by Ash, Leela
“Yes, it did,” she replied quietly and looked away from him. Her initial instinct had been right; he was using this meeting as a show of victory. They were quiet again and Sue watched him pull out his cellphone, which he concentrated on for the next few minutes. His eyes were focused on the screen, his face held together by the same full lips which were now taut and grim as he presumably read his emails. He still had the same big hands and she noted his clean and neatly cut fingernails. The image of his former self, scruffy dark hair and unkempt nails, floated in front of her eyes as she tried to discreetly study him. She couldn’t believe it was the same man. In college, the last thing Gerard cared about was his appearance and twenty years later, she could see the flash of glittering stone cufflinks on his wrists.
“You’re wondering how I’ve changed,” Gerard said to her, without looking away from his phone. Sue blushed immediately and fidgeted around in her seat.
“Well, you’ve changed too,” he continued and carelessly flung his phone on the table to look back at her. Those scrutinizing eyes were focused on her again and Sue could feel another wave of embarrassment overtake her.
“It’s been twenty years,” she said softly, but Gerard didn’t seem to agree.
“Not simply in appearance, actually, you don’t look that different. You’re quieter now,” he said, he seemed to have his own deep thoughts in his head that he was going over. Sue smiled and sighed.
“I’ve grown up is what you mean,” she said, but he still didn’t show any signs of agreeing with her.
“You’re less confident,” he finally said, after a few seconds of silence. Sue was surprised by his words, surprised that he had seen right through her, that she was so transparent to him.
“Well, I’m not twenty anymore. The quiet comes with maturity,” She still tried to hold her ground. She didn’t want to appear weak before him.
“You’ve lost your fiery self and that’s a pity,” he said, rather harshly and Sue glared at him with angered eyes.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she said to him as he drained the coffee from his cup.
“You know what I mean. You’re less demanding. You’re more accepting,” he said and pushed his empty plate towards the center of the table. He was looking about him and snuck a few looks at his watch, while Sue continued glaring at him. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, but she was frozen in her seat.
“I can’t imagine you liked my demands,” she blurted out and he fixed his gaze on her again, slowly, almost menacingly. She inched back in her chair and dropped her gaze. She wanted him to stop, to stop staring at her like he knew who she was.
“No. But I admired you for it,” he said and stood up suddenly. Sue could feel tears stinging the back of her eyelids and she was glad he was making a move to leave. She refused to look up at his face as he remained standing for a few seconds, above her.
“I have to go, Sue. Urgent business,” he said casually, as though he had no idea the effect his words had on her. Sue kept her head hung low, she didn’t want him to see her struggling to hold her tears back.
“It was nice meeting you,” he said curtly as the waiter joined them and he handed over a few large bills without looking at the receipt.
“Sue,” she heard him say, almost like he was admonishing a naughty child. When she didn’t respond to him for a few seconds, she sensed him walking away.
Sue breathed out loudly, like she had been holding her breath the whole time that Gerard had been sitting there. It was an attempt to keep the tears in. She got up from her chair quickly and hurried out of the cafe. Outside, she could smell the balminess of the air, it was about to rain. She tightened the shawl around her shoulders as she started walking towards her house. She was going to walk home, she decided, even if it took hours.
•••
Sue peeled the wet shawl off her skin and stood in front of the long mirror in her room. Her hair was damp and messy and pasted against her forehead. Her eyeliner was running in black streams down her cheeks, while her lashes were clamped together. She had the appearance of a wild cat caught in the rain and she laughed loudly, maniacally.
She hooked a finger at the back of the strap of her shoes and prized them off her feet, one by one. The soft carpet felt warm and comforting against the damp soles of her feet. She felt miserable.
Sue looked around her bedroom and spotted the empty bottle of whiskey on her bedside table and let out a disappointed sigh. I admired you for it , Gerard’s words haunted her now. She was a joke to him now. She looked at herself in the mirror again for affirmation. Her dress stuck to the outline of her bony body and she shook her head. I need to eat. I need to stop drinking. She said it to herself aloud and walked to the kitchen, dripping rainwater all over the floor.
She made herself a salami sandwich and found an old tub of chocolate ice-cream. She took a bite and it reminded her of how depressed she was and how food was of no importance to her anymore. Why aren’t you eating anything? You’re as skinny as ever. His words came back to her and she forced herself to eat the entire sandwich. She picked up the tub of ice cream from the counter and walked back to her bedroom. The bedroom she had shared with Vincent for ten years, the man she now despised. She didn’t care anymore, so she flung herself, in her wet dress and hair, on to the bed. Her laptop was on the bedside table and she opened it up. The lid of the ice cream tub opened with a loud crack and she stuck a spoon in it and scooped some of the creamy goodness into her mouth as she checked her emails.
The first unread email was from Gerard T. Again. Sue had to blink hard a few times to reassure herself that she wasn’t dreaming or drunk.
Dear Sue,
I apologize that I had to leave so suddenly. I was hoping we would be able to continue our catch-up another time? I’m hosting a small dinner party this Sunday. I look forward to seeing you then. I’ll have my secretary send my home address and directions over to you.
Regards,
Gerard
She couldn’t believe how self-important he sounded. The fact that he simply assumed that she would accept his invitation, that she would even want to see him again, after how rude he was to her. Sue fluffed up a few pillows behind her and sat back in the bed, crossing her arms over her chest. No, she didn’t want to see him again. She didn’t want any more negativity in her life, any more men walking over her. Most of all, she didn’t want Gerard Tate, the guy she had dumped twenty years ago, to make her feel like she was a doormat.
Chapter 4
Sue sat in her car for ages, parked outside the driveway of Gerard’s mansion. She kept the windows rolled up and tried to calm herself down. She hadn’t responded to his email or his secretary’s, but on Sunday evening, she suddenly decided to crash his dinner party. The black silk jumpsuit she was wearing fell gracefully around her figure, adding the illusion of a few pounds to her slight frame. She had even taken the time out to paint her nails a light coral. She adjusted the rear-view mirror so she could see her face in it. Her cheeks looked flushed and her coral lips contrasted her pale complexion. She had meticulously brushed out her hair and it fell elegantly in waves on her shoulders.
She dabbed her lipstick on again and smacked her lips, a welcome distraction from her racing heart. The magnetic lock on her small velvet black clutch snapped shut and she shoved the door open. Her heels clicked against the pavement as she stepped out of her car and walked towards the looming wrought-iron gates. She stood outside the gates for a few moments, till she found an electronic security screen and pressed the only button on it.
“Good evening. Your name please,” she heard the voice of a man boom through.
“Sue Lawson,” she squeaked.
“Please drive through, Mr. Tate is expecting you,” the man replied and she could hear the creaking of the gates as they slowly opened up. Sue felt stupid for having walked up to the gate and she went back to her car to drive in.
The driveway was short and she reached the front door of the mansio
n in a matter of minutes. She could see a few expensive cars parked as she climbed out of her car again.
“You made it!” Gerard’s voice caught her off guard as she noticed him standing on top of the few steps which led to the front door. A uniformed gentleman stood beside him and he immediately reached for her trench coat when she walked up the steps and stood beside them.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t RSVP. I wasn’t sure of my schedule,” Sue said as she wriggled out of her coat and Gerard led her inside. He had placed his hand on the small of her back and his touch gave her goosebumps. He smelled of coffee still, even though he was in a three piece suit with a red handkerchief peeping out from his front pocket. Sue didn’t want to turn to look at him, the proximity to him was enough to make her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. She felt like a young teenager with a crush on a senior.
“That’s all right. We’re glad you could make it,” Gerard said politely and she couldn’t stop from throwing him an utterly confused look. His house distracted her. It was gorgeously decorated, even though a bit too modern and minimalistic for her taste, but she couldn’t have expected anything different from a tech-genius.
White, silver and black was the color palette and everything that was not one of those, was made of glass. Sue looked around her in awe, hoping that her jaw hadn’t dropped as they walked across the entrance hallway towards an inner room. She could see a glass staircase leading up to the upper levels of the house and she had an incredible urge to run up the stairs.
“What do you mean by “we”?” She finally turned to him and he simply smiled.
“Sue Lawson!” she heard the shriek of a woman and Sue froze in her spot. It was…it couldn’t be! Mary Jenkins!
Mary ran towards her with arms outstretched as they entered the sprawling living room. Mary had aged, but Sue would have recognized that high-pitched singing voice anywhere.
“Sue!” she screeched again as she flung her arms around her and they both hugged.
“Mary! How are you?” Sue was fumbling with her words, but she couldn’t stop herself from grinning like she’d won the lottery. Mary had definitely aged, but aged gracefully. She was in a sleek black maxi dress and her platinum hair had thinned but still remained curly and unkempt as she brushed a few strands away from her face.
“When Gerard said he met you, we didn’t believe him for a moment,” she said in her usual, overly dramatic fashion as she kept a strong grip on Sue’s arm. Sue looked up to see the smiling face of Jake Milton, a few feet away from them.
“Sue!” he said when she caught his eye and he took a few steps forward to give her a hug as well. She couldn’t believe it. Mary Jenkins and Jake Milton. In the flesh!
“I’m here too,” she heard a voice and Sue whipped around to find Gerard’s best friend standing behind them, a glass of wine in his hands. “Carl!” Sue was the one who nearly shrieked now and she lunged towards him to give him a hug.
It was strange for her to see them all in the same room again. She hadn’t seen any of them in twenty years, if not more, and the three years that they had spent together in college, they had spent it in each other’s company every day. Mary was her roommate, Jake was Mary’s boyfriend and the five of them were instantly drawn together as a group.
“You guys all kept in touch?” Sue was even more confused than before. What were they all doing in Gerard’s living room after all these years? The silence in the room answered her question and she could feel her heart sinking, a bitterness crawling up her skin as she eyed Mary’s embarrassed exchange of looks with Jake.
“Jake and I got married after college,” she screeched out instead and Sue gave her a forced polite smile.
“So you’ve been married for twenty years and been friends with Gerard all that time as well?” She couldn’t keep the sound of betrayal out of her voice as she said the words.
“I was the best-man at the wedding,” Gerard said as he passed her a glass of wine. Sue snatched it out of his hands and turned to glare at Carl.
“You too, Carl?” She walked towards him and he exchanged looks with Jake.
“Yeah, we all kept in touch,” he said nervously and took a sip of his wine.
“If hanging out twice a week is called keeping in touch.” Gerard came over and thumped Carl on the back. He gave Sue a winning smile and she turned away from them.
“Is this all true, Mary?” Sue asked her, her voice was shaking now.
“Why would I lie to you, Sue?” She heard Gerard’s voice behind her and she whipped around to face him. This was about enough. Her nerves were wrecked, her divorce was bitter, she was alone and lonely, and now she was finding out that her best friends had chosen her ex-boyfriend over her, and they had made that choice twenty years ago.
“I’m speaking to Mary, if you don’t mind,” she hissed at Gerard and she watched him raise an eyebrow.
“Is this true, Mary? You guys all hung out, every week, while I assumed we all went our separate ways?” Sue was the one shrieking now. Jake’s arm was on Mary’s back now and she could see the two of them exchange continuous nervous looks.
“Now, look here Sue,” Carl tried to interrupt her rage, but she would have none of it.
“Did you guys have a meeting and decide to vote me out? Did you have inside jokes and shared high-fives every time you heard some gossip about me?” She had inched closer towards Mary. She didn’t even want to begin to imagine what she looked like at that moment, but her appearance was no more her top priority.
“It wasn’t like that, Sue,” Mary finally spoke and her words broke her heart even more. She wished Mary would fight with her, yell at her and put her in her place, like all the other times she had done when they were still friends.
“You drifted away,” Jake added, only adding fuel to the fire.
“No. I broke up with Gerard. You guys chose to drift away,” Sue said and was sure she was going to break into tears.
“So what if they did?” Gerard’s voice interrupted her thoughts, but she didn’t turn to look at him. She couldn’t bear to look at him.
“You broke my heart. You deserved it,” he said quietly, in the stillness of the room. Sue turned to look at him slowly. He was standing next to an open window now, not looking at anybody in the room while he took a few sips of the wine from a glass in his hands.
“What did you say?” Sue’s anger had reached new heights. She was inches away from picking up the large Chinese vase on the floor next to her and flinging it at him.
“I said, you deserved it. You deserved to be alienated.” He met her eyes, but he didn’t look happy.
Chapter 5
“Sue, please don’t leave,” Mary implored her as she started walking out of the living room.
“I don’t understand why you invited me here tonight. You just wanted to embarrass me!” Sue screamed at Gerard instead. She stopped in her tracks to turn to him at the window again.
“I was trying to arrange a reunion. I didn’t expect you to react this way,” Gerard said quietly and his attitude angered her even more.
“You said I’ve changed. When did you turn into a selfish conniving bastard?” She said the words and could feel everyone immediately grow quiet. It was as though they were all afraid of what Gerard would do next. They turned to look at him, while Sue stood at the doorway with her lower lip trembling, clutching her small purse tightly to her chest.
“You’re blaming me for our friends feeling sorry for me?” he finally said, in a drawn out, exhausted voice.
“They weren’t sorry for you. I was the bitch they wanted to stay away from.” Sue gritted her teeth, unsure, by now, who she was really mad at.
“We didn’t think that, Sue.” Carl was the one who spoke up now.
“Why the pretense, Carl? You guys managed well without me for twenty years. Why invite me here and put me through all of this?” Sue was almost as exhausted as Gerard sounded before.
“I told them you needed support.” Gerard’s voice brok
e the silence again and Sue glared at him with rounded teary eyes now.
“I needed support? Why? What for, after all this time?” she asked, and even as she said the words, she knew what the reason was. “Because of Vincent? You guys think I need support because I’m going through a divorce? You told them that?” Her attention flitted around the room, from Mary, to Jake, to Carl, to Gerard again.
“You were not yourself that day, Sue. You are clearly depressed. You need your friends.” Gerard was sipping his wine again and she strode over to him with fury in each step.
“Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can simply pry my friends away from me and then fling them at me at your will?” Sue’s breath was ragged, her nostrils were flaring. She didn’t know what to do, how to control her rage.
“Sue. Stop this madness.” Mary’s voice distracted her, even though she continued glaring at Gerard.
“Sue. Look at me,” she begged and Sue turned to look at Mary, who stood a few inches away from her. “We were all genuinely worried. Gerard most of all,” she said and placed a hand on Sue’s shoulder. She felt like she was going to break down in uncontrollable sobs that very instant.
“There is no shame in being upset and needing your friends around you. No matter the time that has passed,” Carl spoke up and joined Mary by Sue’s side. Sue’s lips were trembling again, she hadn’t realized how much she had missed them all these years.
“You had no right.” Sue turned to Gerard again, but her voice had broken now and she couldn’t pretend to be angry with them anymore.
“Have a drink, Sue. Say hello to your friends,” Gerard said with a smile and patted her on her shoulder before walking away from her.
•••
“His prose is as agreeable as a sweaty armpit,” Sue said and the room broke out in loud laughter.
