by James, Sandy
Joy gave Sam a nervous smile, hoping she wouldn’t be an unwelcome guest prying into the Mitchell family’s privacy. “I’m sorry to come here without an invitation.”
Sam waved the notion away with a flipping swish of the brush in her hand. “Like I told you at the fair, you’re always welcome here. I wondered how long you’d wait to come around for a visit.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, Joy figured perhaps the direct approach was best. “We need to talk about Lucas.”
Sam chuckled as she continued to brush her horse with practiced ease. “Oh, yeah. We definitely need to talk about Lucas. Brian’s been trying to get him on the phone for two days, but he won’t answer. Brian even went by that money pit of a house to try to find him, but,” she shrugged, “no Lucas. He’s obviously around because the horses are fed and watered, but he sure as hell is avoiding us. So do you wanna tell me what’s going on? ’Cause the way I figure it, you’ve got everything to do with his disappearing act.” Sam released the cross-ties holding the horse and led the animal past Joy into a stall.
The woman was every bit as blunt as Lucas had claimed, and Joy took no offense. Not only would she have the same thoughts if she found herself in Samantha’s shoes, she already blamed herself for Lucas’s evasion every bit as much as Sam did.
“I’m not sure exactly what I did, either. I’ve been trying to call him too. He won’t answer. And I can tell his phone is turned off because it goes right to voicemail. I thought about just going out there, but... I feel like...” Joy stopped for a moment and carefully considered her words. “I’m unarmed.”
“Unarmed?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.
Joy had to weigh exactly what to say to Samantha. How much could she tell her? How much would Sam even understand?
When the words finally came, they were surprisingly simple. “I trust you.” Joy knew Sam would never really appreciate how important that statement was to someone outside her circle, nor would she realize the significance of gaining a gypsy’s trust. But Joy felt the need to say it anyway. Maybe deep down, Sam would somehow know.
“That’s nice to hear.” Latching the stall gate, Sam went back to the aisle to pick up the abandoned grooming tools. “But what do you think I can do to help Lucas?”
Joy sat down on one of the maroon and gold trunks resting in front of each stall. “What can you tell me about his...secrets?” Sam looked a bit surprised, so Joy hurried to explain. “There’s something he’s not telling me. I can feel it...sense it.”
Sam seemed to appraise Joy for a few moments before she finally replied. “I’m sure he’s not giving you the whole story, but I’m not certain it’s my place to fill in the blanks. And I’m sure even Brian and I don’t know everything.”
Joy should have been devastated at Sam’s refusal. She should have thanked Sam for her time and left with what little dignity she had left. But Joy simply wouldn’t allow herself to give up that easily. She wouldn’t let pride stand in the way of helping Lucas. She would earn Sam’s trust. “I can only sense so much. I’m not clairvoyant. All I want is to know how I hurt him so I can fix things.”
“Tell me what you think you know,” Sam prodded.
“I know he’s a soldier. Was a soldier. At least I don’t see him in a hurry to put on his uniform back on.”
“I’m impressed. What else do you know?”
“I know he has scars on his arm, but I’ve only seen glimpses. I’d imagine they’re pretty bad the way he hides them.” Joy stopped talking when she saw a petite red-haired woman come marching into the barn.
“Sam? You here?” the woman called out.
“Over here,” Sam replied as she waved an arm to get the visitor’s attention.
Joy just sat and studied the two women, unsure of whether she could discuss Lucas in front of the redhead.
“Hi, Katie.” Sam nodded to Joy. “This is Joy.” Turning back to Joy, Sam said, “Katie is an old friend. There’s nothing you can say to me about Lucas that you can’t say in front of her.”
Katie smiled and held out her hand to Joy. “Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard an awful lot about you. I’m Katie Remington.”
Joy shook Katie’s hand. “You’re Seth’s wife.”
“And Lucas’s friend,” Katie added.
“Joy, you can trust Katie,” Sam encouraged. “She’s like my sister. Maybe between the three of us, we can figure out what’s up with Lucas.”
Joy stared into Katie’s eyes for a few moments and saw nothing there but honesty. But now Joy found herself in the position of discussing things that were almost too personal with two people she didn’t know well. Growing up with five brothers had left her ignorant of how to behave in front of other women. Do women share secrets? Even intimate secrets? Is this how sisters act?
Knowing her revelations could leave her embarrassed, Joy finally decided to push that fear aside. If she wanted to help Lucas, she’d have to offer her confidence to Katie as well as Samantha. Hoping she hadn’t misread the women’s trustworthiness, she nodded. “Fine.”
“Tell us what happened at the State Fair,” Sam said. “I haven’t heard from Lucas since then.”
“We had a really nice time. At least I thought we did. But when he took me home, my parents were there.” Joy didn’t know quite how to tell the women about her father’s ridiculous obsession that she marry one of her kind. “My father and I had...words about Lucas.”
Katie was the first to react, and Joy saw the concern in her eyes. “Words? You fought with your father because of Lucas? Why?”
Nervously nibbling her bottom lip for a moment, Joy considered exactly what to say. “My father doesn’t like Lucas.”
“How could he not like Lucas? Everyone likes Lucas. Does your father even know him?” Katie asked, clearly growing angry on Lucas’s behalf.
That reaction told Joy all she needed to know concerning Katie’s feelings for Lucas. The affection was tangible, physical enough Joy could almost reach out and touch it.
Shaking her head to answer Katie’s question, Joy wasn’t sure how to explain the whole antiquated notion that her father held so dear to his heart. She started to wonder if she should just lay the whole story out and be done with it. Sensing the deep concern for Lucas that these women held dear, she tried to make them understand. “It’s not really Lucas. My father wouldn’t like anyone who wasn’t...like me.”
“Like you?” Sam asked as she cocked her head.
Joy nodded. “Of my race. A gypsy. My father is very prejudiced. He doesn’t believe in mixing gypsy blood with others. I think my father’s overreaction when they met made Lucas mad. Afterwards, Lucas and I... Well, we...we...talked for a while in my apartment.” Joy watched as knowing smiles crossed both of the women’s faces.
“Talked. Right,” Sam said with a laugh as she looked over at Katie.
“Just...talked,” Katie replied with a chuckle. Then she winked at Sam who smirked in response. “Just like Seth and I talk whenever we’re alone.”
Knowing her own warm cheeks probably told the women all they needed to know, Joy decided to let them enjoy their naughty speculations and simply returned to her story. “When I told him I’d share my story, the things about being gypsy with him, he seemed...I don’t know...angry. He didn’t say anything. Then he suddenly left like someone lit a fire under him.”
“Angry, huh? That’s the way Lucas always gets when he’s frightened. Just like Brian. When I was in labor with Chelsea, Brian screamed at the poor nurse when she told him I might have to have a c-section. And he cussed out the paramedics when he broke his leg.” Sam pondered for a moment. “Something sent Lucas running scared. What exactly was the last thing you said to him?”
Joy had to think about that for a few moments. They’d said so much. But, then again, they hadn’t really said anything important. “We were talking about my family, and I promised him I’d tell him everything, that I’d explain everything. And...” Joy strained to remember. She’d been trying s
o hard not to lay all of her problems at his feet that all she could recall was choosing her words very carefully. Then she suddenly remembered the rest of the conversation, her stomach knotting with each recollected word. “And I told him he could share his secrets with me too.”
Katie shot a worried glance at Sam who quickly nodded some kind of understanding in response. Joy started to think that gypsies weren’t the only people who could communicate without words.
Katie turned her focus back to Joy. “This disappearing act doesn’t have anything to do with your family. It has to do with you.”
“With me?” Just as Joy feared, she had said the wrong thing.
Katie nodded, making Joy’s nerves fray. “He doesn’t want you to know.”
“Know? Know what?” Joy asked, hoping she’d finally learn something, anything that could help Lucas.
“About Iraq,” Sam replied as she seemed to easily pick up on Katie’s train of thought.
Iraq. Lucas was a soldier in Iraq. Sweet Jesus.
“He...changed when he was in the Army,” Sam continued. “And it’s not just his scars. Has he told you anything about the war?”
Joy shook her head, feeling sick that she’d accidentally raised such an obviously disturbing topic with Lucas, one he clearly wasn’t ready to discuss. “He hasn’t even told me about the Army.” Even Sam and Katie seemed to have trouble coming out and saying all they knew. And they hadn’t lived the nightmare like Lucas had.
“Then how did you know he was a soldier?” Katie asked as she took a seat on one of the trunks.
“She’s a gypsy,” Sam said as she put the last of her brushes away, shut the lid of the trunk, and plopped down on top of it. “Lucas says she knows everything.”
“Not everything,” Joy corrected feeling a blush begin to warm her cheeks over Lucas’s opinion of her abilities. “And it was the artist in me, not the gypsy that figured that out. It was just so obvious with Lucas. He walks...moves...like a soldier.” A sudden panic gripped her heart, encased it in a solid block of ice. “Will...will he have to go back to Iraq?”
Sam shook her head. “He’s out of the service now. The Army discharged him. His time was almost up anyway. Plus there was the injury and...and all.”
“What about his parents?” Joy asked. “Why didn’t he live with them after he came home?”
“Didn’t Lucas tell you? They both died when he was a teenager. Brian was only twenty. We’d just started dating. Stupid truck accident driving to some county fair to race,” Sam said with a definite tone of sadness in her voice that made Joy’s heart clench in sympathy and pain for all the Mitchells had lost. “Losing their parents was devastating for both of them.”
Samantha stared at Joy for a moment, trying to decide how much more to tell her. The distraught expression on Joy’s face when she found out about Lucas’s parents and the fear in her voice that Lucas might again find himself in the line of fire made Sam wonder how much of a bond had already formed between Lucas and Joy.
Must be stronger than I thought.
She wondered if she would be doing the right thing to tell Joy everything. Lucas had his secrets and kept them for his own good reasons. But it was becoming obvious that this woman was connecting with Lucas, and he deserved something much better than life had handed him for the last few years. Someone as kind and wonderful as Lucas deserved some happiness. She knew she couldn’t allow Joy to continue to grope around in the dark and possibly hit one of his very exposed nerves.
Sam wished she knew exactly what was going on in Joy’s mind, and she longed to know her true motives. The changes the little gypsy had brought about in Lucas in the last few weeks had been wonderful. Lucas smiled again. He joked again. She’d actually heard him laugh once or twice. He seemed to have finally found his way out of the dark depression that had surrounded him since he’d come home from Iraq, and Sam wanted to credit Joy with the transformation.
But now he was incommunicado, and Sam was more than a little concerned. Her gut told her to trust Joy, just as Joy had said she trusted her. Sam finally decided to follow her instincts and let Joy into the fold. “There are two things you need to know.”
Joy stared at Sam with those huge, brown eyes. The depth of feeling there and the desire to know what was driving Lucas away were clear. Suddenly realizing she was doing what was best for Lucas, Sam enjoyed the relief that swept through her. “First thing, he had a semi-serious girlfriend when he got shipped overseas. She started stepping out on him right after he left.”
Joy’s shoulders sagged as she frowned. “What kind of bi...um...person would do that?”
Katie shrugged. “The worst kind, I guess.” A sly smile crossed her lips. “Sam and I let the air out of all of her tires right after she sent Lucas the Dear John email.”
“She broke up with him in an email? An email? Sweet Jesus,” Joy said in a voice strained with anger.
“A freakin’ email. Can you believe it? He has trouble trusting women,” Samantha continued.
“Oh, yeah,” Katie added. “He hasn’t been out with anyone since he got back.” She quickly added, “Except you.”
“Tell me about her,” Joy practically begged. “What was she like?”
“Blonde. Big boobs,” Sam said with a rueful chuckle.
“And a very, very small brain,” Katie added. “I could never understand what Lucas saw in her, other than they both work with horses. I never figured he’d be the kind of guy that would go for...for...that.”
Sam shook her head. “Not that. Those.” She glanced down at her own chest and gave a forlorn sigh. “The only time I had big boobs was when I was pregnant. And don’t think for a minute that Brian doesn’t talk about having another kid just to get the C cups back.”
Katie gave Sam a wry grin. “Yeah? Well, Seth wanted me to breast feed Reed for a whole year.” She snorted a laugh. “The instant Reed sprouted his first tooth, I weaned him. Immediately.”
“What’s her name?” Joy asked, seemingly unamused by their conversation about bra sizes.
“Lisa Clark,” Sam replied. “He met her at the track. I don’t think he loved her or anything. I think he just wanted to know someone was here...you know...waiting for him. Someone other than Brian and me. She might as well have spit in his face.”
“I never thought they belonged together,” Katie chimed in. “And I’m not sure Lucas really cared for her or if he just didn’t like the idea of being alone.”
“He’s not alone. Not now,” Joy said with an authoritative tone that made Sam smile. “What is the second thing I need to know?”
“You need to know how Lucas got his scars,” Sam replied.
* * * *
The library was fairly deserted when Joy sat down in front of one of the empty computers. She didn’t know a lot about searching for information, but she was a woman on a mission and not even her lack of Internet savvy would deter her.
The long talk with Sam and Katie had been enlightening, but now she needed to know more than they could tell her. After extracting a promise from both women to keep her visit to the Mitchell farm a secret, Joy had headed straight for town.
She tried several terms in Google searches until she finally stumbled across a website devoted to problems faced by war veterans.
Funny. It was hard for her to think about someone as young as Lucas being a “veteran.” She wondered if one day he would proudly march in summer parades alongside the men who had served in so many different wars. Would the men who were in Iraq ever be able to look back on their time with any sort of reverence? Or would the memories always be as tormenting as the news stories made this war seem?
“Survivor’s guilt,” she whispered as she read. Scrolling through the wealth of information, Joy realized some of the symptoms seemed to fit Lucas, that they seemed to explain quite a bit of his behavior. Withdrawal from social events, hard time trusting people. Not that his old girlfriend had done much to help the mistrust.
Post-traumatic stress
disorder. To Joy’s dismay and heartache, this diagnosis also gave her insight into what as haunting Lucas. She absorbed the information, looking for anything that might be of use to help her understand, to help her reach out to Lucas. Every site offered advice, but not all agreed on the best course of action.
The only thing she found from each source was that a person suffering from survivor guilt and post-traumatic stress disorder needed to find a way to reconnect to his family and friends. She sighed, planted her elbow on the table, and rested her chin on her hand.
Nightmares. Anxiety. Insomnia. Depression. How many of these plagued Lucas? She choked back tears as she read page after page of material about the aftereffects of war, feeling helpless.
Oh, Lucas. I’m so sorry.
The worst thing was that not a single source had a magic bullet that she could use to help him.
Joy left the library with her head spinning and her heart breaking.
* * * *
Joy’s conscience was heavy with guilt, causing her dreams to become episodes of self-recriminations. Her father visited her and scolded her for turning her back on her heritage, her family, and the only life she’d ever known.
Tamas’s angry voice echoed through the haunting nightmares as his words sent the same distressing message.
Long-dead ancestors floated through her thoughts, poised above her like specters in her macabre dream. The gaunt faces of people starved and tortured by the Nazis or murdered by their own countrymen scorned and admonished her.
Your own kind. Stay with your own kind.
Then, mercifully, the dreams changed. Her ancestors were swept aside, replaced by Lucas. By handsome, amber eyes and full, smiling lips. He grinned as she fed him a sweet treat, laughed as they talked about horses or gypsies. His body so graceful, so strong as she watched him shoe a horse. Her heart warmed at the memory of his smoldering gaze as he kissed her and held her close.
