It was on Grace.
She was smiling and laughing as she reached for my hand. The two of us were running up a hill. Towards a massive tree covered in snow even though the sun was shining bright in the sky. She pulled us underneath the cool shade of it and wrapped her arms around me, and I could feel her soft body pressed against mine. I watched her lips fall to my chest as my hand stroked through her hair, but then I lost my balance.
Tumbled backwards.
Cried out for her as her hands reached out for me.
I jolted awake and started breathing heavily. The room was dark and the beeping of the monitors filled my ears. I fumbled around for the morphine button I’d felt Grace searching for before. The pain was excruciating and it was hard to breathe. My hand moved around as tears welled again in my eyes, and for a moment I thought I was alone. I thought she had done what I’d asked and left.
And I panicked.
“It’s okay. I’m right here. Settle down, Hayden. Hold on.”
Her voice. Filled with so much sleep and so much worry. I felt her breath pulsing against my ear. I pressed my head against her, feeling the warmth of her lips as she reached for the control in my hands. The beeping of the button rang out into the room, and I quickly felt sleeping taking me under again.
I turned my face towards her and our eyes connected, and for a brief moment I debated on whether or not to kiss her.
She was here. And my heart soared at that fact.
“Sleep, Hayden,” she said. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
That was the phrase she kept chanting to me. Over and over again, every time I woke up. My recuperation in the hospital took two weeks because of complications, but I weathered every single one of them with her at my side. The onset of infection, the draining of fluid. The fear of my body rejecting the implant. All of it, weighing on my mind. And all of it fought head-on with her hand slid delicately into the palm of mine.
My sister and my mother were there frequently, but she was the one staying with me at night.
And for some reason, that gave me peace.
After three weeks of lying in a hospital bed, my physical therapy started. It was almost unfathomable that they wanted me already up on my feet at this point, and it was frustrating. If the pain wasn’t blinding, then it was my leg. Wobbly and unstable, and nothing like I thought it would be. It was like I was having to retrain myself how to walk. Like I was some idiotic toddler who was struggling with the basics of moving.
And every time I went to fall to the floor, Grace was there to catch me.
Sometimes, I could feel her body trembling with exhaustion. Catching me time after time, making sure my knees didn’t hit the floor. I was thankful to have her there, but I knew how much this was all weighing on her. She would’ve never had to do all this had I just listened to her.
Guilt poured into my chest every time she struggled to get me back up onto my feet.
“This isn’t working,” I said through my teeth. “It’s too soon.”
“Even with the replacement, you would’ve been up after three weeks. Complications or not. You can do this,” Grace said. “I know you can.”
“No, I can’t. We’ve been at this for an entire week, and I can’t even hold myself upright without these damn bars.”
“What did you expect?” she asked. “That you’d stroll out of here with your head held high after major experimental surgery?”
I grunted at her question, refusing to respond. Because the stubborn part of me did think that.
Even though the rational part of me knew it wasn’t possible.
“I have something we can try, if you’d let me take control,” Grace said.
“Fine. Whatever. Anything to get me through this damn hour so I can go back to bed,” I said.
“Put your arms on the bar and hold yourself up. I’m going to the other end.”
I propped myself up and lifted my head, watching her as she appeared on the other side. There was a small grin on her face as she stepped between the bars. Her hands fell to either side and she pushed herself up, then I watched as she did tricep dips right in front of me. Ten of them. Without batting an eye or getting winded.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Try them,” she said. “Then stand to your feet.”
“What?”
“Just do it, you stubborn man.”
I rolled my eyes, but I followed her command. I pushed myself up and did ten tricep dips, then I landed myself back onto my foot.
“Now, gently put your other foot on the floor and even out your weight distribution.”
“What?” I asked.
“Stand like a normal person, Hayden.”
“You don’t have to be so mean about it,” I said with a grin.
Gingerly, I planted my foot down onto the floor. Pain shot up my back, but I didn’t feel myself stumble. I looked up at Grace and I saw that twinkle in her eye. That twinkle that told me she was onto something.
“Okay. Do the dips again, but then come down on both feet.”
I quickly did what she asked before settling myself down. The pain was still there, but there was less of it. I stood assisted on both feet and my hip already felt more stable.
What kind of miracle was this woman working?
“Do you have it in you to do it one last time?” she asked.
“You seen these arms?”
“Plenty of times. They aren’t very impressive anymore,” she said coyly.
“Not impressive?” I asked. “I’ll show you impressive.”
I did twenty tricep dips instead of just ten before I sat myself back down onto my feet. Then, I got brave. I put my good hip forward and pushed off, then pulled my bad to the front and stepped down onto my foot.
Grace’s eyes were alight with happiness as I gripped the railings beside me.
But oddly enough, I didn’t feel like I needed them.
“I know you feel it. I see it. Drop your hands, Hayden. Trust me.”
I looked up into her eyes as my hands fell to my sides. I stepped forward with my good hip again, then paused. This was it. This was either the pinnacle of what we’d worked for or it was going to fail exponentially. And I was tired of failing. I steadied my arms out as I pulled my foot forward, and I could feel the implant underneath my skin. Rolling steadily along as my muscles worked in my favor. I placed my foot in front of me and took my first unassisted step, then brought my hands back down onto the railings beside me.
Grace’s smile was so broad it shut her eyes.
“Good,” she said. “Really, really good.”
“What just happened?” I asked. “What did you do?”
“I harnessed the two things in life that are highly underrated,” Grace said. “The magic of good blood flow and the unwavering dedication of a man to his ego.”
I bit down onto my tongue as a grin crossed my face.
“That’s enough for today however,” Grace said. “You ready to get back to your room? I believe it’s almost dinner time.”
“Will you be eating with me?” I asked.
Her eyes fluttered up to mine as she ducked underneath the railing. She came over and hooked my arm over her shoulders, then slowly backed me out of the contraption that was helping me to walk. She helped me back into my wheelchair and I grabbed her hand, forcing her gaze down to mine.
“Grace?” I asked. “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”
My eyes danced between hers as she turned my question around in her head.
“Sure,” she said. “I’d love to.”
Chapter Fifteen
Grace
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages,” Emilia said.
I embraced my friend as the two of us stood in our favorite cafe.
“Because we haven’t,” I said with a smile. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too, Grace. Come on. Let’s get some food.”
“The usual?” I asked.
“Is th
ere anything better?”
The two of us ordered our sandwiches and soups along with our favorite local dessert— cinnamon swirl holes. A cross between a cinnamon bun and a doughnut hole that made me salivate every time I walked by the place. We grabbed our teas and waited for our food, but I could tell something was on Emilia’s mind.
“Everything okay at the shop?” I asked.
“Oh yeah. Been busy though,” she said.
“Have you hired someone else on to help?”
“I was actually hoping to ask you about that.”
“Order up!”
I reached for our food while Emilia grabbed our desserts.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “What’s there to talk about?”
“I just wanted to see if maybe I could get you to come back and work with me part-time.”
“You know I can’t do that. I’m still working with Hayden.”
“Does he need you twenty-four-seven like he did? Because it’s almost wedding season and I really could use someone who’s already familiar with the floral arrangements we specialize in.”
“You mean because I made them for you?” I asked with a grin.
“Partially. I’ve felt your absence since you took this in-home nursing job. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you. It’s obvious you’re enjoying what you do. But if your patient has gotten to a point where he doesn’t need you all the time, I was hoping to pay you for some of that time so you could come work and help me out with the orders. They’re already starting to pile up.”
“Well, Hayden’s recovery is going well. He’s still in the hospital, but he took his first unassisted step a few days ago.”
“That’s good! That’s really good. Quicker than you thought, right?” she asked.
“Much quicker. But he’s a stubborn, bull-headed man. So it shouldn’t shock me.”
“Will you still be full-time with him once he’s discharged?”
“He’ll still need me for a lot of the time during the day. He’s more independent with his own personal things since his arms and ribs have healed— like bathing and getting dressed— but there are still a lot of other things that have to be taken care of during the day. Like keeping up with his medication, drawing blood. I’ll probably have to take over cooking again until he can get his strength back up in his hip.”
“God bless him,” she said with a grin.
“My cooking’s not that bad,” I said.
“I love you, but every time you cook for me I pray to anyone that’ll listen.”
The two of us giggled before we dug into our food. It was flattering, in a way, that Emilia wanted me back. But I wasn’t sure if Hayden could operate safely without me there. Even for just three or four hours out of the day, there were so many things that could go wrong. He could trip putting on pants or stand for too long and wear down the internal stitches he had put in. He could fall and injure the implant and we’d be right back in the hospital with another issue on our hands.
Then, there was broaching the issue with him and his family. Talking to them about no longer being a full-time, around-the-clock nurse. If I was going to be using Hayden as a reference, the last thing I wanted to do was back out of the job I committed myself to in favor of another gig. That would look terrible, and it would quickly tank the only reference I currently had in the community.
I just wasn’t sure if I could take that risk.
“Already mulling it over, huh?” Emilia asked.
“Just thinking about some obstacles,” I said.
“Want to talk about them?” she asked.
“I mean, there’s the obvious. Leaving Hayden for even three hours a day poses so much risk that he could easily wind up back in the hospital. Then there’s the issue of backing out on a job before it’s finished. If I want to take on the in-home nursing world, Hayden and his family are the only references I have right now. If I willingly back out-”
“It doesn’t look good on a reference. Got it,” she said. “But there’s something else.”
“What?”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I can see it in your eyes, Grace. Even if you haven’t admitted it to yourself yet, there’s something else holding you back.”
“Maybe you’ve been sniffing too much fresh dirt in the back of that shop,” I said with a grin.
But she was right. I didn’t want to admit it or say it out loud because of the questions that would follow— nor was I sure how she would react— but I wanted to be with Hayden full-time. I didn’t want to leave his side. I’d been with him constantly for the past three months, and I was slowly beginning to forget what life had been like without him. I enjoyed his presence. His countenance. His stubborn ways were frustrating as hell, but he was strong. An independent man who could do anything he put his mind to. I was beginning to see that during his recuperation and it was fascinating.
It made him beautiful, and I wasn’t ready to leave yet.
“How’s your food?” Emilia asked.
“Hmm?”
“Your food, Grace. How is it?”
“Oh, it’s good,” I said.
“Uh huh. You wanna tell me what sucked you into la-la-land over there?”
“Still mulling your proposition over. Weighing the pros and cons. That kind of thing.”
“Ever the planner,” she said with a smile. “Let’s change the subject then. I don’t want to waste our lunch together stuck on something that doesn’t have an answer yet.”
“Okay. You said you’re getting backed up with orders already?”
“Oh yes. It’s been a mess. Tristian’s circle is huge, so anyone he talks to, books. On the one hand, I’m glad people are getting their orders in early. It helps me to figure out how much I need and gives me more time to track everything down, but it’s a lot. I easily have half as many orders preseason as I do throughout the entire season and the season hasn’t even started yet!”
“I think I followed that.”
“And do you know what’s big this year apparently?”
“What?” I asked.
“Azaleas.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. The bane of my existence. I’d rather grow and cultivate any other flower but those devilish things. And apparently, Pinterest has dictated that it’s all the rage for bouquets and boutonnieres this year.”
“Of course it did,” I said.
“So I’m already planting those suckers and having to cultivate them and find them in other areas. And let me tell you, I’m not the only florist who isn’t happy about that.”
“I don’t doubt it for a second.”
“Why can’t it be daisies? Or tulips? Those are easy to grow. Easy to cultivate. Hard to kill. But azaleas? They’re the perfect combination of ‘delicate as hell’ and ‘disgusting if you do it wrong’.”
I giggled as I took another bite of my sandwich.
“I really could use you,” Emilia said.
“I know. And if I can swing it, you know I will. But my primary concern is Hayden, and he has to be at the forefront of my mind until he can operate on his own with minimal risk. And we just aren’t there yet.”
“I know. I know. I get it. But part of me wishes I would’ve put up more of a fight to keep you.”
“I love you too, Emilia. But there is good news in all this.”
“What?” she asked.
“At least you aren’t having to hang those azaleas from wicker arches the bride walks under.”
“I’d willingly go under if that was the case,” she said flatly.
I threw my head back and laughed.
“How about this? If you need help making calls to other florists in the area, give me their numbers. I get a few minutes here and there when I’m with Hayden, so I can make those calls for you.”
“That would help me out a lot actually. Tristian keeps offering up his new secretary, but she’s swamped with him.”<
br />
“Not a problem,” I said. “But you have to do something for me.”
“Oh I’ll pay you for your time.”
“But not in money. I want you to tell me all of the public meltdowns the bridal parties have. I want all the juicy gossip.”
“You’ve got it,” Emilia said. “And thank you again. The phone calls alone are sucking precious time away from trying to get every single color azalea known to mankind grown in that back room.”
“I’ll help in any way I can,” I said.
I finished my lunch with her, then hugged her goodbye. Our lunches were few and far between, but I needed them. Every once in a while we could talk on the phone at night, but even those were growing less frequent. I watched her get into her car and drive away, then I turned to mine and sighed.
It was back to the hospital for me. And if we were lucky, Hayden would be sent home before the week was out.
Which meant I’d have an answer for Emilia sooner rather than later.
Chapter Sixteen
Hayden
I reached for the refrigerator door and lost my balance. We had just finished my physical therapy and I was hungry as hell. And of course, Grace had gone to get a shower. I could hear the water running as she washed herself down, so I figured I had enough strength to hobble into the kitchen and get myself a snack. I knew she wouldn’t approve, but it was about damn time I started moving around by myself. It had been five weeks since that fucking surgery, and I needed my life to get back to normal again.
Then, as if my leg didn’t fucking exist any longer, it gave out on me and I fell to the floor.
“Ah! Shit!”
“Hayden?”
“What the fuck!?” I asked, groaning.
“Hayden? What’s wrong?”
I could hear Grace slam out of a door somewhere as wet footsteps fell onto the floor. She was running around the damn apartment trying to find me, and it dawned on me out much of an inconvenience I was to her. The woman couldn’t even take a fucking shower without me screwing up her world and worrying over me. I gripped my hip and clenched my teeth, trying to find a way off the damn floor before she found me.
But every move I made sent blinding pain shooting up my side.
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