She gave Grady the coldest, ugliest smile as she wiped at her tears and asked, “Are you happy now?”
His hand tightened around the back of her neck.
“No, of course I’m not happy you went through that. I’d never wish that on anybody. Now, tell me again.”
Tu blinked at him. “What?”
“Tell me the story again.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Tu, believe me, I would never kid about something like this. But tell me again. Please.”
“You want me to tell you the story of how I woke up bleeding, got rushed to the town clinic, delivered my baby too early, and then watched him die in my arms after he tried to transform to save his sorry life? You want me to tell you that story two times?”
“No, I want you to tell it to me three times. I’ll let that summary count as twice. Tu, tell me one more time. The whole story. All the way to end.”
“No!” she struggled against him. “What kind of sick bastard are you?”
“One more time, Tu,” he insisted. “One more time and I’ll let you go, I promise. And you know, I keep my promises, too.”
The promise of release made her stop struggling. He did keep his promises, and that was the only reason she told him the story a third time.
“Okay, last time. Your brother mated me. I ran. He got killed while I was detoxing. My parents gave me a television. I woke up bleeding. My dad took me to the clinic. I delivered a baby boy, and he tried to save himself by transforming, but he couldn’t do it, and he died anyway.”
“He died,” Grady repeated.
“Yes, he died. The end. Now let me out of here!”
“That isn’t the end of the story.”
“What?” she shook her head, confused.
“He died. And you lived on. That’s the end of the story. I need you to tell me the end of the story, so I can let you out of here.”
“No, he died. That’s the end of the story.”
Tears were rushing out of her eyes completely unchecked now and to her surprise, Grady’s eyes filled with tears, too.
“No, it’s not, Tu. You lived on. That’s the end of the story. You need to say it. I need to hear you say it out loud.”
“I can’t!”
“You can. Say it, Tu. Just say it.”
It was only three words, the most boring part of the story, really, yet they were the hardest. Even more difficult to push out of her mind and into Grady’s than the description of her first pup’s death. “I… I…” So hard… but then she bit down on her fear and guilt and sadness like it was a stick and said, “I lived on.”
He let her go then, his hand coming off the back of her neck, his arm sliding down from her waist like a prison cell opening. But she couldn’t leave, couldn’t even move, she was crying so hard. She felt completely destroyed… a fragile bridge that had collapsed under his tremendous weight. Truly broken. And now she couldn’t leave, because she didn’t have anywhere to go. She was bereft, floating out in space without any kind of tether.
But then Grady grabbed on to her, gathering her up in his arms, bringing her back home.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry you lost your baby the way you did. But you lived on. That’s the main point.”
“It’s not… it’s not. You don’t understand! It was all my fault. I had to have one last weekend. I’m the one who came down here. I’m the one who took those drugs. I’m the one who… I’m the one who killed him!”
Grady shook his head. “Tu, I was Rafe’s sheriff for five years. If you’d seen some of the things I’d seen… That drug you were on… MDMA… I’ve seen it send she-wolves into heat before. There’s a reason my brother and I weren’t close towards the end. I’d warned him about selling that shit, told him what it could do, and he not only kept on selling it, he gave it to you.”
Tu’s breath caught. “What are you trying to say?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you even more by telling you this. I thought maybe we could just let sleeping wolves lie, but I also can’t let you take all the blame for what happened. My brother… there’s a good chance he might have set you up. As soon as my back was turned.
Kids are idiots. You were an idiot. But you were barely twenty-one. You truly thought you were just having fun and my brother took advantage of that. You can’t punish yourself for his actions for the rest of your life.”
“No!” She shook her head, unable to accept this new information. She still knew… “I’m the one who lost control, and my baby’s the one who paid the price. And I’ve tried, Grady. I’ve tried so hard. I took all that love for him and I put it into my nieces and nephews, but it wasn’t enough. My body… the doctor told me afterward that he didn’t know if I could carry a pup to term. And if it happens again…”
She felt Grady’s hand stroking her back.
“Tu, I wish I could promise you it won’t happen again, but I’ve seen it go bad before, gotten called in when a dad goes wolf because his pup didn’t make it. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of that stuff. Yeah, you didn’t help your pup out in the very beginning. But I’ve seen she-wolves do everything right and still end up with a dead pup, and I’ve seen stupid kids—just like you used to be---going into heat at a party and ending up with a perfectly healthy pup. Hell, Alisha had triplets in Viking times and all four of them survived the birth!”
He brought her forehead down to rest against his.
“And that’s why you’ve got to forgive yourself for what happened in the past, Tu. Because I’m your family now. You and me, this is real. I’m not just your mate, I’m in love with you. And I know you could love me if you let yourself.”
Her angry heart softened as his words washed over her like an ocean, rinsing off all the dirt and filth.
“You are so sweet and so much better than I deserve, Grady. That’s why—that’s why I’ve been trying to ensure your future, to make sure you’ll be able to attract another mate if… if it happens again. Because if I lose this baby, too…”
His eyes went hard then and he shook his head at her. “No, no, Tu, that’s bullshit. I am in love with you. You. Only you. I don’t want any other she-wolf’s voice in my head. Only yours as long as I live.”
“But—”
“Shut up, Tu. It’s time for you to listen to me. I have been waiting a long time for a she-wolf like you. Somebody who doesn’t see me as defective, who’s more worried about our baby surviving than whether or not it turns out deaf like its father. I honestly don’t believe there is another she-wolf as fucking amazing as you on the planet. So that thing you tried to do at Rafe’s cabin? That endgame that’s been floating around in the back of your mind ever since I put my pup in you? That’s not an option. You didn’t kill your firstborn, but if we lose this pup and you kill yourself, you will kill me because you are my life.”
She shook her head, desperate for him not to mean what he was saying. “No, no, that’s not true.”
“Yeah, yeah it is. I don’t care if it’s unhealthy as fuck or how much work you put in to make sure Oklahoma thrives after you’re gone. Because nothing you do to ‘ensure’ my future will matter if you’re not here. I am linking my life to yours. If you go, I go, cuz I’m not living with anybody else.”
She shook her head again, shook it for a long time before finally acknowledging the conditions he’d just set on her with a sad smile. “Now who’s the idiot?”
He smiled down at her, so soft, it felt like he was giving her a compliment when he said, “It’s still you.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and said, “All right, let’s go home. We can talk about this more in bed.”
He lifted her, easily getting them both out of the truck before arranging the skirt of her wrap dress to cover her now panty-free bottom. He then tucked her under his arm and set them on the path home.
“Don’t you think I want to forget the past?” she asked as they rounded the side of the barn and that same sense of dread craw
led its way up her back. “Move on? Start a family with you? Love you as hard as you love me? But I don’t know if I can.”
“I know you can do it.”
“How could you possibly—”
He leaned down and dropped a kiss on top of her head. “I know, and I’ll know enough for the both of us until you know it, too.”
Tu had assumed she was the best seller in this relationship, but when she looked up at him, she could see the conviction in his eyes, such tenderness flowing from his heart into hers, that at that moment, she knew, knew like he knew…
She had been fighting her emotions since their mating, working so hard to convince him to let her do the things that would make his life easier after she was gone, while at the same time trying not to let herself get too caught up in what she was doing for him. She had reminded herself over and over again that this relationship had no real future, that she was putting on a show, so when the inevitable happened, she could leave Grady behind knowing he’d be in the position to attract another she-wolf. However, she’d been selling and selling so hard, she hadn’t realized that the point of no return had already passed her by.
Not falling in love with the large, wonderful wolf beside her was no longer an option. She was already there.
“I won’t let you go,” he told her now. “I’ll do whatever it takes to hold on to you. But you’ve got to hold on to what we have, too.”
She lifted her eyes to his. “What does that look like? Holding on? How...? If you were me, how would you go about doing that?”
“If I were you? Well, first of all I’d start by talking to my mate when I feel sad. I’d go to him. Tell him about it.”
She shook her head, feeling compelled to warn him, “I’m good at hiding it, but I get sad. Some days, I’m sad a lot.”
But Grady seemed unfazed by her warning. He flexed his free arm. “Check out these biceps. Perfect for hugs. You get sad. Come be sad with me, all right?”
And Tu couldn’t help but laugh. He was so… she didn’t have the words to describe him. Better than any she-wolf ever could have hoped for, ruined or not.
“Alright,” she agreed. “When I get sad I’ll come be sad with you. I can do that. And
Grady…”
The words got stuck inside her mind then, but she shook them loose. She had to tell him. He deserved to know.
“Grady, I—”
There came a wooshing then, the sound of a small object moving through the air so quickly it produced its own wind. Whatever it was lodged itself into the back of Grady’s neck.
Tu’s whole world stopped as all her senses fell offline. She couldn’t hear, couldn’t speak, couldn’t smell, and she couldn’t see anything but Grady pulling a tranquilizer out of the back of his neck and throwing it to the ground, his formerly gentle eyes now blazing with anger and confusion… and then his head lolled to the side as he collapsed onto the ground, like an elephant felled by a hunter’s gun.
She could feel her throat working, knew she was screaming as she fell to her knees beside his fallen body. The memory of her sister, Alisha, passing out in a similar manner the year before came back to her strong then, and she sensed without a doubt that this had something to do with that. But how? It couldn’t be. Their original kidnappers were dead.
Weren’t they?
The conversation she’d had with Grady before leaving the Colorado kingdom house came back to her then.
“You hear about wolves kidnap you?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t think case solved. Alisha say wolves maybe hired. Have boss who tell them kidnap you. Want to ask you more questions.”
“Ask Alisha. I was high.”
“Want ask you, because you awake whole time. Maybe—”
“No, don’t want talk about. Want forget.”
“But—”
Gloved hands suddenly grabbed Tu, snatching her up and away from Grady. That was when her nose came back online and she smelled a scent she hadn’t smelled in a very long time, mixed in with the smell of old hay, dirt, and chicken blood, which was often used as a camouflaging agent by wolves who didn’t want to be identified or tracked by other wolves after the fact.
It smelled like… she struggled against the arms that turned her around to face the attacker, her mind denying what her nose was telling her the whole time, because he was dead. He was dead. He was…
Standing right in front of her, in a red flannel hunter’s jacket and a baseball cap. Chewing on a wad of tobacco. She stilled, all the fight temporarily shocked out of her.
“Hey, babe,” Luke said, smiling at her like it had only been five minutes instead of five years. Like she’d just come back out of his bedroom, ready to take a hit from the bong he was passing around. But this Luke was older. A lot older. No longer like a young Brad Pitt, but like current Brad Pitt’s older brother who clearly had a bad drug problem. Like wherever Luke had been, whatever he’d been doing since they saw each other last, had aged him a great deal.
He threw an irritated look at Grady’s fallen body.
“Man, it didn’t look like ya’ll was ever going to finish talking. Had to take matters into my own hands. Sorry about that.”
Then she felt the burn of a pair of silver handcuffs being slapped around her wrists, and her mind reeled. Not again. Not again…
22
Grady woke up groggy, his throat drier than a desert. It was pitch black. It was also cold, so fucking cold. As if it had seeped in through his skin and settled like condensation over his bones. He immediately knew where he was, despite the fact it was sealed up so tight, he couldn’t see a damn thing, even with his wolf vision.
The tornado cellar.
It was the stuff of nightmares. Literally. After what happened five years ago, he’d been plagued by dreams of once again waking up here. Helpless and contained while Tu was mated by her brother somewhere in the distance.
Except this wasn’t a dream. The cold alone told him that. You couldn’t replicate this kind of cold, the dank wetness of it was singular. An old Oklahoma tornado cellar exclusive. And the smell—frozen dirt and impenetrable stone—no you couldn’t make up those kinds of details, even in your worst dreams.
He was really here. This was really happening. Where was Tu? His mate? The she-wolf carrying his baby?
Still alive. He knew this on instinct. As a fact. Because if her heart had stopped beating, his would have, too.
He pushed into her mind. “Tu? Where are you?”
“Grady? You’re okay. Oh, my God! Luke tranqed you! He’s still—”
And then suddenly her voice cut out. As if someone had somehow snatched their mental connection out of her hand like it was a telephone receiver.
“Tu?! Tu?!?!” he pushed into her mind
No answer. He was alone again, with nothing but the cold and the knowledge that his mate was in peril. An ominous tingle began to work its way down his lower back.
“YOU’RE NOT GOING to get away with this,” Tu informed her captor, after she recovered from Luke’s thick, backhanded slap across her face.
The charm that had made him so easy to flirt with when she’d been fumbling her way into adulthood was now nowhere to be found in the man who stood before her. The secret to handsomeness, she realized as she sat on top of Luke’s old bed with silver handcuffs burning her wrists, lay in having just enough fat to round out your edges. That was why male movie stars always looked dreamy in action movies, but appeared emaciated when they starved themselves to play drug addicts and cancer patients for the films that might win them Oscars.
There was a clearly drawn line between being movie star handsome and looking like a transient. Luke had crossed that line in the years they’d been apart. And for the first time since Thanksgiving, instead of quoting her father like he was a business god, Tu cursed him. Because this business with Luke? He’d handled it badly.
According to Luke, after he’d made a scene on the Wolf Lake dock, he’d been dragged into the hous
e by the Alaska Beta, but instead of killing him as he’d claimed, her father had offered Luke a deal. Leave Tu and the baby behind. Leave the North American territories all together in exchange for one million dollars.
“He said I had to go along with the story that I’d died. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to explain why you were single to your future suitors. He even got me all set up with a free apartment in Ibiza, like he’d studied me behind my back and knew exactly where a guy who wanted to be a DJ would like to live.” Luke recounted the story as if he’d been victimized by the offer. “Your dad took advantage of me. He knew I’d take the deal. I was a dumb hick from Oklahoma. That sounded like a lot of money to me. I thought I’d be set for life. How could I have knew how quick a million dollars goes away? Especially living in Ibiza!.”
“A million dollars is a lot of money,” Tu had informed him, barely able to speak because the burn of the cuffs was so bad. “If you’re not sucking it up your nose and spending it on dumb shit.”
That was how she earned her first backhand.
“He knew I wouldn’t be able to survive on that,” Luke yelled at her as the blood welled up inside her mouth. “He tricked me!”
“You mean like you tricked me five years ago? When you convinced me to take a fun party drug which, you being a dealer and all, probably knew could send she-wolves into heat?”
…and that got her another backhand. But she could tell she’d assessed it correctly, by the way his eyes shifted back and forth, not meeting hers as he declared, “I was fixing to do right by you. Yeah, I was after your dowry, but I would have married you and everything even though you was black.”
Tu really wanted to give him a sarcastic thank you for putting aside his racism in order to marry her for her money, but both sides of her face were throbbing with pain along with her wrists and she needed her energy if she was going to get her and Grady out of this mess. So she let Luke continue his rant without further interruption.
He shook his head in obvious disappointment. “You were the one who messed up everything when you decided to run. If you hadn’t left, we’d be living high on the hog right now!”
Wolf and Soul (The Alaska Princesses Trilogy, Book 3) Page 16
