by Fields, MJ
“Have you seen your parents?”
“I plan to see them before I head back. It was nice to be able to mail them the twenty grand they had forked over for a wedding that should have never happened.”
“Did you have a chance to talk about everything?”
“You know”—I laugh—“I knew down deep that they always loved me, Ang, but him constant telling me that I was a throw away …” I pause, feeling the lump rise in my throat.
“You don’t have to talk about it, Autumn. I just hope you know.”
“They feel bad about not jacking me out of the situation, but they also knew I thought I loved him. And as Dad said, kidnaping and confining me until I was able to see who I really was is immoral and illegal.”
“So, all is well then?”
“All will be well soon. Apparently, the guilt should lessen now that I’ve been honest and accepting that I’m not Rosemary’s baby for what I did to them.”
“You did what many teenage girls do.”
“Yeah, well, I was raised better than that. They raised me better than that. They chose me, for God’s sake. They chose me.”
“Part of life’s lessons.”
“I’ve finally realized the lessons will always continue and am accepting of that, too. Bring it on, life, bring it on.”
She laughs. “I can’t believe you never talked about it with me, Autumn.”
“I didn’t want to give it life. I mean, what was I supposed to say, thank you for hiring a woman who gets through life and a marriage by eating her weight in Reese’s? Then, when it was either cancer or kids, I filled myself with Baby Ruth bars? A woman who can’t find a moment’s peace unless she’s at work? Yes, please hand me the keys to the entire kingdom and trust I won’t fuck it up like I did my entire teenage life and my twenties.”
“Don’t talk about my best friend like that. Quite frankly, it pisses me off.”
“I’m giving it a voice instead of chocolate, Angela.” I laugh.
“One step at a time.” She sighs.
* * *
I look at my phone between passing pleasantries with a board who used to hate me yet now kiss my ass when all I really want to do is go sit on the beach and look at the stars.
“You do know we’ve been together for a year now, don’t you?”
I look up into the face of the tall, slim, all-American beauty with a pissed off expression and a voice holding all the possessive tone of a woman in love with a man like Eric Cartwright.
“Congratulations. I wish you both well.” I smile politely then look down at my phone.
“He hates you,” she slurs.
I sigh. “Well, that’s unfortunate, but I understand.”
“He told me all about you.”
I look up and remove my sunglasses. “Kylie, this isn’t the place for a discussion like this, nor is it even relevant anymore.”
“You’re irrelevant.” When she pushes my shoulder with her fingers, I’m stunned but oddly amused.
“And you’re a drunk guest at a professional party. My advice? Stop drinking and enjoy the day with your boyfriend and his lovely family.”
“You think he wants an old hag like you after having me?” Her voice is a little louder now, and I look around to see who may be within earshot. She pushes me again. “I’m talking to you.”
“And I’m walking away before I kick your ass,” I hiss as I walk past her.
“You bitch!” I hear right before she shoves me from behind and into the de la Porte estate pool.
I contemplate staying face down in the pool until they all leave, but then I would drown and die, which is more permanent than figuratively dying of embarrassment.
When I feel hands under my waist ,lifting me up, I realize that, while contemplating, I’ve made even more of a spectacle of the situation than what was already made.
When I open my eyes, I can’t help laughing when I see Daniel Cartwright as the hero in this episode of Look at Autumn shitshow.
“Laugh it up, Pitbull, but you’re bleeding and going to have one hell of a headache in the morning.” He starts pulling me toward the stairs.
“I’m fine.” I pull away and attempt to touch bottom.
When he pulls me back up, this time he’s laughing at me.
“God, you’re such a dick.”
“Uh-huh,” he says, swimming toward the shallow end. “Can you touch bottom yet or do you need a step stool?”
I smile sarcastically as I place my feet on the bottom of the pool. “You’re supposed to kiss my ass like all the rest now, Cartwright.”
“Not likely after what you did to my son’s heart,” he whispers.
When I look up, I am thankful the sun is shining so brightly that I can’t see the faces of all those surrounding the pool.
Stepping out, I pull my sunglasses out of the tangles of my wet hair and put them on my face, wincing when I hit the graze on the side of my head that I hadn’t realized I had and think, That’s going to hurt.
The only sound I hear is that of the ocean in the background. Other than that, it’s silent.
I throw my hands in the air. “Well, I came, I saw, I made it awkward.” I laugh.
A few people give me a polite laugh, like one would a bad comedian.
“Lock up your sons, ladies and gentlemen,” I hear Kylie yell but can’t see where she is with wet hair sticking to my face.
“That’s enough,” Eric snarls.
“Why? She’s nothing but a baby-fucking whore!”
“I said enough!”
“In my defense, he was legal.” I laugh. “Barely. But that’s beside the point. There’s your office gossip for the time being. Do me the same kindness you do each other and keep it behind my back.” When I turn, I stumble, and of course Daniel catches my elbow.
I pull it away. “Hope you all have a swimmingly good time. See you on Tuesday.”
Barefoot, I walk across the lawn and see Ralph, the driver I was assigned this weekend. “Get me out of here please.”
“Wait!”
I know that voice.
“Hey, Shelby, can we catch up later?” I ask in as even a tone as possible.
“Scooch,” she says as she slides in beside me. Then she pulls off my glasses and pushes my hair out of the way before dabbing the side of my face with a cloth napkin that she must have snagged from one of the tables. “It’s pretty bad, but I don’t think it needs stitches.”
“Less than a month of college and she’s already smarter than her professors,” I joke.
She smirks and continues dabbing. “I bet you’re going to have a nice shiner and a possible concussion.”
I hold my hand over hers. “I’ll be fine, Shelby, but I’d really like to get the hell out of here.”
“I can come—”
“You spend time with that family you helped heal. I’ll be fine.”
“You will be after I kick her ass.”
“Oh no, you don’t. Not on my behalf.”
“I’ve been holding back for three years now. That girl is an asshole. She’s using him for his ass, and they’re making millions off his smile.”
“He’s a big boy, Shelby, and smart. You need to trust his judgment.”
She rolls her eyes and holds back something.
“Go ahead. Vent away.”
“You don’t bite the hand that feeds you, Autumn. I tell you what I really think, and you’ll stop sending me all those boxes from all over the world.”
“That would make me a fool, because getting paid to shop is a dream side gig.” I smile.
“He loved you, and if you truly love someone, I don’t think you ever stop. Like Dad loved EJ’s mom. He’s going to turn out just like him—marrying the wrong woman after the wrong woman.”
“Those wrong women gave your father beautiful and smart kids”
“Eric doesn’t want kids, so all he’ll have is a bunch of crazy asses chasing him around for the rest of his life, because he’d be too nice not to
always take care of them. It’s who he is, Autumn.”
“He’s too smart to be played. And besides, you’re biased and need to give her a chance.”
“And you’re stupid because you love him, too.” She slides out then bends down and looks at me. “Don’t be pissed; you asked for the truth.”
“I could never be pissed at you.”
She leans in and hugs me. “Talk soon?”
“You’re my Sunday person, always.”
Twenty-Six
Eric
“She started it,” Kylie slurs the same phrase she has repeated at least twenty times since I dragged her ass back to the pool house after pushing Autumn in the de la Porte pool.
“Sleep it off, and we’ll discuss it when you’re—”
“I did nothing but hurt you. I mean, she did nothing—”
“Go to sleep, Kylie. I’m not in the mood.”
“What about some smoochy time?”
Suddenly, what was cute before today is now annoying as fuck.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re always in the mood.” She starts to sit up. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
I roll to my side, back facing her. “You know you get the truth from me, so don’t ask questions you’re not willing to hear.”
“I want the truth!” She pokes me in the back.
I sit up and look at her. “It’s you. You’re drunk and—”
“So? We drink socially all the time.”
“But we don’t put our hands on people.”
Christ, I feel like I’m playing Dad to the woman I fuck, and it makes me sick to my stomach that she slung the vile shit—my shit, my secrets, my hurts—in front of my family, Dad’s work associates, and fucking Autumn.
“And you crossed a line wider than the Amazon with me today. So, you either go to sleep, or I’m going to—”
“What? Fuck sarcophagus twat!”
Standing up, I grab a pillow and mutter under my breath as I head for the couch, “For a girl who doesn’t say a damn word in bed, you certainly can sling venom.”
“Where are you going!”
“The couch, Kylie, to sleep. I’d appreciate it if you’d sleep as well.”
“I love you, Eric Cartwright, and I made you. Remember that.”
“She did not just say that.”
I look up and see Shelby sitting just outside the patio doors on a chaise lounge.
“Which part?” I ask as I walk toward the doors, because it’s the first time she’s said the L-word.
“Sarcophagus twat? Who the hell says shit like that?”
I start to answer, but she answers for herself. “Little daddy’s girls who’ve never struggled a day in their lives, that’s who.”
“Shells …” I begin as I sit.
“Please don’t stick up for that contemptable, new-monied creature.” She sits up. “And she made you? What the hell is that!”
“She’s drunk and—”
“She’s always drunk, EJ. Every time I see the two of you. Christ, you have a Kimmi on your hands, and you don’t get it because you want to see her as the reason you got through Autumn and your thing. Newsflash future shrink: that was all you.”
“You’re pretty smart for a freshman.”
“You’re smarter than Dad, I’m smarter than you, and on and on and on. Donavan’s going to be a damn genius if this trend keeps up.”
I lean back in the opposite chaise and look at the stars. “How is she?”
“She whose name we do not utter or the shemale jockbot in your bed?”
“Knock it off, Shells.”
“Well, she had to be dragged out of the water, or she would have drowned.”
I sit up. “What?”
“Somehow, she hit her head.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I take a deep breath and try to calm the anger and worry resonating inside of me. “Is she okay?”
“She’s …” she pauses and gives me a look as if I’m an idiot, “her. Of course she’ll be okay.”
“No, Shells, is she okay?” My chest tightens at knowing that, even if she wasn’t, she would act the fucking part.
She covers a giggle that erupts from somewhere.
“Spill it.”
“Dad saved her.”
There is no way I heard that right. “What!”
“Shh … or you’ll wake Angry the drunken shemale, and I’ve been polite, but after that shit—”
“You’re joking, right?”
“Couldn’t have made it up if I tried.” She giggles again.
“Okay, Shelby, spill it.”
Shelby sits up and smiles. “She probably has a concussion; I don’t think she needs stitches; is definitely going to have one, if not two, black eyes; and she gave a fucking epic speech.”
As I stand up, she tosses her keys at me. “I’m parked behind you and am skilled at dealing with drunks if she wakes.”
“I’m not going after her.” Who am I trying to convince? Her or me?
“Up to you.” She stands. “But I’m taking the couch.”
* * *
“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my fucking life,” I say as I step out of Shelby’s white Rover and onto the sand. “It’s probably not her, and for her sake, she better hope it’s not. How stupid would that be with a possible concussion?”
The closer I get to the small beach bonfire, the more sure I am that it’s her.
I have a million things to say to her, questions to ask, but Jesus Christ, after overhearing her in the bathroom and what Kylie pulled a few hours ago, she’s had enough. Yet, my fucking feet don’t get the memo.
I sit down on the sand next to her, and she looks over at me, unfazed by my sudden appearance. When her eyes meet mine, I see they’re a little hazy, but nonetheless shocking as the first time I saw her.
Without thought or hesitation, I push her hair away from the side of her face and see a cut just above her temple. “Jesus Christ, please tell me you saw a doctor about that.”
“A future dentist count?” she asks, turning her face slightly so I’m no longer touching her. Then she grabs a bottle, takes a drink, and looks up.
“I’m gonna ask why you told her you were going to kick her ass.”
She chuckles silently.
“Autumn, the truth.”
She takes another drink then moves away, turns, and looks at me. “I’m not going to come between the two or you, so please don’t ask me that.”
“You are in the middle so—”
“Nope.” She takes another drink.
“Well, Shelby hates her, so that’s an issue already.”
She shakes her head. “I’m fine, Eric. This is an issue for you.”
“I just want the woman I had all intentions of saying the three words I said to you until this shit happened to not be another kick to the nuts, so I’m asking you, Autumn, and you owe me—”
“I owe you?” She throws her head back and laughs.
“I’ve never lied to you. I’m asking the same common curtesy in return.”
“And I’m asking you to leave me the fuck alone because …” She stops and scowls at me then yells, “When I left, I was honest with you! I never tried to hurt you. But you wouldn’t stop! Even today, I was nice to you, Eric, and you come out with hurtful shit!”
“Then I apologize …” I stop when she starts to stand. “Autumn—”
“My God, can’t I just be alone!” she yells to the heavens.
“Don’t you think you spend enough time alone?” I stand up, fighting the anger I felt back then.
“Nope, not nearly enough. Clearly.” She begins to step back. “But if you need my honest opinion, the two of you are a match made in heaven. I mean, talk about two peas in a pod. I asked you how you were doing, and you throw voodoo pussy and ID’ing the next one, and then she comes at me with he hates you, and he told me everything about you. And the second time she pushed me, I did threaten to kick her ass
if she did it again, because I am nobody’s bitch anymore, Eric.” Tears begin falling, and she slaps them away. “So, the Eric you’ve become, I’d say is perfect for her. Do me a favor and don’t send me a wedding invitation.”
She bends down to pick up the blanket, and I feel the loss hit me in the chest like a tidal wave again.
“Autumn, I apologize and—”
“Just leave me alone please, unless this is your thing”—she waves her hand in front of herself—“watching someone struggle. But newsflash: I’m so much stronger than I was three years ago. So, you may have gotten to see tears”—she bats them away—“but they are not for you. They are mine, and you can’t have them.”
Unable to stop myself, I grab her biceps and yell at her the way she just did me, “You fucking hurt me! You did, because you couldn’t tell me you were hurting or why you refuse to accept good. So, newsflash: I don’t want your damn tears, Autumn! I want your heart!”
Holy fucking shit.
I release her and step back, holding my hands up and correcting myself, “Wanted. Wanted your heart.”
She simply turns and starts walking away.
“I heard you on the phone today, Autumn.”
She freezes.
“I heard all the reasons for your walls and all you’re doing to make amends with your parents, and you’re still leaving one person left without an apology.”
She turns, rage in her eyes. “You need an apology? Fine. I’m so fucking sorry for all the damage I did to you in a two-month span that you clearly hate me for.”
“And I’m fucking sorry that, in three years, you still don’t believe the words you said to whoever it was you were on the phone with. I don’t need your apology, Autumn, but I’ll be damned if I let the one person I ever loved keep hurting themselves. You save your apology for you. And you better accept it! Then maybe your fucking career and someone else’s family won’t come first. Maybe then you’ll accept that, when someone loves you, they do it without expecting anything more than all you are.”
She huffs as she searches for a response then nods curtly. “Back at ya.”
I watch her walk toward the parking lot and use all the restraint I have to hold myself back. I watch as a car pulls up, and a man opens the door to the back seat. He tips his hat to me, walks around the car, gets in, and they leave.
