by Sam Hall
“None of it is, I think. You know how we were having those weird experiences in that landscape with the black sun? Well, this is our version of it.”
“Yeah?” I watched him toss the rock with a rapid movement, watching the bunch and shift of the big muscles in his shoulder as he did so. The stone skipped across the water’s surface until it finally ran out of momentum and sank. “So, why this place? Can I change it?”
“Of course.”
He smiled, his teeth bright against the dark of his beard, and then the world closed down into a muted whiteness. I blinked. I was lying down now, on a bed, if I had the feel right, and he lay beside me. I reached out a hand, and saw we were cocooned under the covers.
“This is where you think we should be?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It always made me feel better when I was a kid, hiding down under the blankets and shutting out the world. I think you need that right now.”
My eyes jerked up to meet his. “Is it that obvious?”
“No, I know because that’s how I feel. Seeing Johnno shot worried you. You thought about what it would be like if that happened to us.”
“How do you do that? How do you read my bloody mind? You and Brandon both.”
He shook his head. “Nah. Brandon, he sees way more than me, but it doesn’t take a huge leap of the imagination to guess, does it? How d'you think I felt? Jack sticking his head up through the car roof, inviting someone to blow it off. And you…”
“Me?”
He looked at me shyly, hand scratching at his beard as if needing something to do.
“Most blokes, they thank the Great Wolf and the stars for the opportunity for a mate. Well, I’ve got two, haven’t I? Both of you rip my heart out just sitting there, bitching about who should be doing the dishes, until I want to do them for you just so I can continue to watch you. You start to feel like the world’s gonna fix that, take one of you away for being so greedy for wanting you both.”
“Hawk…”
He looked away, shaking his head, but his fingers tangled with mine. Then I was lying next to him, watching his eyes roam, the muscles around them tightening as he struggled to get the words out.
“Half the reason why Jack’s such a prick is this. When you love someone, you gotta watch them go out into the world, face dangers, deal with the possibility that they’ll get hurt, and you can’t do anything about it. I take my punches head on, always have. No point making a fuss about it. You mighta noticed, Jack’s not one to take anything lying down.”
Except your cock, my traitorous little mind supplied.
His smile was immediate, his eyes shining with amusement.
“Fuck, did I say that out loud?” He nodded.
“Like that, do you?”
“You guys are seriously hot together, you know that. But yeah, I feel privileged. You guys love each other in a savage way I’m not sure I’ll ever understand or be a part of, but I love to watch it play out.”
“You don’t have to be a part of anything. You can make your own path to each and every one of us. If you want to.”
I nodded and let out a long breath. Hawk had been right, the lack of sensory information by being huddled up in bed had settled me. He did that a lot, I realised, calmed me down, got me back on track.
“I think we can reach out to each other without touching,” I said. “Can I do that sometimes? Just being with you makes me feel a lot better.”
His face lit up at that. “Of course, Jules. Any time.”
“You two just gonna stand there?”
The world reasserted itself quickly—the vine-covered ruins, the chirp of insects all came rushing back. And Jack, looking at the two of us quizzically, fingers wrapped around his rifle.
“No,” I said, and on impulse, I bounced up and kissed Hawk on the cheek. “I need to see Finn.”
While we had our little interlude, it appeared everyone had decided to go into the ruins. I heard conversations about Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider bandied around and realised that human or Tirian, when men see something mysterious, they gotta go and take a look at it. I glanced at the dark entrance, the stone gate crumbling and looking much like a snaggle-toothed maw ready to swallow me up. I walked past Aaron sorting out weapons and talking to his guys, Johnno still sipping from the bottle of alcohol, and searched for that auburn head, finding him finally behind the cars, scanning the plains beyond.
His name was on my lips, ready to call out as I came closer, but recent memories of how that’d gone stopped me. Instead, I lifted a hand and looked at it for a second, cognizant that this was unlikely to go well, but not sure what else I could do to get through to my mate. So I snuck up, and then placed a hand on his arm.
Reality was wrenched away and replaced by a chaotic swirl of impressions and memories.
My eyes burned as I held Mum’s hand as I watched my dads pack up to go. It didn’t feel real. I’d come home every day to find at least one of them waiting for me. They’d been there for every day of my life, and watching them fold underwear and t-shirts to put in a bag to take through the portal just didn’t feel real. This was made worse by Nana, standing in the corner of the room, face as white as a sheet, tears streaming down her cheeks. Nana was, no, had been, the alpha of Sanctuary since before I was born.
“Don’t, Jules.”
The vision dropped away, and there was only Finn standing over me, a thunderous look on his face.
“Finn, I only want to—”
“I know exactly what you wanted, and I can’t give it to you right now.”
I could hear the guys behind me calling out to him, wanting him to come and join the expedition, but I wasn’t prepared to stand aside just yet.
“Finn, we talked about this. You’re my mate, and you’re martyring yourself over—”
“Over what, Jules? My dads? The guys I sent through? The fact they…” He swallowed, the stony cool of his expression slipping for a moment, and what I saw beneath it devastated me. Despite everything I’d tried, that rampant self-loathing was back and spreading vicious tendrils through the man I loved. “I thought they were going to get another chance. I thought maybe they’d find a way towards a meaningful life, that they’d move beyond the mistakes they made, but they never got an opportunity. They’re fucked to death, Jules. Starved, beaten, and thrown to the Volken women’s mercy, because of me.”
I reached out a shaking hand. This is the last time, I thought. We don’t have to stay together, don’t have to be mates, not if the love isn’t there.
“So why do you have to keep shutting me out?”
“Because if I don’t, I’ll walk away from all of this, take one of the cars, bundle the rest of the pack in, get through that gate and go back home, and spend my life making sure nothing dangerous touches any of you again. Now, I’m going into the ruins with the guys. You should stay with Johnno and—”
“No.”
He stared at me with these cat-like eyes both him and Jack had that were just as implacable. Finally, he shook his head.
“Fine,” he said, and walked off.
15
Yeah, this wasn’t going to end well.
I was firmly ensconced in the centre of the group, guys with guns on every side of me, and for once, I was happy for the protection. The building was dark and crumbling with vines slowly undermining the building's integrity as they wound their way through bricks and crawled down walls. I jumped when I heard a skitter, causing a small chunk of brick to fall from a broken wall, and spotted a small lizard with deep ultramarine stripes along its back turn and flee when it saw us.
Critters, I thought. Hadn’t considered there’d be more critters.
I thought of Meep Meep and the fluffy pack of doom, and hoped there was no more like him in here.
“How far are we going in?” Jack said, peering over a decaying balustrade. It appeared we were on some kind of mezzanine level, which was disconcerting in itself. I glanced down at the floor, not sure how stable that was
. The structure itself seemed sound, but the mosaic pattern on it…
“Stop for a sec,” I said, and dropped down to my feet. I brushed dirt and pebbles away to reveal a familiar turquoise and gold swirl pattern. I frowned, and when I looked up, Sylvan stood over me, smiling.
“We go deeper,” he said.
“Yeah, pretty sure I’m not taking fucking orders from you, mate,” Aaron said.
The black wolf stared back, his smile never slipping. “Ask your mate then.”
“Jules?”
“I…I’ve seen a place with this same mosaic. After we…”
Brandon came closer, eyes darting from me to Aaron, as the other man considered what I’d said and then nodded.
“OK, we go a bit deeper, work out what this place was, and then go back.”
Sylvan began to sing as I got to my feet, a song I remembered all too well. It was the one the worshippers had sung during the procession. Rifles went to shoulders as a high counter note rung out and dull red lights flared on the walls, the crystals embedded there revealing themselves, growing brighter and brighter as he did so. I glanced at the seer, then to the guys, and then joined in. The light made it much easier to see inside the ruin, and if we were going to persist in doing this, I wanted to know what was ahead. The note soured each time I muffed the words, sounds I made from what I recalled, but Sylvan smiled as he sang, nodding in encouragement. The guys all looked at me weirdly for a second, and then on we went.
This is some kind of ceremonial place, I thought.
The deeper we went in, the more intact the walls were and the murals there. I hadn’t realised there were any near the entrance, since the elements obliterated everything, but now, though faded and destroyed in sections, I could see it. That same city, with its beautiful architecture, was displayed along with several others I’d never seen before. I moved closer, winding my way through the guys, as the group spread out now to take a look as well. What looked like dragons flew through the air above the spires, and giant wolves stalked the city. Great creatures were depicted frolicking in the sea.
“You’ve seen this place before,” Brandon said.
“I’ve been there, sort of. When Aaron…”
My pack stilled at that.
“It’s alright, princess,” Slade said, rubbing my shoulder.
He was the only one who knew so far.
Sylvan, weirdly, continued to sing, stepping away from the group, but it kept the light on the artwork.
“When Aaron placed a mating mark on me, I went here. I saw the Great Wolves. There was a big ceremony, people walked through the streets singing, and there were crystals that lit up like these ones. I followed the Great Black Wolf until we came to a plaza.” I moved along, the mural showing a more detailed scene of the city I’d visited. I reached out to touch a small detail that looked similar to what I’d seen. “There was a podium and each Great Wolf came to sit on one, and then they touched and became people. She, she looked like…”
The singing stopped abruptly, the light in the crystals slowly dulling, so torches were pulled out.
“She looked like what?” Sylvan said.
“She looked like the woman I saw in my vision,” I said. “When you bit me, I got an infection, and I was trapped in this place with my Tirian. She showed me the first women, how they were turned, how they went through the gate.”
“You never said you’d had visions,” Sylvan said, his eyes narrowing.
“Why would I? You never say…anything but weird, vague prognostications or rapey bullshit.”
That didn’t seem to satisfy him at all, his eyes boring into mine for a moment before breaking away. “Come,” he said. “There’s more to see.”
He walked on ahead, singing again, but my pack made no move to follow him. “We’re being led around by the nose again,” Slade said. “We just happen to seek shelter in a ruin that could have been built by our ancestors? I fucking hate this seer shit.”
Brandon paled at that, but Aaron reached over and took his hand. “No, you don’t,” he said. “It’s our seer that saw you end up with Jules, that got us together as a pack. Look around you, all of you.” The note of command in Aaron’s voice was enough that we obeyed, all except Finn, who was still as a stone. “Would we be a pack without Brandon’s tinkering? Slade, you would have pissed off Jules within a week without him moderating the two of you. Finn, your eyes are too much on the big picture. Jules would never have taken a second look at me after that first disastrous time in the sack.”
“It wasn’t disastrous,” I said. “It was hot.”
Aaron smiled at that, but continued. “Everyone’s led around by the nose by something. The matriarchs control us, our parents controlled us as kids. Our culture shapes us and directs us down certain paths. Free will isn’t actually all that free, but the thing we need to know is what that bastard wants.” He stabbed a finger in the direction of the Volken seer who’d wandered off. “If he’s got some secret plan, what is it?”
“So, what do we do?” Finn asked, arms crossed firmly across his chest. “We could walk out of here and ignore the seer’s manipulations. Just get in the cars and make straight for the Volken. Fuck the caches, fuck the visions. Let's just go and do this.”
“With what we have? We don’t even know what we’re facing. The guys have been working on Sylvan as we’ve been traveling, but they aren’t getting much. Unless we try something seriously hard core…” A light I hoped I’d never see bloomed within Finn’s eyes. Aaron shook his head. “That shit’s a scorched earth kinda deal. We break him, that’s it. We get what info we can, and then that’s it.”
“I don’t see the problem.”
“No, you wouldn’t, because you won’t have to get your hands dirty,” Aaron said with a shake of his head.
“You think I wouldn’t?” Finn snapped. “I’m sick to death of sitting on our fucking hands and just walking blindly into these things. I’d be more than happy to get this done, and then everyone else could walk around with a clear conscience.”
“You’re not talking sense,” Slade said.
“The fuck—”
“Nah, just this fucking once, you’re gonna listen to me the way I’ve always done that for you,” he replied, stepping into the other man’s face. “You think he’s a box you can open and get what you want from if you’re prepared to be ruthless enough, but he’s not. Jules told me what she saw. He’s been copping a hammering way worse than any of us could administer, and the fucker learned to lie through their interrogations. You won’t be able to trust a word he says, even if you could break him. But, Finn, the fact you’d ever say you’d do this? That’s what concerns me. You think you’re so bloody tarnished, it doesn’t matter what you do. I know that freedom well. But, mate, that’s not you. You’ve always been the one trying to keep the peace, keep us all ticking along, sorting out the shit. When we’re back home and we’ve sorted these pricks out, you’re gonna need to go back to that.”
“So, I can keep sending blokes to these fucks?”
“Fucking Prince Perfect, always with the self-sacrifice,” Jack drawled. “We don’t need you to beat the weaselly little fuck into submission. We need you to make the changes to stop this shit from happening when we get back. We need you to get the matriarchs on board.”
Silence reigned for a moment, giving me time to watch Finn’s face closely. He was stricken, his eyes glowing almost as bright as the crystals behind him.
“Who’s going to get an audience with them?” Slade asked. “Who’s going to make them see that exiling strong men isn’t the answer?”
“Who’s going to get us access to the Women’s Council? Get us representation rather than just dictation?” Jack asked.
“Who’s going to get the guys on side? Get them seeing that the world order they’ve lived with for so long is not the right one? That we’ll be stronger as a people if the best of us lead, not just the best women?” Aaron asked.
“This will require a massiv
e mental shift,” Brandon said. “It’ll mean making changes to the fundamental nature of Sanctuary. It has always been a matriarchal society. You feel sick about what’s happened, want to fix it quick to soothe your conscience. What about making permanent changes? Making it so that people get a fair trial, get the opportunity to redeem themselves, the opportunity to go into the human world rather than through the portal if they truly need to be exiled?”
I watched Finn blink as he considered all of this, the muscles in his jaw working. He didn’t answer though, just shook his head and said, “If we’re gonna follow this bloke’s lead, let’s do it.”
I scanned the murals as we went, but it all seemed to be more of the same—pretty scenes of life back in whatever place the Great Wolves had come from. There were more intimate scenes of wolves and humans cohabiting depicted in stylised shapes, or important events where humans wore rich robes and performed unknown rituals. We walked down the stairs, dodging the broken steps, before finally arriving in a large area dominated by a huge cluster of crystals. Sylvan stood before it, moving now in a series of dance steps as he sang, and the crystal was now glowing so bright, it was hard to look at.
“OK, we’re here,” Slade said, “So apart from serenading random geological formations, we’re doing what now?”
“Sing,” Sylvan hissed through the words of the song. We watched the light dim, then flare again. He waved his hand furiously when I didn’t start. Everyone turned to me, waiting to see what I would do.
Of course, it had to be me that was expected to sing a bloody song, in a language I didn’t understand, standing within an ancient ruin, in front of the most incredible cluster of iridescent crystal, shards spiking up in every direction. I was starting to feel bad for chuckling at those people doing auditions for Australian Idol now, hearing my own voice warble in tone, my mouth struggling to make the right sounds. But I must have done alright. While I wasn’t going to walk away with a recording contract, I was able to get the crystal to sing. Louder and louder, higher and higher, the pure note sang over us, as we were a mere background distraction now.
