She turned to face me and her energy calmed. “I bet you do. We’re both haunted in that way and we’ll never escape it. Never escape the questions or answer when we have to explain parts of our life. It is what it is, I suppose. It happened. It’s life.”
The coldness that took over her tone at the end had me staying quiet. I didn’t want us to part this way. And we would if I didn’t change things now.
“Do you ever do anything spontaneous? Just for the thrill?”
A smile tugged at her lips, but disappeared just as fast.
“Not often. I like control. Why, did you have something in mind?”
I took the plate from her, rinsing it before reaching over to turn off the water.
“Let’s go.”
“Go?”
A tinge of uncertainty pushed into her tone, but I ignored it as I walked over and grabbed my jacket, beanie, and a small throw blanket from the back of the sofa.
“Do you have some something warmer in your car to put on? You’re going to need it.”
“Alex, what are you up to?”
“No questions. Just trust me.” I took her hand and tried to slow my breathing as we locked eyes. Something heavy passed between us and I was content to wait for her answer.
“Alright.”
Her agreement was barely a whisper. Fear was present and I tried to ignore the way it excited my wolf. I shouldn’t be doing this. I knew in my gut my plan could backfire with it being so close to the full moon, but the man in me was dying for more.
“Come on.” I took off at a fast pace, pulling her behind me as we broke through the door and made a stop at her car. As she slid on the half trench coat, I tested the energy for any threat. We were good.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” Again, I grabbed her hand, leading her toward the edge of the woods. There was a slight resistance against my grip, but she didn’t pull back from me. She let me lead, which in its own told me a lot.
Trees were thick as I maneuvered us deeper though the overgrown trail. I hadn’t been back this way in a few years. I prayed it was still safe for what I had planned. If I could just get her to relax. To not be the cop that was ingrained in her, perhaps she’d open up and gift me with the woman who hid behind the mask. I’d only just met her, but a voice within told me it was vital. Not only for the man, but for the beast.
The terrain elevated, bringing us up to battle against the steep incline. Halfway up, Erin swore while she battled with her modest heels. It probably wasn’t such a good idea to have her hiking through rolling hills.
“Almost there. We just need to reach the top. Then we climb.”
“Climb what?”
I laughed under my breath, wondering what she’d think of my lookout. I’d built it not long after I moved here. It had the best view of the stars at night. But I’d lost myself somewhere over the years. Depression, loneliness… It had destroyed me.
“There we go.” I righted her as we reached the top. I couldn’t help but smile bigger at her gasp. We were higher than anywhere in Wolf River, and being at the edge of the cliff, the overhead view went on for miles upon miles. The occasional light shone in the distance from random cabins, but there weren’t many. And the stars were bright. Not at all covered by the clouds like the last few nights.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Just wait until you get up there. I plan to build here someday. I can see it in my head, it’ll be perfect. Let me go first to make sure everything is okay.” I pulled her to my manmade ladder I had nailed to the tree. Above, a good fifteen feet, rested a square deck. I climbed, glancing down every few steps to make sure she was okay without me there. It was ridiculous. I knew nothing was out here with us, but I couldn’t stand to leave her unprotected. Even if it was only a few feet of space between us.
“God, I missed this.” I placed the crumpled blanket on the deck, flattening my palms against the wood as I stood and walked the distance around it. It was steady, making me happier. “Perfect. Come on up.”
“You’re sure it’s okay?”
“Positive.”
It took Erin barely any time to reach the top. As I flattened out the blanket, I tried to contain the giddiness at having her up here with me. What I was doing was nothing more than giving my wolf something to feed from. He liked my happiness, but he also enjoyed calculating ways to make it good for him. We were one and the same, yet complete opposites.
The moon illuminated Erin’s awed expression, sending pride shooting through my heart. To share a memory like this with her—to have a pleasure in common, even if it was taking in scenery or beauty of any kind… I hadn’t had that with another person in as long as I could remember. To share that now, with her, it left me speechless. I told myself I would get my fix and not dream of having a partner of any kind in the future, but it was hard to deny what I longed for. Whether it be a lover, a girlfriend, or more, I had to face facts. It was impossible. As I looked at her and reality dawned, the earth shattered and sucked all happiness right out of me, filling me with emptiness. Hollowness left me off-balance and I sat down on the blanket, trying to catch my breath.
I was alone. I would always be alone. There was no hope for me. Not in life, and certainly not in love.
This was the moon’s fault. With pulling out my wolf, my deepest desires were somehow surfacing and conforming my two selves together. These emotions for Erin were nothing but an illusion. They weren’t real and come the day after my change, accepting my path would be easier.
“Alex, this is just amazing. Absolutely beautiful.” She lowered to the blanket, lying back to look up at the stars. Puffs of smoke left her mouth and I watched her hug to herself from the cold. I wanted to say she was beautiful, but I kept quiet, joining her on the blanket. The sky was so clear and bright, but I didn’t get lost in the sights. My thoughts, my sadness, sucked me in, making the agony in my chest increase. I barely heard Erin as she began to talk again.
“I shouldn’t be here with you right now. I shouldn’t have even come tonight. I know I’ve crossed an ethical line, but right now I don’t care. There’s a peacefulness here. I needed this. I wasn’t aware of how much until this moment.”
She turned on her side, propping her head up to look at me.
“Thank you.”
I nodded, not able to speak. She wouldn’t be thanking me if she knew what was running through my mind. With my mood, came something I knew all too well. Lust, yes, but a darker version of it.
“Are you okay? You seem … upset.”
“I’m fine.”
But I wasn’t so sure she would be if we stayed out here much longer.
Something flickered behind Erin’s gaze and she kept in her position, watching me. My stare lifted back to the stars. I was too afraid to look at her anymore. If I did, I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to contain myself. I wanted to kiss her. To pin her down and have my way with her until I ripped the lust free that she held captive inside. Afterward … that part scared me the most. Would I tear her to shreds, then, and eat her alive? Jesus, this wasn’t right.
“We should go.”
“Go? But we just got here.”
To say I didn’t see her shaking the tiniest amount was a lie. There was nothing I missed concerning her. Not the increased pace in breathing, or the flush that was creeping into her cheeks from the combination of cold and internal heat. Blood.
My fist clenched and I wasn’t sure how I was still lying down. I should have bolted to a sitting position by now. Or raced down the stairs like my life depended on it, because it did. As did hers.
For the fifth time in the last minute, my eyes were sucked to the moon. “Erin?” With her name came a transition to my bones. My ribs shifted and I bit at the inside of my cheeks through the pain. Not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to make me realize I was calling out to her for something I didn’t even know.
“Alex? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m not. Have you
ever wanted something so badly that it physically made you sick?” My head shook. “I mean … do you ever miss things like this? Do you date or ever think of finding someone new since your partner died?”
The raise in her eyebrows had me regretting not leaving before. I was burying myself and sounding even more like a desperate fool. This woman had the power of the law on her side and any slip on my part would be damning for both of us. Humanity. It was going to be my downfall. My wolf I could chain up if need be. I couldn’t put a lock on my heart.
“Um … sometimes, I guess.” Her stare intensified on mine, belying her tentative answer.
And there it was—hope, blossoming even more thanks to the lie from that glowing orb in the sky.
I rose to my elbows, pausing while I calculated her expression. She was getting ready to pull back. Her uneasiness, her walls, were rising. I was so in tune with her energy, I could feel it as if it were my own. And as if on cue, the bad part of me calculated on how to fix it.
“I miss my parents. You saying you talked to my dad really brought back the pain. Sometimes I think about calling them, but I’m not sure what I would say. I’ve intentionally avoided them for a very long time. I even ran my mom off once. I was hateful in how I went about it. Nothing can ease the guilt I feel over that.”
A softness appeared on her face and Erin moved closer to me. At revealing such a painful topic, I latched to her internal need to comfort.
“You should get in touch with them. I think mending your relationship would do both of you good. If you explained the PTSD and how you feared you’d hurt them, I think they would understand your predicament and why you chose to do what you did. You deserve some sort of happiness. Living this way, alone, can’t be satisfying for you.”
I lowered my gaze to the blanket just before her, only to return her stare.
“I can’t stand it. I know we just met, but I can’t help but feel I can be open with you. I think about them all the time. Maybe I’ll call in the next few days.”
Erin grinned, scanning my face. When her gaze dipped to my lips, it was almost impossible not to learn forward to press them into hers.
“I think that would be great. If I can do anything to help, just let me know.”
I returned her smile for only a moment before I lowered my head back to the blanket. The truth was, I had no intention of doing any of it. My parents were safer that way. PTSD wasn’t my problem, my curse was.
A yawn sounded and as I opened my mouth to ask if she was ready, alarms flared inside of me. The thud of multiple heartbeats in the distance only confirmed my suspicions. Wolves. They were coming, and fast. But, why? Were they hunting in the area? My eyes closed feeling for my connection with them. Twisting in my gut was almost immediate. Her. They smelled her.
“Alex, do you think—”
My hand clamped over her mouth and I shifted a good portion of my weight on top of her body, pinning her down. Erin jerked to action, grasping my wrist.
“Shh. The wolves are coming. I can hear them.”
Her eyes flared open and trembling began shaking her body.
“I’m going to try to scare them away. It’s night so they’ll be braver, but…” Shit. In this form they weren’t going to listen to me. My aura be damned, they wouldn’t give a shit. They were coming for her. I suddenly felt their need. Their desire to taste her was so strong that it triggered my own. Everything about what I was doing was suddenly different. I could feel her soft body and how hard her pulse was racing in it. Her scent mingled with her fear making my cock hard and my personality aggressive.
“Mmph.”
The word was suffocated by my tight hold over her mouth and I’d only just realized exactly how hard I was clamped to her face. I blinked rapidly, easing to just above her lips, but for the life of me I couldn’t raise my palm up far.
“My gun,” she breathed out, heavily. “If we did a warning shot, could we scare them enough to make it to the house?”
I shook my head back and forth and I tried my best not to grind myself against her.
“We’re trapped up here until they decide to leave. Nothing will be make them back down. I don’t think even I can.”
Well, I could... In wolf form I would have had them scattering, but I couldn’t do that with her here. Nor did I suddenly care to. I was getting hotter, burning for her.
“We’re safe up here though, aren’t we?”
There was a slight wiggle from Erin as she stared up at me. She wanted me off, but I wasn’t ready. Fuck, I couldn’t move.
“They can’t get up here.” My finger lowered to trace over her lips just as a twig snapped in the distance. Her head jerked to the side to try to look, but I didn’t follow her gaze. I stayed transfixed on what was before me. On what I wanted more than anything.
A gasp exploded as her head lifted and she began to try to scramble out from under me.
“Oh my God. Oh my—”
“Don’t move,” I growled, pinning her even more under me. “They know you’re here, but if you ever want them to leave, you can’t let them see you.”
“There’s so many. They’re everywhere.”
Only then did I glance into the surrounding woods. And she was right. I turned to look on both sides of us seeing movement slake in from every space possible. They kept coming. Slow, scenting for her, hunting her.
My hand lowered back over her mouth and I shook my head as if to tell her not to speak another word. She nodded, understanding, and trembling even worse beneath me. Torturous minutes passed while they gathered, but I barely even noticed. Erin’s body heat had risen. She was warmer now with me on top of her. She was softening and calming as she realized the danger wasn’t as threatening as she’d felt it was at the beginning. Slightly, her head turned and I moved my hand from her mouth to ease down to cup to her cheek. She didn’t speak, but at that point words weren’t needed. How long had we been staring at each other? I couldn’t remember. I knew nothing but her.
Chapter 11
Erin
What had I gotten myself into this time?
The question repeated as I kept finding myself caught in Alex’s stare. I knew I should be telling him to get off of me, but I was lost in those eyes. Swirling in some gravitational abyss that held me prisoner in its timeless possession. And my eyes weren’t the only thing trapped.
Who was this man?
Rustling below had me blinking past the pull. Hot breath brushed against my cheek as he lowered. “Don’t speak a word. Don’t let them hear your voice. If you do, it may excite them and keep them around even longer.”
I shivered as arousal had me transitioning my breathing from my nose to my mouth. My fingertips pushed into Alex’s side, hoping he’d get the hint to lift, but his weight only lowered into me even more. As if he wanted my touch as much as I wanted to hold onto him. Shit, he had to move. I already felt guilty about being here to begin with. I didn’t need anything else to add to my dilemma.
Quickly, I tapped my fingers until he glanced to look down at my contact.
Up, I mouthed.
A rough shake of his head had my mouth twisting in conflict. When he started to lower again, I braced myself not to be affected by his nearness.
“I can’t get up, Erin. The less movement, the better. Unless … you want to spend the night out here with me?”
Pressure from the tip of his nose began to trace down my face until his lips brushed against my neck. My fingers latched to his jacket while I squeezed tightly. The need to hit his side to try to get him off was there. God, I was so fucking close to attacking. It was what came natural to me concerning any sort of intimacy.
“Shh,” he breathed out, rocking against me as he moved back to my ear. “Calm. You’re putting off so much heat. You’re afraid, but you don’t have to be. I’m not going to let anything hurt you.” His fingers traveled the length of my neck to come up, only for his hand to cup my cheek. In soft caresses he tried to soothe me. What seemed like forever
passed and I soon found myself leaning into his touch as it glided back and forth over my face and neck. Our breaths grew heavier and they told me everything I needed to know—that I wasn’t the only one praying deep down that something more would happen.
Random growls sounded throughout the time. All the while, he kept staring and running his fingers along my jawline and over my pulse point. It was hell and relief all at the time same. The cold began to set in after so much time passed. Even with as hot as I was on the inside, my teeth began to chatter.
“You’re cold. We need…” His head rose and he scanned the area before reaching over and very slowly lifting the blanket. Snarls were followed by a pieces of bark being clawed from the trunk. Frantically, I clutched to Alex, afraid that somehow the wolves would find their way onto the lookout.
“Up,” he said, lifting me enough to rip the blanket out from underneath me. Darkness came abruptly as he threw the fleece over his head and closed us in. I could hear the wolves jumping and clawing at the tree.
“I want my gun,” I whispered. “Let me—”
His palm reappeared over my mouth, cutting off my words.
“They can’t get up here. Even if one did, I’d kill it before it ever got close to you. Now don’t think about them. Clear your mind and try to focus on something else.”
As he adjusted himself on top of me, I nearly cried out at his thigh wedging between mine. I froze, staring up into complete darkness. All I could feel was his breath as he hovered over me. Fingers slid into my hair on both sides of my head and I tried to figure out what was the bigger threat—Alex, or the wolves below? Was I safe from either?
“You can move now. If you say they can’t get up here, I’ll be okay.”
“Stop. Talking. You get them going every time you do. Right now, we need to focus on keeping warm. I think we still have a long way to go and it’s only getting colder. If it starts to snow like I think it might, you’re going to be happy I’m on top of you.”
Would I be? That was a stupid question. My body was so sensitive. I couldn’t even remember how long it had been since I had been so turned on. The need to move against him was hard as hell not to act on. Especially since I could feel his own reaction to our closeness. God, he was so hard. I should have been afraid of that. I should have thrown myself to the wolves and taken my chances with them. The way he was holding onto my hair was muddling my thoughts. The symbolism represented power—domination. It represented a life I hadn’t lived now for years.
WOLF (Wolf River Book 1) Page 9
