by Kamy Chetty
The breath he took hurt. A slight nod was all he could afford without showing her how scared he really was. After all he was the doctor and he was supposed to instil confidence. How could he tell her that he’d lost that confidence years ago, and not even saving her husbands’ life, could bring any part of it back to him.
An hour and a dozen drinks later, Kieran was sure that the pain in his gut was blurring into nothingness again.
He tapped the wooden counter and his words slurred when he spoke. “R…raoul, another one p…please.”
The bartender came over to him and slapped him lightly across the shoulder. “Sorry Dr Kanna but the bar is closed for you. Can I get someone to escort you upstairs?”
Kieran shook his head and then felt the room spin. “Hey, Raoul, stop spinning around like that.” He laughed and held onto the bar counter. “Okay, man? I am having a bad day.”
“I’m sorry doctor, but house rules. We don’t serve anyone any more alcohol if they are over the limit.” Raoul pointed to a sign.
Kieran tried to stand up but the room spun around again. “Okay.” Sitting down a little harder than expected he felt dizziness mix with nausea. He held onto the counter again and closed his eyes. With his next breath, he smelt that exotic scent that was becoming familiar to him. A scent that knocked him out between the eyes, and left him out of touch with reality. Ash.
“Raoul, two black, strong coffees please.”
Yes, that was the voice of the angel that went with that scent. The voice that made him yearn for something he’d walked away from. Something he couldn’t even remember.
His eyes opened and he turned. “Ashhh—? Am I dreaming?”
It was possible that he was dreaming her. After all why would she be here? They’d saved a patient and then he’d left the office. He was entitled to, after all his symptoms had returned and he didn’t want her to see him like that. A cripple, less than perfect person who couldn’t be the man he wanted to be.
“Sure why not, let’s go with that theory. Much better than, I tracked you down because you left a room full of patients waiting for hours. Poor Jessie, bless her, had to reschedule or defer them to other clinics. Do you have any idea how worried everyone is?” When her gaze met his, there was pure green fire in them. The mere fact they could reflect such passion, fascinated him. Even though his senses were dull and his reaction times were a little slower, he was sure that his heart was still in arrhythmia.
He leaned forward and put a finger out moving closer to that perfect skin. Such fiery beauty in such a young face. The urge to touch his lips to hers, was a force that was undeniable. When she slapped his hand away he reeled back in surprise. He wasn’t used to people biting back.
“I don’t know why we were worried, when you were here, celebrating?” she looked around the bar, and then at him. “So Kieran? What is your problem?”
“Problem?” he shrugged. How much time did she have?
“It’s not like you to shirk your responsibilities like that. That’s more a me thing.” She smiled at Raoul who handed her the coffee. “Thanks Raoul.”
Her wasn’t sure why he bristled at the innocent way she spoke to the other man. She was his pretend girlfriend, so there was no need for him to get pretend jealous by any overtures the other man made to her.
He took a large sip of coffee and sputtered. “You’re trying to kill me? This is boiling.”
“Oh, sorry, did I forget to mention that? The coffee is hot.” Ash handed him a napkin to mop up the splatter on his lip. “So, what is your problem and don’t tell me it’s nothing. I want to know why you walked out today.”
Kieran looked at the coffee stained napkin in his hand and shook his head. “It’s complicated.”
Ash took a cautious sip of coffee. “I know the terms of our deal. It’s very clear that we focus on what we’re meant to do to get out of this as quick as possible. If we do this right, your dad has his operation and when he is ready to come back to the clinic, you leave this place and go back to your perfect life. Uncomplicate it so we can do this as a team.”
The coffee had to be firing up his synapses or she was beginning to make sense where there was none. “Me, agreeing to work in the clinic was a bad idea. I am not cut out for that kind of work. Today proves it.”
Her lower lip quivered and she reached over to pull the glass of lemon and lime bitters with ice closer. After swirling around the straw so that the ice tinkled she hitched a breath and faced him. “I did read that article in Time magazine. I also read about what happened to your friend.” Her hand felt warm on his and although his fingers curled tight, he didn’t remove his hand from under hers.
His throat felt tight as she moved in closer. He wasn’t sure when his hand flipped over and took hold of hers, or when he pulled her closer so he could hear her amongst the noise in the bar, yet the moment her lips parted, he knew trouble was calling.
He ran his thumb over her soft skin. When she massaged his palm, he didn’t remember what they were discussing. Maybe he could remember but somehow it wasn’t important.
“Kieran?” She wouldn’t let it go.
“When we were growing up, Latha, Johnny and I did everything together. We were the Indian version of the Three Musketeers. Latha and Johnny were going to be married, have children. They were soul mates. If you believed in that.” The breath he took hurt as the differences between them became clearer. “But you don’t believe in the happily ever after, do you?” He didn’t want to talk about this. Not now, not here and not with Ash.
“It’s okay Kieran.” The pressure from her hand was a little firm and he looked down. The Henna tattoo on her palm was fading. Her nails were long and she had on nail art.
She was so different from Latha. Why would he think she would understand any of what they had gone through? She was a frivolous creature who enjoyed life and didn’t think of the consequences. She wouldn’t know what commitment was, if it hit her on that beautiful exotic smelling head of hers. Who had hair that smelt like blossoms and orchids anyway?
She would never understand how it felt to lose Johnny. To be unable to save him. For her a conscience would be the name of an exotic holiday location.
The stabbing pain in his chest made it difficult for him to take his next breath. “I need to go to my room.”
“Kieran, talk to me. Please?” She didn’t let go of his hand.
He thought of Johnny and the promise he made to him. The promise he couldn’t keep. Of all the things his friend asked of him, why did he have to ask that? Ash placed her other hand over his and his groin tightened with such intensity that he was certain this was a test. Dammit. Was he destined to make promises he was never going to keep?
He pulled out his wallet, plucked out a wad of bills and threw it on the table. The person standing outside would see a self-made man, who could buy anything. Kieran’s gaze scanned the room and settled on Ash again. For a man who could buy anything, he had nothing he wanted in his life, because everything he needed was beyond reach. “Tomorrow we will go to the hospital and meet my father.”
Those green eyes watched him with curiosity. “Like a meet the parents date?” There was mischief in her gaze.
She awakened something inside him that had been asleep for so long; he’d forgotten its existence. “Wear a sari, he likes tradition.”
Chapter Four
Whoever invented saris did so with torture in mind. After two failed attempts, Ash flopped on the bed and looked around. Where was the nanny or aunty when you needed one? She blew the errand strands of hair off her face in frustration. If Kieran’s plan was for her to impress his parents, she wasn’t going to do it by showing them she couldn’t tie a sari. Something any ‘Indian girl’ could do with her eyes closed. Maybe her aunt was right. She cringed at the thought of something like that being true.
A soft sigh slipped past her moist lips. She’d made it this far without crawling back home. Surely women all over the world faced this problem all the time a
nd dealt with it. She could dress herself. In a sari. She looked at the green silky length on the bed and recoiled thinking she would rather deal with a cobra, then that piece of cloth. In fact spitting cobras were cute little creatures. She chuckled. Miss Argentina was nice, but get on her wrong side and she turned into a spitting cobra.
Another searching gaze around the room and she set eyes on the laptop tucked neatly on the desk. The idea was so simple she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t thought of it before. Everybody used the internet these days. There had to be something online on how to tie a sari. “Brilliant.”
The light knock on the door made her jump. “Ash, are you talking to me?”
Ash shook her head. Talking to yourself was the first sign of insanity. A moment later she realised Kieran couldn’t see her, she had work to do. “Nothing,” she said. Now it was confirmed. Her score card was a few zeros short.
“Are you ready?” his voice held that hint of impatience she was beginning to recognise.
“No. One minute.” She opened the laptop and started her search.
Following the nine step instruction on putting a sari, without tripping over herself, she looked in the mirror a few minutes later and smiled. Not bad for her first try.
“Ash?” More angst from the other side of the door.
Proud of her achievement she gave him permission to enter while she checked her make-up.
As an ex-beauty queen, Ash was used to admiration, so when she turned, she expected Kieran’s gaze to be fixed on her. Her heart gave an unfamiliar kick against her ribs and she caught the edge of her lip between her teeth. “Okay?” she’d never felt hesitant before.
His gaze went from her sandaled feet, with perfectly painted toes, to her hair. “Are you trying to kill me?”
She lifted her chin in confusion. “Too much? Do you think they won’t believe we’re together?”
His palm made a sound as it lightly slapped his forehead. “You’re insane. Look at yourself.”
Ash pulled her arm away. “What are you saying? You have to admit, I don’t look bad.”
Kieran turned his head from side to side as he tried to release the tension from his neck. “Look at yourself. The sari is tied all wrong. This is my punishment, isn’t it?”
When Ash saw her reflection she realised her mistake. Her many mistakes. They would need a miracle to get to the hospital on time and she was nervous enough about meeting his father.
“I’m sorry.” She knew it wouldn’t help.
“Have you never—?” he rubbed his hands over his face. “Well obviously not,” he said spotting the laptop on the bed.
“I’ll redo it. You can help me. It will take a few minutes.” She started taking off the wrap before he had a chance to answer.
He covered his eyes. Typical old-school Indian boy style. Being in the beauty industry had her confident to undress in necessary situations. This qualified as a necessary situation, but it was quaint to have him stand there, and be concerned about her dignity. “Really, Kieran? You are a doctor, aren’t you? Quit standing there and hold this piece here. I will start tucking this bit in and making the pleats. When you are done, walk towards me. Okay?”
His eyes opened and he reached out to take the flimsy material from her. She held his hand as she passed the end of the sari to him. His fingers felt warm. She wasn’t sure if her fingers had become highly sensitised overnight but heat suffused her vessels and there was a light buzzing along the nerve endings of her arms.
His gaze met hers and she saw a darkness pass in that brown gaze. It rocked something deep within her, made her catch her breath. She stalled, until she remembered why she was here. She had a goal. Freedom from the bonds of marriage. This man, like others, was a trap. She had her own destiny. One she had to fight for.
“Ash?” His voice was husky and she was forced to look up.
“Yes?” She wasn’t oblivious to the quiet danger of this sexy male. He was the one you went to bed dreaming about when you were little. The one you hoped would be riding to your rescue when the time came.
“Thank you. I am not sure if I can do this without you.” His shoulders dropped.
So different to see such a strong man unsure and lost. Raw emotion scraped at her insides. It would be so easy to walk into his arms and have him wrap those muscled arms around her. Breathe in that male scent and feel that warmth and security. Feel that want and need. So easy to do those things and forget about those dreams growing up.
“They must be waiting,” the words sounded broken and foreign even to her ears.
Half an hour later they were walking towards the hospital room side by side. She couldn’t keep her pallu in place and it kept falling off her shoulder.
She could sense his nervousness. “I think dad needs reassurance. Try not to go in half naked. They are very traditional.”
“Thanks. I got that the first hundred times you told me,” she pulled the pallu tighter around her shoulders and grunted. Like he would even know what half naked was? He was dressed in his suite again and that ridiculous tie. Who did ties in the tropics? Madness.
The fistful of lies at the base of her throat made it difficult to swallow or breathe, she could taste this morning’s breakfast. She flinched at the thought of being labelled a fraudster. Yet again. She pulled the bangles on her wrists up and down her forearms.
When Kieran’s mother greeted her, she stuck out her cold limp hand and then yelped. Exactly like a puppy dog because the grip was tight and unexpected. Taking a second to register the challenge, she straightened her spine and shook the older woman’s hand with too-much vigour.
“Mrs Kanna, it’s so good to see you” After her hand was released from the vice-like grip she turned to the older man and smiled sweetly wondering what torture he had in store. Ready to duck or dive she cautiously lowered her head and placed a kiss on his forehead.
Kieran’s mother kissed her son on the cheek and kept her hand on his arm, while she watched Ash suspiciously. Many times Ash had been warned about mother-in-laws and the hold they had on their sons. Julie Kanna was a formidable opponent. Pity she didn’t know this relationship was a farce and her son was safe.
This was one woman who would have no problem tying a sari or cooking a five- course meal and she probably did both while breastfeeding Kieran.
“Kieran, how are things at the clinic? Jessie said there was an emergency yesterday.”
“Papa, you need to keep this on.” Kieran pulled the oxygen mask back in place and placed a kiss on his father’s forehead. His gaze went to the machines hooked up to him and Ash watched his shoulders drop as he took in his father’s condition.
She couldn’t help but admire the dedication he had for his family. At times like these she wished her parents had lived. Her eyes stung and she looked away. If they had, would she be running away from an impossible situation?
*****
He knew why he wanted to leave that room. Knew it like it was his next breath. But Kieran couldn’t figure out why there was a troubling darkness behind Ash’s gaze. She was barely a few feet from him, but it could have been a galaxy.
His gaze swept away from her. “Papa, you shouldn’t be getting reports from Jess. You need to focus on resting and getting better.”
His father wouldn’t change his ways but he couldn’t help feeling there was something more behind that look in his eyes.
“Kieran, you shouldn’t be working there. It’s not good for you. I wish you would stay away,” he lay back and closed his eyes.
His father was a ghost of himself now from what he remembered. An apparition of the man he grew up with. It was impossible not to take on some of the guilt or not to feel responsibility for this. “I wish you would have called me sooner.” He took his father’s hand. “I would have come, if I’d known.”
“The only reason I am allowing you to work there now is because Latha is away.” A watered down smile was all he could manage.
Maybe he’d slowly become desensiti
sed to any mention of Latha. He hadn’t flinched at the mention of her name this time. No kick in the gut. Still the guilt, but maybe in a twisted way, this was progress.
“Latha works at the clinic? Is she a doctor too?” Ash asked.
Kieran’s teeth gritted together. He should have warned her not to say anything. Especially not about anything Latha related. Although that would have required a full length conversation and he had been trying to avoid that.
Julie’s gaze went from Ash to Kieran. The suspicion was peaked and tension in the room was now kicked up a few notches. “I am surprised you haven’t told your future wife about the woman you were to marry,” her gaze focused on Ash.
He should’ve known that his mother would’ve coloured the conversation for her own benefit. She adored Latha and had dreams about her becoming a daughter in the family. Ash was now standing in the way.
“Mama, not here.” He gently pulled her hand away from his arm and walked to Ash.
Like clockwork her pallu fell, and their fingers touched when they reached for the end of the sari together and lifted it onto her shoulder. He held her hand a second longer than necessary and kept her gaze locked with his.
Her lower lip quivered and for all the confidence she strutted around the place, he saw the girl within. Surprised he hadn’t met this softer more approachable Ash before, he took her hand and placed a kiss on her fingers. If only she knew how thankful he was. Her eyes slanted away and she lowered her lashes. Something tugged deep inside him and he moved closer to her. The animalistic need to protect was so strong that he was ready to place his arms around her, yet he knew such a gesture would be unwelcome and unnecessary.
He turned to his parents. “We have to leave. There is work to do at the clinic. I will see you later.” He wanted to say more. He wanted to wipe away the hurt in Ash’s eyes. Yet there was something more to her sadness that he could not reach.
As he hurried her away, the sense of loss that crossed the depths of her eyes became a dull ache in his chest. As much as he rubbed at the spot, it refused to cease being a distant nuance of something not quite right.
