Why did she have to see me in my totally bad suit?
“Oh Sweetie, you look adorable,” Mom says, kissing me on the cheek as I walk back into the store. “I bet that girl thought you looked amazing too. I love you, you little yum-yum!”
Great.
Mom says we’ll buy the suit, and I feel too deflated to argue with her. I can’t even be bothered getting changed back into my normal clothes.
After seeing me in this suit, Amy will never think I’m cool.
My chance with her is gone.
I have no idea where Mom got her taste in style from, but it is hideous. Truly hideous. I hope no one else ever, ever, ever sees me in this humiliating suit again.
Chapter 4
On the way home from the ‘Ridiculous Men’s Fashion’ store, we drive past Fred’s house. It’s just around the corner from my place, and I usually walk between houses.
Fred is outside on his front lawn, yelling, and dancing. He isn’t usually outside, and I have never seen him dance before. Actually, I am not even sure if he is dancing. He could just be doing some sort of tribal rain spell. Maybe he just wants it to rain.
But why is he so happy?
“Mom! Stop the car! I’ve got to see Fred,” I say to Mom. “There must be something happening! He looks very excited!”
As soon as she stops the car, I jump out and race over to Fred’s house.
“Okay, Sweetie-pie! But don’t ruin your new suit!” yells Mom as I run off. “I love that suit and can’t wait to take photos of you in it! It looks so good on you, my little yum-yum!”
Yikes!
I’m outside in this ridiculous suit again!
“Fred! Why are you dancing in your front yard?” I shout as I run up to him.
“It happened! The… wait… what are you wearing? It looks awful,” Fred remarks. “You have bad taste in clothes, but this is a new low, even for you.”
“It’s not what you wear but how you wear it.”
“Nobody could make that suit look good. Even LeBron James wouldn’t look cool in those clothes. Even Will Smith would look terrible in that. Even Albert Einstein would look bad in that suit! Even-”
“Alright, alright. Never mind my clothes. What are you so happy about?” I change the subject quickly.
“There is a large comet coming directly to Earth! Well, I’m not sure that it is a comet. It could be a comet, or a meteor, or space junk, or a UFO! Maybe a flying saucer,” Fred replies. “But whatever it is, it is coming directly this way. It is on target to hit somewhere close to our city. If I have calculated it correctly, it looks like it is coming straight to my house! I think it might be something that has responded to my message to outer space!”
“Whoa. That’s totally cool.”
“From my estimates, I think it is a comet that is being steered by an external force. Maybe an alien is driving the comet?”
“Wow. That is so crazy.”
“Quickly, come inside and I’ll show you. This might be it! This might be the moment that goes down in history!”
Full of excitement, we race upstairs to his room.
He shows me the view through his telescope. “Look!”
Wow!
He is right!
I see it!
There is a blurry flaming object approaching us!
It is getting bigger - fast!
Like, really fast.
“Wow! Fred, you discovered a comet! That is so cool! Because you discovered it, they are going to name it after you – ‘Dumbo’s comet’!” I laugh.
“No way. This will be my first discovery of many, so they’ll call it ‘Fred’s Comet 1’. And the next one, they will call ‘Fred’s Comet 2!’. And after that ‘Fred’s Comet 4’!”
“What about ‘Fred’s Comet 3?’”
“Hmm… no, ‘Fred’s Comet 3’ is a silly name. Why would you even suggest that?” Fred says.
“Never mind,” I shake my head.
“Remember this moment, Blake. This is a significant moment in time! This moment will go down in the history books. It will be remembered forever! Now, get out of my way, I want to look at my comet,” Fred says as he pushes in on the telescope and refocuses.
“Uh-oh,” Fred whispers as he stares at his discovery.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, I have changed my mind. I don’t want this named after me. Maybe they can name it after you,” Fred says as he moves away from the telescope. “I don’t want anything to do with that comet, Blake. It’s nothing to do with me.”
“Why? This is a great moment. You should be excited.”
“This isn’t a great moment, Blake. This is bad,” Fred continues. “Really bad.”
“What? Why? This is what you have hoped for all your life,” I say. “You said that there could be alien life on that comet! This is what you wanted. You’ll go down in history as the man who discovered life-forms from space! That’s awesome! This is a time to be excited!”
Turning to the window, I watch as the comet steers through the sky and then crashes into the lake behind Fred’s house!
It was so close to us!
Almost like it was coming directly to us.
This is so cool.
But Fred has gone pale white.
He should be happy, not scared.
“The comet…” Fred says slowly. “It wasn’t a comet. It was a massive alien coming straight for us.”
Oh no…
Chapter 5
I have a bad feeling about this…
Usually, I would be quite excited about a comet falling into the lake near Fred’s house. That should be as exciting as ice-cream for breakfast.
But not this time.
This time, I am worried because the comet isn’t a comet at all.
“Do you think it’s friendly?” I say to Fred as we stare out of his window at the lake.
“I don’t think so,” Fred shakes his head. “It was massive, and it came straight here. It was clearly coming straight for our signal from the Intergalactic Communicator. That can’t be good.”
Fred scrambles over his machine and then pulls the plug out of the wall. After the machine has been turned off, he hides under his bed.
“What are you doing?”
“That alien has traced our signal. Now that the machine has been turned off, it won’t be able to find us anymore.”
“I thought this would be exciting for you? An alien has crashed into the lake, Fred. Like you said, this is a moment in history. We have to go down there and find out more.”
“If we go down there, we will be history. A flaming alien, the size of a comet, has crashed into the lake behind my house,” Fred says, still hiding under the bed. “That doesn’t sound friendly. A friendly alien would have sent a message back saying, ‘Hi. My name is Alan the Alien, and I liked your message. Thanks for being so friendly. Let’s have a chat over a nice cup of alien tea. I have an alien brand of tea called ‘Gravi-tea’.’ That would have been a friendly response. This wasn’t friendly. This was trouble.”
Just in case it is trouble, I take my official Ninja Spy uniform out of my backpack and slip it on.
“What are you doing?” Fred asks.
“We should go down there, Fred. We have to find out what has crashed into the lake. We can’t bring something like that to Earth and then let it wander around unchecked. The lives of everyone in our city could be at stake now. We have to be prepared for the worst. This could be very dangerous.”
“That’s the reason we shouldn’t go down there! Can’t we just call the police?”
Shaking my head, I walk out of Fred’s house wearing the Ninja Spy uniform, heading towards the lake. I am halfway to the lake when Fred catches up to me.
“I thought this was too dangerous for you?” I ask.
“It is,” Fred is nervous. “But there is no way that I am letting you discover alien life before me. I mean, what would they call the alien if you found it? A ‘Blakeatron’? I don’t think so. ‘F
redatron’ sounds so much better.”
“Shhh…”
Quietly, we walk to the lake where the comet crashed…
The lake looks calm.
There is no sign of life.
“Well, looks like nothing happened here. Time to go home,” Fred states.
“Wait, Fred. Whatever fell into the lake must have sunk to the bottom.”
“Oh well, there is no chance that we can find it now. It’s at the bottom of the lake and will stay there forever. Forever. At least we tried,” Fred states and turns around, clearly scared.
“Wait,” I grab his arm. “We can’t just walk away from this. We have to go in and look for it.”
“Uh-uh. No way. Nope. Not a chance. I am not doing that. You are the one that is dressed as a Ninja Spy, so you can go into the water to find it. But they are still naming that alien after me.”
“I’ll go into the water and swim around. I’ll search for any signs of life down there, but I need you to stay on the edge here and keep an eye out. If anything goes wrong, I want you to go to the Ninja Spy Agency and get Tekato. He is my trainer. He will know what to do.”
Fred nods, “Ok Blake.”
Just as I step my toe into the water, the lake starts to rumble…
Fred jumps behind me. “Oh no.”
Slowly, something starts to rise to the surface of the water… and it is huge!
Now I see the eyes that Fred spoke of earlier!
And then, there are some arms!
Lots of arms!
And a set of wings!
“It’s a giant alien,” Fred shouts. “A real alien! Blake, an alien has crashed into Earth!”
Fred isn’t scared anymore; he is excited!
But the giant alien looks annoyed.
He is staring at us like he wants to eat us alive.
“Careful, Fred. We don’t know if he is friendly-”
“Hello!” yells Fred. “I am Fred! I am a human from the planet Earth. I come in peace. I am so excited to meet you! You must have received the message that I sent into outer space. Is that why you are here?”
“Hello Fred,” replies the giant alien in a deep, powerful voice. “I did intercept your message. Thank you for being so nice. We should have a cup of alien tea one day and discuss the big issues of the universe. However, that is not why I am here. I am here because I also intercepted another message sent from this location.”
Oh man!
I hope it is not my message!
“I am looking for the greatest Ninja Spy of all time!” he yells.
Argh!
That is my message!
The alien looks straight at me wearing my Ninja Spy uniform.
“Are you Blake, the undefeated Ninja Spy?”
“Ah, yep,” I mumble, looking up.
“My name is Moon Razor, and I am the greatest ninja in the universe,” the alien states proudly. “I have battled hundreds of life-forms over thousands of years, and I am undefeated. I am unbeatable. Until yesterday, there was no doubt that I, Moon Razor, am the greatest ninja in the universe. All life-forms across the galaxies know that I am the ultimate ninja. I am the greatest!”
“Um… sure,” I shrug.
“Then I received your message saying that you are the greatest. This cannot be.”
“Um… like… so… we should just call it a draw and let there be two undefeated ninjas in the universe? Yep, that’s what we should do.”
“No! There cannot be two undefeated ninjas in the universe. I have made it my mission to come here and defeat you. We shall battle to decide who is truly the greatest ninja of all time.”
Oh man, a ninja alien.
I thought a ninja ghost was bad, but this dude is a whole lot worse.
“Blake, what have you done?” Fred says to me, still staring at the alien.
“I have discovered aliens. I’ll go down in history for this,” I whisper.
“You will be history if you can’t sort this out!”
Fred is right.
If Moon Razor is the greatest ninja alien in the universe, then I don’t stand a chance against him. Time to use my massive intellect to sort this out.
“Mr. Moon Razor, sir, we shouldn’t fight. We should be using our powers for good and not for fighting each other. It would be a waste of our ninja talents to combat each other,” I say, scrambling for an idea to get out of this dilemma. “Ninja powers are very special, and we should be friends. We can even be best friends, if you would like.”
“No. We cannot be friends. We must fight, Blake. I have made a bet with my friends that I will crush you. If I lose, I will be cleaning their stinky bathrooms for years! We must fight!” Moon Razor replies as he ties on a headband.
I couldn’t imagine what an alien bathroom is like, but I do know that I wouldn’t want to be cleaning it!
“Look, Mr. Razor, sir, I don’t want to hurt you. I am super-tough and super-strong, and I don’t want to damage your beautiful face,” I lie, trying to get him to calm down.
“We fight now!” he yells.
Well, that didn’t work.
“Why the rush? Can’t we talk first?” I plea.
“No! We fight now! I must get back home before dinner. We are having intergalactic pizza.”
Uh-oh.
How am I going to beat a ninja alien who is 50 stories tall?
Moon Razor could easily defeat me!
I need help from my friends at the Ninja Spy Agency, but I have to get past this guy first!
“Time to fight!” Moon Razor yells as he leaps from the lake and lands in front of me with a perfect crocodile stance.
Whoa, he’s big.
Now that we are toe to toe on land, I realize what my next move must be…
Run!
I need to get out of here.
Just as I am about to turn around, Moon Razor sweeps one of his arms down in front of me - causing me to fly into the air!
Dodging his fist, I leap to the side of the lake.
But then he slams down another fist!
And another!
It must be easy to fight when you’ve got four arms. And probably easier to carry the shopping, but man, I’d have to buy more gloves.
“Hey Moon Face, you might have four arms, but I have forearms!” I yell.
“Do your forearms do anything?” Moon Razor looks at me confused.
Looking down at my forearms, I realize that they don’t actually do much. “Um… no. Come to think of it, they don’t do anything.”
“And I have four forearms!” he yells and strikes another fist down.
Again, I dodge it.
As he pulls one of his fists out of the ground, I grab hold of his collar and pull myself up so that we are face to face.
“Hey Toon Razor, can you smell that? I ask.
“No?”
I fart in his face.
This is not a move I learned from the Ninja Spy Agency.
But they also didn’t teach me what I should do when I encounter a giant ninja alien!
“Awk! You are disgusting! What have you been eating!?” Moon Razor yells.
As Moon Razor is cringing in disgust, I slap him in the face.
At least I can say I got one punch in before he flattens me.
“Fred! Run home!” I say as I use my chance to run away too. “Look at the trouble your experiment has caused!”
“What?! Do you think this is my fault!? This is your fault, Blake! You and your stupid boasting message to the galaxy! You’ve done this!”
“I haven’t got time to argue the details, Fred! Hide in your house. I’ll be at the Ninja Spy base!” I yell back.
Moon Razor loses sight of me while he is coughing and I charge towards Ninja Spy headquarters.
I need help defeating Moon Razor, otherwise I am toast!
Chapter 6
In a panic, I bust into Ninja Spy headquarters…
But there is nobody around.
Not a soul.
Where are
they all?
This place is usually full of people buzzing around being ninjas. There are usually people hiding in the shadows, doing push-ups, studying and playing badminton. Ninjas love badminton.
Looking for anybody, I look into the training room – nobody.
The computer center – empty.
The tanning salon – not a soul.
Then I walk into the lunch room…
And find all the Ninja Spies eating fried chicken!
There is no panic at all!
“Everybody listen!” I holler. “There is a giant ninja alien here to fight me! He is going to destroy me! I need everybody to help me defeat this guy! All the ninjas with knowledge about how to defeat a giant ninja alien, please step forward.”
But everyone ignores me and continues eating.
“What is going on?” I ask Agent Lightning, one of my Ninja Spy training partners.
“It’s Tekato’s birthday, and we are having a party for him. Tekato’s birthday is very important.”
Tekato is my Ninja Spy trainer, and he has taught me some really awesome moves, like the eye-stare-knock-down. It is a move that takes a lot of work to master, but I can now knock someone over by staring at them continually for four hours straight.
“Did you hear what I said, Agent Lightning?” I ask.
“I heard what you said, Blake,” Lightning sighs. “Here have some cake. That should cheer you up.”
“That’s not cake,” I explain as Agent Lightning hands me a piece of fried chicken with a candle in it.
“It is a Kentucky Fried Cake. It’s delicious. Tekato loves fried chicken.”
“Have you heard what I said about the giant alien?” I ask again.
“Yeah, we all did.”
“Well? Why is nobody coming to help me?” I ask.
“Blake,” sighs Agent Lightning. “We are all a little tired of you telling everybody how you are undefeated and the greatest Ninja Spy of all time. It seems like you don’t need our help. You have told us that you’re so awesome that we think you could probably handle an alien ninja by yourself.”
Diary of a Ninja Spy 5: Alien Attack! (Diary of a Sixth Grade Ninja Spy) Page 2
