by Raina Wilde
Shortly afterward, there was a soft knock on her bedroom door.
She called for him to enter and there Josh stood looking fresh, clean, and alert.
He entered the room and shut the door behind him.
“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior tonight.” He whispered. He was apparently very concerned about volume now that he knew there was a child in the other room. “If I had known that you had a child I wouldn’t have… well, I wouldn’t have been so loud.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed; his hip rested against her thigh and Lori suddenly felt flushed.
Josh gave a self-depreciating smile.
“I still would have showed up, though. I just wouldn’t have been so loud out there.” He held her hand in his own. “Lori, we need to talk.”
“Josh…” He pressed a finger to her lips to silence her.
“No, Lori.” His thumb rubbed circles on her wrist. “No matter what happened tonight. I meant what I said.”
Lori felt the tears begin to well in her eyes. No, she schooled herself, she would not give in to this ridiculous dream. He might be here for the weekend, but once he left she would be stuck picking up all of the shattered pieces of her life. And he would leave. She knew enough about his reputation to be certain of that.
“Tell me the truth.” He whispered.
Lori shook her head. She did not know which truth he was asking for, but it did not matter. She had so many truths that she was unwilling to share.
“Just answer one question.” He pleaded. “Alright, maybe two.”
Lori’s laugh was combined with a strangled sob.
“When you told me that what we had meant nothing… did you mean it?”
The silence rang between them for what felt like ages. Slowly, Lori shook her head.
Josh breathed a sigh of relief, as if that answer meant everything to him.
“Was there something that I did to push you away? Was there something I could have done different?” His voice was full of emotion now. They both understood the weight of these questions.
“That is too many questions.” Lori attempted to distract him with humor.
“Answer the question, Lori.”
“No.” She answered and a lone tear slipped down her cheek.
“To which question?” He asked for clarification.
“Both.” Her answer was brutal, but true. It had not been his fault, but no matter what he had done she would have still made the same choice. She had been protecting his future, at the risk of her own, and that was a decision that she refused to regret.
“Do you still care for me?”
When Lori nodded, she knew that all hope was lost. She had given her heart to Josh a long time ago and even now, all these years later, she could not resist him.
She could not remember how it had happened, but somehow, suddenly, Josh was kissing her with all of the pent up emotion that they had both been hiding for so many years.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself against him. The real truth was that she wanted this time with him, even if it only lasted one night.
Josh’s hands roamed over her body and she felt a shiver run through her skin. Lori deepened their kiss and cried out against his mouth when Josh’s hand came to settle over one aching breast.
She had secretly dreamed about this night for years. She had imagined that they would make, slow passionate love until the sun came up. Now that it was really happening, she realized that slow was not an option. She wanted him. Now.
Lori’s hands moved to Josh’s waste and hastily began pulling at his shirt. Eventually, she succeeded in pulling it over his head, where it was tossed somewhere into the far shadows of the room.
The moment that he was free, Josh’s mouth was back on hers. Lori smiled against him. She whispered his name and pulled the sheets back to let him in. He hastily discarded the rest of his clothing before slipping beneath the covers.
They lay down beside each other and reveled in the feel of each other’s bodies. Josh was even more muscular than his college self, Lori realized. He, on the other hand, seemed completely fascinated with the gentle curve of her hips and swell of her breasts, which were fuller than they last time they had made love.
She wanted to feel his hands on her skin, so she pressed herself against his hand to communicate her need. He peeled the oversized t-shirt and cotton underwear off of her with a skill that only Josh could have mastered. Then, his mouth made its journey over her chin and down her neck to where it came to rest over one hardened peak.
As his mouth worked against her breast, Josh wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled their hips firmly together. What Lori felt made her gasp with pleasure. She shifted her hips against him, which resulted in a low, masculine chuckle from the man beside her.
He was toying with her, and it was working. She was so wound up that she was afraid that she might snap at any moment. She curled her fingers into his hair and pressed herself against him once more.
He started to murmur something against her skin, but she cut him off.
“If you don’t hurry up, you are going back to the couch.” She practically growled.
Josh raised his head to hover over hers and smiled down at the only woman that he had ever cared about.
“You’re getting bossier with age!” He teased, only to have her wrap her leg around his waist and coax him to lay above her.
He had been trying to mask his excitement by prolonging the event. He did not want to scare Lori away by appearing overzealous. However, the effect of the teasing was diminished as they both felt the result of the altered position.
Josh could feel the length of him pressing against the warm center of her body. From the look in her eyes, the feeling was driving Lori wild as well.
“You were saying?” She was staring at him with raised eyebrows, daring him to delay her pleasure any longer.
Josh covered her mouth with his own and muttered an incoherent response. Lori shifted her legs to grant him better access and raised her hips against his once more. Josh could bear it no longer.
He eased himself inside of her and it was suddenly as if all was right in the world. He had never felt a connection like the one that he shared with Lori. This was what he had been missing. She was what he needed.
Slowly, he began to move inside of her. Lori’s hips met his every thrust and they moved together as if they had been partners all of these long years.
His breath was ragged, matching her quiet gasps and moans of pleasure, and he could tell that she was ready. When he felt the sharp bite of her fingernails as they curled into the muscles of his back, he pressed himself even further inside of her.
Lori cried out and he covered the noise with his mouth. With a driving force he carried them both over the edge and into a world of sheer bliss.
Chapter 10
The following morning Lori woke to a cold bed. Josh was gone.
She was not sure whether or not she was happy about that. Of course, his absence would mean that there would be no questions from Emmy, but at the same time, a small part of her was hurt that he would disappear into the night without a word.
That was when she heard it. The tiny tinkle of laughter that could only come from a child. Emmy was awake. Lori looked at the clock and groaned. How had she slept in? She never slept in. If anything, Emmy would wake her as soon as the little girl was up herself.
She threw on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top, pulled her hair into a messy bun, and left the room.
“Momma! We makes eggs while you sleeped.” Josh was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Emmy in his lap and they were coloring in Emmy’s princess color-book at the coffee table.
Lori stared at the duo with wide eyes. She was sure that Josh could see the panic on her face.
“They might need to be warmed up, but there is a plate for you.” Josh’s expression was guarded. He was waiting for her reaction.
As if on autopilot, Lori went
to the kitchen and collected her meal. Beside her plate was a mug of coffee. She did not know whether or not to believe that this was real. She ate her eggs in silence, perched on the arm of the couch, while she watched Josh play with her daughter.
Emmy obviously had no qualms about the man. Lori wondered how she would explain it when he left.
“Mr. Josh said that he knew you when you was little.” Emmy stood up to reach a crayon and her head slammed into Josh’s chin. Lori grimaced. “Sorry.” Emmy turned with wide eyes, afraid that she had harmed her new friend.
With two tiny hands she cupped Josh’s face and kissed his chin.
“There.” She whispered. “All better?”
“All better.” Josh confirmed.
Lori could not watch any longer. She slipped back into the kitchen, feeling Josh’s eyes on her back the entire time.
A few minutes later he appeared beside her. Apparently, Emmy was content to color on her own for a bit.
“I should get going.” He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Lori turned and pulled away, afraid that her daughter might walk in at any moment.
“Josh…” She began, but he stopped her with a quick kiss.
“I’ll pick you up at six for the rehearsal dinner.” He smoothed a hand over her flyaway hair and, before she could say another word, left.
Chapter 11
Josh was picking up his tux with Wyatt, but all he had been able to think about all day was Emmy. The little girl was adorable, and very sweet. Lori had done an excellent job with her.
He could not stop thinking about what Emmy had told him. He had covertly pumped the child for information. Her age, her birthday, her family. The little girl had been straightforward and unbothered by the questions. She happily provided the information. She had also informed him that Lori was her only family.
Josh wondered why Emmy had never met Lori’s family. He had a sinking feeling that Lori’s ultra-conservative parents had disowned her after she revealed her pregnancy. It was not surprising. Lori had spent most of her childhood at the Bennett home, trying to avoid the wrath of her parents.
He tried not to imagine the love of his life going through all of that alone. It made him angry to think of Lori’s struggles. Especially, when he could have very easily been there to help her. But, she had not wanted that, had not allowed it.
Josh counted the months back from Emmy’s birthday and swore under his breath. He’d bet millions of his savings that girl was his.
They had only made love once that summer, but Lori had been a virgin and, despite what she said, he seriously doubted that she had had many partners since. It did not fit her personality. His mind flashed back to that night so many years ago. It had been amazing and he had been certain that they were going to last forever. Then, his dreams had been crushed when a few weeks later she refused to speak with him, and informed him that she had never truly been interested in him.
That had been a lie. Would she have lied again about Emmy being his daughter? The resounding answer in his head was, yes. Lori would lie if she thought that she was protecting her child. She had done it in the past, and she would continue to do so if she felt that it was necessary.
Again, he pictured a pregnant Lori, alone and struggling to make ends meet. Was that why she had cancelled her scholarship to the academy? Had she given up on her dreams because of her situation?
Josh felt rage in his blood. Why had she never told him? No matter whose Emmy was, he and Ashley would never have abandoned her. He felt sick to his stomach as he thought about Lori’s motivations for cutting them out of her life. She had not wanted them to know about her daughter. It was as simple as that.
She had thought that her decision was right, but it had not been. She should not have isolated herself. There he was making millions of dollars a year, and she was living in a tiny little apartment working a job that she clearly did not enjoy. She should be singing in front of packed houses, playing her music for the world to hear. She should have never had to do this alone. Never had to give up on her talent, and her dreams. He cursed her parents for abandoning her. He cursed himself for not trying harder. He should never have let her push him away.
Wyatt said something to Josh and he snapped an angry response. Josh was not angry with Wyatt, but the pretentious actor was getting on his nerves this morning. Josh had more important things to worry about than whether or not he should wear custom laces with his shoes.
Chapter 12
When Josh picked Lori up for the dinner, he was in a foul mood. Though he complimented her appearance, and spoke kindly to Lydia and Emmy, Lori could sense that there was a coolness in his mood that had not been there before.
They drove to the restaurant in silence.
He knows, she told herself. He’s figured it out the truth and he is angry. Lori felt a wave a guilt crash over her heart. Josh had every right to be angry.
When they entered the party together, Ashley approached them with wide, questioning eyes. Lori stared nervously at her friend. She wanted to bolt from the room but Josh’s hand on her waist held her there. She was certain that he could feel her shaking beneath his fingers.
For a moment they all stared at each other. Then, Ashley enveloped them both in a massive hug. She squealed with delight but seemed unable to formulate words. Lori was glad that they were not going to discuss the situation in detail. Wyatt sauntered over and requested that his bride-to-be come join him to greet their guests.
With a soft apology, Ashley rushed away with her fiancé. For the rest of the night, she continued to cast glances over at Lori and Josh, as if unable to believe what she saw.
Although they made every appearance of a happy, casual date, Lori and Josh hardly spoke to each other. The tension that rolled between them was palpable. It was not until they sat down to eat and drink that some of the tension subsided.
Lori could feel Josh’s thigh brushing against her knee and, from the look on his face it was not an accident.
She felt a blush rise in her cheeks as he leaned over to speak with her with one arm braced against the back of her chair. Once again, Ashley’s knowing smile greeted them from across the table.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be so obvious.” She whispered. She had meant to chastise his behavior, but her voice had betrayed her by sounding sultry instead.
“Why not?” Josh’s free hand interlocked with her own fingers and together, their hands rested in her lap. “I’m tired of lying, Lori. People are going to know, and I don’t care.”
He had made the statement with a casual air, but Lori understood the deeper message. She took a large drink of her champagne. She did not know if she had the skill to play this game against Josh.
Later in the evening, as the dancing began and the party started to become livelier, Lori realized that Ashley and Wyatt had left. There were not many other guests that she knew and the party no longer held its appeal.
Josh’s hand was massaging her fingers beneath the table. Lori was resolutely not looking at him, because she knew what she would see in his eyes. The same thing that she was feeling. Desire.
“Do you want to get out of here?” His voice was barely audible over the music.
Lori nodded and followed Josh from the building.
The hot summer air greeted them as they walked through the parking lot in search of his rental. It was parked in the far corner, in the shadow of a large tree.
Josh held her hand as they walked. His thumb drew circles on her palm and she imagined that sensation on other parts of her body. They approached the passenger side of the vehicle and Lori turned toward him. She did not know what she had been about to say, but it did not matter.
His lips were on hers and that was all that her mind could handle. He pressed her body against the side of the car and Lori curled her hands into his shirt. The parking lot was deserted, but Lori did not know if she would care either way. Her entire focus was on Josh.
His hand inched up beneath her dress
and slipped beneath the fabric of her underwear. Lori moaned as he touched her. If he wanted, she would let him take her right here.
Slowly, he pulled away and stepped back into the darkness. Lori straightened her clothing and stared at him.
“What is it?” she demanded. A minute ago he had been as lost in the passion as she. Now, he was closed off again. She could feel a chill creep over her body.
“Emmy is mine. Isn’t she?” He spoke with a calmness that she wished she felt.
“Josh, I told you…”
“Damnit Lori. Just tell me the truth for once.” He demanded.
Lori took a deep breath. What was the point in hiding the truth any longer? It was clear that he knew. How could it have been otherwise?
Lori nodded. “Yes. Emmy is yours.”
Saying the words aloud drove all of the air from Lori’s lungs. It was as if the weight of the last four years was off of her shoulders, and yet, now she was terrified in an entirely different way.
Josh swore and turned away from her.
“I did it so that you could have a future!” She cried. She approached him and placed a hand on the small of his back, begging him to understand. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I know you, Josh.” Her voice was wracked with sobs that she was trying to suppress. “I know that you would have given up everything for us and I couldn’t stand that. Look at everything that you have been able to accomplish! You couldn’t have done that if you had been saddled with us.”
Josh spun around and glared at her.
“Saddled with you?” He spat. “I don’t think that was a decision that you had the right to make for me, Lori. How the hell do you know what I wanted? All that I had ever wanted was you. A life with you. A family with you. Do you really think that I would have regretted that?” Lori shrunk under his anger. Four years of pent up hurt came spilling out of Josh and she knew that he had every right to feel the way that he did. “You shouldn’t have made that choice for me. You should have let me know. How could you, Lori? You even cut Ashley off so that she wouldn’t let me know. How could you think that was okay?”
