by James, Sandy
He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her hard against his chest. “I want him back too, Suz. But he’s gone.”
Susan turned in his arms, buried her face against his shoulder, and cried hard enough that she shook against him. She’d cried when they’d lost the baby, but not like this. Not a soul-cleansing cry of true agony that needed to be expressed. He wasn’t at all surprised to feel tears tracing a warm, wet path down his own cheeks. All he could do was hold her and wait for the storm to pass.
After her hurt had spent, James scooped her into his arms. Sitting on the stone, he put her on his lap and held her close. He kissed her forehead. “Better?”
She nodded and hiccoughed. “I miss him.”
“I miss him too.”
“Really?”
He should have been insulted. Then his own words came back to haunt him.
It’s for the best.
He wasn’t meant to live.
It’s just nature.
No wonder Susan didn’t believe him. Instead of expressing his own grief, he’d bottled it up inside. He’d been nothing but a coward, just as he had been his whole life. Never rocking the boat. Never taking what he needed for fear of disappointing people. Always doing what was expected of him, and damn his own wants and wishes. Years of pent-up need settled on his chest like a deadweight. “He was my son too.” The words came out in choked sobs.
He’d been afraid to show Susan his true feelings, especially his grief, thinking she needed him to be strong. All he’d done was make her think he didn’t feel the loss when the opposite was true.
James had made plans for that baby, pictured his first steps, thought about how he could steal time away from work to be with him just like he’d done when John and Lynne were little. Time for soccer games and Cub Scouts.
His plans had died with his tiny son.
Susan’s arms pushed around his neck, and his wife comforted him, whispering soothing words against his skin and holding him until his grief was exhausted. He felt like a wrung-out washrag.
She smoothed away his tears with shaking fingers. “Why, James? Why did we lose him?”
“I wish I had an answer for you. Bad things just…happen. We can’t change the past.”
She nodded, sniffing back her own tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t let you know I was grieving as much as you were. I’m sorry we both had to suffer alone.”
“We’re not alone anymore.” Her hand dropped away as she let her fingers gingerly touch the rock. “Where do we go from here?”
A loaded question if he’d ever heard one. Whether she was talking about their son or their trip back in time, he gave her the same answer. “We can pull together, face this, and move forward. Or we can let it keep ripping us apart.” He brushed a quick kiss over her mouth. “God, Suz, I thought I’d lost you. I thought you’d marry Daniel Miller. I never want to feel that rotten again. It was like half of me was missing. Promise me you won’t leave me.”
She nodded and hiccoughed again. “I won’t leave you.”
James needed something to signify the solemn promise she’d just made. Awkwardly shifting to fish through his pocket, James tried to keep from dropping her off his lap. Once he’d retrieved the ring he’d faithfully carried with him like a touchstone, he held it up for her to see. “Will you wear this again? Please? That way I’ll know you mean it, that you won’t leave me again.”
He hadn’t expected her to start crying again. Women were such confusing creatures. “You found my ring,” she said between sniffles.
“I went back to get it the day you dropped it.”
“You did?”
“Of course.” James took her left hand, kissed her knuckles, and then slid the ring over her third finger. “Please don’t take it off again. Ever.”
Susan cupped his face in her cool hands and kissed him long and deep. “Promise.” Her brown eyes lit with happiness as she reached inside her bodice and pulled the slim, blue ribbon that held it together. His wedding ring winked in the light of the rising sun.
“Where in the world did you find it?” He’d never expected to see that precious band of gold again, not after heaving it down that street a few weeks ago.
“It was lying in the dust by the street. I’ve been toting it around ever since.” A blush colored her cheeks. “I kept it next to my heart.”
James held up his left hand. “I want it back where it belongs.”
Susan reached for his hand and pushed his wedding band onto his ring finger before turning that hand and leaning down to kiss his palm. “Please don’t take it off again.”
He scooted off the rock and put her back on her feet. Taking her into his arms, he kissed her. A long, passion-fueled kiss. His hands rose to unbutton the bodice of her dress.
Susan’s heart overflowed with love for this man. The hurt and pain of loss and estrangement had eased, replaced with hope for the future, for their future, no matter where or when they found it. She smiled as he finished with the buttons and slid his hands up to her shoulders to help her shrug out of the sleeves.
He undressed her with such care, adding caresses to her shoulders and her arms, all the time nibbling at her lips with kisses. When the gold dress reached her waist, James pushed it over her hips until it puddled at her feet. He crouched to help her remove her shoes. The camisole and pantalets were soon banished, tossed onto the stone. He took a step back as his eyes raked her naked body from head to toe and back again, making a blush heat her cheeks. “So beautiful.”
Two could play the seduction game, so she moved closer and teased him with butterfly kisses to his chin and neck as she helped him shed his shirt. After he kicked off his shoes, his pants gave her little fight. No underwear blocked her perfect view. The man had been running around commando.
He flashed her a goofy grin. When Susan finally had him naked, she returned his deliberate perusal with one of her own. “So handsome.”
James reached down to grab her dress and his shirt and spread them over a soft patch of moss. Then he scooped Susan in his arms and gently laid her on the makeshift bed before covering her body with his own.
“God, this feels great.” He nuzzled her neck. “This time we take our time.” His hot mouth covered a nipple as she arched up against him.
Reaching between their bodies, she wrapped her fingers around his erection, and he realized he might not be able to live up to his promise. Even though they’d just made love, the need to bury himself deep inside her washed over him. He felt like a twenty-year-old again, so eager to possess her that he couldn’t go slow.
Susan reveled in the feel of his heat against her hand, the proof that he still wanted her, that he still desired only her. She stroked him, drawing a growl from deep in his chest. His kisses became more frantic, and she smiled in her mind. Oh, how she loved the way she could make him lose control.
James laid her back and pushed her thighs apart with his knee. His eyes begged her permission. Susan reached behind his head, threaded her fingers through his hair, and pulled him into a kiss. A moment later, he thrust inside her. Closing her eyes, she savored the feel of being as close as two people could be. But he didn’t move. She opened her eyes to see that he’d propped himself up on his elbows and was staring at her. “James? What’s wrong?”
“This is where I belong.”
She nodded.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
In slow, deep strokes, he made love to her. Nothing had ever felt so right, so perfect. Their passion soon made their movements more frantic as James kissed her, his tongue mimicking the action of his hips. Mindless to anything but fulfillment, Susan cried out his name when she found it. A few heartbeats later, James followed, whispering, “I love you,” against her cheek.
* * * *
“We’ll head back to town now?” Susan finished buttoning her bodice and smoothed her hands over the impossibly wrinkled skirt of he
r dress.
“I guess we’ll keep working at the Golden Nugget until we decide where to go from here.” He seemed to lose himself in his thoughts as a pensive smile crossed his lips. “You know, the sky’s the limit now.”
She arched an eyebrow at her husband.
“We can go anywhere, do anything. Just the two of us. We can be a part of history. Maybe even see some really important things when they actually happen.”
That sounded tempting and would probably cause more than one paradox, but another sadness still weighed on her heart. “I’ll miss my kids.”
James grabbed her hands and tugged her into his arms. “I’d take you back if I could.”
Shifting her gaze to the destiny stone, Susan sighed. “I know you would, but it’s out of our hands now.”
He brushed a kiss over her lips. “I’ll always keep my eyes out for that stupid thing,” he said with a nod at the rock. “Maybe now’s just not the right time and it’ll disappear again. But it might pop up somewhere, sometime. Maybe when the time is right for us to go back. Who knows? I’ll miss Lynne and John too, but they’re practically grown up. It was going to be just us two again soon. We’ll be a couple in this century instead of the twenty-first.”
And he was right. Letting go was just hard. “You know, in the end it really doesn’t matter.”
“What doesn’t matter, Suz?”
“It doesn’t matter where or when we live, as long as we’re together.”
He hugged the breath right out of her. “You’re right. Home isn’t a place or time. Home’s where you are.”
They both jumped in surprise when the rock started to hum, the noise growing steadily louder as they stared at it in disbelief.
“Looks like we were wrong,” James said, taking her hand and tugging Susan toward the stone.
Panic filled her mind, and she snatched her hand away. “No! You don’t want to go back. I won’t make you go someplace where you’ll be unhappy again. I couldn’t bear to watch you hurt so much. You love it here. We’ll stay here.”
“Oh, Suz. Didn’t you hear what I said? I won’t be unhappy again. I’d just lost track of what happiness was because I got so lost in my own little world.”
“But…but you hated your job.”
“It’s just a job. There are others.”
“But…but the money wouldn’t be enough to—”
He strode to her and placed a gentle finger against her lips. “Money isn’t everything. I realize that now. If we have to move to a smaller house so I can work somewhere that makes me happy, we will. Look at how little we’ve had here, and I haven’t missed too many things.” He laughed. “Well, maybe just a few.”
Susan smiled. “Like showers.”
“And toilets.”
“And McDonald’s.”
“And Starbucks,” James added. His chuckle sounded so warm and genuine, her fears eased. “We won’t be poor. Not even if I have to flip burgers.”
“So long as it makes you happy.”
The humming became so loud, talk was impossible. They didn’t need words. Not now.
James pulled her back to the rock, although he didn’t cross to the other side. He put his hand over hers, gave her a handsome smile, and together, they touched the stone.
* * * *
The air had been knocked from his lungs, but at least James didn’t pass out this time. Evidently, it was easier to move forward in time than back.
Taking deep breaths, the only thing he could see was Susan standing by his side, still touching his hand but taking in big gulps of air.
The sound of the crowd broke through his haze. Several shouts, squeals, and a lot of clapping grew louder as the roar in his ears eased.
“Wow!” John’s voice rose above the din as he stepped up onto the dais to stand next to his parents. “Neat trick. Why didn’t you tell me you had this planned?”
“Trick?” James’s gaze roamed his surroundings. They’d landed right back in the museum, and if his scattered wits were correct, only a short amount of time had passed since they left. Probably not more than a minute. “What trick?”
“You guys disappeared in some bright lights, then you popped back in with those old-fashioned clothes. Isn’t that what was supposed to happen?” He reached out to touch his mother’s gold skirts. “Those outfits are great. They almost look real.”
Susan pulled her hand away from James and practically threw herself at her son, hugging him tight enough the poor kid blushed. “Mom. C’mon. Quit it. People are watching.”
“You’re all right,” she said as she pulled back to look at his face. She kissed his cheek as it reddened with a deeper flush.
The kid looked as uncomfortable as a dental patient facing a nasty root canal. “Aw, c’mon, Mom. I’m fine. Let go.” He eased away from his tearful mother.
James couldn’t help himself. He grabbed John’s shoulder, spun him around, and gave his son a bear hug.
“God, what’s wrong with you guys?”
After turning John loose, James lifted a hand to his wife. She placed hers in his palm and smiled as he wrapped his fingers around hers.
“Nothing’s wrong, John,” she replied. “Everything’s fine. Just fine.”
“Now that we’re home,” James added.
John stared at him for a moment, a frown set on his lips. “Geesh, Dad. What happened to your eye?”
James glanced to Susan as they shared a memory. “Just part of the show.”
When she smiled at him, he drew her into his arms and kissed her soundly.
“Dad! Ew. That’s so gross.” John hurried off the dais and made gagging sounds when he reached his friends.
Taking her hand back into his, James led Susan away from the stone and toward their destiny.
* * * *
Most of the people of River Bend went about their business as usual. Some folks talked of forming a search party to find Big Jim Williams and Susie Hollis, but nothing much came of it. After all, the couple hadn’t exactly been the most respectable citizens, nor had they lived in River Bend for too awfully long.
There had been quite a bit of gossip about the hasty wedding of Hank Johnson and Caroline Simon, but the fact that she had been forced to marry came as no shock to most of the people passing the story through the grapevine.
The customers at the Golden Nugget probably felt the loss of their friendly bartender and their beautiful singer the most. Li’l Jim knew he would never be able to replace them, but he chose instead to bring his new son-in-law into the business. He would turn the cowboy into a bartender if it killed him.
Despite the fact Susan had told him that she wasn’t in love with him, the ever-considerate Daniel had feared for her safety when she’d disappeared. He offered a large reward if someone could have found Big Jim’s whereabouts, and he’d even paid for several hundred handbills to be printed and distributed throughout the territory, offering cash for any viable information.
Daniel hoped that finding the bartender would lead to the singer’s safe return, but he kept her visage off the flyers. It didn’t seem right for Susan’s face to be in places like jails and marshals’ offices. Nothing new came of the whole venture anyway. He did fetch Tobacco back from the livery, just to be sure the animal received the care he deserved. Daniel also retrieved the trunk and clothes he’d given Susan, figuring Abigail might want to keep them.
Several people who warmed to the idea of receiving the money Daniel offered tried to track Big Jim and Susan, but there was no real trail to follow. Even the Indian scouts who wanted to lay claim to the high sum tried extensively to locate them with no luck at all. It was as if the two of them had just vanished into thin air.
Epilogue
“I told you Destiny would have her way,” James said with a smug grin.
“So we’re sticking with that name?”
“Yeah, we’re sticking with that name.” He cradled his newborn daughter, dropping his face down to kiss her forehead. She smelled so go
od. An enchanting mixture of talcum and baby lotion. He’d almost forgotten that heartwarming smell.
“Fine. I suppose it’s fitting.” Susan shifted a little higher on the pillows, grimacing at the movement.
“Still sore?”
“You try squeezing an eight pound baby out of you and see how sore you get.”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Sitting next to Susan on the bed, he transferred his precious bundle to her mother’s welcoming arms. “Thank you, Suz.”
“Thank you?”
“For our beautiful Destiny.”
His wife’s smile was bright enough to light an entire city. “You’re welcome. I suppose I should thank you too. You had a small contribution in her making.”
A knock on the door was followed by Lynne’s face peeking inside the hospital room. “Can we come in?”
Susan nodded and motioned with her hand. “Of course.”
John and Lynne hurried into the room to stand on either side of the bed. Lynne leaned in to stroke Destiny’s curly, brown hair. “She’s so beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” John scrunched up his nose. “She looks like a wrinkled, old man.”
“So did you,” James replied. “Everything was fine at the Golden Nugget?”
“The last of the painting was done, and the decorator was working on where she wanted to mount the saddle. Couldn’t decide between the greeting area or the bar. Said she would call you. Did she?”
“Yeah,” James replied, “she called. I told her to put it in the bar.” It was so hard to be away from his other “baby,” but some things were more important than getting his new bar and grill ready to open.
He still couldn’t believe how things had turned out once they’d returned from River Bend, and all of it came back to Destiny. The pregnancy didn’t come as a huge surprise. What did was Susan writing the book while on doctor-ordered bed rest her first five months.
She’d been bored to tears, so James bought her a laptop she could use to surf the net. Since she’d always joked that she had a novel in her somewhere, he encouraged her to use the time to write. She did.
