Willow gave Ness a weak smile. “Thanks. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll head upstairs and lie down for a bit. I’m really tired.”
“Of course you are. Don’t you worry about me, I’ll just be down here counting the register and then I’ll be off home. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Willow. I guess you’ll be on your way now? Head back home to New Zealand? I wish you would stay on here in Marietta, but there’s nothing holding you here now, is there?”
Willow shook her head slowly. No, there was nothing. She might have stayed if things had worked out with Booth, but that dream had certainly crashed and burned. She was at a crossroads and she had no idea of which way to turn. The only thing that she was certain of at this moment was that she wanted distance between her and Marietta, and particularly distance between her and Booth Lange. If she stayed here any longer, their paths would continue to cross, one way or another, and that would be a torture she could not begin to bear.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll be on my way in the morning. I’m really sorry to leave you in the lurch like this but I can’t stay. I just can’t, not any longer.”
“No, it’s okay. I understand.” Ness patted her on the hand, her face suddenly becoming more serious. “Our mother was a bit like you. A free spirit, even in the face of our daddy’s violence. She was light and love and fun, crazy superstitions and all the things that leave happy memories behind—well, they did for me at least. After our daddy died, even though God knows he was no great catch, it left a hole in her that nothing else could fill. She got sick not long after that and we moved in with Uncle Kyle and Aunt Emmie.
“Living there, knowing that was our future, well, it changed Booth. He was only ten. It made him tuck away that part of himself that had been sweet and loving and he built a shell around himself. It didn’t help that Uncle Kyle was so hard on him, saying our mother had made him soft. After she died, Booth lashed out with bad behavior and worse choices more than once. Then, of course, Aunt Emmie developed her heart problems and he had to face maybe losing a mother all over again. It brought out a fierce protective streak in him.”
Ness sighed heavily. “He has a lot to answer for, for the way he’s treated you. I know you haven’t told me everything, but I can read between the lines and I’m sorry. Sorry things didn’t work out better for the two of you. I think you’re the light to his darkness—the gentleness he needs—and I think he’s the strength you need, too.”
Willow wanted to deny Ness’s words out loud, but she knew they would only hurt this lovely woman who had become her friend. Instead, she simply shook her head. There was nothing left to say. Willow dragged herself out of her chair and walked with heavy steps up to the small apartment that had so swiftly become home. Her pack was on her bed, its contents scattered over the faded handmade quilt. She picked up the crumpled envelope that held the answer to her future, if she had one, and stared at her name on the front. She should open it but what was the point? Whatever the results, she was on her own. Again.
Would knowing whether she carried the gene that had caused the cancer that had killed her mother, and her mother before her, make any difference, or would it just put her at a new crossroads where she’d have to make more decisions. Whether to have preventative surgery, or not? Whether to give up any chance to have a family of her own, or not?
A headache thumped behind her eyes at the thought of facing those choices on her own. She shoved the envelope deep in the pocket of her jeans and walked to the window that overlooked the street. She thought about when she’d arrived here in Marietta. So full of hope. Now, that hope was lost.
It didn’t take long to pack. She had her few outfits, which fit inside her pack, along with her case of knitting needles. All her yarns had been sold at the fair and she had a small stash of cash with which to pay Booth back for the repairs on Daisy—she’d leave that with Ness to give to him. When she got to L.A. she’d sell the van and be on her way. Where? Well, she’d decide when she got there. The idea of returning home to the Coromandel Peninsula didn’t hold any appeal, laced as it was with sad memories.
Part of her knew she should open that darn envelope, go back to New Zealand and face the music, but another part of her wanted to start running and keep going until there was nowhere else left to go. And wasn’t that what she’d been doing from the moment she’d been forced to consider her own mortality? She was only twenty-six and thought she’d had a future stretched out before her. She wanted to grab it, keep it safe. Live it on her own, if she had to, but to live every single day.
Maybe she wouldn’t sell Daisy, after all. Maybe she’d hit the road and keep traveling. Keep running from the truth.
*
Booth had spent the night facing a lot of things, examining them from every angle he could imagine. They’d started with the almost unreal offer from his uncle to leave him the ranch. He and his uncle had spent several hours discussing a succession plan for the future and even though they’d shaken hands on their agreement, Booth still found it hard to believe. He shook his head. He’d never imagined Kyle Donovan ever letting his grip on the KD Ranch go, but it seemed that Aunt Emmie’s declining health had been a trigger for him. Making Uncle Kyle realize that they should enjoy the years they had left together to their fullest, and that it was time to begin to pass on the reins of responsibility to someone else—to him.
He still couldn’t quite believe it. At what point, he’d wondered, had life changed and he hadn’t even noticed? Had he been harboring his anger and resentment, stoking it for so long, that he’d lost sight of when things had improved between him and the man he’d always believed barely tolerated him?
Then Ness had called him late last night, sad but resigned to the news she’d imparted. Willow was leaving town. He’d expected it but it had still punched a hole in his chest when Ness had told him. Even then, words had failed him—as they so often did. He was a man of action. Preferring to do, rather than talk about it. Which left him with a decision to make. Booth paced his room at the bunkhouse weighing his options. There was only one. He shoved his hat on his head, grabbed his keys and headed out to his truck. This had to be done face to face. He pulled up outside the shop just in time to see Ness flip the sign in the front door to “Open.” It only took him a minute to get inside.
“I need to talk to her.”
Ness didn’t ask who he meant, she just shook her head and said softly, “You’re too late. She’s gone. And she left this for you.”
She handed him an envelope. Inside it was a wad of money. “Where the hell did she get this from?”
“Her inheritance from her mom and selling her yarn. She kept it back so she could pay for the repairs to her VW.”
“But,” he feathered the bundle of used notes, “this must be every dollar she had.”
“Probably,” Ness shrugged. “Either way, it’s yours. She said she owed you.”
“She owes me squat. How long ago did she leave?”
“About ten minutes before you pulled up outside. I’m surprised you didn’t pass her on the way into town. She said she was headed toward Livingston and then she’d toss a coin as to whether she headed east or west.”
Toss a coin? How like his hippie to do something like that. But ten minutes? With his truck he could certainly catch up to her decrepit old VW. He shoved the envelope in his pocket and headed for the door.
“Booth!” Ness called, halting him in his tracks.
Impatiently he turned around. “What?”
“Here.” She unclipped the silver chain she wore around her neck, the one with the tiny silver acorn hanging from it. “If you catch her, give her this.”
“This was Mom’s,” he said, accepting the necklace from her and closing his fingers around it.
“Remember what she said when we asked her about it?”
He nodded. “Not that it did her any good.”
“She made her choices, Booth. It’s up to us to make ours. Now go. Willow said she was
stopping at Dillon’s to get gas on her way out. She can’t be that far ahead yet. Good luck,” she smiled. “You’re going to need it.”
“I know.”
He pressed his foot to the accelerator, laying a trail of rubber as he pulled away from the curb and did a U-turn in the middle of the street. He had to reach Willow before she got to Livingston. If she got there before he did, he only had a fifty-fifty chance of following in the right direction. He’d gone about five miles when he caught a glimpse of a faded yellow van trundling along the road ahead of him. He pushed the truck a little faster, coming up behind her and flashing his lights and sounding his horn.
In response, a slender arm came out of the window, hand raised up in a partial fist and flipping him the bird. She didn’t slow her pace.
“So, you want to play it that way,” he said under his breath. “Fine, I’m up for that.”
He pulled out to pass her and floored the accelerator, creating a longer distance between them. Then, as soon as he could he performed another U-turn, swung over into the left lane, rolled to a stop and got out of the truck. It was a risky maneuver but when something was as important as this, a man had to take a gamble. A moment later the VW came around the corner. She saw him standing directly before her almost immediately. Through the windscreen he saw her mouth form an “O” of surprise as she braked hard and came to a halt a yard in front of him.
She was out of the van in seconds, her long lean legs exposed by those impossible shorts of hers, her unfettered breasts bouncing a little as she slammed the door and stomped toward him. He couldn’t see her eyes behind the wire rimmed sunglasses perched on her nose but he’d bet they were shooting flames in his direction about now. Booth took in a deep breath, planted his feet shoulder width apart and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He’d take whatever she had to throw at him and then, with any luck, she’d listen.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Have you lost your mind? You could have killed me!” Willow shouted as she met him toe to toe.
“We need to talk.”
“And this is how you do it? Bloody hell! You scared the living daylights out of me.”
She swiped the sunglasses off her face and yep, sure enough, those pretty blue eyes of hers sparked with fury. But beneath her eyes were dark circles and he could see the lines of strain that drew her lightly tanned skin tight across her face.
“You were leaving without saying goodbye,” he said, schooling his features into an implacable shield.
“And you think you deserved a sweet farewell. Well, crap. I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice laced with sarcasm. “Goodbye. There, can you get the heck out of my way now?”
“Not good enough,” he said steadily. “Where are you going?”
“It’s none of your business where I go. I’m leaving. You should be kicking your heels with joy over that, right? I’m showing my true colors and leaving Ness in the lurch, although, to my credit, I haven’t emptied her cash register and I am driving on the right side of the road. Which is more than I can say for you!” She emphasized her point with a finger poked firmly at his chest.
Booth fought to articulate all the things he wanted to say but they remained stuck firmly in his throat. Eventually he came out with the one word that encapsulated everything.
“Stay.”
“What? Are you mad? I don’t believe you.” She threw her hands up in the air and uttered a harsh laugh. “From the minute you saw me you’ve been trying to keep me away from Marietta and when that didn’t work you did everything you could to make me leave. So, I’m leaving. In fact, I’ve already left. Besides, the one thing that might have made me stay there, the one reason I came in the first place, doesn’t exist.”
“You grew up without your father, you’re an adult now. Why was it so important to you to find him?”
She shoved her glasses back on her face and bit at her bottom lip. A lip that begun to quiver. “It’s personal,” she eventually said.
“Hey, you’re leaving. So tell me. It’s not as if it’ll make any difference to you, right?”
She stared at him a full minute without speaking, then took an envelope out of her pocket—one he recognized from when he’d picked it up off the road for her the day she’d arrived in Marietta.
“It’s this. My results.”
“Results for what?”
“My BRCA gene tests.”
Realization dawned. Given their mother’s history, Ness had chosen to undergo similar tests before she and Rob had married. He knew exactly what those tests could mean.
“And do you have it? The gene?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” He couldn’t help it, he raised his voice and regretted it the moment he saw her flinch and move away. He forced himself to calm down. “Willow, I’m sorry. Please, tell me. Why don’t you know?”
“Because I haven’t opened them yet. I doubt you’d understand but I’m alone in the world. I literally have no one. I didn’t want to face what this had to say by myself. I wanted—no, I needed to know I had someone in my corner. Someone who’d stand beside me whatever the result.”
“So what now?”
She stuffed the envelope back into her pocket. “I’m going to keep thinking about it, maybe do a bit more travel before I decide if I really want to know, or if even knowing will make a difference anymore.”
“Of course it will make a difference,” Booth argued.
“Not to me. Not now.”
“You’re giving up then. Running away from life.”
Willow shook her head in denial. “I’m not giving up.”
“Looks like it.”
“What would you know about it?” she demanded.
“Everything.” He reached out and gently gripped her arms with both hands. “I haven’t been where you’re standing now, but I’ve been damn close. You’re afraid, and that’s okay. But you have to tackle that fear head on, wrestle it to the ground if you have to—then learn how to deal with it. To live with it.”
“I’m not ready to do that. I thought I could do it if I had someone by my side, but I don’t.”
And here it was. The moment where he had to take a leap and put himself out there in the line of being hurt—of loving and of losing. Booth took a deep breath.
“You have me.”
“You? Why? Why would you do that? You don’t even like me.” Willow stared at him in shock.
“I stopped liking you a while back, it’s true.”
The tiny kernel of anticipation that had begun to come to life at his offer shriveled and died. She had no words left to say. She just wanted to get in Daisy and go—somewhere, anywhere—and try to forget this man blocking her path. But he had more to say and even though she tried to tug free of his hold, he wouldn’t let go.
“Willow, I stopped liking you about the time I realized I love you. I tell you, admitting that to you, hell, even to myself, scares the ever-loving shit out of me but I’m not going to stand idly by and watch you leave.”
“You…you love me?”
“And I’m asking you to give me another chance. No, I’m begging you. Stay; let me stand beside you through whatever you have to face. And if you don’t want to stay here, I’ll go with you wherever you want to go. Whatever it takes, Willow. I’m yours. Do you love me?”
“Of course I do. I didn’t want to but I can’t help loving you, Booth. But I drive you crazy with my superstitions and everything. Why would you walk away from everything you have here and do that for me?”
“Because you mean everything to me. I have a bit saved up—we can travel for as long as you want, as long as we do it together.”
“But isn’t that for your ranch?”
He shook his head. “Things changed. Uncle Kyle is leaving me the KD. But you’re more important to me. What’s the point in holding onto all of that when I have no one else to share it with? When I wouldn’t have you?”
Willow
lifted a trembling hand to his mouth and pressed her fingers against his lips. “Stop,” she said, her voice breaking. “You can’t do this. You can’t walk away from everything that ever meant anything to you for me. It just doesn’t make sense.”
He kissed her fingers, sending a spiral of longing through her. Longing to take a chance on him, to believe what he said. To hope anew.
“Makes perfect sense to me,” he said.
“But what if I have the gene, Booth? I have to decide what I’m going to do about it. Whether I’m going to lose my breasts, my ovaries—any chance to have children.”
“If it means you’ll live, then it’s the right thing to do.”
“And you’d walk away from everything? Your family, your past, even your future on the ranch, for me?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
Warmth unfurled in her chest, sending tendrils along her veins to melt the frozen emptiness that had taken residence inside her yesterday.
“I guess I had better see what’s inside the envelope then,” she said, her voice husky with emotion.
“You want to do that here?”
“It’s as good a place as any.”
Booth let her go and reached one hand deep into the pocket of his jeans. “Before you open it, I’d like you to wear this.”
Willow recognized it straight away. “That’s Ness’s necklace. Why—?”
“She wanted you to have it. It was our mother’s.” He put the chain around her neck and did it up for her, letting the acorn slide between her breasts.
She fingered the silver nut. “Acorns are supposed to bring luck and ensure a long life.”
“So they say.”
Willow looked in his eyes, finding in them a reassurance she was far from feeling herself.
“For someone who’s not superstitious, you sure know how to use superstition to your advantage.”
She pulled the envelope from her pocket once more. Slid her finger under the flap and tore it open. Her hands were shaking as she extracted the letter inside. She unfolded the single sheet of paper and started to read. Negative. The results were negative!
For Love of a Cowboy Page 11
