by Janet Dailey
Jake picked it up and spoke into the mouthpiece. ‘Repeat what you just told me, Dad.’ Then he thrust it against Tanya’s ear.
‘Repeat it?’ J. D. Lassiter’s voice echoed with surprise. ‘All I said was that the meeting for the executives and area engineers of the firm was changed from Saturday at two o’clock to one o’clock. It’s an informal meeting with the wives invited, so be sure to let Tanya know. She’ll want to make arrangements for a babysitter for John. What’s so difficult to remember about that?’
The rigidity went out of her body, carried away by the shuddering sigh that acknowledged the grievous error of her accusation.
‘Thanks, Dad,’ said Jake, taking the receiver back. Tanya could feel his hard gaze studying her tightly closed eyes.
‘Wait a minute,’ said J.D., his far-away voice carrying to Tanya’s hearing as well. ‘Your mother just reminded me that Sheila left a list of unimproved land for sale on my desk. I won’t be coming to the office tomorrow, so be sure to pick it up from my secretary. I never believed she’d actually get her real estate licence,’ he laughed. ‘But she’s a hard enough woman to be a success at selling. Beauty and ruthless perseverance are a potent combination.’
This time Tanya’s eyes flashed open, rounded in shock and pain as she stared into Jake’s implacably grim face. Anger still glittered in his blue eyes, the metallic sheen of tempered steel. He was speaking into the telephone, but she was too stunned to hear what he was saying.
‘I’m sorry, Jake, I’m very sorry,’ she whispered, taking a frightened step backwards before pivoting to stumble clumsily outside.
She couldn’t face him, not now, not after she had so wrongly misjudged him. Her mumbled apology couldn’t adequately make up for all the horrible things she had said. As she sped down the path leading from the patio to the lake, she knew she should have kept her doubts in abeyance until she had heard Jake’s explanation. But her jealousy ran so deep that she probably wouldn’t have believed him even then. And Jake guessed that.
Tears spilled over her cheeks, blurring her vision until she couldn’t see where she was going. At the layered shelf of rocks a few yards away from the lake’s edge, she stopped, her feet crumpling beneath her as she sagged to the ground to weep freely. Unconsciously she pushed away the sharp, loose rocks that jabbed into her body. The grief and misery and frustration that had been building up over the last seven years were released in a torrent of racking sobs that shook her body until there weren’t any tears left.
As the last shuddering sobs faded away, she pressed a hand to her temple and leaned back against the rocks to stare at the brilliant blue summer sky. She felt like a lost child who had run away and only wanted to find his way back again. The numbness began to leave as a fly landed lightly on her arm, then buzzed away. Irritatingly it came back to flit around her face until she moved her hand to flick it away.
Something brushed her leg once, then again. Tanya leaned forward to rid herself of the fly — and horror rose in her throat as she stared at the large hairy body of a tarantula. Basically a night creature, the scattering of loose rocks had disturbed his burrow and now he was preparing to cross the obstacle in his path — her legs. Tanya was too terrified to move, frozen by the sight of the mammoth spider. But when it began to crawl on to her petrified legs, she screamed.
In her terror, she didn’t recognize that she was calling Jake’s name over and over again. Nor did she hear the sound of footsteps racing towards her. The only thing that registered was the tanned hand brushing the spider off her leg and the pair of arms that reached down and pulled her to her feet. Then she was crushed against a muscular chest, the arms wrapped around her, a hand stroking her hair as she gasped in shuddering breaths against the warm body.
‘It’s okay. You’re all right now,’ a soothing voice whispered in her ear.
‘Jake, Jake,’ she moaned.
‘I’m here. Take it easy now, nothing’s going to happen. The spider’s gone,’ he assured her quietly. ‘There’s nothing to be afraid of any more.’
‘I can still feel him crawling on me,’ she shivered, her voice still trembling from the depths of her unreasoning fear. Although it was impossible, Jake seemed to draw her close against him, and her arms circled his waist to cling tightly to him.
‘Are you all right now?’ he asked, gently tucking her hair behind her ear.
Tanya nodded numbly, keeping her face pressed against the reassuring solidness of his chest. ‘I know it’s silly to be so frightened, but I can’t help it,’ she murmured. ‘Hold me a little while longer, please, Jake.’
‘As long as you want,’ he agreed with a hint of a smile in his voice.
It was several more minutes before Tanya reluctantly untangled her arms from around his waist. Her legs still felt weak and unsteady, but enough of the shock had worn away to make her feel self-conscious over the way she was clinging to him.
‘I think I’m all right now,’ she murmured, keeping her eyes downcast as he let her move to arm’s length.
‘Have you forgiven me?’ Jake asked softly as he caressed her warm cheeks with his hand.
‘F … for what?’
‘For not being here in my official role as spider-slayer,’ he teased.
An embarrassed laugh slipped from her mouth. ‘Of course. I thought you were talking about Sheila.’
‘We won’t talk about her now,’ he said, tilting her chin as he ran his thumb along her lower lip and gazed deeply into her gold-flecked eyes. ’You aren’t up to the discussion I want to have.’
‘I want you to know that I realize how very wrong I was when I wouldn’t let you explain earlier,’ Tanya persisted.
‘I told you we’d discuss it later.’ Mock exasperation beamed from his face.
‘I know.’ Like a child, she needed the reassurance of his forgiveness. ‘But I had to tell you how badly I feel.’
‘You’re stubborn,’ he smiled slowly, pulling her gently into his arms again.
His warm, moist mouth covered hers, moving sensually against it until her lips parted in response. But when her hands moved up to his neck to draw him into a deeper kiss, Jake halted them with his own hands, slowly raising his mouth from hers.
‘Your apology is accepted.’ Thick lashes acted as a smoky veil to conceal the smouldering fire in his gaze. ‘Now, do you want to walk up to the house or shall I carry you?’
‘I’d better walk,’ Tanya declared breathlessly, knowing that if she were cradled in his arms the way she was feeling at this moment, she would be shamelessly caressing him.
‘You don’t feel safe in my arms any more, hm?’ he mocked, and chuckled when she didn’t answer.
He kept a steadying hand on her arm as they travelled over the rocky path back to the house. Inside, he escorted her to her room.
‘Go in there and freshen up,’ he ordered. ‘We’ll have a talk when you’re done.’
‘What talk?’ she asked, but he had already gently shoved her into the room and was closing the door.
Was it about Sheila? Tanya wondered, then shrugged. She was too drained of emotion at the moment to think straight. The thought of a brisk shower to chase away the last creeping sensation of the tarantula was very inviting.
She had just towelled herself dry and slipped on her ivory satin robe when there came a knock on her door. ‘Come in,’ she called, untying the ribbon that bound her hair on top of her head, shaking the damp tendrils loose with her fingers.
‘You look much better,’ Jake declared, pausing for a moment in the doorway, his tall figure imposing itself in the suddenly small room. He walked on in, handing her a tall, frosted glass of lemonade. ‘There aren’t any shadows of fear in your eyes now.’
Tanya couldn’t keep the sudden light from springing into them when she looked into his ruggedly handsome face. ‘I must have made a complete fool of myself,’ she murmured, turning away to take a sip of the drink, then set it on the dressing table to begin brushing her hair. ‘I wish I could ge
t over that childish fear of spiders. But those tarantulas are so grotesquely menacing.’
Her composure had returned and she was grateful for it. There was a rustle of paper near the bed. As she glanced behind her, she noticed for the first time the roll of blue paper Jake had carried under his arm.
‘What’s that?’ she asked, watching curiously as he unrolled it on the bed.
‘Come and look.’
He stood quietly beside her as she stared down at the rectangular drawing. ‘It’s a blueprint of a house,’ she said.
‘Not of a house,’ he corrected. ‘It’s our home.’ His gaze blandly met her startled glance. ‘Since Sheila insisted on telling you that I was interested in buying some property, I decided I might as well tell you the rest.’
‘What do you mean — our home?’ Tanya breathed.
‘Aren’t you getting tired of living with my parents?’ he mocked. ‘Not that I don’t love them dearly, but wouldn’t you like a home of your own?’
‘Of course, but —’ she hesitated, recognizing the implication of his words.
‘Then you’d better give me your opinion of this layout. There may be something you want to change.’ Jake didn’t give her an opportunity to comment as he pointed out the location of the living room and family room, the kitchen and the proposed location of its appliances, the bathrooms, and the bedrooms, showed her where the fireplace would be and the washroom area. ‘Do you like it?’ he concluded.
‘It’s beautiful,’ she murmured, ‘but —’ Her voice trailed away as she shook her head to keep from falling under the enchantment of the dream house.
‘What’s the matter, honey?’ His hand raised her chin so he could look more closely into the troubled expression in her eyes. ‘Don’t you think it’s about time we have some privacy in our marriage?’
She was suddenly tense, too afraid to speak and equally afraid not to. She stared at him, drinking in the artfully carved features, knowing how very much she loved him. ‘Oh, Jake,’ she moaned helplessly.
Instantly he drew her into his arms, his mouth passionately raining kisses over her face as though every perfect feature was precious to him. Her heart pounded wildly against her ribs at his touch. He nibbled at her ear lobe, then sent an erotic trail of fire along her neck as he explored the sensitive cord.
‘I’ve wanted to do this for so long,’ he murmured huskily into her ear, his breath fanning the flames already racing through her.
The satin robe was like a second skin covering her nakedness as his hands caressingly moulded her to his lean body, sliding over her hips and up to her shoulders. All the while his mouth sensually explored the hollow of her throat, pushed aside the satin to kiss her shoulders until Tanya was a churning mass of desire. With a tortured cry, she captured his face in her hands and brought it to her mouth, letting him take it captive with his own.
For long moments, Jake ravaged her lips, bruising them with the fierceness of his passion, parting them roughly so he could know the full response of his lovemaking. Her fingers twined themselves in his hair as she moaned his name against his lips. There was wild joy in their intense hunger of each other’s caress, a hunger that went beyond the bounds of the physical to a joining of their souls.
Reluctantly Jake pulled his lips from hers, roughly dragging his kiss along her face to the top of her hair. ‘You don’t know the self-control I’ve exercised to keep myself from making love to you like this before now.’ His ragged breathing and his voice that was raw with desire only confirmed how completely Tanya’s response had aroused him.
Her fingers ran ecstatically over his shoulders and arms, glorying in the muscles that swelled to bind her tighter in his embrace. Then she directed them to the open collar of his shirt, pushing it aside to kiss the hollow of his throat above the dark hair on his chest.
‘Kiss me, Jake,’ she commanded in a husky whisper as her mouth moved upwards to the strong chin.
‘Tanya,’ he groaned, resisting the pull of her hands that would have brought his mouth down on hers again. His eyes glittered on her parted lips. ‘I want more than kisses from you.’
His gaze moved from the tempting invitation of her mouth to search her eyes for the answer to his unasked question. The advantage was all Jake’s. If he had chosen to possess her, Tanya wouldn’t have resisted. Now he was giving her a choice and fear sliced through her heart with the killing blow of a machete.
With a gasping sob of pain, she pivoted in the arms that held her in a tender but not confining embrace. Bitter tears burned her eyes. She felt his strong arms circle her waist and pull her against his chest. She was glad her back was to him and he couldn’t see the misery and pain in her eyes.
‘Don’t be frightened, darling.’ His mouth moved over her hair so that his velvet-rough voice whispered near her ear. ‘It isn’t just sexual desire I feel, although heaven knows I want you desperately.’
‘Oh, Jake!’ His name was a pleading cry of protest drawn achingly from her heart. It was not his touch that she feared, but his anger.
‘Hush, my beloved,’ he murmured, tightening his arms so she was moulded more firmly to his lean muscular body. ‘You’re entitled to the words. We both need them to wipe away the last of the bitterness.’
‘Jake, I —’
‘Don’t talk. Just listen,’ he scolded her tenderly. ‘I love you. Maybe I always have. I don’t know. I only know that I’m in love with you now, more deeply than I thought a human being was capable of feeling.’
A moan of intense longing escaped her lips as she sagged weakly against him, knowing her own love was as strong as his. ‘Don’t say any more, Jake, please,’ she begged, wishing only to have this moment last for an eternity.
There was a moment of hesitation and Tanya sensed that Jake wanted action to take over where his words had left off.
‘Let me finish, darling,’ he demanded huskily. ‘Because after this moment I never want to bring up the past again.’ He drew a deep, shuddering breath. ‘I didn’t come home because of that letter you sent me. I used it as an excuse. Not that John wasn’t a factor, too, because he was. I wanted to see my son. But more I wanted to see my wife, that beautiful woman in the photograph. You, Tanya. The woman who had haunted me for seven years with the golden rays of sunlight in her hair and eyes.’
There was a bittersweet song in her heart. Perhaps their love was strong enough to overcome the anger and hostility of the past and enable him to understand why she had deceived him all these years.
‘First you must understand that my brother and I were very close. We were more than brothers. I don’t remember telling you I would come back that night at the fair, but I intended to — until Jamie was killed.’ Tanya could feel the pain in his voice and her heart cried for his loss. ‘He was so young, Tanya, with so much of his life ahead of him. I became terribly cynical and bitter. What memory I retained of that shy, sunshine girl I met became tainted by those emotions. Then when I saw you that day, more beautiful than I remembered, I cursed myself for not looking for you before, especially when I saw the baby in your arms. And that cold contempt in your eyes unnerved me. I knew you wanted me to go away and leave you alone, but I couldn’t. That’s why I pretended to take such an interest in the baby.’
His arms tightened about her as he rocked her gently against him, as if it would ease the pain in both their hearts.
‘I’ll never forget that first wave of shock that went through me when you said — Don’t you recognize him? He’s your son! At first I thought you were lying, that you’d found out about the relative wealth of the Lassiter family and wanted it for your illegitimate baby. I wasn’t convinced even when you showed me the crooked little finger, the Lassiter birthmark. Not until later when I went to that squalid apartment where you were living did I accept the fact that he was my son, even if I couldn’t remember the act of conception. My darling, can you ever forgive me for that?’ he whispered.
‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she answered fervent
ly, trying to turn to face him, but his arms held her where she was.
‘When I asked you at your apartment if he was really my son, I can still remember that light shining in your eyes when you confirmed it again. In that moment I knew you weren’t lying, that you weren’t capable of lying.’ His mouth moved along her neck. ‘That’s the one thing that’s stood out in our marriage — your honesty. It was one of the first things I loved about you. It became the foundation of my love for you.’
‘Oh, no, Jake, no,’ Tanya groaned. Her heart that had been singing so joyously sank with sickening swiftness. The room reeled in front of her eyes as she wished the ground would open up and swallow her.
‘I don’t blame you for hating me at first,’ Jake murmured. ‘I did force you to marry me. I can’t even be sure now if I did it to have my son or to have you as my wife. I only know that I despised myself for the degradation you must have suffered because of me. Every time you looked at me I was reminded of why you loathed me. You didn’t drive me away, darling, I drove myself away. None of this was your fault. The blame is strictly mine.’ There was a moment of hesitation as he gently squeezed her waist. ‘You do see why I had to tell you all this, don’t you, darling? You’ve been so honest with me that I had to do the same.’
Honest! Honest! The word kept taunting her like a sarcastic jeer. There wasn’t any way she could tell him the truth now. Her supposed honesty was the one thing he admired about her. She couldn’t destroy it or it would destroy his love for her.
‘Why? Why did you have to tell me all this?’ she sobbed, wrenching herself free from his arms. ‘Don’t you see it doesn’t matter?’
‘Darling, what’s the matter with you?’ The surprised and gentle concern in his voice only increased the pain.
‘Oh, Jake, Jake!’ Her head moved from side to side in anguish. There was only one way out of this situation. He would hate her for it, but not nearly as much as he would if he found out the truth. ‘Please, I want a divorce.’
‘A divorce?’ he repeated in disbelief, taking a step to erase the distance between them. His gaze was staring holes into her back. ‘Is this some kind of a joke?’
