“Does she still stay with Lyle?” Toxin asked.
At least they’re asking good questions now. “Yes. She does. We started that trend when she was a baby, and it just stuck. Especially after Knox found me scrounging around in dumpsters. When money was tight, I ate out of trash cans in order to keep putting fresh food on the table for my baby girl. To keep paying Lyle and all that. Eventually, Lyle got his own job. His own place. He’s a mechanic and pulls at least 60k a year. That’s her uncle. The only family she knows. And whenever I’m with you guys, she’s with him. I figured she’d be much safer with a mechanic who’s essentially trying to live off the grid one day and knows how to wield guns than stuck in a place like this with me and a bunch of other guys and kids she doesn’t know. Ariel’s skittish like that.”
Tears cut off my ability to speak.
“How long has she been gone? How long have you been dealing with this on your own?” Diesel asked.
I shrugged. “Couple weeks. When Lyle contacted me and told me she wasn’t in her room one morning, I rushed over there. Ariel’s prone to running away. She’s a hothead, like me. Always angry. Always on her guard. And for good reason. She hasn’t led an easy life. I mean, I’m her father, but I’m not a good one.”
“You sound like a good one to me,” Saint said.
I shrugged. “Well, I’m not. Lyle’s raised her more than I have. I should’ve given the damn girl up for adoption when she got dumped onto my doorstep. I still don’t know why I didn’t.”
“Because she’s your daughter. And there’s a bond there not many will ever experience,” Grave said.
“Doesn’t matter, though. She runs away every chance she gets. Every time she gets angry and doesn’t want to confront shit. First time it happened; she wasn’t even seven. Or maybe she’d just turned seven. I can’t fucking remember. Either way, Lyle and I thought she’d run away again. He called the police and they’ve been looking for her. And all this time, I’ve been telling myself she’ll turn up. Like she always does. She’ll come home, like she always does. When I should’ve been out there searching for my damn daughter my own fucking self.”
I raked my hands through my hair. The guilt was too much. Father of the year. That was me. The fucking man who stayed with his crew to battle through shit rather than getting out there with the police and searching for his own flesh and blood. It made me sick. I turned around, leaning back over the railing. And as I heaved that water back up, a hand came down onto my back.
“Get it up, man,” Cage said.
“My poor girl,” I said breathlessly.
“We’ll find her. We’ll get her back, just like we got my son back,” Saint said.
“I should've been out there. Not with you guys,” I said through my heaves.
“You were put in an impossible situation. We all thought this would’ve been resolved by now. You put her with someone you trusted. Someone who loved her. You've provided for her. Given her everything she needs. You're a good dad, Ryker,” Diesel said.
I shot up, pushing Cage away. “I’m a shit father!”
My nostrils flared with anger as spit dripped down my chin.
“I’m a shit fucking father, just like my own father. I should’ve been out there, you guys. I should’ve been leading the fucking cavalry that searched for my daughter. And what was I doing? Putzing around with you guys? Being bossed around while we kept getting pushed back into the fucking trenches? My daughter’s been taken, and I haven’t even hit the fucking streets to look for her!”
I yelled so forcefully my vision dimmed. My head swam. I stumbled back into the railing, feeling myself teeter over. Someone wrapped their hands in my leather jacket. They pulled me back to my feet as I wiped at the spit dripping down my neck. My eyes felt hot. My heart slammed against my chest. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I couldn't see straight.
“I fucking thought she ran away,” I whispered.
Someone wiped at my face and it ripped me from my panicked trance. I looked into Rock’s eyes before shoving him away. I shrugged my shoulders, righting my leather jacket on my shoulders. And then, I felt it.
Fucking tears trickled down my skin.
I turned around and wiped at them until my skin was dry. I smoothed my hands down my jeans, getting rid of the wet sensation. No crying. I hated crying. Crying was beneath a man like myself. I had to stay strong. I had to keep a straight face. A straight mind. I had to give myself time to think clearly enough in order to figure out how the hell to save my daughter.
Before I figured out how the hell to save our relationship.
“The only way to get Ariel back is to do what Lars wants,” Diesel said.
I whipped around. “Say what now?”
“The meeting he mentioned. If we want to see Ariel again, I need to go to that meeting.”
“We need to figure this out first. Because you know damn good and well it’s a trap,” Grave said.
“I’m sorry, but I’m with him on this one. You know he’s got something set up for you,” Knox said.
“And there’s a small, innocent girl at stake here,” Diesel said.
“Does anyone else have any fucking secret families we should know about!? Because it’s throwing wrenches into our plans!” Toxin exclaimed.
I lunged for him, my vision dripping with red. Knox leapt in front of me and Diesel fisted my jacket from behind. But it wasn’t enough. I exploded. I yelled obscenities at that fucking asshole as I charged him. It took Rock, Knox, Diesel, and Saint to hold me back. To keep me from pounding that sarcastic little nutjob into the fucking porch.
“Stop it. We need a plan. Settle the fuck down, Ryker,” Diesel snapped.
“I want that fucker out of my sight. I can’t stand him. Never have. Get Toxin out of here!” I roared.
“I’m as much a part of this crew as you are,” Toxin spat.
“Settle down, or you’re the one being removed from the damn porch,” Knox said.
I drew in some deep breaths as I locked my eyes with Toxin. He was dead. The second we found my daughter; I’d wrap my hands around that fucker’s throat and shake him until his eyes rolled back. I never could stand him and those jokes of his. He reminded me too much of my own father. Sarcastic, an absolute dickhead, and didn't give a shit about those around him. He was selfish. Sociopathic. And I sure as hell didn’t want him in this fucking group.
“I’m coming for you,” I growled.
Toxin blew me a kiss as they pinned me to the railing.
“Cut it out, or I’m removing you myself,” Bear murmured to him.
“Thank you. Finally!” I exclaimed.
“Stop it! Right now!” Diesel roared.
He slammed me against one of the porch railings, which snapped me from my angry haze. I looked into the angry eyes of our president, who had me by the collar of my leather jacket. His nostrils flared. His eyes danced between mine. I settled back down as the anger receded back into the pit of my gut.
Then, Grave cleared his throat.
“If you go alone to this meeting with Lars, he’ll kill you.”
“Which is why we need a plan,” Knox said.
“I’ll leave it up to Ryker. It’s his girl on the line,” Diesel said.
And as I stared blankly at our president, I racked my brain for the right answer. Was there a right answer? Was there a “good father” answer? No. Because I’d blown past the idea of “good father” a long time ago. I’d never be the parent Ariel needed because I’d been selfish in the first place. I thought keeping an innocent child and raising her on my own somehow absolved the sins of my past. I kept her for a selfish reason, and now she’d pay for it.
Because I was an asshole.
“We take one beat to figure this out. To come up with a plan. But come tomorrow? We move on whatever plan we’ve got,” I said.
And with a curt nod, Diesel released my jacket.
“You heard the man. Let’s get to work.”
4
Ka
ylynn
I dialed my brother’s number as I stared out the window of my kitchen. I tucked my hand underneath my armpit, crossing it over my chest. I sighed as the phone rang. I rolled my eyes as it kept ringing in my ear. This was the third time I’d called him in the past several hours. Which meant it was probably working. He always picked up for me unless there was an emergency at work. Some sort of issue that ripped him away from other things.
Like the fact that this girl was still with me.
“Ah, sister. Good evening.”
I scoffed. “Finally. About time.”
“What is it? Something wrong with the girl?” he asked.
“Yes. She’s still with me, Alex.”
“Kaylynn, you know I can’t help that. I haven’t been given the go-ahead to do anything with her.”
“Well, talk to your boss. Because I don’t officially work for him. I’m just a safehouse for these kids you bring by. No one pays me to do this.”
“I pay you to do this, and my boss pays me. So, by proxy—”
“By proxy, nothing. I’m not his employer, and I have a life. I can’t keep this girl much longer. She’s missing her father. She’s distraught. She’s destroying my home with her tantrums. She has to go.”
“You’ll keep her until I come get her. And any damage done to your house will be paid for in order to be fixed. It always is.”
“Alex, that isn’t the point.”
“That most certainly is the point,” he hissed. “The second you agreed to take her—”
“You don’t ever give me a choice!”
“You’re between jobs right now, Kaylynn. Can you really refuse the hefty paychecks I give you?”
I snarled. “I don’t want to work anywhere near a man like—”
“This isn’t a secure line. You know better than that. Dad taught you better than that.”
“Don’t you dare bring him into this conversation. He’s dead and gone, and that’s where he needs to stay.”
“Keep the girl until I come get her. And in exchange for your time, your house will be repaired, and money will be dumped into your account. Time and a half. How does that sound?”
I sighed. “Are you really trying to bribe me with money right now?”
“Yes, because I know it works.”
“You can’t keep doing this to me. I deserve a chance at a normal life.”
“Well, this might be as normal as your life gets,” he said.
“Where the hell did this girl come from anyway? Did you just snatch her off the fucking street?”
“Mind your tone with me, Kay.”
“Talk down to me again and I’ll call the police myself.”
“There’s a special place in my boss’s office for those that enjoy involving police. You’d be more than privy to it if you’d like to see it,” he said.
“There won’t be a ‘boss’ once I call them and tell them everything I know. You think I don’t document this? You think I don’t record this? I take pictures of everything. Record things that go down. I journal, Alex. And I’m sure the police would be happy to—”
His laughter cut me off, making my damn blood boil. I hadn’t recognized my own brother in years. But that laughter was straight from my dead father’s mouth. A shiver worked its way down my spine. I fell against the kitchen counter, catching myself with my hand. His laughter died down as my knees quaked with fear. And as I stared out the window, I could have sworn I saw someone—or something—staring back at me.
“You’re having me watched, aren’t you?” I asked.
The rest of his laughter stopped abruptly. “You’re not going to call the police on your own brother because you didn’t do it for Dad. No matter how many times you threatened it in order to get your way, you never followed through. We’re family, and I know you. You’ll never betray family, no matter how much you dream about it.”
And the sickening thing was that he was right.
“Keep the girl until I come for her. Keep her occupied. Keep her entertained. Hell, keep her locked up for all I care. And when I see you again, you’ll have a massive payday and enough money from this time and a half to renovate that place the way you’ve always wanted to. Or, even buy that piece of property on the ocean you always rant and rave about.”
“I don’t want to buy it with blood money,” I hissed.
“Then, sounds like you’re stuck in that crummy place you’ve got now, I suppose,” he mused.
I hung up the phone on him, unable to stand his voice in my ear any longer. I tossed my phone against the kitchen counter, fuming with anger. I vibrated with fury. I stormed out of the kitchen and made my way up the stairs, trying to find a way to distract myself. If I stayed this angry, I wouldn't sleep. And I’d been missing out on sleep enough as it was. My footsteps fell silent as I made my way for Ariel’s room. I peeked inside the darkened room, watching as her chest rose and fell with her even breaths. Her bright red hair cascaded along the pillow as the blanket bunched at her waist.
I walked over and pulled the blanket up. Then, sat down on the edge of her bed.
I ran my fingers through her hair as her lips parted. She snored softly, filling the space around us with one of the most innocent sounds. A child, sleeping soundly in the comfort and safety of their room. I studied her face. I clocked the puffiness of her eyes. Her neck was still red from yelling at me earlier and her hair was tangled more than ever. My fingers pulled apart a dangerously-tight knot and she shifted. She groaned, rolling onto her side and snuggling all the way up to the edge of the bed.
Tight to the side of my body.
“I gotcha, pretty girl. I’m right here.”
I rubbed her back softly as she sighed against my thigh. Her arm tossed itself between my legs and the soft snores continued. Holding me, almost as if she didn’t want to let go. I smoothed her hair away from her forehead, vowing to put some detangler in it in the morning. Because if I didn’t, we’d have to cut her damn hair off in order to get a brush through it.
And her hair was much too beautiful to be cut off.
“Another day, another fight,” I whispered.
That seemed to be our routine nowadays. Breakfast, fight. Lunch, fight. Another fight, then dinner. And then, a fight to wind us down for bed. Such anger wrapped up in the smallest of bodies. I felt my anger turning a tide. The anger against my brother faded and directed itself at her parents. Whatever parent this child still had in her life that allowed this to happen. How the fuck could a parent neglect a child this badly? How could someone go so wrong and create such nastiness within an innocent little girl? The more she opened up the me, the more I understood what had happened to her. She woke up from a nightmare one night and wanted to talk with her best friend. She put on her clothes, snuck out the front door, and locked the knob behind her so she wouldn't get caught. And as she made her way for her friend’s house down the road—Carlie, was her name—a car pulled up. My brother appeared.
And they pulled her into a car.
She wouldn't talk about the nightmare. No matter how hard I pushed the matter, she refused to open up about it. So, I left it be. For now, at least. The anger she freely expressed reminded me of the anger I had growing up. Anger I didn’t have the courage to express. In some ways, I admired her. The ability this small girl had to express herself without fear of judgment or wrath from those around her. In a lot of ways, she was stronger than myself. Stronger than I ever could have been.
She deserved better from her parents though.
Keep her.
The words fluttered across my mind as quickly as they fled. And as I stared down at her soft features, I furrowed my brow. Keep her? Where the hell had that come from? I’d had many children pass through my “care” because of my brother. And I hadn’t wanted to keep a single one of them. After being raised by my parents in this kind of lifestyle, I wanted nothing to do with kids. I didn’t want to take the chance that I’d screw them up as much as I’d been screwed up. I also didn’
t want to take the chance that my brother might sink his talons into them. Convert them to his ways instead of pulling away from the lifestyle. Like I’d tried to over the years.
So why did I suddenly want to keep this girl?
You could take her and use her as a way to pull away from the mafia. To get away from your brother.
I shook my head. I moved away from her, then dipped down and kissed her soft cheek. I repositioned her on the bed so she wouldn't fall off, tucking her in tightly. And after I was done, I left the room. I removed myself from the confusing situation and closed off all those insane emotions behind the door.
What a selfish thought.
The idea that I could use her to better my own circumstance was proof enough that I hadn’t been created for children. Because using that precious little girl for my own selfish whims wasn’t the knee-jerk reaction of someone who deserved to be a parent. I left Ariel’s room and pushed the rest of my thoughts away. I rushed down the stairs, anxious to put distance between us. This was my wind-down time. My quiet time. This was the time I had to decompress before another trying day with this excitable girl in the morning. But as I cleaned up around the lower level of my home, my mind continued wandering.
Until memories ripped me back to my childhood.
“Stand up straight, Kay. No one likes a girl that slouches.”
“Stop slurping your soup.”
“Your father’s working hard to give you the best education you can have. I suggest you bring your grades up if you want to continue school with your friends.”
“Kay! Get down here right now, young woman!”
The expression made me jump. To this day, my father’s voice haunted me. He was a cold, calculating man. But when his voice boomed, the entire block knew it. He commanded respect. His voice demanded attention. And every time he yelled for me; my gut locked up. My knees grew weak. Every time he yelled my name across our house—the house I still lived in—I wanted to vomit. My mother and father did everything they could to turn me into a “proper” lady. One worthy of the many men my father tangoed with on a daily basis. Their goals? To turn my brother into the kind of man my father was while marrying me off to a man my father approved.
Dead Souls MC: Prospects Series Books 1-5 Page 48
