by Ava Miles
He turned to look at her, his eyes narrowing on her face. His musky scent washed over her, and she reached out and touched his cheek, feeling the pull between them.
“Are you wearing a bra?” he asked.
“Where’d that come from?” She stepped back from him.
“I can always tell when you’re wearing one or not wearing one, and it’s been driving me nuts all night. You never wear a bra on our treks. You’ve always said you feel freer because most women in the countries we visit aren’t so confined. Are you wearing one because of me?”
“Yes!” She poked him in the chest. “I didn’t want to inspire more of your lust-driven fantasies.”
He laughed. “Seriously? Mickey, all I’ve been able to think about is what bra you are wearing. Is it the white one with the baby blue bow? I love that one. Or the black one—”
“Stop this! We’re totally getting off track.”
“Blame it on my lust-driven fantasies.” He grinned at her. “Better yet. Can I see it?”
“No! Focus. Talk to me about that comment you made at dinner, about feeling like a kept man.”
“I’d rather talk about your bra.” He tilted his head. “Are you wearing matching panties?”
“Boyd! Iggie didn’t treat you like a kept man. That’s your own messed-up perspective. You always believed people thought less of you as a man because I had a bigger bank account. That’s bullshit.”
He shook his head. “All right, I’ve forgotten about your undies. Bullshit? Mickey, this is why we always fought about money. You don’t see what’s going on around you. Of course Iggie treated me like that. So did other Merriam employees.”
She stalked away, not wanting to hear that. These were her people. “I knew you had problems, but it was a compatibility issue. Iggie isn’t easy for anyone to get along with.”
He followed her. “True, but most of your Merriam colleagues thought I was getting special favors because of my relationship with you.”
“You got that fellowship at Merriam on your own merit. My God, if what you’re saying is true, then they must have said the same things about me.”
“You’re a Merriam, but you were there because you’re damn good.”
“So I can be there on merit, but not you?”
“I didn’t expect it when I took the position.” This time he stalked away, the star-filled sky a mesmerizing backdrop behind him. “Out in the field and at school, no one questioned my merit, but at Merriam, it happened all the time. I was Michaela Merriam’s boyfriend, not a published summa cum laude Ph.D.”
“That’s crap!”
“No, it’s the truth. I didn’t tell you because you’re right. Having my colleagues call me MBT, Michaela’s Boy Toy, at work was emasculating. I thought I could handle it. Turn it around. I’d been bullied before, but I finally realized it wasn’t possible. Not when the head boss led the charge. That’s why I went after another job.”
“You should have told me all this. I would have helped you.”
“Helped me? Look emasculating up in the dictionary, Doc. What would you have done? Say, ‘please don’t call my boyfriend MBT or be mean to him.’ It would have made it worse for both of us.”
That they’d called him that and she hadn’t known… “But we were in a relationship.”
“Yep, but some battles you have to fight alone. I finally bowed out. Hendricks saw my merit, which is why I took their offer. By the way, it was a damn good one. I don’t understand why you’d think I’d betrayed you and your family by doing what was professionally best for me.”
“Because you promised me we were a pair.” She strode to him and pushed at his chest. “Partners, you said. We went on research trips and treks together. We did everything together.” We loved each other.
“In school,” he said, “and even at Merriam when I could be a help and not a hindrance to you. We’ll have that chance again now that I have my own company. We’ll be equal partners.”
“You’re not hearing me,” she said and started to move away in defeat.
He caught her hand. “Don’t walk away. This is too important. I’m listening, Mickey. Finish what you need to say.”
His touch sent a jolt of heat up her arm so she snatched her hand back. “I had time to step back and analyze things too. Boyd, you let your pride get in the way of our relationship. That’s what broke us up. I can’t be with someone who sees my wealth and corporate opportunities as a liability. I’m sorry they treated you like that at work. But, I am a Merriam. I can’t change that, nor would I, and big whoop. I’m just a person like anyone else. Why can’t you accept that loving you made me want to share things with you? You wanted a job at one of the best companies in our industry, and I had the means to introduce you to the opportunity. But you got the fellowship yourself. You earned it. If our situations were reversed, wouldn’t you have done the same for me?”
He let out a harsh sigh. “Everyone expects a man to provide for his woman. I needed to at least stand on my own two feet. Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me, what people said, but it did, and I didn’t feel like I could do my best there. More, I needed to prove myself as a man.”
She threw out her hands. “This is horseshit. Do you think you’re the only one who’s ever felt that way? I trek around in parts of the world few would visit. No makeup. Showering infrequently if at all. Wearing sweaty, day-old clothes most of the time. I know when a lion is hunting me and how to remove a python from my tent.”
“All things I love about you, I might add.”
“A lot of people would think that doesn’t make me much of a girl. Like being a girl is all about makeup and clothes and playing it safe. Dammit! My entire life I’ve felt weird for being me even though I know my family loves me anyway.”
He drilled his finger in her direction. “You know it was like that for me too. If I hadn’t gotten my scholarships and stipends, I wouldn’t have made it to college. Most of the people in my neighborhood didn’t.”
“I know all this, and I admire you so much for it, Boyd, but—”
“Let me finish.”
His harsh command had her throat closing up. She stood quietly in the darkness as he ran a hand through his hair. They were both shaking from the emotion bandying back and forth between them like a couple’s game of mahjong. Part of her wanted to cross to him and lay her head against his chest. She hadn’t known about the remarks people had made to him at Merriam Enterprises. The last thing she’d wanted was for him to feel bad about himself. Like he was lesser than.
“Michaela, my whole life has been about me becoming my own man so I could provide for myself and my family. Because you said you loved me, I thought you’d support that need in me. Like I support and love you for knowing how to remove a python or big hairy tarantula from our tent. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Not sure if everyone understands it, but the entire camp certainly heard you,” a craggy voice said a few yards off.
Michaela spun around as her uncle and aunt stepped into view.
Arthur gave them both a gimlet stare. “Forget about chaperones. This is where I assert my role as cornerman in a fight. I think that’s enough rounds for tonight, you two. Why don’t you both go to your tents and cool off? From the sound of it, we have a lot of traveling tomorrow.”
“I agree with Arthur,” her aunt said, her voice strained. “You two aren’t going to solve this tonight. Let’s all get to bed. It’s been a long day.”
Boyd came forward, fists clenched. “But we were finally getting somewhere.”
Her throat closed up. Were they? To her, it had felt like they were fighting over old territory. Saddened, she headed over to where her aunt and uncle were standing. “They’re right. We’ve been going nonstop, and tomorrow doesn’t sound like a picnic.”
Boyd extended his hands to her, and she fought the urge to take them. He finally lowered them, and she could see his jaw working.
“But you will think on what I said, righ
t?”
Something inside of her throbbed as she watched him stand alone in the darkness. He seemed so far away from her, and she feared the distance between them wasn’t the sort that could be crossed. “I’ll think on it, Boyd.”
“Okay, and I’ll think on what you said too,” he said slowly. “But I don’t want to rob anyone of dessert and coffee. I’ll turn in early. Good night.”
He wandered off, and she slowly headed back to the dining table only to find it absent of Hargreaves and Joseph, who must have excused themselves. Oh, what must Joseph think of her now? Her aunt rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. “We left some dessert for you.”
“Thank you.” There was no way she could force it down now. “Let’s all go to bed.”
She watched as the light peeking out from Boyd’s tent went out. As she headed to her own tent, she could hear him talking to Marvin, but she couldn’t make out the words. His friendship with Marvin had always made her smile, but tonight it made Boyd seem even more alone. More unapproachable.
Simon and Jaali were huddled at the campfire and didn’t look around when she bid them good night. Of course they’d heard everything too. Well, she wouldn’t let any more awkwardness creep into their tiny group.
“Good night, Aunt Clara. Uncle Arthur.”
“Good night, dear,” her aunt said as her uncle blew her a kiss, a rare and yet moving gesture. She wanted to catch that kiss and hold it close.
Even when the lights in the camp went off, she remained awake in her dark tent, listening to Marvin’s cute little croaks. Her heart wouldn’t stop aching. They treated me like a kept man, he’d said during their fight, his usually strong voice shot through with emotion. He’d never told her that before.
Somehow knowing he’d felt that way broke her heart into even more pieces.
Chapter 6
Sunrise’s bold, jewel-toned streaks seemed to echo the light radiating from Clara’s heart as she surveyed the savannah.
The cup of strong black tea in her hand was steaming in the cool morning, and her limbs felt invigorated by the quick yoga routine she’d done while Arthur slumbered in their makeshift bed of two twin beds shoved together. She hadn’t minded the hardness of the thin mattress or the wild calls in the night that she had yet to recognize except for Marvin’s distinctive croaks.
She was on a grand adventure.
At nearly eighty, she’d thought her life was over. Willed it to be so at times. Then Arthur and the Merriam children had surged into her life like a tidal wave, ushering her out of the mausoleum of her existence and the house in New York City where she’d confined herself for decades. Before, she’d been like the lone baobab tree off in the distance. Now, she looked forward to each new day and the promise it held. Today was no exception.
“My dear,” she heard her beloved Arthur say, coming up behind her. “I missed you when I woke.”
She kissed him on the mouth and handed him her tea to share, admiring the small herds of zebra and wildebeest dotting the horizon. “I couldn’t miss my first sunrise on the savannah. I figure we’ll find time for a quickie later if we’re lucky.”
“A quickie, huh?” He looked around before giving her bottom a warm caress. “Never knew people our age could have those until I met you.”
“It’s a wonderful surprise, isn’t it?” She laughed and held up her arms to the blue and orange sky. “Oh, Arthur, I’m so happy. I mean, look at this view. Oh! Is that a… Goodness, it’s a lioness and her cubs. We should…”
“Stand still, I imagine,” Arthur said, putting himself in front of her. “Granted, they’re twenty yards away, but still. I don’t have much skin on my bones, but if they decide to make a meal of me, you’d probably have enough time to get away.”
The mama lion had blood on her furry mouth, and so did her four babies. Oh, they were cute little fur balls, even with the evidence of their morning feeding. They continued their morning walk across the plain, glancing at the camp with nothing more than passing interest. “We’re both too bony, it seems. Now that you’re awake, let’s go over our game plan.”
Something metal rattled, and she looked over to see Simon join Jaali in the mess tent. The waking camp had summoned Hargreaves, who exited his tent with his usual efficiency. He lifted his hand in greeting and crossed to the mess tent, likely seeing about their breakfast.
“Michaela and Boyd aren’t awake yet?” Arthur asked.
“They haven’t been seen yet, no. I expect they both slept poorly after their discussion last night.”
Arthur handed back her cup of tea. “They have some pretty big issues to sort through. Money is cited as one of the top reasons for divorces and breakups in our fair country. Did you know that?”
She patted his arm. “I read Cosmo, Arthur. Of course I know that. I feel bad for Boyd, honestly, not just our niece. Listening to him talk about needing to make his own way independent of the Merriam fortune and contacts reminded me of some of my conversations with you when you first came to New York as a young man.”
Arthur sighed loudly. “I understand where he’s coming from. Even though your grandfather helped me get that job at The New York Times, I wanted to be seen as the best damn journalist out there. In the beginning, it felt like an uphill battle since Emmits had put in a good word for me. Some thought I was his inside man on the paper, someone who’d write stories on his behalf. Wall Street is full of those kinds of deals. I had to prove myself from sunup to sundown and then some.”
He’d been full of piss and vinegar then. Still was. “Even after proving yourself, you left New York to make your own mark with your newspaper, something everyone thought folly at the time.”
“Except for your grandfather,” Arthur said, smiling fondly. “He always believed in me. When he offered me start-up money for the paper, I insisted it would be a loan. I didn’t want charity.”
“Boyd seems cut from the same cloth,” Clara said, “which speaks of good character…but also stubbornness. Michaela isn’t wrong either. Money isn’t as important as love.”
Arthur put his arm around her shoulders. “And yet, to love a woman like she deserves, a man needs to feel like he’s his own man. I don’t know that I can adequately explain our species.”
“I’ve read Men Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus too, dear. I only wish…”
“Don’t dredge up the past,” Arthur said. “They’re not us, Clara.”
Although they hadn’t dated when they were young, they’d taken a shine to each other. Their paths had diverged for much the same reason Boyd and Michaela had parted. Her niece’s relationship was different, of course, and Clara had reminded herself of that while doing yoga. “I’ll do my best. You were right to call their discussion to a halt. They needed a time-out to reflect. Sometimes you stop hearing what the other person is saying when things get heated.”
“They’ll either work it out, or they won’t,” Arthur said, his practical side making her grimace. “However it goes, we’ll be here for her.”
“Doesn’t mean we can’t help,” Clara said, turning as Hargreaves approached with a tray filled with fruit and bread and another pot of tea and a cup for Arthur. “Thank you, Hargreaves. We’ll take our breakfast in our tent since Boyd and Michaela are still asleep.”
“Is that wise, Clara?” Arthur asked. “Boyd said it attracted wild animals.”
“We’re breaking camp after breakfast, dear. Nothing to worry about.”
“As you say, Madam,” Hargreaves said. “One thing to consider before I arrange your breakfast. Joseph expressed surprise that Boyd was still slumbering. He’d mentioned wanting to start early.”
“I imagine his talk with Michaela last night has something to do with his late start. We’ll retire to our tent in a minute, Hargreaves.”
“Retire, eh?” Arthur asked, nodding in that direction after her faithful butler was out of sight. “Are you planning something, Clara?”
“Yes, dear.” She caressed his craggy cheek. “I plan to h
ave you after breakfast. But first, let me finish what I was saying.”
“Like I could stop you.”
She punched him lightly. “I think you should talk to Boyd when the moment presents itself. Let him know that you understand his situation.”
He barked out a laugh. “Is that so? Want to write down my main talking points too? Good God, Clara, I’ve been dispensing relationship advice for decades. I’ve got this. You, my dear, might also want to talk to Boyd. I figure I’ll do the same with Michaela. Might be good for her to hear another man’s perspective. Speaking of, would you like to hear my perspective on how your ass looks in those tailored pants?”
He never failed to notice her body, God love him. “Am I inspiring some of your primal man to emerge, my dear?”
She caught the glint in his pale blue eyes before he took her hand and tugged her toward their tent. “Always.”
Hadn’t she said she was lucky? Since Hargreaves had already departed, she launched herself at Arthur the moment the tent closed. Breakfast could wait.
She’d wallowed away too many years to lose more time.
* * *
Wasn’t it Boyd’s bad fortune to wake up with Marvin and not Michaela?
Opening his eyes and seeing his lizard resting on his bare chest wasn’t a first. Sometimes the little fella used him as a heating pad, and because he liked to cuddle. Although most people didn’t realize it, some reptiles were affectionate, and Marvin certainly fit the bill.
Marvin gave a soft croak, what Michaela used to call his lizard purr, and Boyd traced the orange spots along his turquoise spine. “Good morning to you too. Did you have a good night? I heard you croaking. Chase away any snakes or baboons?”
