by Naomi Niles
“Hey, Nolan, buddy, wait a minute,” I said as I got up from my seat. He froze like a statue as his brother raced to the slide with another group of boys.
“Daddy, I have to go with Tanner,” he said impatiently as his eyes blended in with the clear sky above.
I kneeled to the ground. “Hold on, buddy. I’ve got to tie your shoe. You don’t want to faceplant into the ground, do you?”
“Face plant?” he asked, while I looped his shoe strings around each other. “What is a face plant?”
I pulled his shoe strings tight. “It means you’re gonna fall flat on your face and your nose is gonna get pushed into the back of your head.”
“Nuh uh, Daddy! It won’t!”
“Yes, it will. And then you’re gonna walk around here looking like a pancake, and I’m gonna have to explain what happened to your mother, and that won’t go well at all.”
After I had finished tying his shoe, I looked towards him. We were eye level at my kneeled position, and as the sun shone on us, it highlighted the similarities in our features. His small, button-shaped nose and bushy eyebrows both came from me. His cheeks were reddened, much like mine were when I was his age, but I knew it had everything to do with the fact that he had been running around with his brother for the past hour in the hot California sun. I made sure his haircut was buzzed because I hated dealing with the long blond hair after his mother let it grow out.
For some reason, she never took him to get it cut. She never took either of our boys, and I know she did it to piss me off. She took every opportunity to piss me off, even if she had to go out of her way to do it. That was just her modus operandi with me. Ever since our breakup, she set out to make my life a living hell. Shit, I was fine with it, though. I’ve been through hell since I could remember, so by now, the flames were already a part of my life.
I tapped him on the behind, “Alright, Nolan. Go and play.” He smiled, and in a flash, he ran towards the playground. I glanced up to search for him.
“Hey, Dad!” he said at the top of the slide. “Watch this!” I folded my arms over my chest as he flung himself down the long, winding slide. He flew off the bottom and tumbled onto the soft, cushion-like material that shielded the impact of falls such as that.
“Are you all right?” I asked, as he pulled himself up.
“Dad, that was awesome!” he yelled, as another young boy walked beside him and slapped him five.
“Watch your brother, kid,” I said to Tanner, while pointing at Nolan. He was on his way up the steps as Tanner quickly got up and ran behind him just in case he lost his balance. The two of were separated by two years; Tanner was 5 and Nolan had just turned 3 almost a month ago. They were both big for their age, though. People said that they had gotten that way because of how much I lifted weights. I thought it was bullshit because that wasn’t how genetics worked, but I’ve seen crazier things in my lifetime, so it wasn’t impossible.
“Dad!” Nolan yelled as I looked towards the top of the slide. “Watch this!”
“Nolan, be careful. Your brother just faceplanted, so I don’t want–”
Before I could finish my sentence, he flung himself down the slide the same way his big brother did. He went down feet first, but when the tubed slide spit him out, he was head first like the day he was born. He fell onto the same spot his brother did as I ran towards him. “Nolan! Are you OK?” his brother yelled from the top of the slide as I helped him up.
He looked down at his arm and brushed the dirt off, and then, with a wide grin on his face, he yelled, “Wooow! I want to go again, Daddy!” He escaped my grasp and ran to the slide again as I stood up and stepped out of the way before the next little kid came crashing into me.
“Tough little boy you got there,” a woman said as she stood beside me. I looked to my side as she stood with her arms folded behind her. Her long brunette hair blew softly as the breeze floated her vanilla crème perfume right into me. She wore a tightly fitted T-shirt and a pair of shorts that stopped just above her knees. The tan on her body looked as though it was hand-painted as she smiled in my direction.
“Yeah,” I said, removing my shades. “I take them out to wrestle sharks on the beach during the weekend, and for a few days out of the week, I make them wrestle bear cubs. They are as tough as they come.”
She laughed. “Wrestling sharks and bear cubs, huh? Yeah, I bet they are tough with that schedule.”
“Indeed.” I extended my hand to her, “My name is Ezra Hammond.”
I checked for rings as she enjoined her bare hand with mine. “Angela Stevenson.” Her touch was soft on my rugged hands. “I haven’t seen you around here before.”
“Yeah. My boys wanted to come to the park today, so I figured I’d let them. They can spend all of their energy, and I don’t have to spend a dime in the process. It’s a win-win for me.”
“Yeah, I hear you. I have two myself.” She pointed into a sea of children, “The one right there with the long, red ponytails and the other one who is–” she lifted her voice, “Johnathan! Stop pulling her by the arm like that! She is not a little boy! Stop it, or we are going home right now!”
The little boy released his sister and hung his head for a few moments until another group of boys whizzed by him. He picked his head up and trailed them as they ran towards the jungle gym. She looked back at me, “I am sorry about that,” she said, her beauty more radiant than it was before. “That boy is a handful sometimes.”
“Yeah, I know it. I have two of them, so I completely understand.” I slipped my shades back on, partly to conceal the fact that I was stealing glances at her flattened stomach and the breasts that sat perfectly above it, protruding from beneath her shirt. She was my type, exactly. There were shades of her that reminded me of Tanya at the beginning of our relationship. A slim body with thickness all in the right places.
“Ezra?”
I knew that voice from anywhere. I turned around to see Tanya standing with her arms folded over her chest like a pretzel. I hung my head as Angela assessed the situation. “Wife?” she asked, with Tanya standing almost 10 feet away.
“No. Bitch is more like it. She is the mother of my two boys.”
“I see,” she said with a smile. “Well, it looks like you two have some things that you need to discuss. It was nice meeting you, Ezra. Maybe I will see you around another time.” She walked away before I could respond. I stole glances at her behind as she walked away. If I just had a little more time, I thought to myself as Tanya stepped closer to me.
“Aren’t you supposed to be watching the boys? But instead, you are out here talking to these whores right in front of your sons? What kind of example are you setting for them, Ezra?”
She stood with a Gucci purse hanging in the crease of her elbow. “The boys are fine. They are right over there near the jungle gym.”
“Whatever, Ezra.” She looked at them. “Boys! Come on! Let’s go!” she yelled, with a voice full of annoyance.
“Wait, Tanya. Can we talk for a minute?”
She curled her lip, “Talk about what?”
“Damn. Just talk. It’s not about us, so I don’t want you to get it twisted. It’s about the boys.”
She rolled her eyes and looked at her watch. The diamonds glittered beneath the sunlight as she exhaled. “Fine, Ezra. You got five minutes. Talk.”
I hated talking to her about anything involving my heart because she took advantage of every chance to kick me while I was down. My boys were everything to me, though, and there was just some pain that I was willing to take if it meant that there would be a positive outcome for them. That’s what fathers do. Two women strolled by us on the sidewalk, pushing babies that were cradled in strollers. A flock of birds flew above our heads in unison as they fluttered into a nearby tree.
“I need more time with the boys, Tanya. I mean, this one weekend a month shit is not cutting it for me. They are getting older, and they need to have more of a man’s presence in their lives. They need to see
how men do things. I can’t be an example with one fucking weekend.”
“Um, Ezra? That is what we agreed on. That is what the judge said, and that is what I am sticking with. Now, if you want to go to court again, that is on you, but I am not changing anything about the routine we have now.”
“Tanya, come on,” I said. “It doesn’t even have to take all of that. All you need to do is say the word, and it is done.”
“The word? I’ve already said it, Ezra. No. What? Do you want to set an example for how to be a whore and talk to all of these other women so they can grow up and be like you?”
I exhaled. “Tanya–”
“Or, how about teaching them how to have a failing acting career like their father? Yeah, teach them how to tell everyone that you are an actor when you’ve only starred in low-budget, made-for-TV movies and dumbass commercials for shit that nobody uses. I still don’t know what the hell roll-aide is.”
“Roll-aide. Because sometimes in life, you need to roll with the pain,” I said, speaking one of the lines I had in the commercial. “It’s working, though; I have some of it on right now.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Ha, real funny. You know what? Any chance that you had of getting me to change my mind is out the door.” She looked at her watch. “And, your five minutes is up.”
“Fuck, no! That was like three minutes, Tanya!”
“Boys,” she called out again. “Boys! Come on! We have to go! Now!”
I shook my head, and moments later, the two of them ran towards us. They were both out of breath, their cheeks reddened from the heat. Tanya looked at her watch, prompting me to say my goodbyes to them. I kneeled. “All right boys, did you have fun with Dad?”
“Yeah,” they said together.
Tanner spoke up, “How long before we can see you again?”
I looked at Tanya as she turned her head away from us. I knew she didn’t want me to throw the question at her and I wasn’t. I didn’t want my boys to know she was the reason I couldn’t see them as much as I wanted to. “You know the drill, Tan the Man. I will let you know when it is time, all right? Do you remember all of the days I circled on your calendar?” He shook his head in agreement. “Good. So, when you get to the next circle, it is going to be time for us to see each other. But like I said, I will call you and let you know, too.”
He sighed. “All right, Dad. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I wrapped my arms around the both of them, and as I stood up, I looked at Tanya one last time. She removed lip gloss from her purse and coated her lips, then rubbed them together. She knew I loved the fullness of her lips, and sometimes, I felt she was toying with me. As much bullshit as she put me through, it didn’t change the fact that she was gorgeous. “All right, boys. Let’s go.”
I watched them walk down the path to her black Expedition. Tanner looked back a few times as if he hated that he had to go. I put my shades back on to block the tears that started forming at the bottom of my eyes. I hated it more than him.
As I left the park, I called my agent. I was tired of Tanya using my career as a way to keep one foot on me, and I knew things weren’t going the way I envisioned. Something had to change. “Marc? Hey man, what’s going on?”
“Nothin’ much, Ezra. What’s up?”
I unlocked the doors on my Nissan Altima. “I need to get some more work, man. Something legit, too. I’m tired of these dead-end movies and commercials. I need something big, Marc. Something that can really get my career off the ground. It’s been, what? Almost five years now. If you’re not the one for the job, then let me know, and I’ll find somebody else.”
“Hold on, Ezra. I completely understand your frustration. These things take time, though. I mean, a lot of stars don’t get big until their mid-30s, and what? You’re like 31 now, aren’t you? Just hold on a bit. You’ve got the look, and you’ve got the talent. Just bear with me.”
I slammed my door shut and stuck the key into the ignition. “I’m giving you as much time as I can, Marc.”
“All right. I’ll tell you what. Give me a few days, and I’ll have something for you, all right? Something new. Something big. Just make sure that your game is up to par because it can lead us right through the door and we won’t ever have to look back after that. All right?” I remained silent as the air conditioning swirled through my vehicle. I was bluffing. I didn’t have anywhere else to go or anyone else to call. He was my agent, and if I wasn’t going to get in the door with him, then I wasn’t going to get in with anyone.
“All right, Marc. A few days, but that’s it.”
“All right. I’ll be in touch, man.”
I hung up my phone and tossed it into the passenger seat. Something had to change. I mean, after all, this was Hollywood. I was in the same area code as every dream I’ve ever had, and I was too close for it not to come true.
Chapter Two
Hannah Black
The milk crashed into my bowl of cereal as I sat at the kitchen table. I was up early for a casting call that was scheduled to start at 1 pm. The way things had been going lately, I felt like it was pointless for me to show up. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. I didn’t have the right look, or my personality wouldn’t mesh well with the other main actors. It was enough to discourage me from pursuing my career altogether, but something inside of me wouldn’t allow me to take my hands off the rope. I had to keep trying because I didn’t know how close I was to my big break.
“Soooo,” Carrie said as she stepped into the kitchen with her nightgown on. She tied the belt around her waist as she scooted across the kitchen floor in her house shoes. “Are we ready for our casting call today?” She walked into the kitchen with a smile that was much too energized without a cup of coffee in her system. She grabbed the box of cereal and glared at it. “Mighty-o’s?” she asked, with her eyebrows wrinkled together like an accordion.
She smacked my hand, and the spoon dropped into the bowl before she removed it from the table. “No, that is not the breakfast of champions.” She walked to the refrigerator and pulled a carton of eggs from the shelf, then broke two of them open and spilled the contents into the skillet. I leaned back in my chair and smiled. She was my best friend; my backbone. The one who was always there, encouraging me at times when I felt the lowest. She embodied the carefree personality that I envied, and somehow, she managed to rid herself of all her insecurities until she was completely comfortable in her own skin.
It was a natural thing for her, though. Her long blonde hair was feathered with burgundy streaks, and it danced just beneath her shoulder blades. She had dimples in her backside that most would have found repulsive, but she didn’t hide them. She wore bikinis to the beach and walked freely as if she were the finest woman there. Her B-cup breasts were large enough to draw attention from men, and she was pretty, but it was her confidence that made her more appealing.
“I am going to make you a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel with a nice cup of coffee. Protein and caffeine.” She paused as the eggs sizzled inside of the skillet. “Wait, are eggs full of protein? Do I have that right?” she asked, looking towards me. I shrugged my shoulders as she took the salt and pepper from the cabinet. “Yeah, I’m sure it is. If I’m wrong, then sue me.”
“I will! Trust me; I will.”
She laughed, “Yeah. I’m sure your lawyer will be happy about the pack of sugar-free gum and candy canes I have in my purse, because that is all you will be getting.”
She prepared breakfast for me and slid the plate on the table. Steam rose from the sandwich like a cigar as I glared down at her creation. I sighed as the steam billowed out of the coffee mug. “Hannah? What is it?”
I took a knife and sliced the bagel down the middle. “I’m just nervous about this casting call. I mean, how many auditions have I failed at in the last week? Four? Five?”
“Hannah,” she said, as she folded her arms over her chest. “No. No, no, and no again. We are not going to start
this pity party today. We are not! This is a new chance for you, and you must have a short-term memory about all that stuff in the past. You have to, or else you will never make it out of this rut.” I took a knife and eased it into the jar of jelly, then spread it around on the bagel. I heard what she was saying, but it still didn’t register.
“Hannah. Look at me.” I kept my eyes focused on the bagel until she reached her hand across the table and nudged my chin. “Look. You are beautiful. You are charming and witty, and more importantly, you have the talent. You have the complete package, Hannah, and you are going to stop shortchanging yourself. You are going to go into the casting call and be yourself. Be the Hannah that walks around here cracking corny, goofy jokes and mimicking every actress from here to freakin’ London. You can do this, Hannah. Just be yourself. Just. Be. Yourself. They won’t have a choice but to love you.”
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, then headed out of the kitchen. “Oh, and wear something that shows off that cleavage of yours. Let the ladies breathe a little bit; it won’t hurt.” I chuckled as I took bite of my bagel. A glob of jelly squeezed out the back of the sandwich and plopped onto my lap. I rolled my eyes. Here we go.
I arrived at the casting call. It was at a building called “The Journey,” nearly 45 minutes away from where I lived. As soon as I walked into the building, young faces with caked-on makeup and slim bodies walked around in groups like hyenas. They looked towards me as soon as I walked in, like I was a gazelle unaware of the trap I just walked into.
I smiled at one of them, but she rolled her eyes and flipped her hair as I walked past. If Carrie was with me, she would’ve confronted her. Not me, though. I was non-confrontational, so for the most part, I just let bygones be bygones. After I had checked in, I sat in a vacant seat near the end of the auditorium. Mockup posters of the movie they were casting for were scattered along the walls. Titled The Day We Die, it was a suspense movie, and the main actress needed to be an athletic, witty type of woman who could take down the killer at the end of the movie.
