Kimberly’s little eyes fluttered while she slept. Kevin looked down at his daughter with admiration and fought off the urge to pick her up. “How long do her naps usually last?”
“She’ll be asleep for at least another hour or two. If she doesn’t wake up on her own I’ll wake her, because I have to feed her anyhow.”
“Do you mind if I stay until she wakes up? I would really love to spend time with her.” On the other occasions when Kevin had come to visit, Wendy’s family had been around. He would be so glad to have a chance to be alone with Kimberly.
“Sure, why not.” What in the world are we supposed to do until she wakes up? Wendy wondered.Wendy and Kevin really hadn’t spent much time together since he’d moved out over nine months ago.
“What were you planning to do before I came?”
“Just relax.”
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
No, I don’t even want you to be here! “Sure, why not.” Wendy repeated her same dry response.
They walked to the living room. Wendy sat on the couch and stretched out her legs so Kevin couldn’t sit directly next to her. As a result, he sat at the opposite end. She began watching something on Lifetime, trying to pretend Kevin wasn’t there, but he refused to sit quietly.
“Have you contacted an attorney yet?” he asked, fishing for information.
“About what?” Wendy knew very well that he was referring to their getting a divorce, but she opted to play stupid. She wasn’t in the mood for this.
“About us?”
“No. Have you?” she asked.
“No, I wasn’t planning to. In fact, I really don’t want to.”
Wendy flipped through the TV channels. Here we go. You think having a baby will change my mind. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Kevin forcefully moved his wife’s feet out of his way so he could sit closer to her. “Wendy?”
“What?”
“I love you.”
Before she could stop herself, she said, “I love you too.” She hadn’t meant to speak out loud. It was a Freudian slip. She did love Kevin, but she couldn’t forgive him for what he had done to their relationship. How would she ever be able to trust him again?
Kevin smiled. “You don’t know how good it is to hear you say that.”
“What I meant is that although we’re not together, I still care about you. I hope we can remain civil to one another for Kimberly’s sake.”
“So that’s all you meant, right?”
Wendy was silent.
Kevin shook his head. “I don’t know why you have to be so stubborn. So you’re trying to say that after all we’ve been through together, you don’t have feelings for me.”
“If you would listen, that’s not what I said. I said that I care for you.”
“Do you still love me?”
“Can we not talk about this, please?”
“No, I want to know. Are you still in love with me?”
“All right then, since you have to bring it up.” Wendy tried her best to lie: “No.”
Kevin laid his head back on the couch. He was hurt and irritated at the same time. “I can’t believe that even after reading that letter I gave you months ago, you would still push me away like this.”
Oh, yes, the infamous letter that would explain it all. In all fairness, she had intended to read it the night he gave it to her, until she’d seen the lie about not cheating on her. She couldn’t even remember what she had done with the stupid thing. “You promised that if I read the letter and didn’t take you back then you would leave me alone about us getting back together. I read it and I’m not changing my mind.”
“I know, but it’s just so hard to believe that you would be like this. Did you not believe what I said about Joanne?”
“Who?”
“The lady I told you about in my letter.”
“Oh, her.” Why does that name sound familiar?
“Why didn’t you call her and ask her what happened between us? I gave you the number in the letter.”
“What do I look like calling the woman my husband had sex with? That’s real stupid.” Wendy turned off the television and got up from the couch. “I don’t want to talk to you about this. All you are doing is getting on my nerves. I’m going to lie down. Why don’t you go somewhere and I’ll call you when my baby gets up and you can come back and see her.” She got up and proceeded to walk down the hall.
“Did you hear what you said? You said your baby. Like it or not, she’s our child. It’s about time you start to realize that and quit making decisions concerning her by yourself.”
Wendy stopped, turned around, and glared at him with her hand on her hip. Her voice rose. “What in the world are you talking about? I should have the right to make decisions about her. I’m the one raising her, aren’t I?”
“But you’re not doing it alone. If you think I am going to sit back and be a passive father, think again. I very much intend to have a say in her life. Don’t think you’re going to keep making all of the decisions.”
“What decisions have I made?” Wendy yelled.
Kevin raised his voice. “Like her name, for one.”
“What?”
“You heard me. When did we decide that her name would be Kimberly?”
“That’s what this is about? Her name? Grow up. I don’t have time for this.” Wendy turned and continued walking. Kevin jumped up from the couch, ran in front of her, and grabbed her by the arms.
“Make time,” he said angrily. Truthfully, he had gotten over the name incident. It was hearing Wendy say that she no longer loved him that had incited this set of emotions. He wanted his wife back.
“Get off of me!” Wendy struggled to get free from his grip.
“I’m sorry.” Kevin loosened his hands after realizing what he had done. “I just . . . I have lost you. I don’t want to lose her, too.”
Wendy’s temper flared. He had some nerve, grabbing hold of her like she was a child. “You should have thought about that before you cheated on me!”
“Oh, so now you want to use her as leverage to get back at me?” He continued blocking the hall so Wendy could not walk by.
“I’m not using anyone.”
“Then what do you call all this?” he asked, pointing around the house. “I feel like nothing more than a pimp. You treat me more like your suga’ daddy than your husband.”
“Whatever, Kevin. Move out of my way.” Wendy pushed him to the side and walked past him.
“It’s true. I’m good enough to pay the mortgage, give you money to go toward the baby and yourself, but you can’t have a conversation with me for more than a few minutes. Yet you seem like you get an attitude when I don’t call before coming to see my daughter.”
Wendy turned to respond. “You are the one who said you would do those things. I never made you.”
“Yeah, but you took advantage of me. You knew that I wouldn’t let you and the baby struggle for anything.”
Kimberly started crying.
“Whoop-de-do. Do you expect to receive a Father of the Year award or something? Take your house, take your money, take whatever. But know one thing: Me and my baby will survive with or without your help.”
Kevin stood there and watched Wendy walk into the nursery and slam the door. In frustration, he hit the wall with his fist before going back into the living room. He kicked the coffee table, and the two-thousand-dollar porcelain lamp shattered when it hit the floor. Kevin grabbed his keys and stormed out of the house.
Chapter Eighteen
Nothing to Lose
I’LL TAKE A HEINEKEN, PLEASE,” a distraught Kevin said to the bartender at the club. Once he received his drink, Kevin laid a hundred-dollar bill on the table. “Keep the change,” he said, and turned to face the dance floor.
He took a long gulp of his drink. It burned a little on the way down, but after a few more swigs he’d get used to it. This particular dance club wasn’t one of his regula
r hangouts, but he had heard a lot about it. Wendy would never listen to him long enough to find out that he had stopped hanging around the people he used to, and he didn’t drink, smoke, or party any longer. Tonight was the first night he was having a drink in several months. It also was the first drink he had ever paid a hundred dollars for. Money meant nothing to him tonight. He would happily lose all of his money if it meant that he could get his wife back.
Face it, Kevin: you messed up. She’s not going to take you back, so you need to get over her and move on with your life. With the exception of going to church, he had made all the changes Wendy had been nagging him to make. Now he felt a day late and a dollar short. If only the changes had been made before she’d confronted him about having chlamydia. It doesn’t matter now, Kevin thought to himself. My marriage is over. He gulped down the beer before ordering another one.
“Hello, how are you?” a sultry, smooth voice said as she sat down on the empty bar stool next to him.
“Terrible.” Kevin snickered.
“C’mon, things can’t be that bad.”
“Easy for you to say. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure. I’ll have a piña colada.”
Kevin motioned for the bartender. “Can you get the lady a piña colada, and a rum and Coke for me, please?”
“Comin’ right up,” the bartender said.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
“By the way, my name is Renée.” She held out her hand and smiled.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I should have introduced myself, huh? I’m Kevin.”
They shook hands. “Very nice to meet you, Kevin.”
“You too.”
Kevin laid another hundred-dollar bill on the counter when the bartender returned with the drinks. “Keep the change.” He downed the rest of his second beer before giving Renée her drink and taking his.
“Thank you.” She took a sip of her cocktail. She had spotted him when he first walked into the club and was immediately attracted to him. She had doubted he would give her the time of day, but he had, and she was enjoying the attention. Her cheek-length hair was pulled back on the sides with barrettes. It used to be shorter, but she’d let it grow out over the summer. Her tight shirt and pants showed off every curve of her tall, slender frame. “So do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?”
Kevin shook his head. “There’s no point.” He began drinking his rum and Coke.
“You know you can always dance your sorrows away rather than drink them away,” she said, flirting.
“You know what? That might not be a bad idea,” Kevin considered. Why shouldn’t he dance with a pretty girl? He’d been accused by Wendy of doing much more.
Renée fluttered inside. She didn’t know exactly what was bothering him, but she knew that at least for the moment, she would be the distraction he needed. They finished their drinks and then proceeded to the dance floor.
Just as they were starting to dance, the DJ announced that the next song would be an oldie-but-goodie. The song: “Computer Love” by Zapp and Roger. Renée pressed her body up against Kevin’s, and the two danced like they were the only ones in the room. It had been a very long time since Kevin had been this close to any woman. He was definitely turned on by the beautiful Nubian princess he held in his arms.
They danced a couple more songs before going back to the bar. They spent the evening talking and laughing. Renée provided a great ending to Kevin’s tumultuous day. Before the night was over, she managed to convince Kevin that they should exchange telephone numbers, although he was reluctant to at first.
“Hello?” Kevin didn’t recognize the strange number on the caller ID of his cell phone at three in the morning. It hadn’t been long since he got back from the club. He’d had only enough time to take a quick shower, turn off the lights, and hop into bed before the phone rang.
“I’m sorry. I hoped you were still up,” the woman said.
“Who is this?”
“Renée.”
“Oh, hey, what’s up? I wasn’t sleeping.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s probably tacky for a woman to call a man—especially this late.”
“No, you’re fine. You just caught me off guard, that’s all. It doesn’t bother me that you called.”
“Good. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your company tonight. I hope to see you again.”
“Uhh . . . there’s something I think you should know.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m married.”
“Oh.” She sounded surprised.
“But my wife and I are separated. Looks like we’re heading down the road of divorce, but no one has made the first move.”
“So what are you saying?” she inquired. “Does this mean you don’t want me to call you anymore?”
“No, I’m not saying that at all. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking that there will be more to us than there can be. Truth is, I still love my wife. If I could, I would be with her now. Normally I’m not that outgoing with women at clubs, but tonight was a rough night for me. My wife shut me down and I guess I just needed to let out some frustration.”
“Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself, at least.”
“Of course I did.”
“Maybe we can do it again sometime. I am really interested in you, but I understand where you are coming from. We can be friends, can’t we?”
“No doubt.”
“Well, friends it is.” Renée really had her hopes set on something more, but she wouldn’t press her luck. Besides, if he really was getting a divorce, it would only be a matter of time before their friendship went to another level.
They continued their phone conversation for a long time. When Kevin looked at the clock again, it was almost five. Now that he lived separate from Wendy, he didn’t have to worry about her yelling at him to get up and go to church in the morning. He couldn’t believe he and Renée had shared such an intense yet intriguing phone conversation. He had enjoyed it. They talked about everything from his marriage to her career goals. To his surprise, he had told her everything about what happened to split him and Wendy up.
Maybe exchanging numbers with Renée wasn’t a bad idea after all. He pondered this after they had finally gotten off the phone. She seemed like a very nice person and even though he was married, Kevin could not deny the fact that she was gorgeous. Talking to her couldn’t damage his marriage any further; he was already on the verge of losing it all. There was nothing more to lose.
Chapter Nineteen
Four-Letter Word
TEARS WELLED UP in Kim’s eyes as she listened to the special news report on the television.
“A man walked into the Mid-Western Steel Plant and fired a semiautomatic, killing over twenty-eight people and wounding several others before turning the gun on himself. Columbus police are not certain as to what led forty-nine-year-old Victor Davis to this point. Investigators say that when they went to his home, they found his wife and three children shot to death in the basement. At this point, CPD is not sure whether it was Mr. Davis who shot his family. Sources reveal that Mr. Davis had gotten laid off at the plant several months ago. However, CPD has not yet confirmed these allegations. Ballistics will determine whether the bullets found in the victims at the plant match those found in the suspect’s dead wife and children. We’ll give more information on this story as details become available.”
Kim sat there in despair thinking about the lives of all those individuals who, without warning, had been snatched away. She had never thought much about death before, but in a world where so many people were dying so needlessly, Kim couldn’t help but wonder about the condition of their souls. Had they gone to heaven or hell? More importantly, would she go to heaven or hell if her life was suddenly taken away? It was a scary thought, yet it was a question that would inevitably be answered one day.
“Hello?” She wiped her eyes as she answered the phone.
“
Hey, sorry I’m just now calling you back. I was out all day yesterday.” It was Wendy.
“Why didn’t you go to church?”
“I was going to, but your niece kept me up most of the night on Saturday, so I slept in.”
“Oh.” Yesterday wasn’t the first time Wendy had missed church. There had been several occasions when she was a no-show, which was abnormal since she was usually zealous about going. Each time she had used now three-month-old Kimberly as an excuse. It was interesting how the baby never caused Wendy to miss a hair appointment or a meeting with her personal trainer. She’d even skipped out on last month’s Soul Sistas meeting held at night because Kimberly had been fussy all day. Kim had gone to that one by herself.
“What did you want?” Wendy asked.
“Nothing, I just wanted to see why you didn’t come to church, that’s all. Mama asked about you.”
“Dang. What, are y’all on pew patrol?” Wendy kidded. “Truthfully, I probably could have come, but then Nat called and wanted to know if the baby and I wanted to go shopping, so we did.”
“What did you buy?”
“Girl, some of everything—jewelry, clothes, shoes, handbags. I went from one department to another in Nordstrom. I bought a few things for Kimberly, but nothing big. She still got clothes that she hasn’t worn yet. I told Natalie that, but she insisted on buying an outfit for her anyway. It’s cute. I can’t wait to show it to you.”
“Umph.”
“Don’t start.”
“Start what?”
“I know that you and Gwen have your hang-ups about Natalie, but that’s not going to stop me from talking to her.”
“Nobody said you had to.”
“Anyhow, the outfit Nat bought is really cute. I’m sure both godmothers would approve of her taste.”
Kim didn’t feel like talking about Natalie. “Did you see the news?”
“No, why?”
“This man walked into a plant and killed twenty-eight people and shot some more.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, they also said that his wife and kids were found dead in the basement of his home. They don’t know yet if he did it.”
Soul Matters Page 15
