need to know her more, like I want to know everything about her and spend every moment with her. When I see her, my bear wakes up and roars that she belongs to us, but I hardly know her. Worse, she hardly knows me. And just getting her to agree to this was pretty difficult so I don’t think she’s as eager to get to know me as I am her.”
Neither of my brothers responded. Neither of them bothered to try to cut my tirade off, so it just continued.
“And I have these feelings for her that I can’t explain, but you two constantly harping on how she’s going to save me from the curse or whatever isn’t really helping me assess them or determine how I really feel. And as much as I love that little girl of hers, I’ve never considered being a dad. I don’t know if I could do that. Even if it was something I wanted, I’m not sure I’m ready for that right now. It’s a lot to think about and your teasing doesn’t really help.”
“All right, all right, you’ve got a point,” Aiden said. Zion flashed him a dark look, but Aiden shook his head.
“No, Luke’s right, Zi. It’s his business how he feels about this girl and until he figures it out, we should just be supportive and not give him trouble about it.”
Zion looked like he’d just been told to eat a whole onion like an apple. He scrunched his face up and looked at Aiden like he’d sprouted some unpleasant-looking growth.
“When I met Molly, my dumb bear wouldn’t shut up about her. From the first time I laid eyes on her, he’s never stopped grumbling about her. And once she was mine, the grumbling got a little more bearable, but that asshole never really shuts up about how much he loves her. Of course, I love her just as much, so it doesn’t bother me too much,” Aiden said with a grin, his eyes drifting over to his wife. The way he looked at her stirred something inside of me. It was this content look. Like he knew she was his and he never had to worry about losing her. I wanted that. I wanted it more than I’d ever wanted anything and it just came out of nowhere, slamming into me like a freight train.
“Sound familiar?” Zion piped in.
I glared at him. Then Aiden did too. He held up his hands defensively. “Hey, I’m just kidding, bro. I felt it with Alexis, too. In an instant, I knew she was mine and I couldn’t go on living without her in my life. It’s sappy as hell, but that’s what happens. I was reluctant to admit it with Alexis, but once I did, I’
ve never been happier. We just want that for you, too.”
I grumbled something unintelligible, but I knew he was right. They were just looking out for me. I was the one most at risk, after all. I was the one without any experience in this field. I was the one that needed it this time. I just wasn’t used to my brothers being sincere and caring about my best interest.
“And I get that it’s probably scary as shit to have the kid involved,” Aiden added. “But you said yourself you love the hell out of that kid.”
“What’s the deal with her dad, anyway?” Zion asked.
I shrugged. “We haven’t exactly talked about it. I’m not exaggerating when I say we haven’t really spent any time together before today. But from what I’ve gathered, he’s a real piece of shit and they both deserve better.”
“Here, take over for me,” Aiden said, handing me the spatula and shoving me toward the grill. I was happy for the distraction, being able to focus on the work of grilling, watching the meat sizzle, smelling the delicious scents filling the air. Aiden came back with a tray and started helping me pull finished things off the grill, plating them up for everyone to enjoy. Zion helped too, running between the tables and the grill to deliver platters of food. But even once I’d cleared the grill off, I knew the job wasn’t done. I knew the appetites of bears and started loading it up again.
Aiden appeared with a hamburger half-stuffed in his face, grinning.
“That’s why you wanted me to man the grill, so you could sneak off to sample the goods.”
He shrugged. “I put this whole thing together for you in less than a week, you’re really going to give me shit for making you do some of the work?”
“Nah,” I said, laughing and stoking the coals. “But I wouldn’t say no to one of those burgers.”
“Not while you’re working,” Zion teased, inhaling a hot dog in two big bites.
“You guys are assholes,” I grumbled.
I searched the crowd and spotted Claire juggling two plates, Ella hovering at her knees, nodding or shaking her head at each item on the buffet. Just seeing them made my heart beat a little faster, my bear clawing at the surface to get closer to them, to protect them and hold them and love them forever.
That thought was like cold water in my veins, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t erase the whispering echoes of it in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about loving them both forever.
Aiden clapped me on the shoulder and I jumped, surprised suddenly that I wasn’t alone. I’d been so wrapped in my thoughts that I forgot my brothers were both right there.
“Look, mate or no mate, it looks like you’re seriously into this girl right? You don’t have to have concrete answers about what you two are to each other or where things are going in the future. You don’t even have to know exactly what you want, you just need to ask yourself how you feel about her.”
I watched Claire take the plates and sit at one of the big picnic tables, my in-laws and family members flanking her on both sides. My heart swelled and I felt the smile stretch my face before I looked at either of them. But one look was all it took to verify that they’d seen it too.
“That smile says it all, doesn’t it, Zi?” Aiden said, elbowing me in the ribs.
Zion chuckled and nodded. “It does. Looks like our bro’s in for some trouble.”
“Forget thinking,” Aiden said, poking me in the chest, his finger digging into my sternum. “What you’re feeling right now, in here? That’s all you need to know.”
Twelve
Claire
Surprisingly, the barbeque wasn’t a total disaster. Ella did manage to get ketchup on her cute dress, but I didn’t get upset about it and she went off to play with her new friends again right after lunch. So there was that. She was shy about meeting the new kids at first, but I convinced her to give it a try and things were going remarkably well.
And it wasn’t just Ella having a good time with Luke’s family. His sisters-in-law and aunts were a hoot. I loved talking to them and a couple of them I even recognized as regulars in my shop. That helped ease my nerves right off the bat and soon we were all chatting and gossiping like old friends.
Of course, the whole time, I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering. And every time they wandered, they ended up in the same spot: on Luke.
I couldn’t help it, though! He was so sexy out of the doctor’s office, in jeans and short sleeves, his tanned forearms flexing as he flipped burgers.
I didn’t know what it was, but there was just something about a man behind a grill. It triggered something deep in the recesses of my cave-woman brain. And when I looked over and caught him grilling, the lean lines of his muscles moving under his shirt, I couldn’t stop myself from biting my lip and imagining him stripping and glistening in the summer sun.
Even though it was a mild day up on the mountain, sweat gathered on my brow and I felt flushed and breathless. I’d had enough fantasies already with just the image of the doctor in his lab coat, but now, with him in his element, joking and laughing with family, in the sun with his tanned skin on display — well, my fantasies just got a whole lot more material to work with and I couldn’t stop previewing it all.
“What about you Claire?” one of the ladies asked, and I just about jumped out of my skin, feeling like a teenager getting caught.
“I’m sorry, what was that? I kind of spaced out,” I said, hoping my embarrassed grin would be enough to ward off any probing questions, but there was one person giving me a knowing glance that made me nervous and I shifted on my feet, subtly trying to turn away from her.
“Well, I usually start my planting in early April, when I’m sure there won’t be anymore frost, but Gale says that’s too late if I want flowers in time for Memorial Day. So when do you start working in your garden?”
That conversation seemed worse than the knowing look Alexis had been giving me, so I shook my head. “I couldn’t tell you the last time I was in the garden. I was probably Ella’s age. But I try not to start any restoration projects until I know I can leave them outside without the damp seeping in.”
Luke’s elderly Aunt Francine pursed her lips like she wished she hadn’t asked the question at all. I’d never thought that my lack of gardening prowess would make me seem less worthy as a productive member of society, but I was suddenly very self-conscious about it.
“I think I’m going to try and scare up another glass of Gale’s amazing lemonade, if you’ll excuse me,” I said, ducking away from the group as they launched into a new gardening-related debate.
I headed to the drink table, still admiring Luke out of the corner of my eye and watching Ella play out the other. I didn’t really think it was possible, but I was actually feeling… relaxed. As I sipped on the lemonade, — it really was amazing — I watched my little girl have a good time and watched that sexy as hell man look my way with his eyes darkening and appreciation in his glance. There was really nothing for me to complain about. Nothing at all except me getting into my own head.
Because as nice as it all was, it wasn’t real. Not the way I wanted it to be. I barely knew Luke, and even if he seemed nice and charming and great with Ella, that fact was still there. I didn’t really know him and I was getting way ahead of myself with the fantasies and daydreams. And I knew better than to get my hopes up for something that wasn’t even really happening yet. Yeah, he’d brought me here, but this wasn’t exactly the greatest venue for us getting to know each other better. I still knew basically nothing about him other than he was a doctor and had two brothers. And the sexy gene ran in the family. That much was obvious, even though Luke definitely won the jackpot in that regard.
But I tried really hard to push those thoughts away. The thoughts about all the things that could go wrong. The things that could get in the way of my happiness. If I chose to dwell on them, I’d never be open to anything good actually happening, so I needed to push those thoughts away.
“Well you sure do look like someone who’s got
a lot on their mind,” said a voice behind me. I whirled around, sloshing sweet sticky lemonade over my hand, to find Alexis there. The wife of Luke’s other brother Zion.
“Oh, hi,” I said quickly, offering a small smile. “Just enjoying the moment,” I said. She didn’t need to know about the interior struggle. The way my brain warred with itself over the smallest things. Or… the not so small things. Because the feelings I had brewing for Luke didn’t feel small. They felt big. Like really, really big. Like life-changing big.
And maybe that was why I was so worried. But I didn’t want to be worried at a barbeque. I wanted to be enjoying myself, so I acted like nothing was wrong for Luke’s sister-in-law.
She clucked her tongue, shaking her head, offering me a napkin she’d dipped in ice water. “No, you can’t fool me. I know that look. That’s the look of a woman getting sucked in by a Bradford man.”
I took the offered napkin and wiped the sticky lemonade off my hand, dipping my head in thanks.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tried, but I could see immediately that Alexis wasn’t buying it.
“Uh huh,” she said, sounding entirely unconvinced. “Come on, let’s sit and have a little chat.”
She started to walk off toward a shaded seating area, but I felt rooted to the spot. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt like someone was about to unearth my deep dark secrets and I didn’t think I was ready for them to be brought to light. But then Alexis looked back over her shoulder and jerked her head for me to follow.
“Come on,” she said with a wide smile.
And then without my consent, my feet started to pull me forward. I was following her without a thought and smiling back as I took a seat on the bench positioned under a weeping willow. For a moment, I thought she was going to let me off the hook. I thought we could just sit in the dappled shade in silence, me idly sipping on lemonade while my eyes traveled leisurely from my child to the man that wouldn’t leave my thoughts.
“So,” Alexis said, nudging into the silence between us.
