Of a Note in a Cosmic Song; Part Four

by Nōnen Títi

  “Come back when you have no wine in your system,” she answered.

  “By Bue, Maike, what do you want from me? I’m not asking for commitment. Just a talk.”

  She stood leaning against the wall, her arms folded, waiting. He put his hands on either side of her head “You don’t half know how beautiful you are.”

  “Coming from a sober person, that might mean something, but from you it does nothing but make me laugh,” she taunted.

  So it was still there. That was Maike’s best trade. She’d never give in until she was taken, challenging all the way. He leaned in to kiss her.

  “Ouch! Damn you,” he cursed after taking his lips off the wall. She’d evaded him and was now ready to close her door. “Don’t, Maike. Don’t send me away. I never knew about Thalo. I didn’t know you won the challenge. Can’t you just forgive me?”

  She shook her head.

  “Am I that old suddenly? Is that why? At least tell me that’s what it is. Tell me you found a younger guy.”

  “It has nothing to do with the challenge or with your age, Aryan. It has to do with the state you’re in. Come back without wine in your body and I’ll let you in.” She pushed him and closed the door in the time it took him to steady himself.

  “Since when are you a member of the Society?” he yelled. One good kick would normally send these makeshift doors flying, but Maike’s didn’t budge. She must have barricaded it. “You won’t get rid of me that fast, you just watch!” he shouted.

  “Damn it, Maike, open up. Don’t leave me here after all those years.” He leaned against the door to listen for sounds. She was in there in all her glory and had left him in the gutter. “I need you, Maike. I can’t wait any longer, I’ll explode. Please…”

  Then, suddenly furious at being made to beg in the middle of the street, he stepped back. “I’m not going on my knees for you!”

  “What are you staring at?” he asked, swinging at some passers-by who quickly turned and fled.

  She’d let him in if he was sober – that shouldn’t be too hard. He’d go to sleep now and return first thing tomorrow.

  Having no need for food, Aryan took a cupful of water and went to his mat. He did manage to fall asleep quite fast, but woke up with a headache when it was still dark. Lying on his back, he stared at the ceiling of his mud home. The sounds of town travelled in by air. He conjured up the image of the way she’d been standing there, every bit of her inviting.

  But a visual image, now he’d been that close, didn’t work; he wanted to touch. He tried walking around, sitting on the floor, washing his face, drinking more water, but the image remained and it didn’t get real enough. The only thing that could help him sleep had been in his now-empty flask.

  In the end he put his coat and boots back on and went out. It hurt to walk. He found Haslag still awake. This man would give away his last piece of bread and he had a soft spot for Aryan.

  “I’ll pay you back,” Aryan promised when he left with a pouchful of beer.

  Beer was different than wine: lighter, smoother, thirst-quenching and beautifully sweet. Aryan had intended to only have one cupful, just to get to sleep, but one cup wasn’t enough to get into the quiet zone where physical urges could also be drowned.

  Aryan woke up before dawn without a headache, fresh and cheerful. Maybe he should switch to beer altogether, but beer was expensive and it had taken him half a pouch to get where he wanted.

  His first job was to repay Haslag as promised. Together they set out for the cliffs, where Haslag had spotted the honeycombs high up in a crevice. Even at a good pace, it would take them the best part of the day to get there and back, but it would keep him sober enough to visit Maike tonight.

  Aryan stole a glance at the melted scope below them when they were harvesting the combs, but he didn’t ask Haslag about it. On the way back some guards confronted them, demanding to know what they were doing.

  “Waiting for the airfloat. Isn’t this a public depot?” Aryan replied.

  Maike appeared behind the two men a moment later. “We are investigating the fire. This is considered a crime scene, which gives us every right to be here. You don’t have that right, unless you know something about it.”

  Aryan slowly turned full circle, scanning the rugged terrain. “You mean to tell me that scope sits here somewhere? The one those guards came all the way to the crater to talk about?”

  “That’s the one I mean. The only starscope this place had,” she answered. Her intonation spoke both pleasure and annoyance at Aryan’s act.

  “It burned down. You should have seen the fireworks. It was quite amazing,” Haslag, who could always be counted on to give the innocent truth, told Aryan.

  “Yes, so I heard.” He looked at Maike. “How about that talk?”

  “If you can stay sober until tomorrow.” She pointed at the combs.

  “No problem.”

  It turned out to be a bit of a problem to decline helping Haslag brew the new beer and having some tastes in the process. But then again, a little bit didn’t make him drunk and he had all day tomorrow to sleep it off. Even better, she’d said no wine in your system. This wasn’t wine.

  In comparison, the wine tasted sour. A bit of honey would sweeten that up nicely. It was worth a try, so together with Haslag he spent the night mixing and tasting until it was just perfect. Who knew, maybe they could make a new product for trade: sweet wine.

  He left Haslag, who’d fallen asleep, late the next morning. Unable to sleep himself he decided to go and retrieve his fuel can before visiting Maike that evening. He walked to Yako’s home, who’d been the last one to be seen with it.

  “He’s not here,” Jema said.

  That was no problem, since the can stood in plain view right behind her. “That’s mine and I’ve come to collect it.”

  She looked at it in surprise. “It’s Yako’s.”

  “Is that so? You tell me where he got it.”

  She told him about the farmers, so he told her where they got it. “And I’m taking it back.” He stepped through the door to do so, pushing her out of the way.

  “It’s a worthless piece of metal,” she said.

  “Damn right you are. It’s worthless now. You’ve ruined it!” He turned the can over in his hands. They’d bent it out of shape; the spout had been forced into a point and it was punctured. The whole thing looked like SJilai. “What have you done, made a statue out of it?”

  “It’s art, Aryan. It’s a symbol for the colony; our need to direct our fate as we did on SJilai. To change the direction this town is heading.”

  She went on yakking about what each part symbolized. “Please let us keep it,” she ended.

  “It’s a symbol to me as well,” he said, advancing on her. “A symbol for a ruined last chance to get away from this Bueforsaken planet.”

  “How is a can like that going to get you off this planet?” she asked.

  He told her its purpose. “That was when it was still a can and you hadn’t turned it into a sieve.”

  “I’m sorry. We didn’t know it was yours.”

  He looked her over. Like Maike, she stood in front of him, like before on SJilai. The casual dress, unyielding to any intrusion of eyes.

  “What will you offer me in return for it?” he asked.

  Unlike Maike, she didn’t get his hint, but offered to ask around – the workshop had more cans like that – unaware of what her presence did to him.

  He kicked the door closed with his foot. Then, in one perfectly smooth move, he lowered the can and rose to put both his hands around her head. With his lips he pinned her against the wall.

  She didn’t respond right away, and then only by pushing against him with her hands until he pulled back and she spat at him. “How cheap do you think I am?”

  “What’s cheap about it? You’re alone like I am. Don’t you have any needs?”

  “No thank you, I’ve got a brain.”

  He pressed her a bit harder against the w
all, able to smell her heat more than feel it. “I think you’re just afraid of me.”

  She didn’t answer, trying to shake him off, but not hard enough to make him believe she was for real.

  “Maybe you’re afraid of all men.”

  “Maybe all men are bastards with only one thing on their minds,” she answered, now fighting a little harder.

  “Maybe they are. Is that why you hang around Frimon so much?”

  She stopped fighting long enough for him to grab a hold of her wrists and kick her legs out from under her, making her slide onto the floor with a yelp. “Let go of me, you stupid, fanatic pervert! You stink, you half-cast drunk!” She spat out a whole series of curse words he’d not believed her capable of.

  “You don’t think these penances have another function, do you?” he taunted.

  A sudden kick towards his delicate parts made him jump sideways. Then, still holding her hands, he sat on top of her hips.

  “Get off me, you idiot. I don’t hang around Frimon. I don’t even like him very much, but he would never stoop this low.” She panted with the effort of pulling her hands free, refusing to give up or beg.

  He loved it. “Oh come on, Jema. Open your eyes. Don’t you have any idea what goes on in this colony?”

  “Is that why you spent all your time on the beach with the young boys?” she hissed, pulling her head away when he tried to kiss her.

  “I didn’t take part in that,” he told her, leaning forward.

  “No, but I bet you loved to watch it!” She suddenly moved so violently that he almost fell off.

  He slapped her to gain enough time to reposition himself, pinning her legs. “I don’t stoop that low, either. I like it straight.”

  “So why don’t you go to Maike, or won’t she have you anymore?”

  “Right now, I don’t want her anymore,” he answered, pushing his knees between her legs. She was challenging him as well as Maike would have. He pushed her wrists onto the floor with one hand while lifting the tent she wore.

  “You’re drunk,” she panted.

  “I probably am.”

  “I don’t want this.”

  She did, really. Hers were only words, while her body edged him on relentlessly. A bit too fast, even.

  “Relax, let go,” he said.

  “You let go, you coward!”

  He slapped her face and then went on with the job, his hands moving faster than she could respond to. The more he gained physically, the more words she spat out. He listened to the rhythm of her voice as it continued to drone. He ignored her biting his arm and her free hand pulling his hair until she yanked so hard he felt a crick in his neck.

  “Hey come on.” His hands found what he was looking for just when she yanked again and jolted her hips so hard that he landed on the floor. “Oh no,” he groaned when the wave became unstoppable. “Ouch!” he added when her foot hit his side, but it was too late; he had no choice than to ride it out.

  She was sitting against the wall, glaring at him.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “What do you think? You force your way in and–”

  “You wanted this.”

  “I did not! I told you a mas of times – I kept telling you!”

  “Words.”

  “Yes, words! How else could I tell you?”

  “I thought you were just saying it.” He stood up and held out his hand to help her up.

  “Damn you, Aryan. I told you before that I can’t.” She ignored his offer and stood up herself. “Go to your stupid kabin and take your stupid can with you.”

  He didn’t want it anymore and left it when going out the door. A fraction later it came flying out after him, missing his head by a hair. He picked it up and carried it home, punctured and useless.

  Words! But he hadn’t been wrong. She may have said the words, but her body hadn’t agreed. He’d never been wrong in that. Was he getting that old? He changed his clothes, but he had no desire to go out again or to battle with Maike; the idea of getting another can had also lost its appeal, so he went to his mat. Kun was still up.

  As a result, he woke up in the middle of the night again. He drank the other half of the pouch of beer to help him back to sleep, but it didn’t work. Now his body was no longer swollen, it was something else that spooked his head: He’d honestly thought she wanted to. Had he been so drunk that he was unable to judge that right? Was that how pathetic he’d become? That people turned their heads away for the smell or fled on the street in case he got angry, that he had to force his way with women? Stooped as low as Thalo, as low even as the one example of a man he had once sworn he’d never become – big, smelly, disgusting, violent, and cowardly? That about summed up his father who’d also believed he knew what women wanted. The idea of turning into that pervert almost made Aryan throw up.

  He didn’t go out all day and accepted the pouch of sweet wine Haslag brought him that evening. Then he stayed inside another two days until the pouch was empty. Though he cursed his own need for it, he went out to get more. He ended up trading in his blanket, since he had nothing else. It was evening when Benjamar arrived at his home.

  “Come on in. Did she send you?” Benjamar wasn’t here for just a friendly call.

  “Who, Maike? No.”

  Aryan left it at that; no need to wake sleeping guards. He offered the old man some of the fresh wine, which Benjamar accepted.

  “You must have heard that I’m going to the new settlement. I was hoping you’d be interested in joining me,” Benjamar said.

  “What would I do there?”

  “The same thing you do here – nothing.”

  This was Benjamar talking, so Aryan didn’t get upset at the words.

  “That spacekabin will never fly again, Aryan. You know it won’t.”

  “I can repair the fuel lines; if only it can get me up there.”

  Benjamar might be the only person on this planet who hadn’t aged. He was going to start over – again.

  “How do you do that? You never give up. How do you keep so busy in this place?”

  Benjamar slowly shook his head. “I’m being kept busy. It seems to be decided for me. Thing is, Aryan, I get tired of it too. I am to be governor of the new settlement. I won’t be able to run that place alone.”

  “You don’t expect me to sit in another government, do you?”

  “I’ll need people to enforce the law.”

  “Maike will do a good job at that.”

  “I think Maike may want a different job for a while,” Benjamar answered.

  “What do you want from me? You didn’t come here to give me Maike’s job?”

  “No.” Benjamar held out his cup for a refill.

  Aryan obliged and filled up his own cup as well. “So what then?”

  “Do you want it straight? I want you to quit feeling sorry for yourself. I want you to quit hanging around the lander, and I want you to quit drowning yourself in wine for fear of facing the reality of life on Kun DJar.”

  “I am not afraid!” The cup was only made of plastic and it shattered in Aryan’s fist, spilling wine everywhere. The edge of it cut his hand. “Damn you!”

  “I’ve learned over the course of my life that this kind of reaction usually means I’m right,” Benjamar said, while Aryan looked for a cloth to wrap around the cut.

  “Don’t push your luck, old man. I’ve been drinking and I’ve learned that wine is a good aid in losing my temper.”

  “Another threat?”

  It wasn’t so much his words but the smile Benjamar spoke them with that irritated Aryan. At the same time, he wouldn’t hit Benjamar, no matter what he said. He’d like to, but he wouldn’t. “I’m a grown man. If I want to drink I can do that. If I don’t want to work, I can do that too.”

  “Most men drink because they’re afraid of something, Aryan.”

  “Damn you. You come in here and give me orders. Go home if all you can do is treat me like a child.”

  “Stop behav
ing like one.”

  Aryan emptied his chest in search of another cup, but there were none.

  Benjamar held out his. “Take this one before you get withdrawal symptoms.”

  “What’s this, a challenge?”

  “Would you accept it, if it were? Or would you be afraid to lose?”

  “Don’t play with me, Benjamar. I’ll accept a challenge anytime. What do you want?”

  “I told you what I what. I want you to pull yourself together, but I don’t want just a simple challenge. If we do this, we do it all the way: a treyak, for honour. No games.”

  Aryan stared at him. Was he for real? A treyak had rules, agreements, official time limits and stuff like that. “How?” he asked. “Don’t a treyak need a witness?”

  “If you want. Who did you have in mind; Maike?”

  “Are you serious or are you just trying to get me upset?”

  Benjamar smiled. “I’m earnest. Think about it. I can come back later for the details. If you don’t want a witness, I’m fine with that too.”

  Aryan didn’t want to think about it. For starters, he wasn’t going to stand in front of a witness and get ordered to stop behaving like a child. He told Benjamar he had no need to wait. If he was going to challenge Aryan, he should do it here and now.

  “Okay.” Benjamar stood up. “Here is what I want. You solve your problems with Maike and with the wine. Openly admit your fears instead of hiding behind the idea of getting back to SJilai. If you can do that, then you’re a man. Until that day I reserve the right to give you orders and you will be obliged to follow them.”

  “Damn it, Benjamar, that’s preposterous. You stand there like a big father. You know everything, but can you make this dump into a better place to live? No, you can’t. You flee to the new settlement.”

  “You don’t have to accept my challenge if you can’t handle it, Aryan.”

  Aryan took Benjamar’s cup, filled it to the brim and drank it down in one go. “How long?”

  “Whenever you’re ready. I’m in no hurry. I’ll be leaving in a few days, but you can still come with me.”

  “No!”

  Aryan wouldn’t go to a new place. He would not go where Maike was going. Let her follow him for a change.