When I first came to this city, I barely noticed a thing about it. I didn’t want to pay attention or learn a damn thing. I never wanted this to be my city. But I’m beginning to realize I’m not going anywhere. If I don’t try to embrace my new home, how the hell will I ever make it work for Lily?
And if I can survive the Middle East, I can surely grit my teeth and learn to live in a city so big that it almost feels small—as though it’s closing in on me. I’m inside a pressure cooker, and I’m gonna pop. There are just so many people every place I turn that in some weird way I end up feeling alone because almost everyone’s a stranger.
When I was a SEAL, I felt at home on the ship. I love being surrounded by water and nothing else. It’s soothing. Peaceful. That’s probably why I sold everything I owned and bought the boat. And when Bella told me our friend Jessica could rent me her dock slip on the Hudson for cheap, well, it was damn near perfect. A piece of home in the unknown city.
I shake my head as I wonder if Cindy is right about me. Did I put Cindy and Lily second when I was in the Navy? Did I not call enough? When we were together, did I not make it clear I loved them? Shouldn’t they have felt like home to me? Lily always did, but Cindy…now I find myself questioning everything.
We were so wrong together, it kind of makes me sick that we spent thirteen years living a lie. But Lily is the saving grace of it all.
My mind drags up memories, and I flip through them like some old-school Rolodex.
Page by page of photos. And that’s what so many of my memories are—pictures. Snapshots Cindy sent me. Birthday parties and such I couldn’t be at.
Guilt stabs me in the chest. I want to blame Cindy and not feel this maddening pain, but every day that goes by that I’m alone makes me wonder if this is all my fault.
I drove Cindy into the arms of another man. I did that, didn’t I?
I was always gone on assignments.
I clench my hand into a fist at my side as I continue down the street—finding myself heading toward my daughter’s. It’s late. She’ll be asleep. But I can’t seem to stop myself.
After I left Grace’s loft, I had been halfway through my first beer at a nearby bar when I decided to go walk the city.
I weave around people on the crowded streets and dodge a group of tourists snapping photos of the Empire State building as Grace comes to mind. I never thought I’d see that woman again in my life, and now I’m remodeling her apartment to try to make enough money to rent a nice place.
Grace isn’t just rich like I’d thought when I met her last Thursday. The woman’s a damn multimillionaire. But tonight, when we talked, she looked like another person who is lost and alone in this big city.
As alone as me.
New York becomes a blur as I continue to walk, and before I know it, I’m standing at Cindy’s door. I tap a couple of times, not wanting to wake up Lily.
The door cracks open, and Cindy’s eyes are blazing—anger simmering hot beneath her tan skin. “What are you doing here? Will is inside.”
Maybe tonight’s as good as any to finally look in the eyes the guy who stole my wife from me.
“I want to see Lily.” I press my hand to the wall outside the door, and she shakes her head immediately.
“She’s asleep,” she hisses.
“I know. I just want to look at her. Kiss her good night.” I step back and swipe my hand over my head.
“No. You need to leave.”
“I’m her father. You’re treating me like I’m some goddamn convict on parole.” The anger in my voice is like a flare, running hot, and I hope I singe off what’s left of her barely-there eyebrows.
She’s had plastic surgery—a major breast enhancement, among other things. I had loved her for who she was, but the woman she’s become in the last year—she’s completely unrecognizable.
“When we’re divorced, all of this ‘Sunday only’ bullshit ends. I’ve given you far more say about custody than I ever needed to, and that’s only because I was still in the military at the start of all of this.”
I have a bad feeling in my stomach, worried she’s been playing me since I arrived in New York.
“She’s not staying on that boat.”
“That’s temporary.” Although I’ll miss the thing. I need to be near water as much as I need air to breathe.
“The divorce is in a few weeks. We’ll discuss this then. Please go.” She starts to shut the door in my face, and my hand darts between it and the frame, stopping her. Her green eyes widen. “Go. I can smell booze on your breath. I don’t want to mention that in court, but—”
My heart nearly stops, and I step back, my outstretched hand falling to my side. What the hell is she talking about? “I had a beer. Where’re you going with this?”
I’m rattled now. I can feel it. Like a slow storm gathering, it’s about to tear everything apart, leaving nothing in its wake. I remember the squalls on the ocean when we’d be out on the ship. The sky would grow dark. Everything so still. I loved that moment between the calm and the storm. I think I’m still living inside that moment now. Stuck. Cindy has me fucking trapped.
When she doesn’t speak, I add, “And what is there to talk about in court? I thought we already agreed to everything.”
She opens the door and joins me in the hall. Once the door is closed, she stands before me with crossed arms. “Noah, I think we need to change our custody terms. Joint custody is no longer a good idea.”
My fingers bite into my palms as I replay what she just said to me in my head. I couldn’t have possibly heard her right. “What the hell are you talking about?” I heave out a breath. “You cheated. Do you not remember that? You screwed up in the marriage. If anyone should get Lily—” I stop myself. I don’t want to put my daughter in the middle of a fight.
I see a flicker of something in Cindy’s eyes as she lifts her chin and finds my eyes. She knows that I’ll do what I can to keep Lily safe. That’s what I do. Well, what I did. I kept people safe. I fought the enemies so everyone else could sleep soundly.
“I moved here. I helped you get the court jurisdiction changed from Virginia to New York. I have been a fucking saint in all of this. And you’re going to drop this on me?” I rasp. “What’s the real reason you’re doing this?”
“Things have changed.” Cindy’s hand dips down to her abdomen. “I’m pregnant. Will and I are getting married as soon as we can. We want to start our family the right way. He wants to adopt Lily. He wants her to have his name. This is your chance—go back into the Navy. Be the man you love. Let us go.”
I can’t even open my mouth.
My lips curl in disgust as I turn away and lower my forehead against my palm. I’m starting to sweat and struggling to keep cool. I can’t give in to the anger slicing me open. I can’t bleed all over this goddamn expensive carpet.
But the woman has cut me deeper than I thought possible.
“No.” I face her, the blood in my veins going from hot to subzero temperatures. “Absolutely not.”
“If you want to hurt Lily, then resist. But you’ll lose. You don’t have the kind of money you’ll need to fight me in court. And once you’ve spent every dime you have you won’t even have a boat to sleep on.” She swallows, her face so tight I can’t see emotion there.
“What happened to you? What did I do to make you hate me so much?” It can’t just be the SEALs, can it? Or has this cold-hearted woman always lurked beneath the surface?
“You. I was chained to you. To your life. To the military.” Her hand slips from her stomach to her heart, and she grits her teeth as she tips her chin up and finds my eyes. “I’m finally free. Will can give Lily an amazing life. Don’t try to screw up hers the way you ruined mine.” She turns away and opens the door.
“Giving you Lily—was that how I ruined your life?”
She looks over her shoulder at me, her once-sparkling forest-green eyes now dull. “Lily is mine…I’ll see you in court.”
I’m damn
near ready to explode, but I check my impulse to yell. “I’ll see you Sunday, you mean.”
She tucks herself back inside her home and starts to close the door. “No, you won’t.”
When she slams the door shut in my face, I raise my fist, prepared to pound the dark wood until she talks to me again.
I have to see my daughter. She’s all I have. She’s my light in this fucked up world, and I can’t lose her. But when I picture her sweet little face and her big green eyes, the way she looks at me with such pride, I drop my arm.
I’ve got to think tactically. I’ve got to get Lily back using the best way I know how.
I don’t want to do it, but Lily’s my daughter, so I’ve got to go to war.
5
Grace
I can’t stop staring at his mouth.
Thin lips. Not kissable at all. A ski slope for a nose and eyes that are like cheap brandy. Every time he takes a tiny sip from his wine glass or takes small bites of his perfectly chopped salad with barely any dressing, I have the urge to throw my steak at him.
Normally I wouldn’t pick apart someone’s looks, but Patrick has me on edge. It probably has more to do with the fact that I can already see my father preparing our vows.
“So what do you think?”
“About what?” I raise a brow and reach for my wine glass, hoping to dull the boredom from this dinner with the Riesling.
“We were talking about my castle in London. Will you visit? There’s even a dungeon.”
“Ah, no.” Wow, I must have dozed off somewhere between the explanation of his ancestral heritage and his love for cricket if I missed the castle conversation. “Does that get women to drop their, how do you say it, ‘knickers’ for you?”
I can’t bite my freaking tongue tonight. It’s as if my feisty grandmother has taken over my body and is possessing me.
God, I miss her. The only real person who ever lived in my family. That woman would tell it like it was. My dad says I’m just like his mom as if that’s supposed to be an insult. But he hates her, so…
“Well, I’d love for you to drop yours for me—after dinner.”
The douchebag winks at me. No damn joke. I’m not kidding. Then he sips his wine and motions for the check. Since when did it become okay for men to act like this?
I tip my head and set down my glass. “Do you want another knee to the groin?”
He clears his throat. “Maybe I like it rough.”
Shit, I knew it. He’s into floggers and spanking.
I press my palms onto the white linen tablecloth, trying to calm the sudden anger that’s built up inside me after years of dealing with pricks.
But I can’t stop myself. I can’t reel in the fury. “Can we cut the bullshit? Let’s stop pretending we’re interested in each other and just tell our fathers to go to hell.” Being set up with him doesn’t make any sense, even if I was remotely attracted to him, which I’m not.
“You really think that’s a good idea?” Patrick laughs—an annoyingly haughty one—and slides his hands to his lap as his eyes remain on mine. There’s a hint of evil glinting in his dark irises. Maybe I was right to knee him that first night.
“The first date was a courtesy, and this one was a pity date. Consider it the last, though.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he says coolly as I rise to my feet.
I politely respond, “Have a nice flight back to London.”
I leave before he has a chance to say anything else, and when the warm night air sweeps across my face as I step outside, God, I feel on fire.
A real smile pulls at the edges of my mouth when my driver opens the back door for me at the curb. “Take me home, Frank. Please.”
“How was your date?” He looks at me in the rearview mirror.
“Great, actually. Especially the end.” I bite my lip and tip my head back, shutting my eyes and relishing in the small win I had tonight.
I, Grace Parker—screw the King—stood up for myself tonight. By turning down that asswipe, I stood up to my father. And God, it was amazing. Incredible. I kind of want to go bungee jumping, skydiving, or maybe have sex with a stranger.
Maybe Noah.
I touch my purse that’s resting on my thighs. I’m waiting for the vibration of my phone—to hear from my father and get a lecture about my so-called behavior.
But no calls or messages yet.
Maybe Patrick’s balls have shrunk to raisins, and he’s packed them away for his flight home.
“Any weekend plans?” Frank asks me once we pull up in front of my building.
“A couple. You?”
“My granddaughter will be in town, so I’m hoping to see her when I get off work tomorrow.”
I smile when he opens the door for me. “Frank, you should have asked me to take the weekend off.” I shake my head at him. “Consider it off as of now.”
“And how will you get around the city?”
“I do have a car. I’ll be okay. Really.”
Frank’s eyes are still vibrant despite his late age. He’s always been sweet and kind to me—fatherly. He could offer my dad a few words of advice. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I nod goodbye, swipe my key fob at the side of the entrance, and smile at the security guard inside. I gave both a fob and key to Bella when I hired her company, and I can’t help but wonder if Noah’s still working.
The elevator doors start to close behind me, but a hand darts between them, and I almost drop my phone as I take a fast step back. My heart flutters, worry spreading through me, my body signaling danger…but I look up and find myself staring into the eyes of a man who can see inside me—to the hidden parts I never want anyone to see. Noah sees me, and it makes me want to bring my hands to my chest to protect my vulnerabilities.
“I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry.” He steps inside.
It’s not until the doors close behind him that I remember to breathe. And when I do, I smell him. He smells like the ocean, a little salty with a touch of dark rum.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
He cocks his head to the side a little as his eyes dart to my lips, and I swallow. “I left my phone in your apartment. I was on my way out and realized I forgot it. I didn’t expect you back this early.”
He eyes the watch on his wrist. It’s thick, black, and looks like something that could double as a compass if lost at sea.
Is he lost? He kind of looks out of place in this city. Rugged. Sexy. Like he belongs in a cabin in the mountains, chopping wood outside in the cold winters.
Heat floods my system as I imagine this gorgeous man making a fire, the sparks flickering before his face, casting a glow over his features.
We’re on my floor already. When did that happen? And he’s standing between the parted elevator doors, allowing me exit. He walks alongside me down the hall, and I look at his strong forearm out of the corner of my eye as we approach my door.
“Your date has poor manners.”
I face him as I dig inside my purse for my keys, but I notice he’s already produced his and has it in the lock. I nod my thanks as he opens the door.
“The guy should’ve walked you to your door, don’t you think? Or is that not a New York kind of thing to do?” His smile stretches. It’s a beautiful smile. It reaches his eyes and even touches my heart.
My heart still works. I wasn’t sure of that until now.
The beating is like a drum in my chest, and the pace quickens, finding my ears.
So loud.
What is it about this man? Maybe I’m embarrassed because I feel as though he knows my dirty little secret, that he can tell I’ve fantasized about him screwing me every which way.
“I think manners should be in style in any city.” I shrug, hoping the gesture will also help me remove this weight from my shoulders, this burning intensity of desire that has taken me by storm since I first spoke with him at that bar. “But…I kind of ditched him at dinner.”
“That bad, huh?”
My jaw tightens as I contemplate how much I want to divulge. There’s some compulsive need inside me to open up to this stranger. “That bad.”
I drop my purse on the floor and wrap a hand around the back of my neck as he grabs his cell phone off the kitchen island. I need to schedule an appointment with my masseuse. I haven’t seen her since I got back from Athens.
“I should get out of your hair, I guess.” He shoves his phone in his back jeans pocket.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?” His brows draw together.
“Leave.” The word floats from my mouth and through the air. It feels like it takes forever to reach him, for him to process that tiny word.
He raises a fist to his mouth and taps it once. “Okay. Uh, you have anything to drink?”
“I think I have beer in the fridge.”
He nods, and once he turns away, I let out a small breath. I bow my head a little, trying to figure out what I’m doing right now.
Why did I ask him to stay?
I don’t want to be alone. I hate being alone now. The memories and darkness wrap around my throat, strangling me, and I can’t breathe.
I can breathe around him, though. Maybe a little too much, because I’m becoming light-headed. My attraction to him has taken me completely off guard.
“I didn’t take you for a Corona kind of woman.”
When I look up, he’s popping off the tops with a pocket knife. I don’t think I’ve ever dated a guy who carries around a mini blade.
I’m not dating him, though. Jesus…
And yet, I want those strong hands of his to cover every inch of my body.
Are my cheeks red right now? I need to cool off, to relieve this pressure building inside my stomach and teasing between my thighs.
Someone Like You Page 4
