Theresa hadn't been too far off base when she'd called Satan the best lover in the Afterlife. The man might be a danger to any woman with a functioning libido, but Iris was not going to fall victim. Never again.
She was too damn smart, cynical, and badass nowadays, so he had no chance with her. But that didn't mean she wasn't above using him for her own benefit, despite the fact it would take a thousand years of using him to begin to make up for what he'd cost her. "Where are my gifts? You know I tolerate your visits only because you try to buy my affections with presents."
He fished a dish towel out of the bottom drawer and began mopping his melted body up. "I left them in the limo. They would be ruined by the water. I anticipated you might shoot me."
She grinned at his disgruntled tone as she popped the plug back in the gun. "You're such a smart guy. I always knew there was something to you besides being a manipulating, arrogant bastard." She set the gun on the granite counter and glanced at him.
Oh…looking at him had been a mistake. He was already regaining his human form, and some form it was. Handsome didn't even begin to describe him. He was pure sex and temptation, with his neatly trimmed beard, his strong jaw, his melt-worthy smile, and eyes that could see into her soul. And his muscles…well…his biceps and abs were so ripped that they should be made illegal.
He was the most tempting man she'd ever met, and he knew it. Contemptible pig.
He dropped the towel onto the counter. "It delights me endlessly that you noticed that I am a manipulating and arrogant bastard. I work hard to maintain my flawless reputation. Does being around a man of such stature make you long for naked flesh and moans of ecstasy?"
Yes. "Not at all."
"I can tell your resistance to my charm weakens." Satan trailed his fingers down the side of her neck. "Say, 'yes' this instant, before my love explodes."
She smacked his hand away, ignoring the chills that raced down her arms from his touch. "You want me to say 'yes' to moving south of the border and being your love slave for all eternity?"
"I will be your love slave." He flexed his arm, showing off biceps that strained the fine material of his suit. "All you have to do is dominate me."
Oh…she so wanted to wrap her fingers around his arm. Not that she would, of course. Yeah, true, Satan knew his way around a woman's body, but she wanted a lot more out of life, or Afterlife, as the case was, than an eternity of orgasms. "You used me, tricked me, and nearly destroyed my legacy. It's going to take a lot of gifts and bribery to make up for that."
"I have much money. I am the richest being in the Afterlife, and I can buy any present you yearn for. Your breasts are looking lovely as usual." He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "I would love to lick them."
"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes. "That is so not how to win over a woman."
"Why not? Every woman wants to know a man thinks she is attractive, does she not?" He flicked the final bit of water out of his hair, making the short dark ends stick up.
Damn him. It was patently unfair that such an evil, manipulative bastard could be so adorable. "Women don't want to be gawked at for their breasts," she snapped. "They want to feel valued as a woman, not as a piece of ass to be bought and then nailed..." Her voice trailed off at the smug look on his face. She realized suddenly what she'd revealed. "Dammit! You tricked me!"
"Yes! I am a delight, am I not? I am compelled to trick you so I can learn what will win you over." He beamed at her. "I will now endeavor to show you I value you as a woman, but worry not! I will still ogle your body. It is too ambrosial to ignore. Would you like to ogle mine?"
"No!" She jerked her gaze away as his hands went to the waistband of his pants. "Keep that thing locked up."
He feigned a hurt look as he dropped his hands. "You wound me. I had to bargain for a lot of souls to secure this delicious male form. I did it for you, my most dedicated career woman who I admire so deeply, and yet you resist it repeatedly."
"Hang on." She whirled toward him and jabbed him in the chest. "Did you just say it's my fault all those poor souls you harvested are stuck in the Underworld?"
"Yes. Isn't it wonderful?" He gave her a glowing smile. "You practically have family down there already."
"Never joke about my family in hell." She grabbed the gun and pointed it at his crotch. "Justine will not go to hell! Do you hear me?"
He yelped and held the dishtowel in front of his family jewels. "I was not referring to your offspring! Put that away before I am forced to show you how ruthless and powerful I can be when my manliness is threatened!"
She hoisted the gun onto her shoulder. "Never mention my family in hell again, or I'll shoot your boys with purified water."
He lifted his chin and tossed the towel carelessly aside. "You would not hurt them."
She tightened her grip on the gun, all amusement gone. "Just try it," she said, her voice low and hard. "Just fuck with my kid and see what happens."
Satan's eyes widened. "I would never threaten your child! I was not referring to her!"
"It sounded like you were."
"I wasn't! I know you treasure her, and I would never risk your ire by endangering her!" He grabbed a towel and tucked it into the front of his pants, making a protective shield out of pale yellow butterflies. "Which brings me to the reason I am here."
She paused, frowning. "It's not to try to win me over?"
"That is secondary at best. I am here to share important information with the woman my loins throb for."
"Important info?" She didn't buy it. Plus, she was still pissed about his remark about family in hell that she didn't even care. It was amazing how threatening the only thing that mattered to her made her forget how sexy he was. "Just leave."
"I cannot leave. I have secret info you will want to know."
Something about his tone made her hesitate. "Secret?" At his nod, she raised her brows. "What's the secret information? That you have clean sheets on your bed, and you need someone to mess them up?"
"No, nothing so delightful." He hesitated. "May I have the gun? I suspect there is a fairly significant likelihood that this news could upset you. I am but the bearer of the news, not the one responsible, so I would prefer to avoid another round of drenching."
"Fine." She handed the gun over, her curiosity aroused. "You've never shared any secrets before. What's going on?"
He drained the gun into the sink, then shut it in the cabinet with the plates. "The fierce warrior known as your daughter may be in danger. Someone who wishes to cause her harm has found her."
"What?" Alarm ricocheted through her. "Justine's in danger? I'll kill anyone who comes near her!" She bolted for the patio, which had her portal back to the mortal world. "I'll—"
Satan grabbed her arm and hauled her to a stop. "No, my love pumpkin. You cannot interfere. It is too dangerous."
"Dangerous? I'm already dead! What could possibly harm me?" She tried to yank free of his grasp, but he didn't release her.
"Much could harm you!" Satan looked alarmed by her statement. "My naïve butterfly, you are not really dead. Granted, you are quite dead according to the mortal world, but as you can see, you are very alive and throbbing with vitality and sexuality. Sadly, you could wind up really and truly dead. And that is not such a good state. Even I, ruler of the Underworld, would prefer to avoid it, and I am a macho man who can withstand any torture."
She scowled at him. "I won't let anything happen to Justine."
"And neither will I. I am Satan, and I will resolve the situation with ease."
The conviction in his tone stopped her struggling. "Are you serious? You'll protect her?"
"Very serious, and absolutely yes! I know she means much to you, and if she were killed, you would be very sad, and I cannot allow that."
Something fluttered in her belly. "You care if I'm sad?"
"Of course. If you were sad, you would not want to have sex for many, many centuries. That is not something I can afford."
Of course it
was about sex. She'd been stupid to even hope that he actually cared.
"A true man can go only so long without sex."
His comment jerked her attention back to him. "You expect me to believe you don't have sex with other women?"
He met her gaze without flinching. "You are the only woman my tower of passion throbs for."
"Really?" The man was addicted to sex, and he'd given it up for her, even though he didn't even have her? That was so sweet—
Ack! What was she doing? Focus, Iris. Satan's extracurricular activities were none of her concern. "What's the threat against Justine, how do you know about it, and what are you planning to do? And if I can't do anything myself, why did you tell me?"
He nodded. "Smart questions. I admire intelligence. Would you like to sleep with me?"
She slammed both hands into his chest and shoved him backwards. "Satan!"
"I will continue to develop my skills of valuing you as a woman." He held up his hand to stall her when she opened her mouth to yell at him again. "I have assigned one of my most prized Rivkas to manage the threat. Rivkas are my special spies and secret enforcers. The pinnacle of my minion food chain. You know this, yes?" At her nod, he continued. "My best Rivka is managing this situation. I have not yet gotten the full report on the potential assailant—"
"Wait a sec. Assailant?" Yes, Justine was trained to handle threats to Mona, but Iris knew from her own experience that some threats were too dangerous even for a Guardian to handle. And since Justine hadn't faced a true threat since Carl, who knew how rusty her skills were? "There is a potential assailant after my daughter?"
"No fear, my love pancake! My Rivka will interfere and cause the demise of the assailant, but I think you should warn your daughter to be careful. My Rivka is very good, but if word has leaked out that Desdemona's Temptation has been located, other threats may follow." He grimaced. "Others who are not so easily disposed of, others who I do not yet know about."
Iris set her hand on her hips. "Wait a sec. What do you mean, Mona has been located? By who?" She drew her shoulders back. "By you?"
He shook his head quickly. "I do not know where the Goblet is. Though I suspect my brilliant and talented minions could locate the Goblet with the ease and joy, I have ordered them not to find out. If they do stumble upon her location, they are to forget the information immediately."
She blinked. "Really? I thought you coveted it."
"Oh, I do." He nodded enthusiastically. "If I knew where the Goblet was, I might find the temptation too great to resist. And yet, I know you would not have sex with me if I went after it while it was under your daughter's protection, so for that, I shall always resist."
"Damn right, I wouldn't sleep with you if you stole the Goblet from Justine." Apparently, she'd better abstain from sex with Satan forever, if his obsession with her was the only thing keeping Justine and Mona safe from him. She refused to acknowledge that it was kind of sweet that Satan was willing to give up something he coveted so much just because he knew it would upset her.
She started walking back toward her portal again. "I'll tell Justine to leave town."
Satan trailed after her. "No. She will be followed. She must stay where my Rivka can protect her and end the threat before it multiplies."
"What?" She stopped and spun around to face him. "Multiplies? Not acceptable. I'm going to talk to Melvin. He'll arrange something."
Satan caught her hand, wrapped his elegant fingers around her wrist. "Melvin cannot interfere. No one in the Afterlife is allowed to interfere in the mortal world. You know that."
She pressed her lips together, trying not to be comforted by the warmth of his touch. Satan was a heartless, lying scum, not some sweet lover who would keep her and Justine safe. "So how come you're interfering?"
He looked surprised by her question. "Because I'm Satan. I do my best to break rules as often as possible."
Duh. She cocked her head, studying him. His eyes were dark and intense, sizzling with power, and an absolute lack of respect for anyone or anything. "You know, the fact you're an unscrupulous son-of-a-bitch might actually come in handy."
He beamed at her. "I'm so glad you realize that. I'm very handy. Are there any rules you'd like me to break for you? It would be my pleasure."
"Just save my daughter."
"Of course." He gave her a quick kiss and danced out of range before she could get her knee into his precious manly regions. "I will go give orders to my Rivka to kill this Derek person who is after her. You will be impressed with my success and want to suck my—"
"Satan!"
"Too crass?"
"Get out!" That extremely brief kiss had been much too tempting, and she needed a moment to regroup before hopping into her portal to visit Justine. Despite her best efforts, however, Iris couldn't stop herself from watching Satan's deliciously muscled behind as he strode out her front door. She couldn't even resist a tiny smile when he caught her checking him out and shot her a delighted, sassy grin.
She sighed as he pulled the front door closed behind him.
These random visits were going to have to stop. They were far too disruptive to her life, and her hormones. Because the truth was that it wasn't the promise of great sex that was getting to her. It was him. The man himself. The same one who nearly destroyed her before. He very well might win her over, and that was completely unacceptable.
She needed to protect herself from him…and from herself.
Maybe she'd install a sprinkler system triggered by a motion detector before his next visit.
Yes, that was a very good plan.
Or a moat. Of purified water. Brilliant. She'd call a contractor first thing in the morning.
But in the meantime, there was at least one assailant, and possibly more, after her daughter.
That had to stop, and now.
Chapter Twelve
Justine pressed her shaking hands to her hips, trying to smooth the wrinkles from her new dress. She was minutes away from Derek showing up at her house to escort her to dinner, for her first dinner with a man in over two hundred years. "I'm not sure I can go through with this."
"With what? Killing Derek?" Theresa was sprawled on Justine's bed, her tail and entire hind end hanging off the side, despite the fact that Justine's bed was king-sized. Not that Justine would ever point out that Theresa was so large she couldn’t fit on a king bed. She'd made that joke once, and then she'd had to buy a new bed after Theresa incinerated it.
Everyone had their sensitivities, and Theresa's was that she could not access her human form, so yeah, those jokes were off the table indefinitely.
At the moment, the world's most frustrated dragon was on her back, her golden eyes blinking as she watched Justine prepare for her dinner with Derek.
"I know how to kill. It's the date thing that's freaking me out. It's been so long since I've been out with a guy." Justine tucked a stray hair behind her ear, her stomach churning with nerves. "I don't even know how to wear a dress anymore. And these heels?" She held up her foot, and the strappy black high heel attached to it. "How do people walk in these?"
"A date?" Theresa raised her brows. "It's not a date."
Justine eyed the marks on her leg from where she'd cut herself shaving. "What would you call it?"
"Me?" Theresa twisted herself out in a giant dragon stretch. "I'd call it dressing up for the man who's planning to kill you. Kind of desperate if you ask me."
Justine grimaced. "I'm not dressing up for him."
"No?" Theresa raised her brows skeptically. "Then what's with the first new dress you've purchased in a hundred years?"
She cleared her throat. "It's a present for myself because I turned in my alien design, and they love it. What's wrong with a woman buying presents for herself?"
"Nothing, but your presents usually aren't skin-tight, black dresses that look like they're designed to turn all men into pools of stuttering slobber, as fun as that sounds, of course."
Justine's heart flippe
d. "Really? It looks that good?"
"It does." Theresa propped her chin up on her front claws and sighed dreamily. "You look like sex personified. I'm super proud of you. I didn't know you had it in you to be sexy. But to belabor my prior point, it kind of makes it look like you're dressing up for him."
"Hah." Justine studied herself in the full-length mirror. Did she really look sexy? She'd never looked sexy in her life. The black dress did fit her well, and the high heels were freaking badass. "So what if I want to feel sexy? Women can feel sexy just for themselves, right?"
"Yep, they can, it's just that you never do."
"Well, I am now." Justine turned sideways to the mirror and ran her hand over the silken fabric, sighing with pleasure at how soft it was. She'd never spent this much money on a dress, and she couldn't deny how amazing it felt to indulge. "You think this will distract Derek enough that I can get some answers from him?" Holy cow. Dinner. With Derek. Nerves started fluttering again.
"Ah…that's the Guardian I know and love. Using her body to protect the world." Theresa picked up Justine's favorite T-shirt and began to polish Mona, who was perched on the bed beside her. Mona might appear to be an inanimate object, but Justine and Theresa were both certain that Mona loved girl talk as much as they did. "You know, you might want to try some more duct tape."
Justine touched the weapon taped to her thigh. "Why? Is the dagger showing?"
"No, not for weapons. For your boobs."
She blinked. She'd always liked her boobs. "What's wrong with my boobs?"
"Nothing, but Derek seems pretty determined. I doubt he'll forget to try to kill you if you don't get a little more cleavage action. You're not exactly an expert at seduction, so duct tape might help you along."
"You think?" Justine palmed her breasts into a perkier position, eying the resulting cleavage. Yeah, there was more, but she felt a little uncomfortable flashing so much breast. "How do we know Derek is really a threat to me? Maybe he isn't really planning to kill me." Despite her claims that she wasn't treating Derek as a date, she'd found it impossible not to think about it. He was handsome, he smelled good, and she couldn't stop thinking about how it felt to be tangled up with him. She didn't want to kill him. She really didn't.
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