Diesel chuckled. “You know what the hell I mean.”
I grinned. “Yeah, I do.”
“My father left me when I was young. Me and my mom. I had no fucking clue who the man was until Mom mentioned his nickname was Patch. You know, before she spiraled down her own drain of destruction and ruined her life.”
My eyes found his. “I’m sorry.”
He waved his hand in the air. “It’s in the past. I just—”
“You resented Dad for leaving.”
“For many years, yes.”
“It’s to be expected. I would have, too, honestly,” I said.
“It never occurred to me I had any more family out there, though. I always figured he left because he wasn’t a family man. Not because he just didn’t have the right family.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’ve got no clue why Dad left your mom. But I know damn good and well it wasn’t because of you. He was a good man. A strong man. A faithful man.”
Diesel scoffed. “Yeah, but not faithful to the first family he created.”
“Look, I’m not here to debate whether or not our father was a good man or not. Many times, I heard that man mention he had a past. Mistakes he’d made he’d never be able to take back. But I never could pull it out of him what it was. What was so bad in his past he thought he couldn't go back to fix. My fath—our father—raised me with the idea to take responsibility for my actions. To own up to what I’d done with my life and do whatever I could to make things right by myself, and by those around me.”
“Maybe he at least learned from his mistakes,” he murmured.
I shrugged. “Maybe. But I know one thing was for certain. Every time he was drunk enough or upset enough or lonely enough to mention his past, he always talked about his ‘one big mistake.’”
“He did?”
I nodded. “Yes. He did. He always said, ‘if there’s anything I could take back, it would be that. But the only thing I’ve got is to try and make it right with you, Cage.’”
He sighed. “Sounds like you two were close.”
“The closest.”
Diesel watched me for a long time, and it wasn’t until the lodge door closed that I realized everyone had dispersed. I peeked out the window and saw Grave shoveling up the dried out and bloodied dirt. Sand. Leaves and shit. He tossed it all into a wheelbarrow another man—I think his name was Brewer? —moved dirt and dust around to cover up the whole Grave made with his shoveling. I heard the sound of women giggling and talking at the back of the building, the sounds of children running about and yelling at one another to hand over toys.
Fucking hell, these men had women. Children. Families. Lives.
What had Sutton and I dropped on their doorstep?
“Is this him?” Diesel asked.
His question pulled me from my trance, and I looked down at the picture. He had it between his fingers, covering up most of the figure in the faded color photograph. I took it and squinted my eyes. Holy fuck, I’d never seen my father that young in any pictures before. But it was him. That bigger lower lip and that squared-off jaw to match his shoulders. Tall. Lean. With rich dark hair and brooding brown eyes. I grinned as the figure in the picture stared back at me. It wasn’t until I looked down into his arms that I saw him holding a small child. An infant. No older than three or four months.
“That’s the only picture he ever took with me,” Diesel said.
I nodded slowly. “He didn’t really change much. I mean, his hair got gray very fast. He says it was because of my antics as a teenager. He also grew a bit of a pot belly, due to his love for beer.”
“Mom said he couldn't stand alcohol.”
I shrugged. “Maybe it was to drown out the biggest mistake of his life.”
I handed the picture back to Diesel and the man huffed. I leaned against the wall, feeling heavier on my feet than normal. Finally, the pain medication Piper gave me at breakfast was kicking in. But, in the process, it made things hard to focus on.
“Come on, that pill will knock you off your damn feet if Piper gave you what she gave me one time,” Diesel said.
“Gunshot wound?” I asked.
“Knife wound. Multiple times. About a year and a half ago when some gang tried to roll up on us and usurp our territory in a fit of drunken rage.”
“Yikes,” I said as the room began to tilt.
And as my knees buckled from underneath me, Diesel caught me mid-plummet.
“Holy fuck, we’re big boys,” he said, groaning.
I chuckled. “With Dad being so lean, makes you wonder where we get it.”
Diesel smiled. “I like to think I got my penchant for thick women from him. I figure we get our statures from the real MVPs in our life.”
“Ah, the Moms.”
“Yep.”
“Fucking hell, I miss my mom.”
Diesel flopped me down into a leather recliner and I closed my eyes. I cocked myself onto my side a bit, pulling the gunshot wound away from the leather cushions. A blanket fell into my lap before Diesel crouched down, staring straight at me as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
“Bull tranq, got it,” I said.
Diesel grinned. “She always jokes about it, but sometimes I’m not so sure it’s a joke.”
I licked my lips before I heaved a heavy sigh.
“I didn’t know where else to go once my crew was slaughtered,” I said groggily.
Diesel nodded. “You did good. You did what Dad wanted you to do. That’s enough. Now, you sleep. The guys and I have to have church.”
“Can Sutton stay?”
“We’re not savages, Cage. Just cautious. Yes, she can stay. Because whatever conclusion we come to in this meeting is gonna affect us all. Everyone is staying for now. Including our own families.”
I nodded slowly. “Uh, okay.”
“Sleep, Cage. Stop fighting it. You’ll need it to heal. I’ll wake you up when church is over, and we can talk more.”
I nodded as my eyes fell closed and I heard far-off voices giving commands. I heard women calling to their children, telling them it was nap time. Or coloring time. Or craft time. I heard heavy footsteps along the hardwood floor as the guys gathered in the kitchen while Sutton and myself slept in the living room.
The last thing I heard, however, was one of the guys asking a question I dreaded answering.
“How does she fit into all this?”
My eyes fell closed and sleep dragged me under. I saw my father there, smiling at me as we played around in the yard. I saw him sitting at the kitchen table, crying over a picture of Mom with a bottle of beer held up to his lips. It was a memory I’d never forget. The first time I’d ever seen my father cry, and it was the night after my mother’s funeral.
“I’m so sorry the karma came down onto you, my love,” he said, sobbing.
My eyes popped open at those words and I shot up from the chair.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cage. Calm down.”
I stood up like a lightning bolt had hit me. My eyes widened as they gazed around the room. It wasn’t until they came into contact with Diesel that I reached out, gripping both of his shoulders with my hands.
“You were the biggest mistake my father ever made. Not having you but leaving you. For the longest time, my father thought that my mother’s death was recompense for leaving you behind. I need you to know that. I need you to know there wasn’t a second, he forgot about you. I need you to know there wasn’t a second where he didn’t love you,” I said.
Diesel nodded quickly. “It’s okay. It’s fine. I hear you.”
“I need you to believe me.”
“I do, Cage. I do believe you. But you have to calm down. You could rip your stitches moving that quickly around here like that.”
I panted softly as my eyes fell to the couch. Fell to Sutton still sleeping, even as the sun hung brightly in the sky outside.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“A little after noon. You slept for two or three
hours,” Diesel said.
I looked around at all the guys staring at me, and I recognized that stare. There was something they wanted to ask. Something they needed an answer to.
How does she fit into all this?
My hands fell from Diesel’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“Well, we had church a couple hours ago, and we came to a conclusion,” he said.
“What conclusion?”
“We believe you,” Rock said.
My eyebrows rose. “You do?”
Diesel nodded. “We do, yes. I believe you, and so do the rest of the guys.”
“I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty shocked at that.”
“We were, too. But this crew has always gotten out of sticky situations by following our guts. And my gut is telling me you’re telling the truth. But there are a couple things we need answers to. Starting with this Lars fellow who killed off your crew,” he said.
I nodded slowly. “Lars Norden is a ruthless son of a—”
“Not here,” Rock murmured.
He nodded his head over to the hallway and I saw a very curious toddler peeking around the corner. She was gorgeous, with big brown eyes and curly blonde hair framing her face. I saw a pair of hands come out of nowhere and scoop her up, whisking her away back to the room. And when I looked back at Rock, he motioned his head toward the darkened corner of the living room.
“Talk lowly, and quickly,” Diesel said as we walked over.
I sighed. “Lars Norden is a ruthless son of a bitch. He skims casinos in the area and uses the money to fuel the other things he dabbles in, like running drugs and holding underground black market auctions.”
“What does he sell?” Grave asked.
“Anything from Victorian brooches to people,” Sutton said.
We all whipped our heads over and saw her slowly pressing up from the couch. Diesel’s eyes were hard on me as I watched her sit herself upright. Our eyes connected, and even through their groggy state, she nodded her head.
“It’s fine. Whatever they do to me after is their decision,” Sutton said.
“The fuck is she talking about?” Brewer murmured.
“I had a feeling,” Diesel said, quirking an eyebrow.
I focused on the guys. “Lars Norden rules the area we’re from. But I don’t know how much further his reach goes. It doesn’t shock me that he had me tailed in order to kill me—”
“Us,” Sutton said.
I shot her a look that told her to keep her mouth shut. But I should have known it wouldn't have worked.
“He had us tailed in order to kill us. My father doesn’t like loose ends. He always ties them up. It’s how he keeps his hands free and clean with the authorities. If he can’t scare them, torture them, or pay them off, he kills them. That’s how he keeps control. That’s how he rose to the top. And now that he’s seen me speeding off with Cage, things are going to get effortlessly more complicated,” she said.
My eyes slowly crept back over to Diesel’s as all of the guys focused on me.
“Did she just say, ‘her father?’” Grave asked.
I nodded slowly. “You wanted to know how she fits into all this? There it is. Sutton is Lars Norden’s daughter. And…”
I peeked over at her and she waved her hand in the air. Giving me the go ahead to proceed.
“... and the woman I’ve been seeing for the past seven months,” I said.
12
Sutton
It wasn’t ideal. I sure as hell didn’t enjoy the looks the guys gave me. And when several of them started cursing, I just knew they were going to throw us both out on our asses. That was the last straw. Me. My relationship with my father. I peeked back over at Cage, watching as his face fell to stone. I saw the worry in his eyes. I’d figured out early on how to read him like a damn book. The solid stone facade he put on for the guys was nothing compared to the glimmer of worry I saw in those stoic eyes of his.
And honestly? I wouldn’t have blamed them for tossing me out on my ass.
They had families to protect. Children. Legacies. And my father was a disgusting man at times. Hell, all the time, really. I sighed as I leaned back into the couch. I pressed the heels of my hands into them and groaned, trying to wake myself up.
Then, chaos ensued.
“We have to get them the hell away from our lodge,” Knox said.
“Somewhere safe, yes. But not here. Not with the girls and the kids,” Grave said.
“Safe? They aren’t our responsibility. She just admitted to being the daughter of the man that’s chasing them down. The man that put a bullet in his back,” Knox said.
“Yes, but they still need our help,” Brewer said.
“Fuck help. Are we really prepared to help them out with something like this? I mean, truly ready?” Rock said.
“Cage is my brother, which makes him family,” Diesel said.
Cage looked over at me and he sighed. They all argued back and forth, going at one another like teenage posers. A couple of the guys kept arguing that we needed to get away from here and them before we brought anymore trouble along with us. Diesel kept reminding them that Cage was family. One of the guys—I think, Knox? —said I wasn’t related, so I didn’t fit into that picture anyway. That I was the biggest danger. And while I hated that argument, I agreed with his rationale.
“If she goes, I go,” Cage said.
All the men stopped arguing and turned to Cage. I shook my head on him, knowing damn good and well he was being too stubborn for his own good. I should’ve stayed home. I should’ve protected him from the home front. But here I was. Ruining his chances of finding the last shred of family he had and integrating with this crew.
All because I couldn't let him go.
You’re selfish, you know that?
“Stop it. Right now,” Cage said.
It wasn’t until I looked up at him that I saw he was looking at me.
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“I know what you’re thinking. Stop it. This isn’t your fault,” Cage said.
“It kind of is her fault. Just a bit,” Brewer said.
“No, it isn’t. It isn’t her fucking fault that her father’s a psychopath,” Cage said curtly.
“He’s right. A child should never be held accountable for the sins of their parents,” Diesel said.
I whipped my head over to the president and watched him nod his head at me.
“Look, even if he is related to you, that still doesn’t mean we know him. Or her, for that matter. We need to tread lightly with this, especially give all they’ve revealed to us just now,” Brewer said.
“This could be a flat-out lie, too,” Rock said.
“It could be a set-up. Something to lure us into a trap,” Knox said.
“If we were lying, why would we have told you our ‘ace in the hole,’ so to speak, up front like that? Why would I have told you who her father was? Why would I have admitted my relation to Diesel? Why admit any of it if we’re somehow trying to trick you!?” Cage asked.
“Enough,” Diesel bit.
Everyone fell silent as I closed my eyes. The room fell silent and the guys were getting nowhere. And they wouldn't get anywhere, so long as they kept up the cyclical fights. I’d heard enough of them in Patch’s kitchen between the Night Outlaws to know how this went. They’d fight, they wouldn’t come up with a solution, they’d back down, and they wouldn't address it again until it became an issue again.
Sometimes, men really had issues.
“You have no need to protect us,” I said.
I slowly opened my eyes as Rock snickered.
“You’re damn right we don’t,” he murmured.
“And I know you have no basis on which to trust us,” I said.
“That, too,” Brewer said.
“You also don’t have to protect us. Or house us. Or give us anything, for that matter,” I said.
“You’re fucking right,” Knox growled.
“But we
don’t have those kinds of options right now,” I said.
I looked over at Cage and watched as he ran his hands through his hair.
“Cage and I, we’re on the run. Officially. My father’s men have spotted me with him and it’s only a matter of time before my father will make the decision to kill me along with him. That’s just the kind of man he is,” I said.
“Your own father would kill you,” Diesel said.
I nodded slowly. “Yes. He would. I’ve—”
I stared off at the wall as tears crested my eyes.
“I’ve defended the actions of my father for a long time. I mean, damn it, the man’s my father. Slaughtering people and skimming casinos in order to give me the world. In some twisted part of my mind that’s always grown up around this, I thought it was sweet. I thought it was kind, somehow. That he’d go to any lengths in order to provide for the one shred of family he had in his life,” I said.
I looked down into my lap and watched my tears drip onto the blanket against my lap.
“But I’ve chosen sides now. I left to help Cage, and I brought my things with me. Well, I had. Before I had to ditch my car to get on the back of his bike yesterday,” I said.
“Sutton, you don’t—”
I held my hand up, getting him to stop talking.
“I’m sorry, Cage,” I said softly. “I’m sorry for defending him and I’m sorry for trying to paint him as something he wasn’t. That man has given me everything, and I guess it was my way of trying to make peace with the illegal blood money he threw my way. It wasn’t right, and I’m really sorry,” I said.
Cage furrowed his brow. “It’s okay. He’s your father. We all do insane things for family.”
“Yes, we do,” I said.
Then, I turned my eyes over to Diesel.
“We have nowhere to go. I have nothing to go home to, Diesel. The second I packed up my things and got on the road to find Cage, I chose a side. A side my father is trying to wipe off the face of this planet. And he won’t even blink before putting a bullet between my eyes. I got on the road because my father insinuated to me that he knew where Cage was coming. Which already put you guys at risk. And I’m sorry. But I’m also not. Because Cage doesn’t have anyone anymore. He doesn’t have anything. No family. No home. Nowhere to go, except here. Except where his father told him to be with his dying words. Cage promised his father he’d come here. Cage promised your father he’d come find you and get help. He’s asked you for that help, so now I am. I’m asking you for help. For both of us. For myself. For him. And if I have to get down on my knees and beg for it, I will.”
Dead Souls MC: Prospects Series Books 1-5 Page 8
