by James, Sandy
“Just some research.”
“Research on what?” Deepika walked over to look her shoulder. “Who’s that?”
“My opponent.”
“Pardon?”
Laurie pointed at the monitor. “My friggin’ nemesis. Ross’s version of Ashley Wilkes. Just look at her. She’s...dainty. And pretty. And look at that...that red hair. Makes me feel like the jolly albino giant.”
Deepika put her hands on her hips and glared down at Laurie. “Albino giant? You’re pissing me off.”
Laurie thumped the screen with the back of her knuckles. “Well, just look at her.”
“Yeah. So? What’s getting you so down?” Deepika asked as she studied the screen. “She’s cute, but not exactly a model or anything.”
Laurie sighed and leaned back in her chair. “She’s everything I’m not.” She knew her insecurity about her looks was ridiculous. The therapist in her should be able to get past it. But she just couldn’t seem to find any confidence in herself.
Deepika released an annoyed sigh. “Then you’re telling me she’s not intelligent, has absolutely no insight, isn’t remotely loyal, has not an ounce of compassion, and is a horrible human being. That would be your opposite. Must be a real bitch. Besides, you’ve got better boobs.”
Laurie had to laugh at that. “Bigger doesn’t always equal better. And, no, she’s not a bitch. She really doesn’t deserve my hating her so much. From what I’ve read, she’s a nice person.”
Deepika leaned her shoulder against the wall. “Then why the long face? I take it the date didn’t go well.”
“It did until someone trashed my car.”
“Your car? What happened?”
Laurie turned off the screen and got to her feet. “Let’s go have a glass of wine. Or better yet, how about some Ben and Jerry’s?”
“How about both?” Deepika started to walk out the door before she suddenly stopped. Following closely behind, Laurie ran into her back. “Did you eat all the Chunky Monkey?”
“Yep.”
“Bugger.”
Laurie laughed, stepped in front of her roommate, and led the way to the kitchen.
* * * *
Ross hated the drive home, hated the thoughts twisting through his mind. Things that had once seemed straightforward were now so very complicated.
Laurie had to be the most aggravating woman he’d ever met. She refused to let him simply maintain his own beliefs about his life. She laid his feelings out as precisely as a talented chef filleting an expensive piece of meat. He seriously wanted to throttle her. Unfortunately, it conflicted with his desire to kiss her. The woman was making him insane.
For almost a year Ross had clung firmly the idea Katie had been the love of his life, and he’d wallowed in the pain caused by her choice to marry someone else. The agony was real, something he could hold in the palm of his hand. Something he could nurture. Something that gave him a good excuse to work himself practically to death.
But Laurie had jerked it all away with seemingly little effort. A magician making the card disappear up her sleeve. Ta dah! She had simply made him see harsh reality instead of distorted fantasy.
What he thought was love wasn’t. What he believed was affection had been nothing more than competition. The thrill of the chase. He’d turned Katie into a prize to be won and had mourned the loss of the contest more than the loss of the flesh and blood woman. Had he ever really loved her? Had he ever really loved anyone?
By the time he walked into his meticulous and lonely condo, Ross felt so uncomfortable in his own skin he couldn’t settle in any one place. He quickly changed into a t-shirt and shorts. The spare bedroom of his apartment held almost as many weights as most expensive gyms, and he pushed himself through a grueling workout to try to clear his head and exhaust his body. To burn Laurie Beaulieu out of his mind.
It didn’t work.
An hour later, he stood in the shower stall as hot water beat over his tired muscles. Trying to think about what he intended for his future, Ross discovered something that shook him to the core. No matter which path his thoughts traveled, they always ended up regrouping at the very same place.
Laurie. The beginning and end of his journey.
Ross finished his shower, wrapped a towel around his hips, and stared at the distorted reflection in the foggy mirror.
Thirty. He was thirty. And what exactly had he achieved in life?
He had an expensive condo. The place would probably please Howard Hughes—on many different levels. It was opulent and very, very clean. Did it make him happy?
He had his job. He knew Arthur planned to make him a partner soon. His ultimate goal—a partner at thirty. Of course, the partnership would mean even more hours slaving away for clients with unreasonable demands and expectations. Did that make him happy?
He had his family. But his mother lived with her new husband, and his sister seemed content since she’d relocated to Texas. They didn’t need him any longer.
And all Ross really knew was that he wanted a family. A real family. A wife. Children. He wanted to be what he’d never really had—a father. But that didn’t appear to be something happening in the near future. If ever.
What did he exactly have to show for his thirty years on this earth?
Not a goddamn thing.
But then he thought of Laurie. Not Katie. Laurie.
Laurie who made his blood run hot. Laurie who made him laugh. Laurie who didn’t care if he was wealthy or moody or a neat freak.
Laurie. Beautiful Laurie.
You moron! You threw away the best thing that ever happened to you. And for what? For nothing. For your injured pride.
Ross picked up the phone at least a dozen times, wanting to call her. But he was afraid the damage had already been done. It would take a woman of strong character and tremendous ego to forgive him for making her feel second best to another woman. Especially another woman who was never really seriously interested in him, who was safe to adore from afar.
Laurie was strong; he had no doubt about that. Yet she was obviously plagued with fears that she wasn’t desirable. Ross needed to think of a way to make it up to her—to let her know she’d helped him finally see the light.
What if I already lost her? His stomached churned and his heart clenched at that thought.
“No!” His fist came down hard on the sink, rattling the glass and bottles on the vanity. Laurie might be pissed, but she hadn’t given up on him. If she had, she wouldn’t have had the courage to help him analyze the whole stupid situation. She still wanted him. She had to.
Ross decided to talk to someone, a miracle worker, who might be able to come up with a good way for him to make amends.
He’d find Sheila first thing in the morning.
* * * *
“Tell me what happened to your car,” Deepika said after Laurie had consumed enough wine and Cherry Garcia to finally relax.
Laurie rinsed the last bowl and stacked it in the dishwasher. “Someone broke into it. You know, I could understand it if there had been a credit card or a cell phone sitting out in the open. But there was a Mercedes parked right next to me. Ross’s Lexus was only a row or two over. What did they want with my piece of shit Civic?”
Deepika shrugged. “Who knows why people do some of the dumb stuff they do? You’re the counselor. You tell me.” She smiled at Laurie before taking another sip of her wine.
“And as if that wasn’t bad enough, the seats and tires were slashed.” Laurie still didn’t understand the whole episode. It seemed so much more personal than a random break-in. Plus there was her intuition to consider. It had sent her a very deliberate message.
Besides, if she thought about the car, she didn’t have to think about Ross Kennedy.
“What went wrong with the date?” Deepika asked as if reading Laurie’s thoughts. “Is he a mama’s boy or something?”
Laurie let herself smile at the cheeky remark. “Nah. Nothing like that. He’s still hung up on an
old girlfriend.”
“The redhead?”
“Yeah. Do you see what I’m up against? How can someone who looks like me possibly compete with a woman who looks like...like...her?”
Deepika picked up the bottle and poured a little more wine into Laurie’s glass. “I wish you had some clue as to how much it pisses me off when you belittle yourself.”
“Sorry. Force of habit.” Laurie picked up her glass and took a sip from her refreshed drink.
They headed from the kitchen into the living room. Laurie sprawled into the big chair and slung one leg over the arm while Deepika dropped down on the couch.
“Bollocks, Laurie. You got hung up somewhere thinking that you’re inferior. It’s bloody annoying.”
Laurie threw up her empty hand in surrender. “All right already. Can we talk about something else?” She ran her finger around the rim of her wineglass and listened to the hum.
Her roommate still looked at her with skeptical eyes. “No, we can’t. I want you to tell me about this guy.”
“What’s to tell? The way I handed him his walking papers tonight, he probably won’t be back. God, that was stupid.” She took another sip of her wine, enjoying the warm, calming path the zinfandel blazed down her throat. “I shouldn’t have played therapist, but someone needed to set him straight.”
“And I’m sure you did. So the whole night was a waste?”
Laurie smiled, remembering the way she felt when Ross’s hands and lips were all over her. “Well, not a complete waste.” Heat blossomed on her cheeks.
Deepika must have quickly caught her friend’s meaning. “Oh. The guy can kiss, can he?” She stared at Laurie over her wineglass. “You never let guys kiss you. You must really fancy this one. What gives?”
“I can’t read him. All I feel with him is what I feel. And yes, the guy can really kiss.” Laurie’s face flushed a little warmer.
Her roommate laughed. “Welcome to the real world. Now you get to guess what he’s feeling like the rest of us have to do with our boyfriends. Really sucks, doesn’t it?”
“Big time. How can you live like this?"
“We manage. Besides, guys aren’t really good at hiding what they’re feeling anyway. I can take one look at Andrew and read him every bit as well as you can,” Deepika bragged.
“After five years, I’d sure hope you’d know him well enough to have a good idea what he’s feeling. Why won’t you marry the poor guy? How many times has he asked?”
Deepika shrugged. “I lost count. And I’ll get around to it. Med school and residency are tough enough without having a husband to take care of. Besides, we’d have to live here. That’s not fair to you.”
Laurie finished the last of her zinfandel and set the glass down on the table. “He’s here most nights anyway. What’s the difference? You two could save some money if you’d just shack up here.” Now that she’d consumed enough liquid courage, she finally confessed another problem to her friend. “You know, I lied to Ross about my name.”
Deepika appeared properly surprised at the statement. “Why on earth would you do that?”
“My father sent him after me. That’s how Ross ended up in Montana. He was trying to track me down. Daddy’s warped sense of humor, I’m sure. He probably figured if he threw a lawyer at me, I’d follow through with my promise to take over the Foundation. Like legal papers would make it more official or something.”
“Sounds like Adam. Thinking if someone else forced your hand, you’d fold. You know, I’ll bet he didn’t even tell the poor guy Laurence is a girl’s name in France.” Deepika snorted a laugh. “Oh, yeah. Adam would love sending some lawyer on a wild goose chase.”
Laurie nodded and smiled. Then she remembered Ross and a wave of grief raced over her. “That’s not the only reason I lied. Ross hates rich people. At least people who inherited their money. If he knew about my trust fund...”
“Can’t be that bad, can it?” Deepika asked, sounding a bit incredulous.
Laurie nodded. “Oh, yeah. It’s that bad. I think he’s held the prejudice for so long it’s like a security blanket. Plus, I know there’s something there he’s not telling me. I can sense it.”
“Too many bloody secrets. Why do people have to play stupid games?”
“If he shows me his, I’ll show him mine,” Laurie said with a laugh. She couldn’t contain a yawn. “I need to hit the sheets. Thanks for listening.”
“Sometimes even counselors need counselors. Happy to oblige. You going out with him again?”
Laurie sighed. “Depends.”
“On?”
“On whether he calls me again.”
* * * *
“Did anyone ever tell you you’re a freakin’ idiot?” Sheila asked with the irritation plain in her voice and registering clearly on her face.
Ross scowled at her. “Oh, come on. It wasn’t that bad.”
She glared at him. “It was Magna Cum Stupid, if you ask me. What’cha gonna do about it? Need me to order more flowers? I’d go with a dozen long-stemmed red roses. I’d be thinking about throwing in some Godiva, too. Geesh.” She rolled her eyes heavenward. “No wonder you never get any dates.”
Sheila hadn’t taken it too kindly when Ross told her about what happened on his date with Laurie. Sheila seemed entirely offended on Laurie’s behalf. For a moment, he wished he hadn’t divulged such a humiliating story, but he really wanted his assistant’s counsel. Sheila had a way with people. At least all people except her boss. To Ross, she was always brutally frank—just like the older sister he wished he’d had.
“Was it really that bad?” he asked.
“Quit asking that. Yes, it was that bad! How d’ya think she’d take it? You were talking about an old girlfriend while you were on a date with a new one.” She dropped her chin and shook her head. “Sweet Jesus, men are stupid.”
“So what’s the plan?” Ross asked, hoping she’d come up with one of her usual strokes of genius. He really wanted a chance to get close to Laurie again but feared he had blown any opportunity to do so. He was actually ready to beg, but he sure hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
Sheila was right. He was stupid.
Please forgive me, Kitten. Please.
Sheila leaned against his desk and drummed her fingers on the surface as she seemed to consider some possibilities. Suddenly, she focused those intense brown eyes on Ross. “Answer me a question. What was the last thing she said to you before you left?”
“‘Good night, Ross.’”
She slapped the heel of her hand to her forehead. “How in the hell did someone as dense as you ever graduate from law school? Before that. What did she say when she told you to leave?”
“Something like ‘call me if you want a real woman.’ Whatever the hell that means.”
Sheila perked up. “That means you have a chance to make this right. But it’s a very small chance.”
Ross almost smiled. “What do I have to do?”
“Fall on your sword.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You screwed up. Now you’ve gotta fall on your sword. You’ve gotta take a hit and let her see it,” Sheila explained. When he scowled, she continued her explanation. “Think about it from her point of view. You’ve gotta make a huge gesture that’s obviously hard for you. Maybe even make an ass out of yourself.” She put her index finger to her temple and then pointed it at him. “Come to think of it, that shouldn’t be too hard for you.”
Ross continued to glower at her. Not that Sheila had ever been the least bit intimidated by his glares.
“Is that the only expression your face can make?”
He shrugged an answer to the ridiculous question.
“This isn’t all that tough, Ross. Or are you too full of testosterone to get it?” She started to drum her fingers on the desk again as he worked her suggestions over in his mind.
“Fine, fine,” he finally said. “Whatever it takes. What do I do?”
“What does she lik
e? Anything special you know about her? Give me something to work with here.”
Ross thought about the time he’d spent with Laurie in Montana, searching for anything that he could use to his advantage. The light bulb above his head suddenly illuminated. “Dancing. She likes ballroom dancing.”
Sheila clapped her hands and rubbed her palms together. “I know just what to do.” She hurried out of his office.
He hoped she was busy making the perfect arrangements because he needed Laurie to forgive him.
Hell, he just needed Laurie.
* * * *
“I’m coming. Hold on a second,” Laurie yelled as she wrapped her robe around her and raced down the stairs to answer the incessant doorbell. “What kind of idiot rings a doorbell at six in the morning?” she muttered to herself.
She’d put in a brutal day at the clinic. Between the patient emergencies and the ridiculous governmental paperwork, she hadn’t returned home until well after ten. And she’d done all that work with an almost unbearable Ben and Jerry’s and white zinfandel hangover.
At least Laurie could tell herself she’d survived day one “sans Ross.” She’d already hit the snooze button once and wasn’t in a hurry to face the new day. But then some inconsiderate maniac started to spastically press her doorbell.
She pulled the thin curtain back to peek out of the small window and saw the delivery boy. Laurie opened the door. The second he looked at her she read his anxiety and anticipation. “What’s up?” she asked.
“Got a delivery,” the teenager responded before shoving the huge crystal vase full of red roses and an enormous white box at her. “The lady said I’d get a fifty dollar bonus if I got these to a chick named Lorie before she left for work. You Lorie?”
At least that explained the anxiety. “Laurie. And yes, I am. Thank you. Do I need to sign anything?”
“Nah. Have a nice one, lady.” He didn’t even wait for a tip as he turned and jogged across the porch and back to his van. Just a few moments after she shut the door, Laurie could hear his tires squealing as he left.
