by Lena North
“Oh God,” I whispered. “I bet that was a pleasant conversation for your cook.”
She started laughing, but then someone called for her from the back. As she walked away, she called out over her shoulder, “Don’t worry, Jinx. My mother can hold her own.”
When she had disappeared, I turned to the bread, and it tasted just as fantastic as it smelled. The butter was flavored with something that I couldn’t identify, and I slathered a thick layer on the fluffy, warm bread.
Then I leaned back again. Muted sounds were coming from the back, and I heard laughter. The waves rolled in, adding a soothing, rhythmic sound. A dog came walking slowly along the water, and then an elderly gentleman passed with a leash in his hand. The smell of food from the kitchen mixed with the fresh ocean air and I took a couple of deep breaths and leaned my head on the wall. My shoulders sank down just a little bit at the same time as my mouth curved, and I felt completely relaxed.
“Hello,” a small voice whispered, and I turned slowly.
Next to me stood a boy, and I did not need to use any of my intelligence to know who he belonged to.
“Hey there,” I said and smiled at him.
“I’m not supposed to talk to you,” he whispered and looked guiltily to the side. “Mama said so, but I want to say hello.”
“That’s okay,” I replied. “Is your dad called Daniele?” I asked, more to have something to say than out of an actual need for confirmation.
“Yes,” he replied. “And my mama is ‘Netta.”
“And what are you called?”
“Alejandro,” he replied, carefully pronouncing the name.
“Hello, Alejandro,” I smiled. “I’m Jinx.”
“I know,” he replied confidently and crawled up next to me on the bench.
He was beautiful. He had his father’s brown eyes and curly hair although it was his mother’s pale blond color. It reached almost to his shoulders, and when he turned to me, a lock fell into his eyes. Slowly I stretched out a hand and tucked it behind his ear.
“You made Papa live,” he said.
I smiled again then.
“No, Alejandro,” I said and leaned down. “The doctors at the hospital did that. I just helped them a little.”
“Papa says you did and my papa is always right,” he stated proudly. “I have a truck,” he added, and I blinked with surprise from the abrupt change of topic.
Then he stretched out a toy that seemed to be carved out from one single piece of wood. It was astonishingly well done and having seen my father’s feeble efforts at woodcarving my whole life, I felt my brows rise as I studied the intricate details.
“Truck too,” another voice said.
Another boy was standing next to us with a huge smile on his face. He also had white blond hair, although it was straight, and someone had cut it short, so it stood up a little above his forehead. He was probably a few years older than the boy next to me, but his gaze was not the sharp, curious look Alejandro had given me. I recognized what was different about him immediately and felt my breath hitch. His features were softer, and he kept his mouth just a little open so I could see the tip of his tongue. His happy eyes were a familiar pale blue, but they slanted upward a little at the outer edges, and they were filled to the brim with a mix of complete innocence and joy.
“Hello there,” I said softly. “Who are you?”
“I am happy,” the boy replied.
“I can see that,” I said with a smile.
“Happy is my brother. He’s called Massimo, but we call him Happy,” Alejandro clarified.
“Hello, Happy,” I said. “I’m Jinx.”
“Jins,” he said, and tried again, “Jicks.”
“You can call me Jiminella,” I said, and added in a conspiratorial whisper, “I like that better.”
“Nella,” he said with a happy laugh.
Then he moved forward and put his own wooden truck on the table. It was the same design as his brother’s, and I wondered if their father had made them. Alejandro didn’t like how he was pushed to the side and gave his brother a not so gentle shove back. I didn’t have any siblings but I recognized a budding fight when I saw one, so I made a soft sound and stretched my arm out to pull Alejandro closer to me.
“There’s room for both of you,” I murmured.
Alejandro promptly climbed up on my lap and I stiffened a little from the unexpected move, but if he felt it, then he completely ignored it. The boys moved my glass and the bread, and then they started running the cars back and forth on the table, giggling happily. Both of them ignored my hesitance and soon enough we were making jokes and laughing as the cars crashed into the pitcher or fake fell off the table. I’d never really talked to any kids before, but the boys were hilarious, and when I laughed so hard I had to lean back, they laughed even more.
My eyes met Happy’s, and suddenly it hit me. The endless, exuberant joy flowing from this young boy was exactly what I had lost. Maybe something I’d never even had. I stretched my hand out and gave his cheek a small caress.
“Happy,” I whispered.
“I know!” he shouted.
Then we laughed again.
“Jiminella,” a deep voice murmured next to us, and I jumped.
I had not heard Dante walk up to us, but half the village could probably have passed by without me noticing.
“Dante,” I grinned.
“Unca’ Dante!” Happy shouted and threw himself at Dante’s legs, hugging them with a loud whoop.
Alejandro leaned back on me, and I put an arm around his small body.
“Uncle Dante,” he called out. “Mama said not to, but we played with her anyway,” he continued, and his voice was full of glee.
“I’m sure your mother won’t mind,” Dante murmured.
He’d put his arm half way around Happy, and caressed the boy’s head with his big hand.
“I didn’t know Anetta was your sister,” I said.
The boys had called him their uncle, and I knew Danny wasn’t his brother, so it was a logical conclusion, but his eyebrows shot up.
“She’s not,” he said, and then his face hardened. “You think we’re all inbr –”
He cut himself off and looked down at Happy who had stopped laughing, sensing that something was wrong.
“What?” I breathed.
“Uncle or Aunt are not words we use only for relatives here. It’s a sign of respect for your elders and not an indication of how we are related,” he murmured.
I stared at him, understanding what he was saying but not getting why he was angry with me. To my horror, my eyes suddenly started burning, and I straightened, thinking that this had all been a bad idea. It was ridiculous to overreact just because he frowned at me, so perhaps I wasn’t ready for the world just yet. I would just escape back to Mrs. C’s house.
“I’m sorry, Dante,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean –”
“Happy,” Happy suddenly said determinedly and walked to my side. He put his hand on my cheek and repeated, “Happy.”
It sounded like an order, and then he turned to Dante. I couldn’t see Happy’s face, so I wasn’t sure what he communicated, but Dante’s shoulders sank a little.
“I’m sorry, Jiminella. You were so full of life… I shouldn’t have –”
He suddenly turned and walked out of the restaurant. I swallowed, not sure what to do, and with one boy on my lap and another tucked to my side I could just get up and leave.
“Uncle Dante got mad,” Alejandro stated.
“I always seem to make people angry,” I whispered.
Happy suddenly started laughing, and his brother tried to silence him, but he threw his head back and kept laughing. Then he turned his bright eyes to me.
“I’m people, and I’m not angry,” he stated clearly.
His brother suddenly started giggling, and I looked down.
“Happy is right,” he said. “I’m also people, and I’m not angry.”
I looked at the two
boys, wondering if it was a simple as that. Was I overcomplicating things? I decided that I probably was and steered us back into the game we’ve played with their trucks, and even if I didn’t laugh just quite as freely, at least I did laugh.
“I see you’ve met my boys,” Daniele said as he placed a plate in front of me, and added sternly, “Boys, off you go. Dinner is waiting.”
Alejandro immediately crawled off my lap, and Happy patted my cheek. They both promised that we’d play again and I waved as they ran off.
“They’re wonderful,” I told Daniele, and his eyes softened.
“Yeah,” he murmured and followed them with his eyes.
“Happy has his mother’s eyes,” I said.
Daniele jerked around and stared at me. “What?” he asked hoarsely.
Oh, no, I thought. What a stupid thing to have said. The boy clearly had a disability so comparing his mother to –
“No one ever sees that,” Daniele interrupted my thoughts and I raised my eyes to look at him. “They all see how he is, so they never see what you saw,” he murmured. He had tilted his head a little to the side, and I saw how he swallowed. Then he whispered, “Thank you.”
“Oh, Danny,” I replied. “I had such a great time with your boys, and there’s no need to thank me for anything. Happy is wonderful.”
“Yeah,” he murmured, but added,” Eat. My mother-in-law is an excellent cook. Not as good as Mrs. C, but you’ll enjoy her food.”
Then he slid his hand gently over my shoulder in a soft caress and walked away. I ate the fish and shrimp casserole Anetta’s mother had cooked, and Danny was right, it wasn’t as good as Mrs. C’s, but I enjoyed it anyway. As I sat there, using the last pieces of bread to wipe off my plate, I thought about what Dante had said, and why I’d gotten so upset, but I couldn’t figure it out. He’d had every right to be offended because I had assumed they were inbred, although I hadn’t actually thought Happy was a result of it. I’d have to talk to him about it, and explain, I figured. I’d prepare myself so I would turn into a weepy fool, though.
Slowly people started to fill up the restaurant, and right in front of me, a group of young men gathered. They weren’t eating, at least not yet, but they all had glasses of beer in front of them. Their laughter rang through the room, and they were ignoring me completely. I realized that everyone else in the restaurant was staying away too, even though I recognized quite a few and had had coffee with several of them. I wondered who’d told them to leave me alone, and what excuse they’d been given. The people in the village were friendly, and I’d enjoyed spending time with them before, so sitting quietly in a corner started to feel a bit silly.
Suddenly I recognized one of the young men in front of me as the one who had asked me to dance. Our eyes met fleetingly but he looked away immediately, and as I watched him he glanced over at his friends. Oh, hell, no, I thought. Mrs. C had said that they’d be teasing him and the look on his face told me she’d been right. Without thinking it through, I got to my feet and walked over to the table. They stopped talking when I came up to them, but I still didn’t allow myself to think.
“I don’t know how to dance,” I blurted out, looking the young man straight in the eye. He made a strangled sound, but I kept talking. “I should have told you that this was why I didn’t dance with you, but I was embarrassed.”
He started saying something, but I barged on, “Mrs. C has promised to teach me, and when I’ve learned, maybe you’d do me the honor of asking me again?”
There was a stunned silence at the table, and I started to feel foolish.
“I’ll probably step on your toes,” I blurted out, just to say something.
“I’ll wear thick shoes,” he replied with a grin. Then he stretched his hand out. “I’m Gianni, and you have nothing to apologize for. If you don’t want to dance, then it’s perfectly fine to say no, and you did it nicely.”
I shook his hand and then the other men introduced themselves, looking a bit sheepish, but I decided to let whatever they might have done go, so I shook their hands and smiled.
“Mrs. C is teaching you how to dance?” Gianni asked, and when I nodded, he muttered a vague, “Huh.”
“Why don’t you sit down with us,” one of the men asked, and I was about to accept when Anetta interrupted.
“Not this time, I think,” she chirped. “Jinx’ dessert is at her place already.”
I looked at the small cup of dessert at my table and wondered why on earth it wasn’t moveable, but Anetta steered me gently back toward my seat, so I waved at my new friends and sat down.
A single flower was placed next to my glass.
“Dante says he’s sorry,” Anetta murmured.
“What?” I breathed.
“I don’t know what he did, but he’s a man, so I’m sure he acted stupidly,” she giggled. “I told him to apologize in person, but he said this was better.”
I stared at the flower and as a warm, happy feeling filled my chest, a smile that I couldn’t stop spread on my face.
“Okay,” I said because I had absolutely no clue what else to say. “I loved your boys,” I added.
“They’re very loveable,” she replied calmly. Her eyes were suddenly thoughtful, and I realized that her bubbly personality hid a very clever mind. “Dante was discussing something with Danny. I’ll go and see if he’s still around. He can have dessert with you,” she stated and disappeared without waiting for my reply.
I sat down and looked at the bowl of what looked like yogurt and honey. Then someone sat down next to me on the bench, and I heard how another bowl of dessert was put on the table. I kept my eyes on my lap, not sure that to say and feeling seven kinds of foolish.
“Hey,” Dante said.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, and then my mouth started talking without my mind managing to catch up, “You didn’t have to apologize because I shouldn’t have assumed. Of course, it’s clear, when I see you all. You’re so very normal. And Happy… I would never even think, you know? Because –”
He moved a little closer to me, so our shoulders brushed, and that’s when I heard it.
“Jesus,” I suddenly heard him chuckle, but it sounded strange, like an echo.
Then I realized that his lips hadn’t moved, and I froze.
“Jiminella,” he started when I remained silent, but I interrupted him
“Did you just think the word Jesus?”
“What the…”
“I heard you. In my head. You were kind of laughing it out.”
Our eyes held and then I heard another word.
“Hey…”
“Hey back,” I whispered.
He jolted as if I’d struck him and moved away slightly. For several long seconds, he watched me intently, and I wondered what he was thinking.
“You don’t hear anything?” he asked finally.
“No,” I replied, and was about to ask him to try again when Anetta interrupted us.
“Can I get you anything el –”
She stopped talking when Dante turned. His back was toward me, leaning slightly on my shoulder so I couldn’t see his face but whatever it showed made her giggle.
“Oopsie, I’ll leave you,” she chirped.
“Fuck.”
I heard Dante more distinctly this time, and he sounded annoyed.
“I heard you again,” I whispered with a grin, and added, “That’s not a very well-mannered word, you know.”
It took him a few seconds and then he figured out what I suspected I already knew.
“You hear me, but only when we touch?”
He put is as a question, but it wasn’t one. Then he took my hand and placed the palm against his chest. I could feel his muscles and, I thought, also his heartbeats.
“Jiminella…”
My name flowed into my mind like a soft breath, slowly caressing me.
“Hello,” I thought, and cringed a little because it seemed like such a dumb thing to say in a moment that somehow
felt profound. Dante didn’t say anything else, and then I remembered how he’d promised to not poke around in my head. “We really need to find a way for you to know when it’s okay to hear what I think,” I murmured.
“You heard me?” he murmured.
“Yes. You said my name,” I replied.
He turned to stare out at the ocean, and since he still held my hand against his chest, I had no choice but to lean into his side. He moved his other arm around my shoulders and for the longest time we just sat there. I realized that we breathed at the same pace, just as we had done when we’d slept together and as I pulled in the fresh scent of the ocean I relaxed. Some of the others were watching us, and their only partially hidden glances were curious but friendly, and I smiled back at them.
After a while, Dante sighed and when I felt him move I tilted my head back. He had the sweetest look on his face and his mouth curved and widened into a smile.
“That was unexpected, Nellie,” he murmured.
His new nickname made my belly flip, and I couldn’t do anything but smile back at him.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“This is not the time or place to discuss what just happened. Let’s have dessert and then I’ll walk you home. Tomorrow is soon enough to figure everything out,” he murmured.
“Yeah,” I repeated.
Then we ate the delicious, rich yogurt with honey and crushed walnuts. Some of the others in the restaurant stopped by the table to chat. Daniele joined us when he’d put his boys to bed, and when the sun finally was completely gone, Dante walked me home.
I was so sure he’d kiss me before dropping me off, but he just gave my shoulder a little stroke, murmured a brief goodnight and told me we’d meet in the morning. I stood inside the door for the longest time, pushing back on my disappointment and not knowing what to think.
Chapter Eleven
The rat-machine
Dante came to the house early the next morning to have breakfast with us, and then we went down to the beach. We took off our shoes and walked barefoot in the shallow water, and after a while, he took hold of my hand. As we continued strolling along the beach, I suddenly heard him.
“Do you hear me?”
