What if she doesn’t remember?
What if it’s too late?
I shake the thought away, seeing a mid-size, apartment complex in the distance. That must be the one. God wouldn’t have sent me here if it was too late, surely.
As I walk, I look up and see what I assume are angels flying over me. I’ve seen them all the way here, as if they are following me. Like massive birds with huge wingspans dancing in the skies over my head. Men wearing regular clothes flying with great, big, fluffy wings. I’ve found myself staring at them more often than not.
It was about ten minutes ago that I realized that they may be guiding me here. I’ve spent more time with my eyes in the sky than I have paying attention to where I am. They haven’t made contact with me, just seem to follow me wherever I go.
As I walk on the street, it seems business as usual. Not many people walk around, only a few cars on the street. I’ve seen one or two people that are glowing with a tremendously bright light, and I wondered about it, but not enough to stop and ask questions.
The ins and outs of this strange place don’t matter to me. I just want to get to Cora, and find a way back home. I can think about all this crap later.
I find the apartment complex gated. I make a lap around the block, looking for an open gate and don’t find one. The thing is too high to jump over.
I scratch my head, making my way around to the main gate again. This time an angel sits on top, wings half folded. He watches me with bright blue eyes under a mop of brown hair. An honest to god angel, wearing light wash jeans and a tee shirt no less, perched there watching me. With a wave of his hand, the gate shudders and rolls, opening for me. I smile and wave at him, and take off inside.
He just watches. I turn and see that his eyes are on me.
Is this my guardian angel?
As I read the numbers on the buildings, in search of the right one, it occurs to me that all the lit-up people had angels somewhere in their vicinity.
I laugh, turning the corner. Guardian Angels are real. That’s amazing.
Finally, the eleven building looms large before me. I scan for the apartment. 1101 sits on the first floor, under a flight of stairs. The neutral colors and lack of decoration doesn’t make it look special and, yet, my heart pounds because I know that my love is just behind that door.
Just beyond that door. That plain, gray door with those little numbers hanging on it, and yet, I can’t knock.
I don’t know if he’s there. What if Devin is with her? What if Xander is there? Something screams at me, don’t get caught. So what do I do? I look around. I need a place to hide, where they won’t see me, yet I can watch the apartment.
Short trees, that won’t work.
The bushes are too well maintained, nothing there.
I spin in circles, there isn’t anywhere to hide. I run my hands through my hair, turning another 360 degrees.
My angel sits atop a black SUV with dark, tinted windows. Looks like a Dodge Durango. Of course, the car. Humans can’t see me anyway, so it’s not like I’d get caught. I meet his eyes and jog towards the vehicle. I touch the handle but hesitate. What if there’s an alarm? What if it’s locked?
I shake my head, once again remembering that I can’t affect anything they might see, and lift the handle. The click of an unlocked car door touches my ears, and I jump inside.
The interior is clean, smells of a stranger’s perfume. A little, pink boxing glove with a gym logo hands from the rearview mirror. An old bottle of water, half full, sits in one of the cup holders.
Why would someone leave such a nice truck unlocked? I shake my head and sink down in the seat. My stomach growls. I pull my phone out of my pocket, grateful that I have it with me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have the time.
It’s almost six o’clock. And, of course, the battery is almost dead. I glance around and spy a charger hanging from the console, but it’s for an iPhone and mine is an Android.
The passenger door opens, and the angel gets in and looks at me. He looks like a regular guy now, his wings hidden I guess. A great sense of peace and calm washed over me as I meet his bright azure eyes. I’m grateful for it, I didn’t realize how freaked out I was until I just felt this calm wash over me. He hands me a brown grocery bag, I peek inside and see bread, and peanut butter.
“Thank you. What is your name?” I ask.
“Jonathan. You will be safe in here. Wait until its time before you contact her. Eventually, they will know you are here, but it’s not time for that yet.”
“How will I know if it’s time?” I pull out the food and start to make a sandwich, spreading the creamy peanut butter with my fingers, then licking if off. I find a stack of fast food napkins shoved between the seat and the center console and I use them to clean my hands.
“You will know, don’t worry. You have questions, don’t you?” He cocks his head at me.
I take a huge bite of the peanut butter, and wish I had a drink. Jonathan taps the water bottle in the console and I grab it, taking a drink of the half empty water. When I’m done, I look, and the bottle is full again.
I smile at him. “Questions, yeah, you think? Only about a million.”
He crosses his arms, and waits with a small smile.
I stare at the door as we talk. He answers some of my questions, but not all, explaining that I don’t need to know everything, but just enough.
In the end, I understand better what’s happened, and where I am, and how to move through this strange place. Jonathan tells me that he will be around, although I might not always see him.
“Cora is inside waiting for you,” he says. “Hide the bag in the bushes, and go to her.”
My heart stops. “Now? What if he comes back while I’m inside?” I grab the bag and put my hand on the door handle.
“Just pay attention. Go, you have a lot of work to do.”
I furrow my brow. I start to ask him what he means, but he gets out of the car and flies off before I can get the question out.
She is waiting for me.
***
Cora
Roast beef for dinner today. With little baby potatoes, corn, gravy and soft warm bread. I wash it all down with my favorite soda, and sit on the couch in front of the new TV and DVD player that Xander got me. A big flat screen, and tons of movies. The cable works too. I smile, so happy to finally have something to do.
He did just what he said. He took care of me. I guess he had to wait to see if I was going to behave before he rewarded me. I guess I can understand that.
I fork the beef and potatoes and dip it into the gravy. The door opens, slowly, drawing my eye.
Looking up, I expect to see Devin, but it’s not Devin. It’s a man with shaggy, blonde hair and eyes the color of gun metal. There is stubble on his face, a weeks’ worth of growth by the looks of it, and it looks amazing on him. He meets my eyes across a short distance and closes the door.
The warmth in his eyes penetrates me to my very bones. It’s nothing like the way Devin looks at me. I swallow the bite of food in my mouth.
“Cora.” He says my name in almost a whisper, as if it hurt him to speak the word. “God, Cora, you’re really here.” There is a tremble in his words. “Are you alright? Have you been hurt?” He takes a step towards me.
I set my plate aside. “No, I’m fine. You must be Andy, the one from the letters.”
He blinks, and takes in a breath, pushing it back out of his lungs heavily.
“You really don’t remember me? At all?”
I can’t help but stare at the light coming off him. The darkness in the room flees from it, taking shelter in the shadows as if it’s an entity hiding from something. Like oil and water swirling around each other, but never mixing.
“The darkness hides from you.” I comment, absently.
He glances around. “What do you mean?”
“Your light, it penetrates the murkiness that floats around this place all the time. Didn’t you notice your own light?�
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He looks down, examining himself. He wears work clothes. Dark blue Dickie pants and a button down, long sleeve, work shirt with his name stitched on the left pocket. His sleeves are rolled up to the elbow, revealing muscled, bronze forearms.
Those strong arms have been around me. I wish I could remember.
“I guess we can’t see our own light. I had no idea. I’ve seen it on others, never even thought about it. I’ve been so focused on you….” He looks up, meeting my eyes again.
There’s that feeling again. It’s strange to feel such peace drawing me in the middle of this thick blackness that has swallowed me. Like looking up into the warmth of the sun from the depths of a tar pit.
“Why are you here?”
He sits down beside me. I turn, facing him. The closeness of his body is different than anything I’ve ever felt in this place. I never realized how cold it was here until this moment.
“Because I love you. Because you are mine and he took you away. This is not your home. This place has changed you somehow.” He reaches out to touch me.
At first, I pull back. For a moment he hesitates, but I look up into his warm eyes and he lifts his hand again. With a gentleness that’s now foreign to me, he touches my hair. He brushes it back, away from my face. He traces my cheek with his fingers. I catch the scent of the book on his hand, mingled with sweat and the outdoors. I breathe deep, struggling to memorize it for when he’s not here.
I hope he comes back to visit me.
“Cora, I need you. Please come with me,” he whispers. There is doubt in his gaze.
“Come with you? I can’t. Xander says that this is where I belong. If I don’t obey him…” I shake my head, fearing to speak the things that he might do to me, as if they might come to pass just because I said them out loud.
Andrew shakes his head. “No, he’s lying to you. Don’t you understand who he is? Nothing he says is the truth. Nothing. You will be safe with me. Please come with me.” He pushes his hand into my hair, only to draw it back out again. He runs his large hands through my hair.
I close my eyes, his touch is sweet, and kind, and makes me want to weep.
“Why does your touch make me feel like this?” I ask with my eyes closed.
When he speaks, there is tremendous emotion in his voice, as if he feels it too.
“Because your heart still remembers me. The evil in this place can’t change that. It can only make you lie to yourself and trick you about what’s real. This,” he puts his hand over my heart. My eyes open. “This is real.”
I gulp in a breath of air. I can’t possibly go with him. I don’t even want to. I’ve grown accustomed to this apartment, the solitude. I can’t even remember anything else.
“I can’t leave with you, but can you stay? Just for a little while?”
Andrew leans close to my face. Placing his big hands on either side, holding my gaze to his.
“I’ll never leave without you,” he whispers. “I’ll camp outside this door until death comes for me. Where you are, is where I am. Always.”
His eyes fall to my lips.
“You want to kiss me?” The words pop out of my mouth.
“Yes, but I can’t, not like this.”
I don’t understand.
“Why?”
Sadness overwhelms his features. He touches my lips with his index finger.
“You don’t understand anymore, what love is, I guess. He comes and throws you into that bed and you think that it’s all you’re good for now. You think you are a toy. Cora, you are so much more. Can’t you remember? It’s not about sex.”
I furrow my brow. He releases my face and runs a hand over his hair in frustration.
“Cora, if I never got to touch you again, it wouldn’t change my heart. If I could never touch your lips again, I’d still sleep on the streets outside this door to protect you with my life. You are more than sex.”
I swallow his words, knowing that I won’t forget them anytime soon. That, coupled with the look of sheer agony on his face, has burned them into my head.
“Please, follow me out of here. Don’t make me leave alone.”
I don’t know how to answer him. He seems devastated that I’ve refused to go away with him. I swallow, glancing towards the door. I notice that he’s locked it. I’m glad, that way we will have a moment if Devin shows up. He can head out a window or something.
“Will you still write to me? I have memorized your letters.”
He watches my face for a long moment.
“Yes. You memorized them?”
“Yes. I read them over and over again. Andrew, what are we, you and I?”
He sighs. “We are married. You are my wife.”
“And what about what happens here, with Devin. Can you forgive that?” I may have forgotten my feelings, my past, but I know that he would never want to share me.
He glances towards the hallway.
“It’s not about that. I realize that you have been fooled by demons, by Satan, himself, and you are powerless to resist. Maybe once you weren’t, but I can’t hold that against you since I left. I feel like I’m the reason you are here, so I don’t have the right to be angry. It makes me sick. I hate it. I’ll see that beast walk in that door from my hiding place and know what he’s doing to you, and I’ll probably just sit and cry over it. But I’ve been brought here for a reason, so I just have to hope that I can bring you back to yourself.”
The door knob turns. I jump up.
“He’s here. Run. Go out the back. Please.”
He stands. Devin pounds on the door.
“Andrew, will you come back?” I whisper, pushing him down the hall.
“Yes.” He disappears into the bedroom, dashes for the window. I head for the door to let him in.
I unlock the door and Devin looks down at me with anger.
“Why is the door locked?”
“I heard a noise and got scared.” I shrug.
He raises an eyebrow at me. “You got scared?”
I nod. “Yes.”
He closes the door. I can see that he’s too… hungry… to push the matter further. His yellow gaze darkens as he closes in on me.
As Devin pushes me towards the couch, I think of Andrew. As Devin lowers his mouth to my body, I wonder what it felt like when Andrew touched me. As I whimper and moan against Devin’s deep thrusts, tears burn the back of my eyes because somehow, it’s breaking my heart.
I don’t want Devin anymore.
I want Andrew.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Devin
Something is different. Cora rushes to the bathroom as soon as I’m finished, closing the door behind her. The lock clicks. As if a lock could keep me out.
Naked, I walk to the door and knock on it.
“What’s going on, did I hurt you or something?” I say, without compassion through the closed door.
I hear sniffling, the water running. “No, no of course not. I’m fine,” she calls.
I can tell by her voice that she’s not fine. It trembles, despite her attempt to steady it.
“Are you crying?”
“No.”
I pound on the door. Hiding from me is not just unacceptable, it’s strange. I’ve had full control of her for weeks now. Why would that suddenly change?
Maybe I’m leaving her alone too much.
“Open the door, now!” I shout.
I hear shuffling, the water turns off. I’ve waited long enough. I rear back and with little effort, I kick the door. The hinges give and the door jamb groans and she screams when the door gives.
“What in the hell are you doing?” she screams at me, scrambling away from the door.
“I told you to open the door. You will not hide from me!” I bellow.
Her eyes grow wide and fearful. She glances back so as not to trip and fall into the bathtub.
“Why are you locking me out?”
She swallows and takes a breath. Her naked body goose bumps, her
breasts react to the cold air hitting them, distracting me.
“I don’t know. I just felt strange, that’s all.”
Remembering myself, I take in a deep breath, trying to calm down. I can’t hit her. It’s been forbidden. If not for that, she’d be laid out on the floor for this. I clench my fists, swallowing the urge to strike her.
“You felt strange?” I echo. “Get over it. Don’t ever lock me out again.”
She nods. “I’m sorry, Devin. I meant no harm. Let me make it up to you?” She steps over the mess, reaching out and touching me. Her hands trace the muscles on my chest, my stomach, and down further to my hips.
She licks her lips and looks down. I’m instantly engorged at the sight of her lips and tongue.
“Please don’t be mad,” she whispers.
Her fear makes me feel like an animal. I nod, pulling her out of the bathroom.
***
Andrew
I watch the apartment for what feels like hours, struggling not to think about what’s happening inside. I know he’s with her, touching her.
I try to think about something else, anything else, but I can’t tear my gaze from that door. Is she thinking of me? Did I even have an effect on her? I thought I did, but maybe that was just wishful thinking. I shift in the leather seat of this SUV and force down another peanut butter sandwich.
She asked me to write her, so I pulled out the book a little bit ago and scrounged around, finally finding a pen under the seat. I wrote her a love letter this time. I did my best to pour out my heart on paper, everything she means to me in words. It made me wish I was more eloquent, and not just a blue collar welder that chooses to watch football on Sundays instead of picking up a book every once in a while.
If this ever ends, if we ever get to go home and be us again, away from all this, I’ll change things.
I’ll pay attention to her. I’ll take her out and make her feel beautiful. I’ll just listen to her when she needs to talk.
I just hope I get the chance to do it all.
I sigh, fighting my eyes. They grow heavy, but I can’t let myself fall asleep. I don’t want to miss it if he leaves. In order to stay awake, I open the book and inhale her perfume. I fill a few more pages with my feelings and ramblings.
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