“You haven’t even seen a specialist yet, Jude. You never know what can happen. Don’t try to throw us away just yet. Give this some time. Give yourself some time.” I run my hand over his cheek and smile at him. “Use that determined streak in you to move forward. This is a setback for certain but it doesn’t have to be the end of anything.”
He takes my hand away from his face then moves it with his and holds it near his heart. “I’m sorry, Mercy. I am so sorry I did this to us.”
“I take my part of the blame in this too. So don’t say it was all you because we both know it wasn’t. Since we made this situation together, let’s learn how to live with it, together as well.” I pull our hands up and kiss his. “I love you, Jude. I always will no matter what.”
“Can you please go get Zeek and tell him I need to talk to him?” he asks me.
I nod and walk away to get his brother. I have no idea why he wants to talk to him but I know I need to let him talk to other people about his situation. I know he needs help from everyone.
As I walk outside the door, I see his family leaning against the wall, waiting. They all look exhausted and I know they need to go home and rest. Making my way to Zeek, I touch his shoulder. “He wants to talk to you.”
He nods and goes into his brother’s hospital room as the rest of us wait and I hope Zeek is able to convince his brother to stop trying to protect me and accept the fact I love him and want to be here for him.
JUDE
“I honestly don’t know what to do, Zeek,” I tell my brother after I’ve explained things to him about how I feel about Mercy now.
The Pastor heard every word and seems to be sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for Zeek’s answer. Zeek paces around next to me then stops and looks at me. “You have to ask her. You had planned on doing it anyway. So don’t let this change anything.”
The Pastor nods in agreement. “He’s right, Jude. Don’t let this stop you from doing anything. This is where you take the reins and hold tight and let the Lord know you’re ready to take this little setback, head on. Or you take the other path where you let this terrible thing that’s happened to you take away your spirit. Your God-given spirit.”
Zeek smiles at me and pulls the little black box out of his pocket. “Look what I made sure to bring.”
I hold out my hand and take the box. The diamond sparkles as I open the lid. My plans were so very different from how this is going to happen now. I was going to propose, then we’d make love until dawn.
Now I guess I’ll propose and that’ll be it. No love making. Maybe not ever again. And here I am back to square one again. I can’t do this to her. I can’t tie her to my broken body. I can’t do that to her!
Closing the lid, I hand the ring back to Zeek. “I can’t. I can’t do this to her.”
Zeek takes the box and opens it back up. “Look at this, Jude. You spent so much time picking this ring out. You took one of her other rings to the jewelry store to make sure it was made to fit her exactly. You took so much time when you bought this ring. This material thing that would cement you two together for the rest of your lives. Jude, if this accident had happened one day after your wedding would you ask her for a divorce?”
“Of course not,” I say as I look away. “But you don’t seem to understand. A marriage without the things that make a marriage isn’t fair to ask her to be a part of now. Plus, she’ll say yes now just because she feels sorry for me.”
“Oh?” the Pastor asks. “You think all that love she had for you has gone away and all that has been replaced with merely feeling sorry for you?”
“No,” I say and feel utterly confused. “Look, I just think this isn’t the right time to ask her to join me in what is sure to be a boring marriage. So, keep the ring for me, Zeek. If things change later, I’ll ask you to give it back to me. For now, though, keep it and don’t bring it up.”
The Pastor leans back in the chair and taps his fingers on his chocolate colored Bible cover. “You know, there’s going to be lots of paperwork with your recovery. Lots of things to sign and decide and a spouse can help with all of that. You know, making it all legal will also mean she and those kids you were talking about are taken care of no matter what happens. You did say you wanted that, no matter what.”
With a nod, I say, “Yes, but I don’t want her trapped with me.”
“Trapped?” Zeek asks with a laugh. “What a horrible trap! Married to a wealthy man with so much financial security that even those kids will have it the rest of their lives and then some. That’s some terrible trap, alright!”
I look at him and say, “Trapped in a bed with a man who can’t function.”
Zeek looks at the Pastor and asks, “Can you do me a favor and cover your ears for just a moment? I need to remind my brother of something.”
The Pastor places his hands over his ears and nods. “Sure.”
Zeek leans in close to me and whispers, “Stop talking like you only have one way to please a woman, Jude. We both know there is more than one way to skin a cat.”
I want to laugh but it hurts when I do that so I smile at him. “I don’t think that was so bad the old guy needed to cover his ears for that.”
The Pastor laughs and pulls his hands away from his ears and says, “No, that wasn’t quite so bad, Zeek. He’s right you know, Jude. There certainly is more than one way to skin a cat.”
“But isn’t there a very good chance that I’ll get pretty grouchy and hard to be around as I’m sure I’ll get frustrated a lot by this whole thing?” I ask the man.
He nods. “Sure. But if you have a loving woman to ease that frustration, it sure does make life easier.”
Looking back and forth at them, I lay my head back and think about everything. Life would be easier with her in it. Life would suck without her in it, that’s for sure.
But asking her to marry me now seems wrong. So how do I get around this?
Zeek puts the box with the ring in it in my hand and walks away. “Come on, Pastor, let’s tell Mercy to come see Jude alone and let him do what he’s been planning for some time now. We’ve been in his way long enough.”
The Pastor gets up and gives me a nod. “God bless you, son. I’ll be around to visit you every day while you’re here. And if you’d like me to, I’d love to officiate your ceremony.”
“I’ll let you know. Thanks, guys.”
Pressing the button to take me back a little more, I hear a buzzing sound coming from my IV and see a drip of clear liquid dropping into the line that leads into my arm.
Mercy comes in and her gorgeous smile makes my heart skip a beat. She looks tired and there are dark circles under her blue eyes but she’s still so beautiful. “Hey, the nurse told us we need to let you rest. So everyone wants to say goodbye before they have to go.”
I feel a little tired all of a sudden too. “Whoa, I suddenly feel really sleepy.”
She points at the bag at the very top of the IV stand. “The morphine timer went off. You got a few drips to take you into La La Land. I’ll be here in the morning to hang out with you for as long as they’ll let me.”
“Can you bring the kids tomorrow?” I ask as my words get slurry. “Can you put this on the table for me?”
I hand her the little black box with the ring in it. She doesn’t ask, she just sets it on the table and smiles at me. “I’ll give you a kiss goodnight and send the others in. I’ll bring the kids to see you in the morning. I love you, Jude.”
“I love you, Mercy. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say as my eyes start to close.
She presses the button to lay the bed back and kisses my lips. “You have sweet dreams. I love you.”
“Love you,” I say then I am out.
MERCY
A week has passed and I’ve spent every day with Jude. Everything is healing well and there are no setbacks which is great. The kids are sitting on the bed as his doctors have yet to let him get up and into a wheelchair.
He’s been scheduled f
or an MRI today to see how he’s looking from the inside and he seems apprehensive about it. I think because the nurse told him a couple of the male nurses would be by to help him get into a wheelchair and position him for the procedure.
I can see it written all over his handsome face that he’s not looking forward to it at all. To top things off, I keep seeing him glance at the black box that’s still sitting on the table where I placed it the night he got here.
I know it’s an engagement ring and I’m not about to bring anything up about it to him. It doesn’t take a mind-reader to know he must think if he asks me that all important question that I’ll simply accept because of his current situation. Which isn’t true.
I would’ve accepted the proposal before the accident so why wouldn’t I accept it now?
“Unkie, Jude, when will you be home?” Mia asks him.
“I hope soon. This MRI will help the doctors decided if I’m stable enough to be moved.” He looks up at me and then back at Mia. “And a bedroom has to be all set up for me at my parents’ estate.”
I can literally feel my stomach drop. “Why not come home to our place, Jude?” I ask him.
He just shakes his head. “Can’t.”
I’m not about to let him stay anywhere but with me so I say, “There’s that large bedroom downstairs that’s completely empty. It wouldn’t be hard to get that set up. Plus, it’s closer to the hospital. Just in case something happens and you need to get here for any reason.”
He looks at me as he bites his lip then looks at Carter. “Hey, buddy, can you get me that bottle of water on the table? I can’t reach it.”
I get up and grab the bottle. “I got it. Here you go, baby.” As I hand it to him our fingers touch and he moves them back very quickly.
He’s told me to keep my hands to myself. He’s said the way it used to make him feel is now bothersome. I’m not in his shoes to know exactly what that means so I’ve kept my hands to myself.
It’s been a week since my lips have touched him and, to be honest, it’s hurting me more than I knew it would. As I watch him coloring with the kids, I can see how this is weighing on him. He feels so much less than he is.
The door opens and a couple of burly men in blue scrubs come in. One is pushing a wheelchair and I see sweat form on Jude’s brow. He looks at me. “Get the kids and go, Mercy.”
The men stand there, waiting in silence. I suppose they’ve done this many times and know the psychological effect it will have on Jude. Men don’t do well with accepting their body has limits. Jude especially doesn’t like the fact he can’t walk on his own.
To be lifted up by some men isn’t a thing he wants anyone to see. So I take the kids and leave the room. “I’m taking them home to stay with Becky then I’ll be back, Jude.”
“Okay. Whatever you want. You don’t have to come back if you don’t want to,” he says the way he says every time I leave his hospital room.
“I am coming right back. And I’m bringing some of the shampoo you like. I’m going to wash your hair with that instead of this cheap stuff the hospital has,” I tell him then leave the room.
As we walk out of the hospital, I see his mother and father getting out of his truck. They wave and we go over to them. “Hi, kids,” his mother says. She reaches into her purse and pulls out two boxes of raisins. “Look what, Mawmaw has for you two.”
She and Jim have decided the kids need to call them Mawmaw and Pawpaw. I think it’s a good idea too. But Jude frowned when his mother asked the kids to call them that the other day in front of him. He didn’t say anything, though.
“Can we talk for a minute?” Jim asks me.
“Of course,” I say and follow them over to a small picnic table under a large oak tree.
The kids are busy with their raisins as I take a seat on one side with them. Jim and Loretta sit down and he says, “It’s about Jude and when he gets to go home. We’ve been talking as a family and he’s told us he wants to be taken out to our estate. But we think that would be a bad idea for him.”
“First of all, we have my puppies roaming everywhere and the environment isn’t sterile. And you know how they bark when strangers come around. The nurses and doctors coming and going would create chaos in our home,” Loretta says.
Jim adds, “But the biggest, most important thing is, he’d be secluding himself from you and the kids. We think that’s a terrible idea.”
“I was just talking to him about that. I told him there’s a place we could easily make for him and he wasn’t agreeing to anything I said. So how do you think we can get him to agree?” I ask.
Jim smiles. “I’ll come up with a list of reasons he has to make a place there or stay in the hospital. You and I both know he’ll want to get the hell out of here as soon as he can.”
My stomach flips and flops and I burp. “Oh! Excuse me! I’ve had terrible tummy problems lately. I know it’s stress about Jude. Sorry.”
“That’s okay,” his mother says. “I’m sure you’re feeling tons of stress.”
“Do you think you can handle Jude coming home with you?” Jim asks me.
“I can. What I can’t handle is him not coming home with me,” I say as I run my hand over my stomach that’s really churning. “Um, I better go now. I have to get the kids some lunch and get them home then come back up here to find out the results of the MRI he’s getting right now.”
“Oh good!” Loretta says. “I can’t wait to see how he’s progressing.”
Getting up, I feel a little light-headed and stop for a second to steady myself. Jim’s arm goes around my shoulders as he asks, “Are you okay?”
“I haven’t eaten anything today,” I say. “I’ll eat and be fine.”
“Okay,” he says as he lets me go. “Now, you take care of yourself, Mercy. We can’t have you getting hurt or sick.”
“I know,” I say as I shake my head and start walking toward the car.
I can’t get sick now!
JUDE
Being picked up isn’t a thing I ever saw coming my way. I’m helpless and I really can’t stand this feeling. My body is slumping in the chair and I try to straighten up, using my hands and arms to do it. But I can’t pick my ass up.
“I need to get back to my weights. I used to work out daily,” I say as I try to have some self-esteem but I’m losing what’s left of it very quickly.
The two men give me a nod but say nothing. Their silence is somewhat appreciated as what good can be said about such a thing as being nearly completely helpless?
The room where the MRI machine is a relatively small and when we get inside of it, I notice there’s a slender table I’m guessing my body is going to be placed on.
With no mention of anything, the men wheel me up next to it and one takes my feet as the other my shoulders and I’m laid out on the thing before I realize what’s happened.
Another man comes to me and pulls my arms over my head. “Hi, I’m Bob. I’ll be doing your MRI. You’re going to hear some loud beeping sounds and I’m going to ask you to take in breaths and hold them. It’s important that you keep it held until I tell you to let it out or this will take much longer.”
“Okay,” I say as I lie perfectly still and feel a terrible feeling. Fear is coursing through me for some reason. It’s stupid to be afraid of this painless procedure but I feel it nonetheless.
“I’m going to be putting a nuclear dye into your IV to check for any blood clots. It’s going to cause an odd sensation in your lower regions. You’ll feel as if you’re actually peeing but don’t.”
One of the nurses who brought me in interrupts him as he says, “He’s not feeling anything from the waist down.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize that,” the guy named Bob says. “Sorry about that. Okay, just lie still and this will be over soon and you can get back into your bed.”
Back in bed is the last place I want to get back to. I want to get the hell up and walk the fuck out of here. I’m so tired of this and it’s only bee
n a damn week. I’m not sure how long I can take this.
The table I’m on begins to rise up and the donut hole contraption is coming closer to my body. The table moves my body back and forth as the machine makes beeps and then I’m up very close to it as the man tells me to hold my breath and my entire body gets scanned.
It’s over in no time and wasn’t bad at all. Yet, I still feel nervous and anxious. How I wish I was a year down the road already and used to shit. This is terrible and I keep thinking that it would’ve been better if I died in that fucking wreck.
My body is lifted again by the men and placed in the chair and I’m going back down the hallway toward my room. I pass an old man in a hospital bed who’s being moved and he looks tired, depressed, and hopeless.
We just look at each other as we pass. No nod, no wave, nothing but two men who know this is the worst time in their lives.
I see Mom as I’m brought back into the room. “Where’s Dad?” I ask.
I hear the toilet flush and water running in the sink then he steps out of the bathroom. “There he is! How’d it go, son?”
One of the men move to take my feet and I stop them. “Wait! Mom, Dad, can you get out while they do this?”
They leave quickly then the men move me back to my bed. “Your doctor will be here soon to discuss your results,” one of them tells me then they both leave.
Mom and Dad come back in, along with a nurse. “Hello, Jude. Let me get you all situated again,” she says with a pleasant smile.
She moves my IV stand around and fixes the tubes again. Then she throws the blankets back and moves my hospital gown around to make me more comfortable I assume. “You know I can’t tell if it’s all bunched up or not so it makes no difference if you fix it or not.”
“Well, to me it does. I like my patients to look well cared for, Jude. You know that. So how did that MRI go for you?”
Mallory Page 125
