Her expression, as much as the words, forced a laugh from Capri, and she felt Rolfe relax beside her as Nic said, ‘I resent that. Mine frequently climbs as high as my stomach—which, let me remind you, is above the belt.’
‘Nic’s a doctor, Capri,’ Rolfe told her. ‘So he should know.’
Capri smiled. ‘What do you do?’ she asked Sarah.
Her husband answered, ‘For my sins, she’s my partner in local practice. Likes to keep an eye on me.’ He waggled his eyebrows at his wife as she made a face at him.
When they’d wandered off, amicably arguing, Capri looked after them enviously. They were so at ease with each other, confident in their mutual love. ‘Are they good friends of ours?’ she asked Rolfe.
‘We bump into each other at affairs like this. They invited us for dinner when we first arrived here. And…Sarah attended you when you had the miscarriage. She’s not your regular doctor—you prefer to see a man in Auckland—but it was an emergency and Sarah was closer.’
‘I like her. She’s not pretending that nothing’s wrong with me—she even teased us about it. But she doesn’t make me feel like some kind of freak or someone who needs to be humoured.’
‘Do I do that?’ Rolfe asked, looking down at her.
‘No! But a few people tonight…’
‘Would you like to go home?’ he asked abruptly. ‘If you’ve had enough we can leave any time.’
She looked about them. Thea caught her eye and came over to them. ‘I’ve hardly had a chance to talk to you two! Are you having a good time?’
Capri assured her that they were. ‘But I’m a bit tired. I guess I haven’t got over the accident properly yet. Rolfe was just offering to take me home.’
‘Oh, that’s a shame. Give me a ring some time, Capri. We’ll have lunch—a girls’ day out.’
‘I’d like to do that. It was a great—um—barbecue.’
‘Oh, we know how to party, don’t we, girl?’ Thea executed a little dance step and then stopped, looking guilty. ‘Damn, I forgot! Sorry. It’s so…peculiar!’ She grimaced.
Capri smiled. ‘It’s pretty strange for me too.’
After they’d said their goodnights Rolfe ushered her to the car. The journey home was accomplished in minutes, and she wondered why he’d bothered to drive them. They could easily have walked.
Inside the house Capri slipped off her shoes and, swinging them in her hand, turned to see Rolfe regarding her with a slightly amused smile.
‘What?’ she queried.
‘Just that habit you have of taking your shoes off after a party. Of course you will wear those ridiculous heels…’
‘These aren’t all that ridiculous.’ She glanced down at them. ‘I’ve never liked wearing shoes. My mother used to be forever telling me to pick them…up…’ Her voice trailed away.
She stood looking at him, jolted back to awareness of where she was, what she’d said. But even as she tried to grasp and retain the memory, the faint echo of a longago voice, a place, vanished into the recesses of her mind.
‘You remember?’ he asked alertly.
She sighed. ‘Not really. Just for a second there was something, but it’s gone now.’
They stood looking at each other and Capri felt suddenly awkward. Rolfe hadn’t kissed her goodnight since the episode in the utility room. Had barely touched her until tonight, when he’d had an arm about her waist or shoulders practically all the time. ‘Thank you for taking me to the barbecue,’ she said politely. ‘It was good for me.’
‘I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.’
Possibly too strong a term, but the short respite among other people—and maybe the moderate amount of alcohol they’d had—seemed to have eased the atmosphere, despite the unsettling interlude with Gabriel Blake.
She wondered if that was something they should talk about, bring out in the open.
‘About Gabriel…’ she started tentatively.
His face closed. ‘I think it’s best if we don’t discuss him, Capri.’
It was an easy way out, but she wasn’t sure if that was best. Feeling her way, she asked, ‘Why do you think that?’
A disturbing glitter returned to Rolfe’s eyes. ‘What has he been saying to you?’
Capri swallowed. Rolfe wasn’t stupid…if he didn’t know or have some suspicion about the affair that Gabriel insisted she’d been having, he couldn’t be totally unaware of Gabriel’s interest in her. ‘He…he says he loves me.’
Rolfe’s teeth showed in what was hardly a smile. ‘And do you love him?’
‘No!’ Vehemently, she shook her head. ‘I don’t even know him any more! And if I did—I’m married to you, Rolfe!’
‘Yes.’ His teeth snapped together. Then he moved, catching her chin in the cup of his big hand. ‘So,’ he enquired softly, his eyes compelling her to answer, ‘do you love me, Capri?’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HE LOOKED dangerous, his face taut and fierce.
Capri’s heart thudded with primordial fear, and with something that wasn’t fear at all, something hot and hungry and alien. The same bewildering mixture of emotions that she always experienced when he touched her in any remotely sexual way. She wanted him on a deep, wholly instinctive level. That much she couldn’t deny. But was that love?
Forcing herself not to flinch from his demanding gaze, she swallowed once. ‘I don’t know.’
Rolfe didn’t move and his expression didn’t alter, only the faintest flicker of his dark lashes showing any hint of reaction.
‘If I didn’t love you,’ she rationalised, ‘I wouldn’t have married you. But I don’t remember…’
‘All right.’ He released her and shoved both hands into his belt. ‘Tell me how you do feel about me.’
Her fingers tightened their grip on her shoes. ‘I think you’re very…attractive. And you’ve been remarkably thoughtful and understanding.’
He made a small, derisory sound, but didn’t take his hard stare from her. ‘I said, how do you feel?’
‘Feel?’ Her eyes momentarily glazed as she thought about it. ‘I feel…confused.’ Her face warming, she said honestly, ‘When you kiss me…touch me…I want to reciprocate, but at the same time I’m…nervous.’
‘I frightened you the other day.’
‘A bit.’
‘And yet you responded, even though I was rough,’ he reminded her harshly.
She couldn’t meet his eyes now. ‘I know I did. But I could sense that you were angry.’ She took an unsteady breath. ‘That’s why you stopped, isn’t it?’
She lifted her eyes then, and saw the way his jaw clenched.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘That’s why I stopped. In that mood I should have kept my hands off you.’
She ventured a shaky smile. ‘I don’t believe you’d ever hurt me, Rolfe. You’re not that kind of man.’
His expression changed so suddenly it was almost as though she’d hit him—he was clearly rocked by her confident statement. Then he said, with an edge of mockery, ‘But that’s the point, of course. You don’t know what kind of man I really am. Do you?’
That was the point. While her instinct and the little she knew of him told her he was a man of integrity, a man she could trust, she was acutely aware of his own complex feelings simmering under the surface of the restrained, considerate manner. Of desire dangerously mixed with fiercely leashed rage. ‘I’m learning,’ she assured him. ‘There’s still a lot I have to learn about myself, as well.’
His grave expression softened into a weary, slightly cynical resignation. ‘I’m learning about you too—this new you. It’s something of a revelation to me, especially this almost virginal reticence about sex.’
Capri’s teeth caught her lower lip. ‘I can’t help it…I’m sorry.’
He nodded. ‘I don’t mean to rush you. This isn’t easy for either of us. You’re tired.’
‘Yes.’ She hesitated a moment longer, then stepped forward and reached up to brush her lips against his cheek. ‘
Goodnight, Rolfe.’
She was about to move away when his hands caught her shoulders, his fingers biting into her flesh. ‘Damn!’ he breathed, his eyes burning. And as she blinked up at him his voice roughened. ‘You always did like to play with fire. Is that what the thing with Gabriel Blake was about? Was it meant to force some kind of reaction from me?’
Her eyes widened in shock. ‘No!’ And then, honestly, ‘I don’t know…I don’t remember! You know that!’
The blaze died, but it was replaced by a cold, even deadlier doubt. ‘Do I?’ He gave her a narrow, laser-like stare. ‘Or is this all some elaborate con-job to get you out of trouble?’
‘No!’ Once before he’d suggested something of the sort—but had seemed to immediately reject it. Did he still suspect she was faking, after all?
‘I warn you,’ he said slowly, ‘if you’re stringing me along you’ll have reason to be afraid.’
‘I’m not!’ Capri balled her fists and thrust at his chest, with no effect. ‘Let me go!’ Panic and anger made her voice an octave higher.
He did, leaving her standing with her arms instinctively wrapped across her breasts.
Relieved, but furious herself now, she said, ‘I’m not making any of this up! And I don’t know why you should think…suspect…that I’m pretending to have lost my memory.’ To her dismay her voice wobbled.
She saw him close his eyes before he lifted a hand and kneaded his temples. ‘I apologise,’ he said. ‘Even if that were so, I shouldn’t have mauled you. That was unconscionable.’
‘I’m not hurt. You haven’t done any damage.’
He dropped his hand and stared at her. She could see she’d surprised him again. ‘Go to bed, Capri,’ he said. ‘Tomorrow we’ll talk about getting you some professional help.’
‘Maybe we should both have some.’
‘What?’
‘Maybe we should have marriage counselling.’
He was silent for several long seconds. Then he said, ‘That might not be a bad idea, but it’s surely a bit pointless at this stage. I think counsellors need to hear both sides of the story, and you can’t remember yours. We’d better work on the immediate problem first.’
At mid-morning Capri phoned Thea to thank her again for the barbecue and ask if she needed help to clean up.
Thea laughed. ‘Heavens, no! I have a cleaner for that. It’s practically all done. But listen, why don’t you come over for lunch on the leftovers, and we’ll have a coze? You can tell me all about this amnesia thing. It’s just like a soap opera!’
‘There isn’t much to tell,’ Capri protested mildly. ‘But thanks,’ she added. ‘I’d like to come to lunch.’ Thea might help fill some of the gaps in Capri’s knowledge of herself and her former life.
Only Thea seemed more interested in the details of Capri’s memory loss, and apparently she too was inclined to disbelieve in its reality. ‘You’re not having us all on?’ she queried suspiciously, heaping salads onto her plate. ‘Help yourself. There’s plenty here.’
Capri took some salad too, and split a bread roll. ‘I’m not having anyone on.’ Why did those who seemed closest to her think she’d indulge in such an elaborate deception?
‘You don’t remember anything?’
‘I remember practically nothing before I woke up in the hospital.’
‘That’s weird!’ Thea forked up some lettuce. ‘So what did you say to Gabriel?’
Capri spooned a mound of egg salad onto her plate. ‘Gabriel?’ she repeated cautiously.
‘I saw him talking to you last night—and Rolfe barging in on it.’
‘Rolfe didn’t barge in.’ Instinctively Capri defended him. But after all, this was one reason she’d accepted Thea’s invitation. ‘Why should Gabriel be upset?’ she asked, hoping the question sounded innocent.
‘Why?’ Thea laughed. ‘Girl, the man’s madly m love with you! Has been for months.’
‘Who told you that?’ Capri raised a dread-laden gaze.
Thea rolled her eyes. ‘I’m your best friend! D’you think I wouldn’t know?’
Her voice low, Capri asked, ‘Did I mention him to you?’
‘Of course, honey. You laughed about it at first, but I could tell you were excited.’
‘But Rolfe is my husband. So I wouldn’t have…have let him down, would I?’
Thea raised her brows expressively, and laughed again. ‘No?’
‘Did I tell you I was having an affair with Gabriel?’ Capri asked baldly.
‘Not directly, but it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Besides, Gabriel isn’t exactly discreet, you know. And you didn’t seem to care particularly. You were spending your afternoons at his place while Rolfe was at work. All the neighbours must have known.’
‘That doesn’t necessarily mean…anything.’
‘Oh, sure. Do you expect me to believe you were having afternoon tea?’
Capri looked at the food on her plate. She’d lost her appetite completely. Despite the warm day she felt cold. Forcing herself to look up, she asked the question that had burned in her mind for days. ‘Do you think Rolfe knew?’
Thea chewed on a mouthful of salad. ‘He’s no fool. On the other hand, people like Rolfe. Maybe they would have covered up for his sake. I guess if no one told him—’ she shrugged ‘—and if he trusted you…’
Capri flinched. Had he trusted her, and had she wantonly destroyed that trust? Was that where the underlying anger she sensed in him had come from?
‘Mind you,’ Thea decided, ‘I wouldn’t like your chances if Rolfe found out.’
Capri’s lips pressed together. ‘Rolfe would never be violent.’
‘Not physically, no. But I don’t think he’d stand for being cheated on either, if he knew…’ Thea looked shrewdly pensive. ‘He’d never let you get away with it. So I guess he didn’t know about it, and you don’t have a thing to worry about.’
Capri couldn’t help an incredulous little laugh. ‘I don’t?’
‘Here.’ Thea grabbed a bottle of wine and poured some into the tall glass in front of Capri. ‘You look as though you need this. Is Rolfe being difficult?’
Capri picked up the glass with an unsteady hand and took a cool sip. ‘Rolfe’s being wonderful. Gabriel was difficult. But I have to put my marriage first.’
‘Well…if you say so.’ Thea was clearly astonished. ‘You were pretty keen on Gabriel.’ She picked up her glass. ‘Here’s to a new start, if that’s what you really want.’
It was what she wanted, passionately. To make up to Rolfe for whatever pain and injustice she might have inflicted on him in the blank, unremembered past.
The following week Capri and Rolfe had dinner with Sarah and Nic Anderson, and over drinks and food both of them showed a professional interest in Capri’s medical history. ‘Do you remember anything at all?’ Nic questioned.
‘I remember some ordinary, everyday things,’ she told them. ‘But almost nothing about my personal life.’
Nic said, ‘Hmm, that type of amnesia is usually associated with some kind of emotional trauma, even when there’s an immediate physical cause.’
Sarah nodded. ‘The crash must have been pretty horrific. You’d have been scared out of your mind, very likely in pain before you blacked out, and possibly you’d seen things that you found too horrible to accept.’
‘Understandable,’ Nic decided, ‘the old brain blocking out what it prefers not to remember.’
‘So, it just decided not to,’ Sarah concluded, ‘and went a bit overboard, to make quite sure you didn’t recall the nasty bits. At least until you were ready to deal with them.’
‘Practically all my life,’ Capri said wryly. ‘It does seem a bit excessive.’
Rolfe looked from Capri to Sarah. ‘So you agree that when she’s strong enough her memory will return of its own accord?’
Nic and Sarah exchanged a professional glance. ‘It’s only a theory,’ Sarah cautioned. ‘Not a diagnosis. I’ve been reading up on the sub
ject a bit since I heard—I hope you don’t mind, Capri? But it’s not our field really.’
‘I don’t mind.’
‘This is mainly anecdotal,’ Sarah told her, ‘but for what it’s worth, some people have spontaneously recovered from trauma-induced amnesia after another trauma. Not that I’d wish that on you.’
‘We’re not neurologists or psychiatrists,’ Nic warned. ‘You really need a specialist opinion.’
The talk turned to other things, and Capri found she was enjoying herself more than she could ever remember. She thought Rolfe was relaxed too, laughing aloud with Nic, and teasing Sarah
At the end of the evening Rolfe tucked Capri into the car and drove them home.
He’d scarcely touched her since the night of Thea and Ted’s barbecue, when she’d given him that inoffensive kiss on his cheek and he’d accused her of liking to play with fire. And she hadn’t dared offer him any kind of caress after that. But tonight when they entered the house he kissed her cheek as they said goodnight, and she smelled the clean scent of him, mingled with the coffee they’d had before leaving, felt the warmth emanating from his body, and had to check an impulse to move closer and cuddle up to him.
Instead she went off to her own room and her lonely double bed.
A few days later Capri phoned Treena, and after answering the usual queries about her memory loss asked, ‘Has Venetia started on the film yet?’
That was enough to divert Treena from the subject of Capri’s health. She heard all about the director, the budget, the stars who were taking the lead roles, and of course Venetia’s part, and hoped she was making the right fascinated noises.
‘And she does appreciate you taking an interest, Capri!’ Treena wound up finally. ‘You know, she really was quite thrilled that you sent your congratulations.’
‘I gather I’ve not always been very nice to my sister?’
‘Oh, well…’ Treena said vaguely. ‘Sibling rivalry, I suppose. You were such an awkward teenager—and left home far too young but I couldn’t stop you. You said Steve and I were holding you back, and accused us of favouring Venetia. Well, that was hardly new—ever since Venetia was born you’d been convinced that she always got a better deal—I guess it was something to do with the fact you were adopted!’
Wife to a Stranger Page 11
