His Virgin: A First Time Romance

by Vivian Wood

  “Seriously, that’s what he said? Everything wasn’t ‘fucking perfect,’ at all… I thought it was, but I just didn’t know it yet. And I didn’t just bolt, I ran because he broke my heart. Then he hit one of my oldest friends for no good reason!”

  “Honey, you know that I’m a hundred percent ‘Team Serena,’ despite the fact that I’d give my pinky toe to meet that band, but let’s look at the scenario objectively for a second.” She sounded like every bit the lawyer she was about to become as she listed the facts.

  “You listened in on a conversation that wasn’t meant to be heard by anyone other than those in the room, nor did you stick your eavesdropping through. You have no idea what happened after that. Rhys doesn’t know that you overheard him and you didn’t stick around to hear where he was going with that conversation. All Rhys knows is that it looks like you snuck off to see Josh as soon as he was in a meeting and when he shows up, there you are kissing skeezy Josh. What’s he supposed to think?”

  Mary never had liked Josh much, but skeezy?

  “He doesn’t know what you heard, nor do you know the context of his words and he doesn’t know that Josh kissed you and not the other way around. But you kissing Josh at all, I think makes it look pretty damn clear to him, friend. Whether you think so or not, you owe him a chance to explain his side of things and you should do the same. I’m not saying you have to do it right now, but if he really means something to you - and it’s obvious that he does - you owe yourself at least that much.”

  “He means everything to me.” She'd never been more sure of anything in her life.

  “Then you have to try, babe. Ask him to meet. To talk. Give him a chance to explain, everything isn’t always as it seems - you know that better now, after what happened with Josh.”

  She was right, Serena knew she was. But she didn't know if she could handle hearing those words from him again. However, she was also right about the Josh situation. She owed it to herself to at least try to explain it to him. A loud groan escaped as she made the decision. She'd face the pain, she had to. But not right now, she needed a day or two to build up the strength to do it. Just so he could tear her down all over again.

  They spent the next couple of days on those couches in their pajamas, eating ice cream straight from the tub and watching terribly bad horror movies. Mary had some Marvel movies saved on her DVR and every time she scrolled past one, there was a stabbing pain in her heart and stomach, and the edges of her vision blurred. She couldn't face him…

  She'd been going back and forth in her mind on the decision that she'd made to see Rhys, to try to explain and give him a chance to do the same if he wanted to.

  Katie came over in the morning. She hugged her tight and also listened to her story. Again, she didn't care about being sued. She knew neither of these girls would say anything.

  Her parents, Katie informed her, were still horrified. Now that she was shacking up with a tattooed man and her mom was telling everyone who would listen that Bryan broke her heart, apparently she was just having a little tantrum until she “came back on board.”

  The foundation, however had been able to open up two new houses with the proceeds from Misery’s music video, so that was a definite plus. Although her heart still ached thinking about them. Rhys had gone underground. Whatsapp didn't even show when last he was online. Jett, Milo and Luc had all sent messages asking whether she was okay, but on receiving messages from her phone, they’d all been quiet again and she didn’t reach out to them either, even though she ached to.

  Having rehashed the situation with Rhys again and again, even her sister now agreed with Mary that she owed it to herself to at least try if she really did love him. Though after the last few days, neither of them doubted that she did. Katie sat on one side of her now, and Mary on the other.

  “You said a day or two three days ago, honey. Do it! Right now, text him. Or call him. Send him a damn carrier pigeon if you want, but it’s time. You can’t wait any longer, Serena. It’s eating you up, and I’m worried,” Katie said as she hugged Serena to her. Mary was scrolling on her phone when she suddenly stopped, squinted at it for a second and agreed with Katie.

  “Now does seem to be a good time. They’re all at the Misery house chilling around the pool, from the looks of things.”

  Her stomach dropped, and it felt like she had taken a vice to her heart. “How do you know?” she breathed when her lungs finally filled with enough air again.

  “Luc posted a picture on Instagram. None of them have posted anything anywhere since the day it happened, but this post from Luc just popped up, see?” She turned her phone to show them the post, but she squeezed her eyes shut. Can’t. Look. At Him. Also seems I can’t not look at him, she thought as she found herself peeking at the screen.

  God, he’s gorgeous! Her mouth dried up and her heart thudded in her chest as she stared at his face on the screen. He was everything to her… And he did not look happy, at all. Seeing the look on his face solidified her decision. He might break her, but she owed it to herself to try. They were right.

  She reached for her phone as Katie gave a low whistle. “He looks like a thundercloud!” she remarked quietly.

  Katie and Mary exchanged a look. “A lot like you, actually, sis.” She might look like a shitty thundercloud, but running after him was like chasing after a thunderous cloud, you’d never catch it…

  She closed her trembling fingers on her phone all the same, and they both gave her a tiny nod, watching her intently.

  Serena: I know you said not to call. So I’m not. But I also haven’t lost your number. Sorry… Any chance you’d be willing to meet up? I need to explain… please let me explain?

  She set her phone down in her lap, spine as stiff as a board. But nothing happened. She checked it a million times to make sure it hadn’t turned off, or just hadn’t alerted her to an incoming message. Nothing.

  Katie and Mary were making small talk now, not taking their eyes off her for too long. They’d sat quietly for a few minutes after she'd sent the text, waiting for his reply with her, before they figured they’d better distract her.

  She felt like she was going to hurl. Their words swam around in her head and she couldn't concentrate on a single thing they were saying. He was rejecting her, he wasn't going to give her a chance to explain… her stomach turned in a way that alerted her that she was, in fact, going to hurl and she ran to the bathroom and lost all the ice cream she'd eaten this morning.

  Katie appeared behind her, rubbing her back and handed Serena her phone after she'd washed her hands.

  “You got a message, sis,” she said timidly.

  Her face blanched, and she thought she was going to be sick again. If he said no… she squeezed her eyes shut and lay down on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom before she opened the message.

  Rhys: Fine. Century Park. One hour.

  Five words. Five small words. Objectively, that’s all they were. To her, right this minute, they were a beautiful shining beacon of the most dangerous emotion someone in her position could feel, hope.

  He said yes! She was dizzy with relief, and she let out a manic laugh. “He said yes!” she squealed to Mary and Katie who were both standing over her looking worried. Then they breathed a collective sigh of relief and then pulled her to her feet and into a jumping group hug.

  “When are you meeting him?” Mary’s excited voice squealed in her ear.

  “An hour.” She breathed another sigh of relief, stupid hope swelling like a balloon inside her.

  “Well, then. I hate to break it to you friend, but you need to take a shower and do something about your hair. Fast. Katie and I will go find you something to wear.”

  They giggled as they rushed from the bathroom to Mary’s room, chattering excitedly. When had they become so close? They’d always tolerated each other, but they’d never been friends, exactly.

  She stole a look at her reflection in the mirror and felt like someone had landed a punch in her g
ut. She looked like shit. They were right. Again. She was going to have to do something about this, quickly!

  She rushed through the shower, washing her hair twice and then wrapped herself in a towel, towel dried her hair and headed to Mary’s room.

  Katie had brought some of her clothes over that had still been at their parents’ house and her eyes fell to the dress they had chosen. It was perfect. It was a deep blue sundress that matched the color of her eyes almost perfectly.

  She'd forgotten that she even had this! It fell just above her knees and showed a decent amount of cleavage. Rhys loved her in dresses… she licked her lips at the thought, but then stopped that train of thought in its tracks. She couldn't get ahead of herself, there was a lot of ground to cover before there would be any licking for her. If I ever get to lick him again, the depressing thought hit her and brought her back to Earth.

  Mary produced a necklace and pair of sandals that went perfectly with the dress while Katie brushed through her thick dark hair vigorously. It was still wet, but she didn't have time to dry it fully, so natural waves it would be. She applied light makeup, taking care that she at least tried to cover the dark circles around her eyes.

  Both girls grabbed their bags as she picked up hers.

  “Where are you going?” she asked skeptically.

  “We’re coming with you, sis. Moral support. If it goes badly, we’ll be there to pick up the pieces and if it goes well, we meet Rhys. Maybe the guys will be moral support for him,” Katie quipped with a glint in her eyes.

  “I’m not sure, guys. He won’t want an audience…” she trailed off.

  “We’re not going with you to talk to him, Es!” Mary said. “We’ll just keep close by. Where are we going?” It was clear neither of them was going to take no for an answer, so she conceded to ensure she'd still be on time. Heaven knew she wasn't missing this opportunity just because she couldn't convince them not to come.

  “Century Park. Which will henceforth be known as the place that makes my dreams come true, or where they go to die.” She fidgeted nervously with her watch as they headed outside.

  “Ooo, I know a great coffee place there! I love this one latte that they make,” Katie babbled behind her as they descended the stairs and hailed the cab that was going to take her to Rhys, maybe for the last time.

  She pushed all negative thoughts from her mind as hard as she could. Wasn't that the Secret? Positive thoughts and vibes and all? She really, really hoped so…

  They stopped at the park and she was suddenly sure this was a shit idea. She'd already gone days without him, what if she was healing and he just kicked her again? She changed her mind to get back in the cab again, but Katie and Mary were there blocking her, as if they knew she'd do this.

  “Go get him, girl!” They both cheered and waved invisible pom-poms as they headed across the street to Katie’s latte place and she walked toward the park, alone and more nervous than she'd ever been of anything in her life.

  25

  She felt that familiar pull and found him sitting on a bench under a big tree overlooking a pond. It was private, almost hidden in a cluster of bushes. Her breath rushed out of her lungs and she was rooted to the spot for a few seconds when she saw him. As if he could feel her presence too, he turned and slid over slowly on the bench as his eyes found hers. Her heart pounded in her throat as she walked slowly toward him, never breaking eye contact.

  She wanted to run toward him, throw her arms around his neck and never let him go ever again. But that wasn't an option right now, so instead, she controlled her movements until she reached his bench and took a seat next to him. She was dizzy from his proximity and the difficult conversation they were about to have. When she left here today, her heart was going to be shattered all over again for the final time, or it was going to be on its way to healing. She sucked in a deep breath as she approached him.

  She could feel the electricity buzzing between them as she sat down next to him, not quite touching, but maintaining eye contact as they sat next to one another.

  “Hi,” she squeaked as she sat down. Yes, she squeaked. That was how nervous she was. So fucking sexy. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week. She gave a quick mental curtsy to the voices in her head.

  “Hi.” Oh, that voice! Her head spun just a little at hearing it. She had been so sure so many times over the last couple of days that she was never going to hear it in person ever again, yet, here it was! Here he was…

  “How are you?” she asked, feeling awkward.

  He stared at her before composing himself and swallowing hard. “Seriously? How am I?” His eyes were guarded and his fingers were twitching in his lap. If she didn’t know any better, she'd say that he was just as nervous as she was, but he couldn’t possibly be. He played to stadiums filled to the brim with thousands upon thousands of people and he did it without skipping a beat. No, it must have been something else… She was no celebrity, there was no way he could be nervous talking to her.

  His voice pulled her from her little internal freakout debate.

  “I’m shit, Serena. Really fucking shit actually.” He laughed humorlessly. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” His voice was hard as steel, guarded just like his eyes that still hadn't left hers were.

  “I’m sorry, Rhys.” she said softly. “Of course I don’t want to hear that!” Her voice cracked a little.

  “I didn’t come here for an ‘I’m sorry,’ Serena. You said you wanted to explain something, so explain. Don’t apologize. Just explain.” Was that hurt seeping into his voice?

  She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She should have planned what she was going to say. Fuck. Okay, she could do this. She had to try, right?

  “I’ve eaten more ice cream the last few days than I have ever eaten in my entire life!” she blurted out.

  His eyes narrowed. Right, that wasn't an explanation.

  “Sorry, I’m just… I’m really nervous and I should have planned what I was going to say, but I didn’t and now there are so many things that I want to say and explain and I just don’t know where to start or how to say any of it.” She could feel the tears threatening to make a return performance, but she pushed them down. This was her one chance. The last and only one she was going to get. She needed to take it and deal with any tears later. By herself, after he rejected her again… The thought brought on a fresh bout of tears, but she pushed them down, too, hardly getting a grip on herself before he spoke.

  “How about you start with what happened after I went into that meeting. Feels like that’s a fitting start since it seems that was the beginning of the fucking end.” His voice was softer now and she could definitely hear hurt, maybe something else.

  Wait, the end? He said the end… She tried to swallow the country-sized lump that had formed in her throat at the words. It refused to go anywhere, so she forced the words around it.

  “Okay. Uhm. You went into the meeting and told me to go to your room. I was on my way there when I saw some of the groupies sitting on the kitchen counter.” He looked confused for a second before he breathed, “At the A/C vent?”

  “Yes. They motioned me over, and I don’t know… I went. I could hear you on the other side.” His eyebrows had shot up in surprise when she'd said that she'd gone over to the A/C vent, but she pushed on.

  “I don’t know why I did it. I’ve asked myself that question thousands of times since. It was a private conversation, I’m so sorry.”

  “Serena,” he warned quietly, looking like he was about to interrupt again.

  “No, let me finish, please… I have to explain.” His shoulders were tense, but he didn't say anything. “Right, sorry. Uhm, I mean, no I’m sorry, okay. Got it. I’ll stop saying sorry, okay.” Deep breaths, Serena.

  Just get through it, she chided herself. She waved imaginary pom-poms in her head and then continued, trying to hold onto the secret of positive vibes or whatever, but without “sorries” anymore.

  “Li
ke I said. I could hear you. I heard you arguing with Deacon and Anders. And then,” her eyes welled up at the memory. “I heard you telling them that the only reason I was there was to keep the press from finding out about Anders’ drug problem, and… I know what I signed up for. But I just…I just, it stopped feeling fake to me, you know? I, you… I felt my heart breaking when I heard those words. I went up to your room, but I just, I had to get out of there. I had to talk to someone and Mary and Katie weren’t picking up, so I phoned Josh and asked him to meet me at the coffee shop.”

  “Fuck,” he breathed. “That’s why you shouldn’t listen in on people’s conversations. And if you’re going to, follow through with it!” He repeated Mary’s words, making her feel even worse.

  “I fucking defended you to them, defended us! I threatened to quit the fucking band because of what Anders was fucking saying about you, about us. I told them that I may have asked you to be my fake girlfriend for those reasons, but that you weren’t that to me anymore. Haven’t been for a while. Not by any stretch of the fucking imagination. By the time I broke the fucking table and stormed out, you were gone and when I found you… You were glued to his lips.”

  The crash she'd heard just before leaving. Shit, she must have left just before he stormed out.

  “I heard the crash,” she said quietly. “But I didn’t know you defended me to them, or that you defended us… or that you threatened to quit Misery… I’m so so-” she stopped herself before she started with I’m sorry again.

  Even then, Serena,” he practically growled at her. “It doesn’t give you the right to jump straight into someone else’s arms. If you felt fucking anything for me, you would have waited for me, to talk to me about it!” he said bitterly.