by Tammy Lynn
She hated that she was sending EJ away, but she did know that it was the only way to make everyone happy.
What about you? a soft southern voice said. “I’ll find love again,” she said it out loud.
Kitten jumped when she heard the deep sleepy voice behind her. “I’m right here, so you don‘t have to look any more.” he said. Kitten turned to see him dressed in worn jeans, a shirt in his hand and his boots in the other hand.
“I know what I said and it just can’t be. I won’t hurt Candra anymore than what she will be hurt when this comes out to her, and you will tell her. I know you love her and you love me, but you’ll see in time that she’s the best for you. Take care of Arabia, and of Mama.” Kitten kissed him softly on the cheek before she walked out of the house.
What had gotten into her? Just a couple hours ago she was willing to take anything. Quickly getting his shirt and boots on he raced after her, noticing she was getting Arabia into the horse trailer. “What is going on, Kitten? Why are you making such a turnaround for?”
Kitten settled Arabia down and then closed the door. “I realized it was best. Please, get something to eat, pack up and go. I don’t care if you come back with Shilo or have someone else bring him home, but I’ll be expecting him in no less than a week. I do love you, EJ, I just can’t be with you.”
She spun around, her heart breaking into a million tiny pieces that were like shards of glass, cutting at her very soul. Walking to the SUV she got in, started it up, and turned it around, waving to him. Kitten had no idea where she was going, she just knew she had to go, had to leave before she did something really stupid and begged him to stay.
EJ hit the side of his truck with his hand, not understanding. Going into the house, he packed up his stuff, hitched the trailer to the back of the truck and, without a backwards glance, drove down the driveway, trying to figure out women.
Kitten saw him leave, waited a few minutes and came back to the house, into her study and opened the email program once more.
Candra….It’s Done. He left a few minutes ago on his way home. I told him I didn’t want him coming back. Take care of him and know that I’m sorry that it happened the way it did, but I’m not sorry that I loved him. He was there when I needed him and I will always thank God for him. Please hold him there, Candra. I can’t promise me letting him go if he comes back. Kitten.
It was done, it was over. Kitten walked slowly up the stairs and stood beside the General’s door, ignoring the desire and pain.
Don’t fight love on this, we ALWAYS come back. She looked around, no one there, but the man’s voice was so deep, so rich, so passionate, she knew right away who it was. Shaking her head, Kitten walked into her room and looked at the ceiling. “Okay, General, if that’s the case, then I dare love to let him come back.”
EJ drove all that day and most of the night going back to Maine. He never realized just how long the trip was. The only thing that kept running though his mind was that he was leaving his heart behind. That he should have said something to make a difference. Hitting the steering wheel with his hand, he knew he shouldn’t have left, but then he didn’t really have a choice. Seeing the turnoff for his exit, he felt the tension hit him immediately. He knew that reality would start as soon as he went into that house.
Pulling up the drive and heading into the turnaround by the stables, he got Arabia out and stalled him, giving him food and water. Taking a deep breath he walked to the house.
Candra was sitting with Jaret and Miss Alysia talking animatedly until she saw him come through the door.
Jaret looked toward the door and smiled. “Hello, son. I take it everything is done at Tara?”
EJ kissed Miss Alysia, hugged Jaret and then hugged and kissed Candra. Looking at her he smiled, warmth coming into his eyes, but also sadness because the passion he felt for her didn’t equal half of what he felt with Kitten. “Yes, Dad, everything is done at Tara. There’s nothing left to build or fix.”
Miss Alysia looked at him with love in her eyes. “How is my Kitten?”
EJ knelt in front of Miss Alysia and took her hands. “She’s doing well. The sunflowers have all been replanted, she was working on the last acres for hay when I left. You’d never know what had happened to the house.”
Jaret stood and hugged Candra before helping Miss Alysia to the door. “We’re heading out. We’ll see you guys later.”
Watching them leave Candra stood up to straighten up the kitchen. Putting the few cups in the sink she turned around and looked at EJ. “When are you leaving?”
EJ furrowed his brow and sat down at the kitchen table. “I’m not leaving, Candra. I’m home.” EJ put his head on his templed hands.
“You’re not taking Shilo back?” EJ closed his eyes, forgetting for a moment that there was that. “I’ll ask Dad. He’ll be okay to do it.”
Candra took a chair and pulled it close. “EJ, I know you just got home, but we need to talk. First off, your Dad won’t be taking Shilo back, you will be, along with Arabia.”
EJ dropped his hands flat on the table. “Why on Earth would I be taking Arabia back? Are you worried about Kitten having a tie to me because of the horse?”
Candra took his hands in hers. “No, I’m not worried about that. You’re taking them both back because you’re going back there. You don’t belong here with me.” She held up her hands, willing him to let her finish. “I knew it when I first had the journals in my hands. The love I could feel each and every generation and knew that soon you would be finding your true love. We both know who she is, and that you’re not with her now. EJ, I love you, have loved you my entire life. We grew up together. I always thought that the accounts were maybe just a product of desire, but when she called the night of the tornado, I knew it was more than that throughout time. It was pure love handed down through the generations, known in your soul when and where to find them. Whether it was chance or coincidence that she contacted you over Shilo doesn’t matter, but what does matter is that you belong with her. I’m letting you go, EJ. No tears, no harsh words. I just want to see you happy and I’ve come to realize that you’re not happy here. The first time you came back, granted, it was only for a couple of days, I knew, right then, that you would never be here. Your heart and soul would always be there, and I was right. I don’t want you staying out of duty because of our vows, and that’s what you would be doing. EJ, I’m telling you that it’s time for you to have the future with Kitten that all of the generations never did.”
EJ shook his head and realized that he was indeed hurting now. “It’s not like that Candra.” She only smiled.
“Isn’t it? When you were coming home, what were you thinking of?”
EJ knew the answer to that and from the silence, so did Candra.
“I’m not angry, EJ, but I’m not happy either. I knew it was going to come down to this and I knew what my decision was going to be. I will always love you, EJ, and I will always be here for you. I’ll love you forever. But honey, I know where your heart lies and where you need to be. It’s time for this generation to finally end in happiness.”
Candra, despite her tough talk, went outside and started crying. She knew she was doing the right thing and she knew it would hurt, but not this much. Maybe she would find her own true love one day.
EJ came out to her and took her in his arms. “Baby, I never meant for anything to happen between Kitten and me. I didn’t know that it would spark, and I didn’t know that I would fall for her. I wanted it to be you, but in the last few days it was getting harder and harder to make the right choice. I kept seeing myself right there. It was like Tara called to me, wanting to hold me there and I was peaceful with myself. It’s hard to explain, but it was a feeling of coming home.”
Candra held onto EJ knowing it would be the last and final time. “It’s not hard to explain, or hard to understand. It’s where you were supposed to be all along. I’ve already filed for divorce, EJ. I did it last week. The papers are in the bedroom w
aiting for you to sign. I think I was fair in the terms.” .
He was in shock. “Does my Dad and Miss Alysia know?”
Candra smiled sadly. “They not only know, they helped me come to terms with losing you. I hope you don’t mind me still being part of Jaret’s life.”
EJ pulled her close again. “I don’t mind. Maybe you can watch out for both of them.”
They stood there, locked in each other’s embrace for what seemed like hours. One’s heart ripped in tatters and the other’s flying free.
“By the way, Kitten knows that I would be sending you back, only she told me not to. I wrote her the other day.”
EJ smiled. Now it made sense. “I hope you don’t mind if I stay here for a while? I want to get everything in order, make sure all loose ends are tied up.”
Candra shook her head. “I don’t mind. But under the circumstances, maybe you could stay in the guest room.”
EJ understood and nodded. Days went by and EJ straightened out all of his affairs and was amazed that him and Candra could still sit and laugh at things.
Meanwhile Kitten was restless. Everyday that passed she knew she would spend the rest of her life alone. Kitten knew that Avery and Randall continued to talk to EJ and implemented some safety factors into Tara’s running.
Kitten spent a lot of time away from the main house and a lot of time in the pastures riding the horses. No emails from Candra, which made Kitten believe that EJ didn’t want to leave her, and even as much as it hurt Kitten to admit it, he should stay with Candra.
It had been a full week and Kitten had emailed EJ asking when he was shipping Shilo home. Before she went outside to go to the stables, she check the email once more, still nothing. Going outside she went ahead and called Envie over from the corral and decided to go against saddling and ride him bareback, the only one she could do that with. Standing on the railing she mounted him and took off through the pasture, past the pond, and into the woods beyond, relishing the sound of the wind through the trees, and it rushing through her hair.
Envie loved running and Kitten liked pushing him harder and harder, knowing when they went back he would splash through the pond and cool off before she walked him back. For awhile Kitten’s mind was blank, but then memories hit her hard.
Of EJ holding her, caressing her, making love to her, or just sitting and talking to him as she shared her plans for the plantation. Her cell phone chirped and she dug it out of her pocket to answer, seeing it was the house. Kitten had made sure that she had it fixed so she could see caller ID now. “Yeah, what’s up?”
Lissa’s voice came over the line, “Your baby’s back home, Miss Kitten. Thought you’d like to know.”
Kitten laughed with joy. “I’ve told you, call me Kitten, the Miss is gone. By the way, who brought him home?” Kitten heard muffled voices and asked again.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. A delivery person from Chamberlain Farms brought him. You know the guy who brought him the first time? He brought him back again. I told him he could stay the night, I hope that’s fine with you.”
Kitten’s smile changed into a sad look and it was reflected in her voice. “It’s okay, Lissa. Put him in the guest room upstairs that EJ had used. It’s cleaned and smells fresh.”
“Oh, and by the way, is there anyway you can come back here soon? I need to go over some things with you, the statement from the lumberyard came in and they don’t look right. I think we were grossly overcharged for that lumber.”
Kitten counted to ten. “Go over the statements with Randall, he’s the one who knew the prices. Find out what he was told and then go off of that. I’ll be home later.”
Kitten was halfway to Tara when her cell phone chirped again. Caller ID was EJ. The debate warred inside her until the urge to hear his voice won out.
“Yes, EJ.” There was no warmth in her voice. She hoped that it would sound like she didn’t care.
“I wanted to make sure you got Shilo back okay. He should have been there by now.”
Kitten’s eyes closed on a wave of sadness. She had hoped for a time that the deliveryman was EJ, but this just proved he wasn’t. “I’m not at the stables. Lissa called me and told me he was back. Thanks for sending him.”
“You’re welcome, Kitten. Just wanted to make sure you got him and that everything was okay.” Kitten said good-bye and hung up the phone, then went ahead to the pond where she could stand on the stump and get back on Envie.
It was time to go back. Past the house to the stables, seeing the horse trailer and a truck she had never seen before confirmed that EJ wasn’t here. He loved his big white diesel truck. Brushing Envie down to where the white shone like silk, was therapeutic. She still couldn’t get past the flood of memories that came with Shilo’s coming back, but then maybe that was the trigger too. Going to Shilo’s stall, she called him over and gave him the love that he had missed from her.
Suddenly she knew there were no more excuses not to go to the house. Walking back, her hair falling out of the bun, she finished taking the pins out, fluffing it and massaging her scalp. In the house she called out, “Lissa, I’ll have a sandwich in my room tonight. I’m not very hungry.”
Lissa came out from the kitchen, seeing her mistress already on the staircase. “Something wrong?”
Kitten looked down and shook her head. “No, just not very hungry. Just a sandwich’ll do. Did you get the bills straightened out with Randall?”
Lissa just nodded her head. “Honest mistake. It’s taken care of.
Kitten went on up the stairs and right into the shower. Making it nice and hot to take the tension out of her body she stayed in there, letting it pound on her muscles. Hands massaged her shoulders and she whirled around. “Ahh, you turn around, you don’t get the full treatment.” His hands turned her back around and finished with her shoulder muscles and started going down her spine when she broke out of his hands and whirled on him.
“What are you doing here?” Reaching around him, she shut down the faucets. “Just because you brought back Shilo doesn’t give you the right to come into my bathroom, hell, into my shower. I’m not going through this again.” Kitten wrapped a towel around her and walked into the bedroom.
“Stop! I’m here because I belong here. I brought back Shilo and Arabia, and I brought something else.”
She looked at him. “What else?”
“This.” EJ handed her a small box and she shook her head. “Open it, Kitten.” He put the box on the bed and sat on the vanity stool.
Kitten took the box and opened it, the sun catching the diamond as she lifted it out of the box and spread fire throughout the room.
“I was told that when I found my true love that the fire would shine. You’re my fire, sweetheart. I want you to marry me. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Kitten shook her head no and put the ring back. “I can’t marry a married man. EJ, you need to leave at first light. Thank you for bringing home Shilo and I gave Arabia to you.”
Smiling EJ walked to her. “Sweetheart, I’m not a married man. I want to be a married man, with you.” Kitten cocked her head.
“You’re not a married man? What happened?” Kitten sat on the bed, hair still dripping down, but she didn’t care.
“Candra told me when I got home. She also told me that she emailed you.” Kitten nodded. “Everything she told me is true, love. I belong with you. The future is for us to make now. It’s our time to be together and Candra knows that. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t want it at first, or maybe I couldn’t believe it, but baby, it’s right in front of us. A life where there’s no more searching, no more wandering. The love we have will always be right here in our hearts. Don’t make me beg, Kitten. Take me up on a lifetime of happiness.”
Kitten saw the truth in his eyes, saw the love shining in the depths and a smile came across her face. “I will.”
EJ’s jaw dropped, “you will?”
Kitten laughed. “Yes baby, I will.�
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Epilogue
The day dawned bright and clear across Tara. Sunflowers were just starting to have their bright yellow faces again and the sun shining on them made it look like golden acres of paradise. Pulling out the journal, in her nightstand, and the pen next to it, she went to her vanity, opened the journal and started writing.
I thought I would never find a love to compare to the love that Mama, Miss Lily, and Miss Victoria had, but I was wrong. EJ is one in a million and the love we have together is overwhelming at times. I do feel bad that his marriage to Candra ended, but she is happy as well with her own new love and EJ and her talk often. The day we married was magical and as we said our vows, I swore I heard the generations before saying them as well. As he placed that beautiful diamond on my finger I heard for the last time that sweet soft southern voice telling me that she had told me not to worry that they come back. I know the tortured lost love and tragedy that has haunted this plantation for so long is gone. Miss Victoria and Josh, Miss Lily and Elijah, they can rest easy now. Mama and Jaret are happy living in Maine, coming back here now and then. But before I close this journal for good a very special event was welcomed here last week. EJ and I welcomed twins into this world, a little boy and a little girl, each looking like their namesakes…Joshua Elijah Chamberlain and Victoria Lilianna Chamberlain.
XXX
