by Braya Spice
I was super excited because I was going to pick up Sierra from Greg’s house. Him keeping Sierra for the weekend was really working out well. He had been pretty much leaving me alone.
When I got to his house, I parked and hopped out of my car. Greg walked toward me hand in hand with my baby, Sierra. Even though she had been gone for only two days, I had missed her like crazy.
“Mommy!” she exclaimed.
Before I could get close to her or even ask her how her weekend had been, Greg said, “Wanna see my baby’s picture?”
I rolled my eyes at Greg and opened my arms so Sierra could run into them.
“No,” I said, giving my child a kiss.
He frowned at me. “Are you jealous?”
“Hell no. Anybody that can love you! God bless her soul.”
“Oh, you trying to be funny.” He stuck a picture of himself and a cockeyed chick in my face.
It wasn’t so much the fact that he had a girl that bothered me. I didn’t want Greg back. It didn’t bother me that he had someone else. It was the fact that he had the nerve to shove a picture of her and himself in front of me, when I couldn’t get him to take pictures of me when we were together. It was insulting.
“We getting married.”
“Congrats,” I managed to bite out. “But it would be nice if you would pay some child support.”
“Why should I, when you left me?”
I had had this conversation with him several times. He just didn’t get it. He and I had nothing to do with what he was supposed to do for his daughter. The fact that we might never get back together did not relieve him of his responsibility to provide for his child. Why should I have to carry all the weight on my own? Greg was the most selfish man that I had ever met. I didn’t bother calling up child support. They weren’t on my damn side as far as I was concerned. And don’t let it be a woman that I spoke to. They seemed to always back up the men in their bullshit. The system allowed these men to be just what they were: sorry.
The way that Greg could just quit his job so he did not have to pay child support killed me. I didn’t want to argue with him, because it wouldn’t make him do shit no way. It wouldn’t change anything. I just thanked God that with the little I made, I was able to provide for my daughter. True, we didn’t live in the best neighborhood, my transportation wasn’t the most reliable, and I often did without, but it could be a whole lot worse. Sierra and I could be homeless again, staying in hotels, like we had when I first left Greg. And I knew that after college I would get a good job and things would gradually get better. So I counted my blessings, and I ignored his ignorant-ass comments.
I placed Sierra on my back, and she giggled as I carried her to the car.
“I missed you, Mommy,” she said.
“I missed you too.”
I was happy to be able to take her back home.
“Can you play Beyoncé?” she asked.
I chuckled. “No problem.” I put her CD in my player and turned it up full blast, laughing as Sierra sang in sync with her. She knew every single word to Beyoncé’s songs.
When we made it home, I asked Sierra what she wanted me to make for dinner.
“Macaroni and cheese. Please,” she said sweetly.
I laughed. “Okay. But we need to have meat, too, and veggies,” I said.
“Okay.”
So while she sat at the table and played with her dolls, I cooked. I asked her, “So what did you guys do?”
“I watched TV. Daddy and his girlfriend went to the movies and left me with Grandma.”
What is the purpose of getting your kid if you aren’t going to spend time with her? I thought. But I had always said that I would never talk about her father in front of her. So I asked instead, “How is your grandma doing?”
“Her got into a fight with her husband. She threw flour and eggs on him, and they took her to jail. Daddy had to come get me.”
“It’s she,” I corrected. I wasn’t surprised about what she said about her other grandma. She was fucking crazy. I saw that the dysfunction had not changed. I had put up with a lot of it while Greg and I were together—from her moving herself and her ten kids into our one-bedroom apartment to her going straight bipolar and trying to fight me. I didn’t have too much contact with her, and I wanted to keep it that way. I wondered if Greg had had his girlfriend around Sierra, so I slyly asked, “Do you do things with Daddy’s new girlfriend?”
Sierra frowned and stopped talking.
“You okay?” I asked.
She smiled, nodded, and started playing with her dolls again.
Thirty minutes later dinner was done, and we sat down to eat.
I noticed Sierra had been quiet ever since I mentioned Greg’s girl. I didn’t want to press her. So when I got ready to give her her bath, I asked her, “Sierra, why don’t you like your dad’s girlfriend?”
She was silent.
“I’m your mom. You can tell me. It’s okay.”
“No, not really, Mommy. I don’t really like her.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why?”
“She’s mean.”
“What did she do, baby?”
“She told me to shut the fuck up, or she was gonna leave me at the mall.”
What! I took a breath to keep my cool. Not that it mattered, but I asked, “Why did she tell you to shut up? Were you acting out?”
“No, Mommy. I asked for a hot dog.”
Oh, hell no. Who did that bitch think she was, talking to a three-year-old that way? And secondly, if I had a boyfriend and he had a child, I would never take the liberty of talking to his child that way. It was not cool.
I dipped the washcloth in the warm water, wrung it out, and washed the soap off her back. Then I stood, grabbed Sierra’s towel, and held it out for her to step out of the tub.
“Si Si, you a big girl. Go in your room and dry off.”
“Okay, Mommy.”
I stalked into the kitchen, snatched up the phone, and dialed Greg’s number. But instead of hearing it ring, I discovered that my number was blocked. What the hell?
The next week Greg came to pick Sierra up, I confronted him.
“Why is my number blocked?”
He chuckled. “’Cause my girl thinks it’s disrespectful for another woman to be calling my house, and I don’t have money for a cell.”
“I’m not just some other woman, Greg. I’m your child’s mother. That gains me respect. And besides, I never did anything to her. She don’t know me any more than I know her.”
“Well, I have to respect my woman’s wishes.”
My eyes narrowed. “Respect? I didn’t think you knew what that word meant. You never showed me any when I, the mother of your child, was with you, but you can easily give it to her. And you don’t show me respect now.”
“Look, man, I don’t wanna hear this. I been leaving you alone, so you should be happy with that. Don’t get me started again.” His old fire was back in his eyes. It made me nervous, but still I was gonna say what I wanted to say.
“You know your daughter don’t like her too much?”
He chuckled. “Whew! Allure, you really petty.”
“She said your girl told her to shut the fuck up!”
He shook his head at me. “Why you gonna lie on a child? Sierra ain’t said shit like that, ’cause Angel beautiful on the inside and out.”
That comment hurt. He was putting another woman before his child. I could already see it. I could never do that. How dare he?
I shook my head.
“If you need to get in contact with me, you can call my mother. You know she lives down the street from me.”
Oh, hell no! He really thought he was going to have my child and I would not be able to get in contact with him? And secondly, did he really think I was going to leave my child around his bitch after how she spoke to her?
“Those days of you controlling shit are over. Until you talk to her and she apologizes to my child, and until my number is
unblocked, my child will not be going to your house.”
“Who the fuck you think you talking to, Allure? You don’t control what goes down in my fucking crib! You got me fucked up! Maybe you mad. The holidays are right around the corner, and I got somebody and you fucking alone.”
True, I was a little ... Naw. Scratch that. I was very depressed about the fact that I had no one to love or love me for the holidays. But I wasn’t petty. This was about my daughter, and deep down he knew that shit. He was cold for trying to make it seem like it was something else.
So I didn’t even bother arguing with him. For some reason my silence got him more turned up. When he continued to yell, I calmly pushed Sierra back into the house and closed the door directly in his face.
He knocked on the door and said, “You cold for that one. All you doing is hurting your child. She wants to go with her daddy, and you won’t let her, because you jealous of my girl. You gonna regret that shit. We’ll see who calls who first.”
I watched him walk away from my living room window.
Truth be told, beforehand, when I was getting her dressed, Sierra told me she didn’t want to go over to his house, anyway, because of that bitch he had there. So I wasn’t hurting her at all. Furthermore, I wasn’t going to waste my time arguing with Greg. I could show him better that I could tell him. Either his girl talked to my daughter decently, or she wasn’t going over there.
Chapter 10
I smiled and tiptoed into Sierra’s room. It was Christmas morning. I was so excited to see her open her gifts that I woke up before she did, although she swore that she would wake up first.
One of her feet was hanging out of the blanket. I started tickling it. I laughed when she pulled it back. “Sierra.”
She groaned and turned in her sleep.
I started tickling her again. “What happened to you being awake first, huh?” I asked.
She started laughing and turning her body in different directions to get away from my fingers. When I stopped tickling her, she sat up in her bed and said, “Merry Christmas, Mommy!” She looked super happy.
“Merry Christmas, Sierra. You ready?”
I shouldn’t have said that. She leaped from the bed, squealing, and ran out of her room and into the living room.
I followed after her, excited to see the look on her face when she opened her gifts. I grabbed my disposable camera off the coffee table and started snapping pictures of her as she opened her gifts. I was so relieved that I was in a position to get her gifts. Thank God. When my car broke down, I had to dip into my Christmas fund. But I was still able to get her some nice things. I had asked Greg for some money, but he told me no. Sierra screamed when she opened her Bratz doll. She was obsessed with them. She also unwrapped a beauty parlor where she could sit in front of a mirror and do her makeup and her hair, her own karaoke machine and, of course, an Easy-Bake Oven. For me it was a blessing to be able to provide her with things that put a smile on her face.
I had expected Greg to call me the night before, asking if he could see Sierra on Christmas Day, but he never did. I didn’t want to be a total bitch to him, so I was planning on calling him to see if he wanted to spend a couple hours with her.
I couldn’t wait to show her what Kendra and her godmother, Creole, had got for her.
“Thank you, Mommy!” she exclaimed.
“You welcome, but you know you not done yet, right?”
“I’m not?”
I pulled another gift out from under the tree. It was from Kendra. It was a pair of cute hot pink roller skates.
While she opened those and screamed, I went to the living room closet and pulled out the Barbie electric jeep. Fucking Creole, I thought. She knows how to come through.
Sierra went insane when she saw the jeep. She started running around the house, screaming. It made me crack up.
“Mommy, can I ride this now?”
I chuckled and said, “Go put on your house shoes and you can go.”
She raced in her room, and within seconds, she came out with her slippers on.
I pulled the jeep outside and sat it in the grassy courtyard. There were other kids outside playing with their toys. Some were riding scooters and bikes, and some were busy showing other kids what they had gotten for Christmas.
So many girls ran up to Sierra to see her jeep. She smiled excitedly and slowly pressed the gas pedal.
“Hold on to the bars, Sierra,” I advised her.
Soon she got the hang of it.
I went inside quickly to grab the cordless phone out of the kitchen. I attempted to call Greg, but I saw my number was still blocked. I sat on the porch and watched my daughter. Although this was the second year that Greg and I had been separated, it still got me depressed. The last thing that I ever wanted for Sierra was to have a broken home. Especially on Christmas. I hoped her dad at least called her before we both got dressed and went over to my mother’s house for Christmas dinner. I was more than willing to stop by his house and let him spend a couple hours with Sierra. But something told me I wouldn’t hear from him. Luckily, Sierra was too occupied with her toys to really care. Or at least she pretended that she didn’t.
It seemed like Greg had dropped off the face of the earth. He never called on Christmas or any time after that. What a piece of shit, I thought. Just to teach me a lesson, you would miss Christmas with your firstborn.
It took Greg a good three weeks before he came begging for me to let him see Sierra again. First, he started with phone calls, asking to speak to Sierra and telling her that Angel said hi. Then he popped up without calling.
Sierra was at the kitchen table, doing an ABC’s work sheet, while I worked on an essay for my literature class. The teacher was a real pain in the ass and made us do essays every damn week.
When I heard the doorbell, I went and answered the door, and he was standing there.
I took a deep breath so I stayed calm. “Greg, didn’t I tell you not to pop up at my house without calling?”
“Why you got a nigga in there, around my daughter?”
“If I did, what would you do?”
“I’d put a bullet in his head, that’s what.”
“Okay. It’s time for you to go.”
But he could have bitches around my daughter and it was A-OK? He was such a fucking hypocrite.
“No, I’m just bullshitting. Let’s start over please!” He looked super distressed at the thought of me closing the door in his face.
I took a deep breath and nodded, even though the threat he had made was so disrespectful and uncalled for.
“How are you doing?”
“Greg, what are you doing popping up at my house without calling?”
“My bad. I just wanted to give you the outfits Angel bought for Sierra. She said she hopes you reconsider and let me start picking her up again.”
He handed them to me.
“I don’t have a problem with you getting Sierra, but I should be able to call you, and secondly, no one should be talking to our daughter that way. I also feel that if you have someone living with you or staying over when my daughter is there, I have a right to know, as you would like to know. And I thought it was real pathetic that you didn’t even have the decency to call and wish Sierra a Merry Christmas.”
I felt like I was talking to a slow person. This stuff I was saying was common sense. But not with someone like Greg. He just didn’t seem to get it, but I hoped the tough love I was showing him made him get it now. My daughter meant the world to me. I refused to let anyone mistreat her. If that meant that Greg wouldn’t be in her life to protect her, then that was how it would have to be.
“Look, about Christmas. I didn’t have any money to buy her anything, so I was too embarrassed to show my face over here. As far as the other stuff, I understand. Look, I already talked to Angel. She gets it now, and she is sorry. She was just having a bad day. And I should have told you she was living with me. She is. But, Allure, damn. You don’t have to make shit hard o
n me when you see me trying to change. I don’t even post up over here anymore like I used to, out of respect. I know you fucking with other men, but do you see me tripping?”
Truthfully, since I lived on the east side of Long Beach and everybody knew everybody, it wasn’t hard for Greg to find out my business. And not that it was his fucking business, but I wasn’t seeing anybody. But Greg had been like that since we were together. He had always sworn up and down that I was fucking everybody. He was crazy. And since he was with Angel and he was marrying her, or so he claimed, why the hell did he care what I was doing? I thought.
“See, here you go. You just don’t get that my business is my business, and as long as I take care of Sierra, my personal life is separate. I don’t have to explain it to you. Go home, Greg. I’ll call your girl, and we can have a talk. If we can come to an understanding, then I have no problem with you taking Sierra this weekend.”
As I closed the door in his face, I heard him mutter, “Damn.”
I peered out the window and saw him walk away. I locked the door and walked into the kitchen. I watched him get into his car and drive away.
Sierra was still at the kitchen table. “Sierra, look at the two outfits your Dad’s girlfriend got for you.” If she was trying to be cool, then so was I. I didn’t want any problems at all with her, because it would affect Sierra.
“I don’t want to,” she said sharply.
My head snapped back from surprise. She had never used that tone before. I sat down next to her. “What’s wrong?”
She stopped writing and kept her head down.
“What? You can’t look at me now? What is wrong?”
Suddenly Sierra started crying.
“What is it, baby? Why are you crying?” My eyes watered. I didn’t know what was wrong, so I couldn’t help her.
“Angel hit me.”
“What!” I exclaimed, nutting up. “For what?”
“I didn’t come fast enough when she called me. She used her boot.”
