“Jenny,” Mel says as she takes my hand in hers. “I know it’s hard, but Mike might not ever get it together. You have to be ready for that possibility. And if that’s the case, you have to get out there and meet other guys. JR’s nice, I promise. Will you at least give him a shot?”
I know she’s right. I’ve spent all summer with Michael and he’s yet to do anything but be a very caring friend. I agreed to do this recording with him for lots of reasons, but one was to see if anything will ever happen between us. I might as well prod things along. If a little jealousy won’t do it, then nothing will. And if I get to spend time with a nice guy to boot, well, what the heck, huh?
“Okay then. Let’s go get ready. I have a date.”
Joss chuckles and Mel cheers as we make our way out of the studio.
Mike
I’VE BEEN in the gym for hours. I bought a membership at the biggest place in town since I’m going to be here for several months now. I’ve lifted, run, lifted again, run some more. I’m drenched, I’m exhausted, and I’m still raging pissed.
Fucking Mel. Fucking JR fucking DuBois. I want to put my fist through his pretty-boy face. He was always a bastard, so polished and likeable. He got along with everyone, fit in everywhere. He was bound to be a businessman or a politician. Fucking ass.
And yeah, I knew this day would come, but not yet. I’m not ready for it yet. I had it all worked out in my head. After the album dropped, she’d go off on tour and we’d talk less and less as she got more confident and better known. At some point, she’d just e-mail once a month or so. Then I’d hear that she’s seeing a guy from the opening act or one of her band members. Maybe it would be another up-and-coming artist she met at a festival they were headlining. I wouldn’t have to see it. I wouldn’t know the guy. It’d be months from now, a year, maybe more. Then I’d be ready. I’d be okay with it.
Hell. Who am I fooling? Maybe I’ll never be okay with it. But to have to watch it will hurt a lot more than the way I imagined. And I will have to watch it because there is no way JR fucking DuBois won’t go for Jenny. The dude will have a hard-on for her so fast that he won’t know what hit him. She’s perfection in a woman. Perfect face, perfect body, perfectly sweet, perfectly talented. There isn’t a man alive who wouldn’t give his left nut for a chance with her. And now, I’m going to have to watch JR fucking DuBois get something going with the only woman I’ve cared about since Loretta.
When I get back to the hotel, there’s a message waiting. It’s from Mel and it says that we’re all meeting up with JR at nine at a club downtown. I ought to just skip it, go to some backwater bar, and find myself a willing woman or two. The gym workout didn’t help; maybe a dick workout would. But I’m obviously a masochist because I can’t bring myself to do anything but go along with Mel, Joss, and Jenny and watch my life implode.
I haven’t talked to Jenny since I stormed out of the studio this afternoon, but when I knock on her door, I’m not surprised that Mel answers it.
“Hey there,” Mel says, grinning from cheek to cheek.
I wish she weren’t enjoying this so much. She said that she’s forgiven me for detonating the whole Tammy-Joss bomb, but if I didn’t know better, I’d think she was trying to torment me on purpose. I guess she’s like every other chick in the world—once she’s found her big romance, she wants nothing more than to find the same for all her single girlfriends.
I step inside the room, looking around for Jenny. She must be in the bedroom. “Hi. You guys ready to go?”
“Give us just a minute. Joss is coming up too.”
I sigh and sit down on the sofa as Mel hustles back into the bedroom and shuts the door. I jostle my knee up and down in agitation.
Pretty soon, Joss pokes his head through the door. “Coast clear?” he asks.
“Yeah, man. They’re in the bedroom.”
He comes in and sits down in a chair, propping his boot-clad feet up on the coffee table. He’s wearing his usual rich, hip dude clothes and his hair is shorter than it used to be when the band was together.
“You cut your hair?” I ask for lack of another conversation topic. Joss and I can sit in the same room with each other at this point, but if the polite thing to do is converse, it’s tough.
“Yeah. It’s bugged the shit out of me for years, but Dave never wanted me to cut it. It’s such a relief to have the shit out of my eyes.”
I can’t help but snort out a laugh. “You never really loved being a rock star, did you?” I say. We’ve had enough distance now. I see things I never realized at the time.
He looks down at his hands for a minute. “You know, I love the audience. I love singing and writing songs. I love the music. But no, I guess I never did love the whole image thing. And the press and the scrutiny. I just want to live my life, in private, and make some great music.”
I nod. “I can understand that. I mean, I thought I loved all that stuff—the women, the attention—but after it was over, what I really missed wasn’t that part.”
I clear my throat, realizing that I almost gave up my secret. I’ve talked to Walsh about it, but I’m not sure I’m ready to admit to Joss that I miss the guys, the friendships, the family of being Lush.
Luckily, he doesn’t seem inclined to press me too much.
“You just never know what you’re getting until you’re there, huh? I mean with fame. There’s no way to describe it to someone who hasn’t been through it. It’s a really strange experience.”
“That it is, brotha’. That it is.”
“So,” he says, looking at me. “Are you going to help her through it?” He jabs a thumb at the bedroom door.
“I’m going to try. I know it’s different for everyone, but I think, between me and Tammy, we can keep her from making some of the worst mistakes. I know there will come a day when she’ll have to go out there without us—without me—but hopefully not for a while. You know, until she’s really prepared for it.”
“Good luck with that, dude. She’s damn talented and there are going to be whole schools of sharks out there wanting a piece of her. If I were you, I’d think long and hard about whether I wanted to make my claim more formal. You know what I mean?”
In that moment, I realize we might not be talking about Jenny’s career anymore, but I’ll keep pretending we are.
“What, like a contract or something? I don’t care about that shit. I mean, I had one drawn up just for her sake, but it’s meaningless to me. I’ll help her any way I can for as long as she needs it. Money, production, management—whatever she needs. And if I can’t give it to her, then I’ll find people who can.”
Joss shakes his head. “Mike,” he mutters, and I think it might be the first time he’s said my name in nearly a year. “She doesn’t want other people to do that shit for her. She wants you.”
Now I know we’re not talking about her career anymore, and it tears at something inside me to realize I’m so transparent that everyone can see just how crazy I am about her.
My voice is rough when I answer him. “There are some things I can’t do for her, you know? Some things I can’t be. This is me we’re talking about. And she’s…well, she’s Jenny.”
There’s a pause in the conversation, and we hear the girls giggle from behind the bedroom door.
“What the fuck are they doing in there anyway?” I grumble.
“Stuff that chicks do when they’re getting ready to go out—whatever the hell that is.” He laughs. Then, after another brief pause, he says, “I’ve known you most of your life, and we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but even I can tell how much you’ve changed this last year. You’re not the lead guitarist from Lush anymore. You’re more than that.”
I look at him with one eyebrow raised in warning.
He sighs. “All I’m saying is don’t sell yourself short. I think you might be exactly what Jenny needs. In every way. But if you don’t tell her that soon, you might miss the chance and it’ll be your own damn fault. ‘Cause you’r
e an ass.”
I can’t help but chuckle. Order is restored to the world. Joss has insulted me and we can pretend we didn’t say any of that other crap.
“Back atcha’,” I answer.
Joss puts his fist out and I tap it with mine.
“All right,” he says, standing up. “I’ve had all I can take. She might have domesticated me, but I’m not a total pussy.” He walks over to the bedroom door and pounds. “Mel! Get the hell out here or I’m sending Mike in and I won’t be responsible for the consequences.”
I laugh as I put my arms out along the back of the sofa and listen to the girls shriek in surprise at the noise. A moment later, the door flies open and Mel stalks out looking loaded for bear, but before she can make a move, Joss grabs her around the waist and swings her in a circle while he kisses her. She squeals and mumbles something about him being bossy. I miss the rest of what goes on though because Jenny has followed Mel out and is standing a few feet in front of me.
Her blond hair is caught in some sort of messy updo, long, silky strands curling down around her neck and shoulders. She’s wearing an ice-blue, silky dress that follows her curves in and out all the way to mid-thigh. The neckline cuts down to her breastbone, exposing her perfect, creamy cleavage. She has on silver jewelry—big hoop earrings and a slender chain with a silver cross that’s sideways. I scan down her bare, tan legs until I meet up with a pair of silver wedge-heeled sandals. Her perfect little toenails are painted with ice-blue polish that matches her dress.
She looks at me, waiting for me to comment, but I’m speechless. Mel and Joss have quit whatever crap they were up to, so all three of them are standing there, waiting for me to do or say something. But what the hell am I supposed to do with this? This vision of angelic perfection in front of me that I’m going to spend the night watching another man put his hands on? For one of the first times in my life, I’m completely without words.
Finally, I manage to toss out, “Dress short enough, Sunshine?” I look at Joss and Mel. “Everyone ready to go?”
I look back to Jenny in time to see her face fall. Her eyes are glassy with hurt, and as I stand up, she sweeps past me without a second glance.
“Keep it up, Mike,” Mel hisses as she too walks by. “You’re making this a really easy decision for her.”
THE CLUB we go to is the typical crap, full of flashing lights, smoke for effect, and gyrating twenty-somethings, most of whom are drunk or high. I fucking hate techno music, and it nearly makes my ears bleed to have to listen to the crap. Jenny didn’t speak to me once as the town car Joss got for us drove over here. Now, we’ve been seated in the VIP section above the dance floor, and she’s on the far side of the booth from me, looking miserable as Mel tries to chat her out of the funk.
I’m in a funk too, dreading JR fucking DuBois’s arrival, so I’m pouting, slouched against the pleather bench seat.
“Maybe you haven’t changed that much,” Joss mutters my direction as he looks around the club. “That was like the smooth Mike Owens of old.”
“Fuck off,” I say with no real heat.
Joss then turns to say something else, but JR strides up.
“Hey, man!” Joss says as he half-stands and takes JR’s hand. “Long time no see.”
JR pumps Joss’s hand up and down a few times as he says, “Good to see you, Joss.”
Joss gestures for JR to take a seat and JR pulls up a chair from the neighboring table so he can sit at the end and not make us cram any farther into the booth.
“Mel,” he leans over and grabs her hand for moment. “It’s nice to see you.”
Then he turns to me. Here’s the thing: JR and I always got along just fine. Because JR gets along fine with everyone. I liked JR, and I know I’m being a complete child about this, but I want to put my fist down his throat before he even utters a word to me.
“Mike Owens. How’s it goin’, guitar star?” He puts his hand out to shake mine.
I just glare at him as I mutter, “It’s goin’.”
Before the confused look can fully settle on his face, Mel grabs his attention. “JR, I want you to meet our friend Jenny. Jenny, this is JR, Mr. Swanky Restaurant I was telling you about.”
JR’s eyes fall on Jenny, and just as I predicted, his whole fucking face lights up. Jenny puts out her sweet little hand, and he takes it, holding it for far too long. Bastard.
“It’s nice to meet you, Jenny. Mel said you’re going to be the next star of country music. Does that mean I can get your autograph tonight and be one of the first?”
Jenny laughs a bit and blushes before she answers him. He’s now managed to turn his chair just enough that he’s given me his back as he slants toward Jenny. I’m entertaining some dark thoughts about stabbing him in the kidney since that’s the closest deadly spot I can reach when the waitress finally arrives. Not a moment too soon either. I need a drink—badly. Then I take one look at the sequined micro-mini she’s barely wearing as well as the low-cut, transparent, black top sans bra and I decide I need her to blow me as well. It might be the only thing that can take my mind off the natural disaster happening across the table.
“Hi,” she says in a sandpaper-rough voice. “I’m Candy. Welcome to the High Line…” Then her voice sort of fades away as she looks hard at Joss. Her eyes grow bigger and then her head whips to me.
I grin and wink at her. I can see Joss’s head shaking out of the corner of my eye.
“Um,” she tries to push on.
“Yes, doll, we are,” I tell her, referring to the next logical question, which would be, “Are you the guys from Lush?”
“Wow,” she breathes out, blinking.
“I’ll tell you what.” I thrust my knee out from under the table and pat it. “Why don’t you sit that fine ass of yours right down here and take our drink orders. Then, if you’ll promise not to run all over the damn club announcing that we’re here, I can probably scrounge up an autograph or two for you.”
She squeals as she flops down on my leg. I wrap my arm around her hips and yank her closer, nuzzling her neck as I whisper my drink order in her ear. She dutifully writes it down on her little scrap of paper, and when I look up, I see Mel glaring at me as Joss continues to shake his head. Jenny is working hard at ignoring me while she talks to JR, their heads leaning close to one another.
I put my nose back in Candy’s hair as she takes the other orders, thinking that I can drown out the vision of JR so close to my Sunshine. But Candy’s hair doesn’t smell like lavender. It smells like fucking Aquanet and cigarette smoke and it makes my stomach churn.
After she gets everyone’s orders, I run a hand under the table and up Candy’s skirt. She’s wearing no underwear—and yeah, more women aren’t than you’d think—and I feel how hot and wet she is already. I just graze my finger along her slit then tell her, “Remember, doll. No public announcements. We’re just here to have a quiet night out, and you can be part of it if you’ll help us out.”
“Oh!” she says as she presses down a little more on my leg. “Of course. Anything you say. At all. Anything.” She runs her tongue along her teeth and smiles at me like some sort of predator.
“Great.” I give her a little boost and a slap on the ass as she scurries off to get our drinks.
As she swishes away, I can’t help but let my eyes wander over to Jenny. JR is saying something to her, but she’s looking past him, straight at me, and I’ve never seen her look so fucking sad. Not ever.
Suddenly, I hate this. This place, these people, and most of all, myself. Why? Why can’t it be different? Why can’t I be the guy for her?
Her sad eyes move back to JR, and I realize I can’t do this. I thought it would be worse to stay home and imagine what was going on between Jenny and JR, but I realize it’s actually worse to watch it. She’s smiling at him now, pressing closer, and I can see his hand on her arm as he laughs at something she’s said. I’m going to hurt someone if I stay.
I stand up abruptly, rattling the ta
ble with my knee. I look only at Joss even though the whole group is now focused solely on me. “I’ve, uh, I’ve got something I forgot about tonight. I gotta get going,” I tell him, my voice gruff.
He nods. “Okay, man. I understand. We’ll see you tomorrow at the studio? Jenny and I made a lot of progress today, I think it’d be good if you could give a listen to the first couple of songs.”
“Yeah. I’ll see you then.” I give Mel a quick nod, trying not to notice the assessing look she’s leveling at me. Then I turn to JR. “It was good to see you, JR,” I say as I thrust my hand out to him. He takes it in his, looking a little wary. “That’s my star artist you’re flirting with,” I tell him. “Treat her right.” Then I turn and get the hell of there.
Jenny
I WATCH as Michael melts away into the crowd, my heart pounding in my chest. Then I hear JR saying something.
I jerk my eyes back to him. “I’m so sorry. What was that?”
He gives me a wry smile. “I just said at least I understand what’s going on now.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Mike. The cold-as-ice greeting, the big show with the waitress. He’s jealous that I’m here to get to know you.”
I can feel my cheeks heat. “Oh no. We’re just friends. And I think Michael’s like that with most waitresses...and cashiers…groupies, nurses, hotel clerks—whatever. Isn’t that right, Mel?”
Mel laughs and winks at JR. “You two just go on about your night. Don’t pay any attention to Mike. We’re sure as hell not.”
Joss scowls at her and then they stand up. “We’re going to go dance,” he says. “And for the record, it’s against my will,” he adds.
JR and I both laugh and say that we’ll see them soon.
Once they’ve gone, I start to feel awkward. I barely know JR, and though he’s been charming since he sat down, I’m not sure what to expect of him or this night.
But before I can get too anxious, he takes my hand in his. “So, Jenny, if Mike really isn’t in the picture, I’m glad I’m getting this chance to meet you.”
Lowdown and Lush Page 6
