The only way to stop it would be to kill her. A cold sweat broke out over his skin at the thought, and he knew he'd never be able to do it. Even half-bonded, he'd kill anyone who tried to hurt her. He touched his uncle's ring, ran his finger over the black stone. He'd worn the talisman since the day he'd pulled it off Enzo's lifeless body, the day he'd pulled his sword from his uncle's throat.
He knew he had no choice. If Madison lived, he'd betray everyone who mattered to him.
Ajax dropped his mental shields and reached out to his blood brother. Xander.
"Dear God," Madison whispered behind him.
Too late, he realized that she was in his mind, that she'd heard him call Xander and been able to sense his intent.
"You're going to tell Xander to come kill me before we can complete the bond, aren't you?"
Ajax turned to face her as he waited for Xander to respond. Her silver eyes were haunted with betrayal, her mouth open in shock.
Pain knifed through his gut, but he didn't allow himself to look away, forced himself to face his choice and the impact it would have on her...an innocent female...his soulmate...his destiny...
His destruction. "If we both live, we'll destroy everything that matters to us," he whispered, the words hoarse in his throat.
"Screw that! I'm not going to die because of some stupid legend. This doesn't change anything!" She was furious, so angry that the emotions almost burned his skin.
And she was right. His whole life, he'd been arguing that his uncle shouldn't have been killed just because he'd met his sheva and gone rogue. And now he was going to get sucked into the same bullshit?
Xander touched his mind. Ajax. What happened? I felt Viktor's presence at Nightshade Tavern, and then it was gone— There was a pause, and he knew Xander had sensed Madison. He felt Xander quickly begin to sort through Ajax's thoughts—
He shut Xander out a split second before Xander discovered the truth about Madison.
The choice was made.
Chapter Twenty-Six
"How dare you arrange my murder!" Madison slammed her fist into Ajax's chest, and the impact reverberated all the way up to her shoulder. Gasping against the pain, she held her arm to her chest. Damn him for being built like a freaking house.
He caught her wrist. "Calm down—"
"You bastard!" She ripped her hand free and hit him again. "You—"
He grabbed her hands and anchored them behind her back, her body pressed into his as he gazed down at her. "Madison." His voice was soft. "Let me talk. Then you can punch me if you want. Hear me out."
"You're an asshole for sounding so nice when you just put a hit out on me." She was pinned against him, his grip unyielding, but not hurting her. She was trapped, completely helpless, and they both knew it. All the fight went out of her body, and she sagged against him. "I hate you."
He grimaced. "I can feel that. I accept it. It will make this easier."
She glared at him. "Having me killed?"
"No. I shut him out before he realized you are my sheva." He raised his brows. "You know that."
She stared at him. "What?" But even as she asked the question, she realized that he was telling the truth. She'd been in his mind when he'd done it, but she'd been too angry to notice that he cut Xander off before he'd been able to discover the truth.
Relief rushed through her so fiercely that her legs nearly gave out. Only Ajax's grip kept her on her feet. "You're not going to have me killed." It was a sure sign of how bad her life was if the discovery that there wasn't a hit out on her made her want to sob with joy.
He sighed. "No."
She felt the conflict within him, the deep, soul-scarring torment. It made her hesitate. "Why? Because you think I can help you find Viktor?"
"No." He stared down at her, and she saw the fierce possessiveness in the hard lines of his face, an ownership that hadn't been there before. "Because you're mine."
For a split second, elation leapt through her. The most incredible sense of belonging and acceptance. For her entire life, she'd been on the run, always looking over her shoulder. Afraid to put down roots. Terrified to trust.
And now, just like that, she had a warrior at her back. A deadly, fierce warrior strong enough to help her control her magic. A man who had just traded centuries of loyalty to his team and his mission to keep her safe.
Holy shit, right?
Then, just as fast, fear wrapped around her. What did it mean to belong to Ajax? He was an ancient, powerful warrior. She didn't want to be owned by anyone. She needed her freedom to run. To live. To breathe. She stiffened. "A few marks on my arm don't make me yours—"
"You were mine from the minute your soul came into existence."
Something unfurled inside her at his words, and she wanted to wrap herself around him, to let him rule her, to hand her life over to him...
"Stop it!" She held up her hands to keep him back, desperate to get away from him, from the feelings stirring inside her.
Ajax dropped his head to her throat and inhaled deeply. Her body tingled at the feel of his breath on her neck.
"That's why I've wanted you so badly." His voice was deep and rich, and so utterly male her whole body quivered.
He'd wanted her as much as she'd wanted him. The realization made her body clench, her pulse quicken. Slowly, fear began to dissipate under the awareness that they were in it together. If she belonged to him, then he belonged to her. They were both trapped. "How do we stop it?"
"Your death would have done it." He pulled her tighter, grazed his teeth over her throat as he cupped her butt. "But I can't let that happen."
"Glad to know that." She swallowed, sensing his fascination with the way her throat moved. She felt his need to press his lips to her skin. To taste her. Crush her against him, strip her and take her right there in the woods. She could sense all his thoughts and his emotions and—
Holy shit. "Stop it!" She shoved off his chest and felt his shock, as if she'd broken his spell.
He released her instantly, and she stumbled backward, landing on her butt on the pine needles. She didn't move, her breath heavy in her chest as she stared at him. "Look, I really appreciate you going all 'I won't let you die' heroic, but I'm not joining you in this whole destiny thing. I won't let the sheva destiny destroy me." She lifted her chin. "By blood bonding us, you roped me into something I didn't agree to."
"I know." Ajax's eyes were dark, and every muscle in his body was taut. "I've damned us both."
"I—" She didn't know how to respond, her anger deflating at his admission.
He ran his hands through his hair, took a breath, then dropped his hands and walked over to her. He crouched in front of her, not touching, not speaking. Waiting. After a moment, he reached over and picked up a lock of her hair, fingering it.
She folded her arms across her chest, not trusting his response if she touched him. Not trusting herself. She wanted to touch him so badly. To feel his arms around her. His body against hers. When he touched her, she felt alive. Safe. Like a woman, not a murderer who might kill everyone around her. Ajax was stronger than her Illusions. He could stop them. He could make them go away with a kiss.
Except that he couldn't. Not really. Not forever.
It was simply a matter of time before the Illusion broke through, killing everyone around her, showing him that she was the monster he'd sworn to destroy.
She stiffened and pulled back, needing to protect herself from trusting him, from believing that everything was going to be okay. He caught her hair, trapping her, as if to show her that her freedom was his choice, in his hands. "You are mine."
She pulled free. "If I'm yours, why were you going to have Xander kill me?"
He dropped his hand. "Do you recall how I told you that when the bond is complete, the warrior's immortality becomes hers?"
Oh. She'd forgotten that. Immortally cursed with her Illusions? "I don't want that."
He gave a half smile. "Don't worry. You'll be immortal only
as long as I'm alive. When I die, you'll die, too. And as a bonded warrior, my early death is assured." His face grew hard. "A bonded warrior dies fast in battle. He knows his death will kill his sheva, and that makes him cautious, because nothing matters except protecting his sheva. The moment a warrior fears death, it will come right for him."
She couldn't stop the little shiver that ran through her at his words. "I thought he would die at his sheva's hand."
He raised his brows. "Whether she deals the blow to stop him from going on a rogue killing spree, or whether it's because her existence fatally distracts him in battle makes no difference. His death is because of her, and she will follow him. It is our destiny, and it is unavoidable. Completing the bond means they both die."
Well, that was not the fairytale every little girl dreams of. "So...that's why the Order kills shevas? So the warrior can carry on?"
He nodded.
"Well, that's stupid. What makes you more important than me?"
He raised his brows. "I can save the world."
And I can destroy it. "Point taken." She hugged her knees to her chest, reminding herself that Ajax hadn't made the choice to live on the shoulders of her death. He'd decided she was important. "Do I need to worry about the Order killing me?"
Ajax gave a small snort, and she realized he was studying her, as if he was seeing her for the first time. "The Order would be hard pressed to choose between the two of us. So many reasons to kill us both."
"Oh. Well. That's encouraging." She'd forgotten about the fact the Order was after him. She had a vision of him sprawled on the ground, Xander's axe buried in his chest, and her throat tightened in fear. Fear of losing him. She swallowed and rubbed her hands over the goosebumps on her arms. "Can we avoid completing the bond? What constitutes a death offering?"
His gaze was still roaming over her, but it wasn't sexual. It was more analytical, as if he was taking stock of what he'd just been saddled with. "The death offering occurs when I kill or offer my life to save yours."
"Oh." Given what they were about to face, a death offering was a high possibility. "What about the spiritual joining?"
"It's exactly what it sounds like."
She scowled. "Forgive me if I'm not familiar with the mechanics of merging my spirit with anyone. Can you try to break it down for me?"
"Love is one way."
Love. Her chest tightened, and she shook her head. "You could never fall in love." Could he?
"No." He lifted one hand and trailed his finger over the mark on her arm, his touch sending tingles down her arm. "But we're also connected metaphysically now. It wouldn't be difficult for me to bring us together on a spiritual level."
She pulled out of his reach. "Like if we talk mind-to-mind? That would do it?"
"It tightens our connection, but no, that wouldn't do it. It would have to be something more." His mouth was tight. "We'll have to be careful. The more time we spend together, the tighter our connection will become." He met her gaze. "It'll be difficult to resist."
"Oh, God." She dropped her head to her knees and closed her eyes. "And when it happens? Instant rogue? Instant fatal injury in battle?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes it takes time. It varies."
"Depending on what?"
"No one knows for sure."
She took a deep breath and lifted her head. "So we don't do it. We don't cross that line."
A small smile curved his mouth. "You're a warrior, aren't you, Madison Locke?"
His words wrapped around her like a warm wind. The respect in his eyes felt good, even if she knew it wasn't justified. "No. I just want to save my sister. And I want—" She stopped, realizing she couldn't share her real truth, that she wanted to never murder again. That she wanted to be free from guarding herself, from waiting for that moment when she finally snapped.
Being around Ajax seemed to keep the Illusions under control, both because he made her feel safe and because his kisses seemed to simply knock the Illusions right out of her, but it was a temporary reprieve.
The malachite was still in her system, and at some point, it would emerge and all hell would break loose.
He regarded her steadily. "What do you want?"
His voice was soft, and she knew he was digging, trying to find out her secrets.
There were a million things she wanted, that she yearned for. A home. A family. Peace. The ability to trust herself. To stop running. But none of those things mattered. She'd never have them, so she needed to stop wishing for them.
She was suddenly so exhausted. She propped her elbows on her knees and pressed her palms to her eyes, fighting off a sense of complete desolation. "All I want is my sister. To find her and go home."
"Home." He rolled the word over his tongue, like it was a foreign word. "Where's that?"
She curled her hands into fists, grinding them against her eyes. "I don't know. Somewhere that isn't like this. Vermont, maybe."
She felt Ajax move and sit beside her, heard him sigh, his shoulder brushing against hers. His hand went to her neck, and he dug his knuckles into her taut muscles.
Neither of them spoke, the only movement being his hand working on her neck.
"I know what that's like," he said finally.
She closed her eyes, wanting to simply sit there, letting his fingers give her comfort. "What do you mean?"
"Not knowing where home is." He was quiet for a moment, then laughed softly, a bitter, ironic laugh. "I had one once. A home."
She kept her voice quiet. "What happened to it?"
"Carnage." He dropped his hand from her neck.
She flinched at the word, at the image it created. "How old were you?"
"Old enough."
"Old enough to what?"
"To have caused it to happen."
She looked up sharply at his words, at the flat tone of his voice that she didn't believe for a moment. "What did you do?"
"I made a bad choice, and everyone I loved died because of it." He brushed his finger over the ancient ring on his middle finger. "A reminder of my failure."
He wasn't looking at her. He just sat with his arms draped across his knees, staring out across the forest. His jaw was rigid, and his face was intent. She could feel his emotions now. Grief. A raging, aching loneliness and despair so brutal she felt tears rise in her own eyes. Pain so grinding that she touched his arm, unable to keep herself from wanting to take it away. His muscles were like steel beneath her hand. "It was your fault? How?"
"Long story. Not important."
But she knew he was lying. It was desperately important to him.
"I'm so sorry." She flexed her hand, wanting to hold him. Take away the suffering. She was familiar with the kind of regret he was facing; she lived with the hatred of who she was every day of her life. She admired him for the fact he'd endured for five hundred years despite the weight on his soul.
He was a warrior with a terrifying reputation, but she knew the truth.
He was a good man, and she'd sensed it since the start.
There was no way she would ever have been able to kill him, not since that first moment she'd seen him across the clearing at his cabin. She thought of the phone still in her back pocket, the one she was supposed to use to report that she had his weapons...useless now.
How was she going to save Ashley now? Her only chance was for them to find Ashley before her deadline was up. To do that, she needed Ajax's help, even though they'd just both witnessed Ashley's attack on him. Why would he help her? But she had to find a way to convince him. "Ajax, I—"
"I can't fail Viktor." His voice was low, and a controlled calm descended over him. He turned his head toward her. "We're not going to waste this blood bond. We're going to use it to try to find Ashley."
She sat up, sudden hope in her chest. "Really? You're going after my sister?"
"I am."
Something about his tone made her hesitate. "And when you find her?"
"I'll destroy the bastard who killed Vi
ktor."
"And my sister?" She held her breath, hoping.
He turned toward her. "Before Viktor died, our connection was strong. He died because he wanted to protect your sister. He made that choice, and I have to honor it in his stead. I owe him that much."
Madison stared at him in disbelief, her throat tightening up. "You're serious? You're going to protect her?"
Ajax ground his jaw and moved so he was kneeling in front of her. "I saw enough to suspect she was forced into that Illusion, but if she has killed with her Illusions, she'll be consumed with the darkness. There will be no recovery for her. I'll have to kill her." He caught her chin, his touch soft. "I need you to understand that before we go forward. An Illusionist who has killed with her Illusions is dangerous and irrecoverable."
Like me? Her entire future with Ajax was summed up in his statement. He could never know the truth about her. "She's not a killer. You have to give her a chance—"
"I can't walk away from what I have to do."
She saw in his eyes his struggle, his conflict, and realized the situation was not easy for him. She felt his regret, a regret so bitter and so ingrained it was like acid in the back of her throat. Her anger faded, replaced by cautious hope. Ajax would do the right thing if he could, and she knew Ashley wasn't a killer.
Yet.
But now that Ashley was doing dark Illusions, it was only a matter of time before one of her Illusions killed someone, and then she would be like Madison. "Are you going to tell the Order what's going on? Bring them in to help?"
"No."
"But why not? We don't have much time—"
"They can't be trusted."
"But they defend the innocent, and she's—"
He shook his head once. "That's not all they do, Madison. Trust me."
There was something so ominous in his tone that she shivered. But she realized she did trust him. He would do his best to save her sister, and it would be enough. She nodded, committing herself to him. "Okay. I'm in. What do we do?"
His hand brushed over her cheek, and she saw the regret in his eyes before she made herself push his hand away, not trusting herself to let him get close to her. "We tap into the blood bond to track Ashley."
Darkness Awakened Page 17
