Her weight crashed into me, feeling like nothing with the strength I harbored. For her, the air gushed out, but she didn’t seem to mind. Her arms locked around my neck, and apple and cinnamon engulfed me. Home. Yes, this was what I remembered. What I had missed more than anything.
“Hey, mom.” The words choked in my throat as I held to her tightly. Tears burned my eyes but I managed to keep them from pouring down my face. Everything was so wrong. So tragically off.
“You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
Time passed before she wiped the tears away and let her arms loosen. “Please, come inside.” She locked one of hers around mine as if to say regardless of my answer, she wasn’t letting go. Nausea mixed with the fight within and I knew I should never have come. Seeing them after all these years, how could I break their hearts again by disappearing once more?
My steps were slow, forced, as she practically pulled me forward. Alarms were screaming in my head. Flashes of the last time I was here were overpowering me. I’d killed someone for the first time that night. Their blood had been all over my bedroom walls. All over my bed. The night was such a blur, but I couldn’t deny what I knew I had done.
“Wait,” I whispered. My feet dug in and the depth of pain my mother kept inside etched into her features. It killed me even more.
“It’s okay,” she urged.
My dad’s palm fitted against the middle of my back, almost nonexistent, but he could have shoved me with the anxiety that registered behind the action. I tensed, breathing through the nerves.
“You don’t have to stay long. Just come in and eat a slice of pie. We can go from there.”
My dad’s calm tone had me magically walking again. The glow from inside was like an enemy all of its own. The closer I got, the more defensive I felt. The moment the side door opened and my mother guided me in, everything I felt disappeared. The once beige walls were now a deep burgundy, giving a more inviting feel. An island stood in the middle of the once closed-in kitchen. The wall that separated it and the living room was gone. The childhood home I knew had vanished and transitioned from a country feel to a more modern home with ceramic tile throughout.
“Whoa…” I scanned the staircase in the back. Even the railing had been replaced.
“Your father has spent years fixing this place up. Nice, huh?”
The question had my attention coming down to my mother. In the light, her brown hair was laced with gray. Time, and no doubt the stress I’d caused, had taken its toll on her, too. All I could do was stare into her green eyes, praying for a forgiveness I wasn’t sure I deserved. If she only knew the man in front of her, her son, was an animal—a killer.
“It looks very nice.” I forced the statement out as my mom finally let go and my dad led me to a barstool that rested along the island. I sat, trying to push the uneasiness away. To say I uncomfortable was an understatement. There was an awkwardness that embedded itself within me at every breath we all took. The fact that I was detecting each exhale in the room wasn’t a good sign. My wolf was lurking. Watching. I tried to ignore his presence as I focused on starting a conversation. “Dad said you were taking accounting classes.”
Plates clinked and my mother peeked through her still wet lashes. “Yes. They’re very hard, but I’m enjoying the challenge. You meet some interesting people through the online group discussions. And from all over, too. It’s amazing, really.”
“Sounds like it.” I made myself grin and I tried to relax. Being inside wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would. Especially since what I remembered about my childhood home was different.
“How have you been? Really?” My mom turned, carrying over a plate for me and my father. She handed him the ice cream scooper, barely looking at him as she kept her gaze trained on me.
“I’ve been okay. I stay busy with odd jobs. Keep to myself mostly.”
Something flashed over her face. She did look at my father, then, coming back to me. I could tell something was bothering her and I didn’t like it. My mother shouldn’t have to worry about anything. Yet, she was, and it revolved around me.
“The investigator woman… Ms. Billings.”
“Erin,” I said, nodding. “What about her?”
There was a hesitation as she yet again cut her eyes over to my dad.
“What is it?”
My mom took the utensil from my father, placing a perfectly rounded vanilla scoop on top of my slice of pie. She didn’t turn her attention back to me until she returned from the sink.
“She told your father about the PTSD, Alex. To stay away for so long when we could have helped you?”
“Maryann.”
“Don’t,” my mom said defensively. “It’s the elephant in the room and I want to get it out and away so I can have my son back. This whole time I feared something worse. I feared the unimaginable. I even blamed myself, questioning if it was something I did that drove him away that morning. I just … I don’t understand.”
The tears were welling in her eyes again and I didn’t have a clue on how to stop them. The truth hurt, but this wasn’t her fault. It was all mine.
“Oh, mom. Nothing was yours or dad’s fault.” I stood, walking around the island. As I took her in my arms, I couldn’t meet my dad’s stare. And I could feel it on us, so heavily that it left me even more on edge.
“Tell me,” she sobbed. “Tell me what happened with you? I’ve waited for years to hear from you, but nothing. What happened, Alexander? Why did you pull away from us?”
Silence lasted for the seconds it took to get my thoughts together. I dropped my arms, stepping back to look down into her face. Lying came easy enough, I just wished I could have been honest. To explain why I needed to leave and never come back. Instead, I settled for what was safe. For not only them, but me.
“I don’t really remember that morning.” My voice was quiet and I tried blocking out the memory, but the glimpses I kept getting were impossible to dismiss. “It was like I was in the woods all over again. Reliving what I saw. I can’t tell you how terrifying it was, watching everything repeat as if the attack was the first time—and then being here, faced with blood and everything I destroyed. I was oblivious to my episode and that scared me more. Something inside of me went cold in those moments. All I could think about was something happening to you or dad. What if I would have hurt you? Or worse? I wanted to kill that thing. I wanted to…” My head shook. “It could have worse that morning. You saw the house. I had already lost my friends, I couldn’t survive losing both of you too. Especially at my hands.”
“You were in shock that morning. You wouldn’t have hurt us. You were scared when you came too, and we knew to keep our distance and give you space until you calmed. But you didn’t see that. The moment you took in what you’d done, you left. You never came back. We were scared half to death for your safety. We called the police that night. We searched nonstop. It took them a week to find you sleeping in your truck. When we got the word you were okay, we were relieved, but also devastated. I thought you’d come back or call. You never did. I went by your house constantly. You were never home or you wouldn’t answer your door. When I managed to see you that one time and you … you told me if I ever hoped to see you again as my son that I’d honor your wishes and stay away, it killed me. Do you know how much it hurts a mother to lose her son?
“I’m sorry,” I said, quietly. I felt such guilt and shame at driving my parents away. “I’m … sorry. But you don’t understand how bad this is. I don’t feel comfortable being so close to the two of you. These episodes, they can come at any time—day or night, it makes no difference. You both are not safe around me. I get very…” I paused, trying to scare them enough so they’d understand. “Violent, when this happens. It’s the reason I can’t stay long. And I can’t visit as often as I want,” I stressed. “I miss you and dad. I do. But please understand what I’m going through. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you. I’m sorry I can’t control this. I wish I
could. I wish…”
My eyes burning had me stepping back even more. I couldn’t do this for much longer. I felt emotionally train wrecked.
“Come when you can,” she rushed out, moving closer. “Just, please, come. I have to have you in my life, Alex. I’ll take whatever you’re capable of and I won’t push you, but you have to at least try. Promise me.”
The answer wouldn’t come vocally, but I did manage to nod.
We hugged briefly before she led me back to the stool. My father took over from there, telling me about the goings-on at the shop while my mom made her a slice of pie and sat down across from us. After a few minutes the tension eased and comfort began to sink in. My shoulders relaxed and I genuinely started laughing at the humor concerning the stories. My dad had always been an amazing storyteller. And I enjoyed it. But it didn’t last. My mother excused herself and my dad jumped at the opportunity. Seriousness clouded his face and everything took a terrifying turn. One, I never saw coming.
“I went out to the land this evening.” He said quietly. “I have some interesting pictures on my trap camera out there, Alex. Ones, you might want to see.”
“Your trap camera?”
Heat flashed over my body in waves of panic.
“That’s right. I know you were out there. I also know someone else was, too. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”
Wolf
Family came in many forms. Some held to the belief that it was rooted strictly from DNA, where others embraced the ties made through emotional bonds. I happened to sway more toward the latter. My maker wasn’t my family, nor was the weak relatives I claimed as kin. If I had to attach myself to anyone, it’d be the wolves. They were the loyal ones. The dependent ones. I couldn’t say that for anyone else.
I’d seen the love of those connected to me and it wasn’t even comparable to the animals at my side. I was all but avoided unless I was needed. To everyone, I should have been the one dead. Maybe they knew what I had become, maybe they were only deluding themselves. Regardless, I didn’t care anymore. They were going to die soon anyway. It wasn’t like I had a choice in my cravings. Or, in my behavior.
I snarled, letting out a grunt as I broke to the left. The heat was rising, burning into my throat as I took deep inhales. The call for more blood was strong. I needed to kill, again. I knew the wolves would join me on my hunt. After all, we’d done this before—gone down this same winding path through the trees. My mind told me we had, even if I didn’t know exactly where I was going.
As we came to a fork, I didn’t force the answers. I took a left, waiting, knowing the way would present itself. It always did. That gave me comfort as a few seconds passed and a scent registered. Tiny pieces began to filter through. Sweetness—the investigator. Her pretty face flashed before me and immediately I growled, suddenly impatient to have her. When I got within distance to a cabin, I slowed.
Yes, this was where she lived. I narrowed my eyes, exposing my teeth as I tested the energy. Something was different. Off. I scanned the area, coming out of my crouch to stand at full height.
Her car was gone.
With my wolf eyes I took in everything. Two other scents drifted into me. One I’d picked up numerous times … Alex. Yes. It was his, but someone else’s, too.
I blinked through the foggy haze that held my mind. Everything was starting to return, but slowly. Blonde hair, tall. Yes … the detective—Caleb Perkins.
Slowly, I hunched forward, walking and scanning the area even though I knew I was alone. When my palm slammed into the wooden door, it flew from the hinges, crashing inside. The woman’s scent engulfed me and I moaned as more memories of the last few weeks rushed back. The euphoric sensation didn’t last as my lids fluttered opened. The destroyed room processed and my blood began to heat even more in my veins.
She was gone. Due to the condition of the home, my wolf knew she wasn’t coming back. That only meant one thing—I had to find her and finish this before she was gone for good.
Chapter 19
Erin
I looked around the small guest house, not even sure where to start. What I was in wasn’t an actual house, but a small one room structure. There was no bathroom, no kitchen, or living area. The twin size bed barely fit the length and aside from the three feet on each side, that was it. My suitcase and files filled up one entire length, leaving me a three by seven foot path to pace. Which I was doing continuously as the phone rang.
“Hey Chan, this is Investigator Billings.”
“Ah, Investigator. Any luck up there, yet?”
I bit my bottom lip for a moment before turning and taking steps to the opposite length of the room.
“Possibly.”
He paused. “Go on.”
Even now as I fought to figure out what to say, my mind told me I was crazy. That I’d somehow invented the whole thing.
“I saw something. I’m hesitant on what to call it. I … really don’t know.”
His exhale was followed by the sound of a chair creaking. “Let’s start from what you’re certain of. What stands out the most when your mind goes back to memory?”
My legs grew still and I was taken back to the dark night. Back to that face that stared at me, changing everything.
“It had a muzzle.”
“Alright. Can you make an estimate on the length?”
My eyes closed as I tried to calculate to the best of my ability. The creature had been so big. Even from a distance I could see that. It dwarfed the wolves at its side.
“Five inches, give or take an inch. But … the muzzle was wide. Almost flat in the front.”
“Five inches and flat? What is your estimated height of this animal?”
This was where I knew I couldn’t continue to guess. “I don’t know. It was crouched and it was dark outside. I caught it in my flashlight for only a few seconds before I was forced to run.”
“What else do you remember around it?”
“Well, it had a lot of hair. Black, a somewhat long coat. But I could see its skin in places … if that makes sense.”
He hesitated. “Continue.”
“Big eyes. Huge, sharp teeth. Big hands—”
“Paws,” he corrected.
“No. I’m … pretty sure they looked like hands to me. But slightly different, with claws. I can’t really remember exactly if it had four fingers or five. It all happened so fast.”
“I’m sorry, you’re sure you saw this?”
The sound of an engine revving in the distance outside gave me pause, but I continued. “I did. I saw it.”
“And what was it doing?”
I cringed through the flashback. “Eating the intestines from a little boy’s stomach.”
“Shit,” he breathed out. “I’m sorry, please excuse my language.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s something I never wish to see again.”
The engine in the background grew louder and my eyebrows drew in at the sound. I knew it was still a bit away, but it so loud. So much like… No. I pushed the thought away. Alex wouldn’t dare come over here.
“Can I ask you a question, Dr. Chan?”
“Please. Ask me as many as you want. I’m searching now for something that may fit your description. Maybe it will help.”
“Alright. Do different species of animals usually hunt together? Share their food? This … thing. It was feeding from that boy with two wolves at its side. I swear, for a moment, I could have bet my life they were communicating. The creature grunted and the next thing I knew, those wolves came at me with every intention of ending my life.”
“Fascinating. Absolutely astonishing.”
“Is it?”
Paper rustled in the background and I wondered if he was looking something up or writing something down. I waited before he spoke again.
“Yes. Give me a few days and I’ll get back to you with what I can find. If you remember anything in the meantime, please, call me.”
“I will. Thank
you.”
I hung up, only able to reflect on my conversation for a moment before the sound of a horn broke through. Whoever it was, they appeared either upset or pissed. I grabbed my jacket, sliding it on before I headed outside. Voices were already shouting as I shut the door behind me and came to the edge of Caleb’s home.
“I know it was you! I saw the pictures. What did you think you were doing?” Alex’s voice roared loudly, while he pointed his finger at Caleb.
“What are you talking about? What did I supposedly do?”
“You followed me onto my dad’s land. Then you shot me with that fucking dart!”
Caleb’s head cocked to the side and he crossed his arms over his chest. “And you have proof of that?”
Alex shoved pieces of paper just above Caleb’s forearms, hard. Although Caleb seemed composed, I watched him swallow hard as he grabbed them, beginning to scan each one.
“This one just shows me standing.” He dropped the picture to the ground. “Okay, I’m walking.” The next floated down. “Here is my back and I’m holding something. But you can’t see what it is.”
“Don’t you bullshit me. You shot me and left me there. I know it was you. What you did… What you could have done,” he yelled.
Silence had me walking all the way around the corner. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I wanted to know. Especially if Alex was telling the truth.
“Detective?”
Both men turned toward me and Alex glared back at Caleb. “I know it was you. Your motive behind it… I can only guess. What I do know is that you and I are going to have a heart to heart real fucking soon. Alone,” he snapped, glancing at me before turning to stalk to his truck. I didn’t try to stop him. Not when he obviously didn’t want me to know.
The driver’s side door slammed and he reversed it hard, peeling through gravel as he did so. Rocks flew, showering the unmarked car before he switched gears and tore down the snow covered path that led to the main road a good mile away.
“Caleb?” I repeated. “What’s going on? Did you shoot Alex with a dart?”
WOLF (Wolf River Book 1) Page 17
