by James, Sandy
“Where’d you get cookie dough?”
A dainty shrug. “It’s just butter, flour, and sugar with some vanilla.”
“No chocolate chips?”
“Beggars can’t be choosers, and I have no idea if Nestlé even makes ’em yet.”
Since her temper had clearly cooled, he felt safe to try and explain her error in judgment over what she thought when Caroline had interrupted them. James grabbed a spoon, plopped next to her on the table, and scooped up some of the thick, gooey mixture, hoping he’d get as much enjoyment out of it as she seemed to. One taste was all he needed. “Ick.” He tossed his spoon across the way into the sink. “How can you eat that shit? It’s like sucking down sand.”
“I like that shit. Besides, there’s no ice cream here.” Her voice held regret, probably as much for what had happened between them as over the lack of chocolate.
He wished to hell he could find her some ice cream. Susan was clearly hurting, and he wanted to take that hurt away, especially since he’d caused it.
The awkward quiet hung between them. James didn’t know exactly what he should say because he wasn’t entirely sure what was bothering her the most. What slipped out came as much of a surprise to him as it did to her. “Maybe Saint Daniel can find you some.”
Susan shoved another spoonful of her improvised cookie dough into her mouth so she wouldn’t shout at James. The man could really be a flippin’ idiot. Oh, he was smart enough to know she was mad. After all those years together, he surely knew she needed sugar whenever she got too stressed. He’d never joined her in her late night indulgence before, and she’d almost cried with happiness when he strolled into the kitchen to be with her tonight. Then he had to spoil it by saying something stupid.
Licking a dollop of dough off the spoon, letting the soothing, sweet sugar rub against her tongue as she murmured her pleasure, she was surprised to hear James groan in response.
“Stop doing that.” He sounded like he might be choking on the words.
“Doing what?”
No reply, but he stared at her so intently, her face flushed warm. She knew that stare. It usually popped up right before he pounced on her. Her blood turned as hot as her face, surging through her veins and creating an aching, visceral need deep inside her that settled between her thighs.
What in the hell was wrong with her? She suddenly wanted nothing more than to tear James’s clothes off, push him down on the table, and ride him like a bucking bronco.
What the hell? Was this how peri-menopause started? Hot flashes and horniness? She was only thirty-nine for pity’s sake.
Why should she want him so desperately when he’d obviously moved on?
Susan remembered the humiliation at seeing Caroline standing there in her underwear, clearly waiting for James to return. Shit. He hadn’t slept with that girl, had he?
That thought almost made her retch. Neither of them had ever made love to anyone else. She felt total confidence that James had never strayed before, which made this betrayal hurt all the more, especially when he’d cast her aside for some teenager.
Figuring she could hide her desire from him, she was amazed when he reached over, cupped her cheek in his hand, and turned her to face him. “I want you too, Suz. Can’t you tell?”
Well, hell. So much for giving him her subtle and aloof face. “What about Caroline?” she asked even as she leaned into his caress. Then his hand fell away.
The anger in his voice shook her to the core. “What do you think I am? Some kind of child molester? Give me some credit.”
“Credit for what? Taking something that was so freely offered? You’re a man. Worse, you’re a middle-aged man.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her desire was quickly pushed aside by anger. How dare he deny what she’d seen with her own eyes! Susan tossed the ceramic bowl at the sink, not realizing it would crack into pieces on impact.
“Breaking things getting to be a habit?” His angry frown changed to a smirk.
She was so embarrassed, even her ears felt warm. “Yeah, well. What can I say? I’ve had a pretty shitty day.”
James hopped off the table and moved to stand in front of her. She wished she wasn’t in the lotus position because she wanted to pull him between her thighs and wrap her legs around his hips. Despite her anger, desire swiftly resurrected, thrumming through her and making her heart pound.
He grabbed one of her feet and pulled until that leg hung over the side of the table. He followed suit with her other foot. Then he leaned into the table and reached out to pull her closer to the edge. Susan found herself exactly where she wanted to be, with him between her thighs.
“I can make your shitty day end well,” he whispered.
Her breath caught as he pushed his erection against her. Damn it, but she still wanted him. It wasn’t fair! He had Caroline, why did he need to torment her? “The day’s over. It’s almost morning.”
“Then I can make this day start out right.”
When James leaned in to kiss her, it took every bit of her strength to turn her head. His soft lips brushed over her cheek. Unlike Daniel’s chaste kiss, which only caused a flicker of warmth, this one she felt, as if the heat from James’s lips branded her skin.
Undeterred, he trailed kisses along her cheek to her ear. Shivers ran through her when he began to run his tongue around the shell and then take the lobe between his teeth to give a gentle pull.
“Stop.” The word was so soft it wouldn’t even qualify for a whisper.
“I want you.” His murmured words made it even harder to preserve what little self-esteem she had left.
Susan wanted to believe him, but a picture of Caroline in James’s embrace, the two entwined in a kiss, sprang into her thoughts. All her desire evaporated like steam from a boiling pot. “No.”
James pulled away to stare at her. “No?”
“No.”
Taking a step back, he frowned at her. “Is that your favorite word?”
Despite her wishful thinking, things really hadn’t changed. She jumped off the table, turned her back to James, and jerked her robe closed. When she remembered his wedding ring knotted there in her camisole’s ribbon, she almost gasped at her own stupidity and quickly pushed the ring inside her camisole. He obviously hadn’t seen it, but she wasn’t about to hand him that kind of ammunition to use against her. He’d moved on while she hadn’t. The cad would probably rub her nose in it.
A warm hand came to rest on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She just nodded, trying to hold back tears that pooled in her eyes.
“Really. I’m sorry.”
“Fine. I’m going to bed.”
He tugged at her shoulder to get her to turn around. She reluctantly accommodated him but stared at his chest not at his face. “I wasn’t meeting Caroline.”
Sure he wasn’t. “Whatever.”
“Suz, this is about more than what happened tonight. What’s really bothering you?”
The words came out in a strangled sob. “I want our kids.” She scrubbed away the tears with the heels of her hand. “Harry said they’d be fine, that they wouldn’t…you know…disappear since they haven’t been born yet. But I miss them so much.”
It was the first crack James had seen in that armor that seemed to surround her ever since the miscarriage. Afraid Susan would see his smile as mocking, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “I miss them too.”
“Do you?” she asked against his chest. “You never talk about the…About Lynne and John.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t think about them.”
She sniffled. “I didn’t know.”
He should feel insulted. Not think about his kids? They were his whole life. She’d been his whole life. Family. James was a family man. He’d worked unbearable hours just to provide for them. So why had he been willing to throw it all away?
At that moment, he couldn’t remember a single one of the little things, the
stupid little things that had nibbled at him enough to make him think he’d be better off on his own. James saw the bigger picture. He saw their past and all he’d shared with Susan. Children. A home. A life.
Unfortunately, the bigger picture had changed since they’d come to River Bend. It now showed Daniel Miller standing by Susan’s side.
If they were to stay here, in this world and this time, Daniel made a better choice for her than James did. Daniel had a ranch. Financial security. While James might have been a great provider back in Chicago, all he had to offer here was a back room with a pathetically small cot. Susan deserved better. Much better. Yet the thought of her with Daniel, of that man touching her, kissing her, loving her…The notion twisted James’s gut into painful knots.
The need to brand her as his own with his touch, his scent nearly consumed him. Without a word, he raised her chin with a crooked finger and settled his mouth on hers. Despite her cool exterior, James knew he’d won when her tongue was the first to deepen the kiss. Her response flowed into him, fueling his own. A low growl rumbled in his chest as he became the aggressor. Lifting her by the waist, he held her as she settled her legs around his hips. A few stumbling steps let him push her back against a wall.
God, she’d never felt so consumed with desire. As James pushed his hips against her, mimicking the act she so desperately wanted, Susan responded by squeezing her legs tighter around him.
His lips moved away, trailing hot kisses down her neck as she tilted her head and mewled. All she could think of was how good it felt to have him touching her. Her fingers gripped his shoulders, nails digging into the thin fabric and firm muscle.
“I want you,” he whispered before his tongue began to torture her ear.
“I want you too.” His mouth claimed hers again in a kiss so openly carnal she knew there would be no stopping, no turning back. No regrets.
James shifted to walk back to the table where he gently laid her down. While all he wanted was to plant himself deep inside her, this time he decided to give instead of take. His fingers reached for the drawstring of the thin cotton pants she wore as underwear.
Her hand shot out to cover his as she tried to sit up. “Not here.”
He wasn’t about to be denied. “Yes, here.” Settling a hand against a plump breast, he stroked until she arched into his touch. His lips replaced his mouth as he sucked the tight nipple through the delicate cloth of her camisole before shifting his attention to her other breast. Her surrender was plain when he gently pushed until she lay back on the table, offering no resistance.
Untying the pants, James eased them down her body. His eyes soaked in the sight of her as he dropped the garment to the floor. Gently prying her knees apart, he smiled when she sat up on her elbows and stared at him when he knelt on the wooden floor.
Susan’s eyes widened. “What are you doing?”
“I’d think that was obvious.” He didn’t give her a chance to say another word before he leaned in to stroke her with his tongue. A throaty moan rose from her chest as she lay back on the table and drew up her knees. With a satisfied chuckle, James draped her legs over his shoulders and decided to see just how crazed he could make her before giving her what she wanted.
Susan threaded her fingers through James’s hair, wondering how long she could take the exquisite torture of his tongue. When one of his long fingers slipped inside her, she closed her eyes and yielded to all he could make her feel, loving the warmth coursing through her like an electric shock.
The man knew exactly where to touch, how to keep her teetering on the edge without giving her the release she craved. Muscles tightened and clenched, and when she felt the familiar tension building to a peak, she called to him. “Please, James. Come to me now.”
“No. Like this. Give it to me, babe.” He redoubled his efforts, tormenting and teasing until Susan surrendered, letting the orgasm rush through her as she bucked and arched, still calling for him to join her.
Lying there on the wooden table, the cool air rushing over her moist skin, Susan’s sanity came back in a dizzying rush. As James stepped back, she scooted off the table to grab her pantalets. “I can’t believe we just did that. Especially here. Someone could come in.”
“Wanna go back to your room? Finish what we started?”
Hell, yes. Her body still hummed from what he’d done to her, but sobering reality reared its ugly head. “Someone would hear.”
“So?”
“You don’t worry about Caroline thinking you’re with me?”
“Why would I?”
“You mean you haven’t slept with her?”
James actually rolled his eyes, figuring he wasn’t about to dignify such a ridiculous question with a response. Instead, he lobbed his own. “You mean you haven’t slept with Daniel?”
Her eyes mimicked his. “Of course. Every single chance I can get.”
Sarcasm? God help him, he simply didn’t know. Despite what had just passed between them, despite the fact he could still taste her on his lips, the jealousy flared back to life, hitting him from all sides. Had it been that easy for her to chuck their whole marriage out the window like a bucket full of dirty water? Had it been easy for her to take a new lover when she’d always belonged to him? Was it exciting to have two men worshipping that gorgeous body of hers?
“James?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“Go to bed. It’s late.” His jealousy came through all too clear in his tone. He needed to put some distance between them.
Her spine stiffened. “I suppose Caroline’s waiting for you. Again.”
“I’ll just bet she is. I’m really into statutory rape, you know.”
As Susan walked away, she paused at the door and turned back to face him. “I understand why you’d want her. I do. I’m not nearly as…” She glanced down before wrapping her arms around herself as if the room had suddenly grown chilly. “I just needed you to know that I understand. I won’t stand in your way.”
She left before he could set her straight.
Chapter 14
Daniel didn’t come by the saloon for two straight days. Susan tried not to be too hurt, but men seemed to be discarding her left and right.
He probably regretted offering an invitation to the harvest dance to a woman with her reputation, and by avoiding the Golden Nugget, he didn’t have to give her the bad news that he’d changed his mind. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been looking forward to going until her disappointment settled in. Not only did she truly enjoy his company, if she showed up at a big public event on Daniel’s arm, maybe people in River Bend might start to accept her. How could she bear living here when everyone except her customers seemed to hate her so much?
Having James gloat about Daniel’s absence didn’t help. He said Daniel had decided she wasn’t his type. She guessed she wasn’t anyone’s type anymore. Watching James with Caroline, who seemed to be hanging around the man every waking hour like a stereotypical lovesick teen, Susan felt an emptiness she’d never known.
What exactly did she have left?
Not a damned thing.
About to surrender to her melancholy and wondering if it might be morphing into a depression, Susan headed to the bar to try to write down a new song, hoping that might cheer her up. When she hit the landing, she saw someone peeking through the front doors. “Abigail? Is that you?”
“Susan?” She swung one door in and stuck her head a little farther inside. “May I come in?”
“Of course.” Striding over to pull open the door, Susan was surprised when Abigail didn’t immediately come inside. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s a…a…saloon.” The last word came out a frightened whisper.
“Aren’t you friends with Caroline?”
Abigail nodded.
“And you’ve never visited her here before?”
“When I visit Caroline, I go in the back way, and we go right to her room.” Her gaze shot around the bar like
a deer that caught the scent of a hunter. “I can’t go into the…saloon.”
“For pity’s sake. Yes, you can.” Susan grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside. “See? Nothing bad happened. No lightning strike. No earthquake. It’s just a building like any other. Just a saloon.”
“Ladies don’t go into…I mean, it wouldn’t be proper if I…” She stopped talking as she took a good look around the bar. “So that’s what it looks like.” Every aspect of the bar was taken in with the reverence of a person looking at pieces of priceless art in a museum.
“It’s just a saloon, Abigail.” Hearing it a second time didn’t seem to help much. Trying to break the poor woman’s nervous tension, Susan pointed at the wrapped parcel Abigail held in a death grip. She’d squeezed it so tightly, the brown paper had wrinkled. “What’s that?”
Abigail gave her a hesitant smile like she felt embarrassed she’d forgotten and held the package out to Susan. “It’s a gift. For you. From Daddy.”
“A gift?” Maybe Daniel hadn’t forgotten her after all. He hadn’t abandoned her like…Susan squelched that painful memory. No matter how desperately she wanted to patch things up with James, no matter how much she needed his love and comfort, she’d lost him to this world. “I really shouldn’t accept it.”
“Oh, he’d insist. He rode all the way to Helena to get it.” She pushed the parcel into Susan’s hands. “He really wanted you to have it.”
So we are in the Montana Territory. Walking to the wooden bar, Susan laid the gift down and tugged on the twine. She pulled back the paper to find a small bolt of shiny gold satin. Smoothing her hand over the fabric, she watched the light play across the surface like sunlight dancing over rippling water. “It’s beautiful.”
“Daddy hoped you’d make yourself a dress for the dance. He said the color would bring out your eyes.”
“He still wants to take me?” The self-depreciation had become such a part of her personality Susan couldn’t seem to stop the annoying habit. Well, damn it, she’d simply have to try harder.
