“Oh, let me see,” Erin said, dazzling them with her smile. Where I thought she’d take the fudge from my fingertips, she grasped my wrist tightly and bent down, taking a bite so big that her bottom lip brushed my thumb. My eyes widened as my body roared to life. “Mmm,” she said, closing her eyes.
My aunt clapped a little, elated that I wasn’t the only one praising her cooking.
“Wow,” Erin went on, in a quieter tone. “That is really good.”
I reach in with shaky fingers, pulling out another. Her hand came back to mine with less pressure. As she glided up my forearm to stop at my wrist, again, our eyes held. Slowly, she moved in, seeming to catch herself at the last minute. She took a quick bite stepping back and casting them another smile. There was a slight blush to her cheeks and I could feel her embarrassment.
“I’m going to have to get that recipe,” she said, still edging back to my mother.
“If you’re here for Christmas, we can make a batch together.” My aunt turned to my mom. “We’re still doing Christmas here, right?”
My dad threw me a look and I laughed under my breath. It wasn’t so bad, really. Not like I had feared when I first realized they were here. In truth, I was enjoying their presence for the most part. The socialization and interaction was something I had missed. And the normality… It was heaven to be in again.
“It’s still the same. We had Thanksgiving at your place. Christmas will be here.”
“Will it be like old times?” Randy butted in. “Like before Alex left?”
Silence once again took over and we all turned to look at him.
“The hunt,” he went on. “Us guys go hunting while the women cook. It was always like that. I was just wondering if we’d be doing it that way again. Like as if nothing ever happened.”
“Randy,” Aunt Jessa hissed.
“What? It’s a valid question. I don’t want to go into these woods and get mauled by something.”
My mother glanced at me and I could see her pain as she rushed from the kitchen.
“You don’t have to worry about that,” I ground out. “There will be no hunt. Excuse me.” I headed for my mother, easing my hand up to Erin who was already headed her way too.
What needed to be done had to be private. A moment between mother and son. A bonding and healing that I knew needed to happen.
I raced through the living room, pausing at the stairs. Sweat began to line my skin as I forced myself forward. When I reached the top, everything was the same but the color of the walls. It was like stepping back in time. Vertigo had me placing my palm against the wall and I could so clearly see the pictures broken on the floor and the holes along the wall. Fuck, I’d gone crazy that morning.
“Mom?” My steps were slow as nausea left me swallowing compulsively. As I neared my open bedroom door, I breathed through the panic that was surfacing. “Mom?”
“In here, Alex.”
Fuck. She was in my old room. My love for her was the only thing leading me toward her voice. I grabbed to the door frame as I stared into a nightmare I remembered all too vividly. Blood was smeared across my sheet and strewn blanket. My crimson handprints were trailed along the walls, evidence of my first murder. Of my first victim. The man’s screams echoed in my head. He’d been begging for his life.
“Alex, come here.”
I barely recalled moving forward to collapse at her feet. I was quickly becoming drenched in sweat. The flashes blinded me and I rested my head on her lap, closing my eyes, wishing to forget. But I’d never get rid of these visions, and trying to convince myself that having Erin would change my path was the biggest lie I’d ever conceived.
“I’m sorry,” I managed. “I never meant to hurt you and dad like I did. I thought you were better off without me.”
Fingers stroked through my hair, calming the storm brewing within.
“You’re our son, Alex. You’re our life. We’d never be better without you. All those years you were gone, there was an emptiness nothing in this world could fill. We mourned the loss of your presence every single second of the day.”
“But you also stayed safe. You stayed alive.”
Her fingers paused and she grew quiet for a few seconds. “You really feel as though you would have hurt us had you remained here, don’t you?”
“I know I would have.” I lifted, then, meeting her eyes for only a moment before dropping my head. Her hands cupped my cheeks, bringing me back up.
“I know the stories. I know the secrets of this town. And I don’t care. You are my son. No matter what. You will always be my son.” My lids closed while her lips pressed into my forehead. My eyes were on fire as emotions stirred. Energy behind me had me turning to see my father in the doorway.
Slowly, he walked forward, and I stood, not sure what to expect.
“Your mother and I had a long talk shortly after you left home. We went over every possibility. Every scenario and outcome.” He glanced between us, ultimately nodding. “She’s right. You’re our son and we love you. Nothing could ever change that.”
“Dad?” My head shook, confused by how unfathomable the acceptance seemed. Did they mean what I thought they did? Did they know?
“Sometimes terrible things are bestowed upon good people. What happened to you wasn’t your fault, Alex. You’ve dealt with this how you felt was best, but you’ve protected and looked out for everyone except yourself. It’s time to let go of any fears you have. I assure you we considered every possibility of your accident and we love you too much to want to lose you again.”
“Even if…?”
I couldn’t continue. The words were impossible to force out.
“No matter what,” my dad said sternly. “Now let’s go finish this meal before your Uncle Clayton wipes out my whisky and I end up kicking him out again.”
I laughed, but it was filled with sadness and laced with disbelief. My mind was spinning.
I wrapped my arm around my mother as she stood from the bed. A weird sense of something resembling peace sunk in. It stroked the embers within, sparking the tiniest flame. I’d come to help my mother heal, but the assurance from my parents worked its own magic to the broken pieces inside of me. Maybe I was wrong thinking that Erin couldn’t save me. Contentment was growing. Between what was blossoming with Erin, and what I was getting from my mom and dad, I stood a real chance of becoming someone I never thought I’d be. To having something I never dreamed was possible. Man was winning over the beast and there was a power behind that, but I knew it was only temporary. The real test would come the week before and after the full moon. Erin was with me now every second of the day, and that changed things. During my most susceptible time, all bets were off.
Chapter 25
Erin
Watching Alex’s family leave his parents’ home was the biggest relief I could have asked for in the moment. My behavior at the beginning was uncalled for and I was repulsed by my actions toward Mimi. Jealousy was something I had never dealt with before. Where it had come from wasn’t something I wanted to think about. My only saving grace for the night was the fact that I got it under control earlier, rather than later in the evening.
“What a great dinner,” I said, sipping my wine. “I’ve had a wonderful time.”
“Agreed.” Alex’s mom said, smiling. She and Alexander sat on the sofa across from mine and Alex’s loveseat. And they were staring, happily, at us. “We’re going to have to do it again sometime soon.”
“Dad mentioned you were going to be setting up the Christmas tree in the next few days. Why don’t Erin and I plan to come back over, then? We can cook for you and dad and then we can all decorate the tree afterward. It’ll be like old times.”
Alex wrapped his arm around me as I watched their happiness grow to unbelievable heights. My heart swelled until I almost couldn’t breathe. It was beautiful to watch them all bond. Alex, too. He was everything I’d ever wanted, and the one thing I never thought I’d have.
“That s
ounds like a fantastic idea,” his mom exclaimed.
“It’s a date, then. We can even come over a little early so I can help dad hang the lights.”
Alexander gave a big nod. “I like the sound of that.”
“Perfect.” Alex scooted more to the front and I took his hint. We all stood and I walked the glass of wine to the sink, grabbing my purse as everyone headed for the door.
“I’m so glad the two of you decided to come.” His mom hugged me and I couldn’t deny how good it felt. It’d been so long since my own parents’ passing that I had forgotten what it was like to have family. Although they weren’t technically mine, it was good to feel as though they thought of me as someone who belonged.
Alex’s hand settled on my lower back and I let go, letting him help me put my jacket on. As we said our goodbyes and headed for his truck, I couldn’t keep from smiling. It really had been a wonderful night, despite my slip of jealousy at the beginning.
“I hope she stays. I like her.”
My steps faltered as Alex’s mother’s voice registered. I looked across the yard, noticing they weren’t outside.
“You okay?”
Alex opened the passenger side door of the truck and I glanced over the forty or so feet separating us from the house. Had she really said that? Did it travel through the walls at her volume?
“I … yeah,” I said, nodding. “I just thought I heard something.”
“Nothing you should be worried about.” Alex practically lifted me in the truck. “The only thing within distance are a few critters in the woods, but I think I can fend them off,” he said, kissing my cheek.
I laughed, turning to catch his lips with mine as he moved back in. Our connection was light, increasing as he deepened this kiss.
“Oh, Alexander, they’re perfect for each other. How sweet.”
“Joan, get away from that window before they see you.”
Alex laughed the exact moment I stiffened and tore my gaze to the window. Fingers turned my face and the smile Alex had melted as he studied my face. “Erin, you didn’t hear that … did you?”
“Hear what? I’m ready to go home,” I rushed out. “It’s cold.”
My shaking had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with my biggest fears coming true. I shouldn’t have heard them. Or felt the need to rip Mimi to shreds for checking out the man I was quickly falling for, but I couldn’t help it. I was losing myself. Each day brought something new. Something I couldn’t control.
Alex kissed my cheek once more before shutting the door. It didn’t take but a few minutes to get home and even then, I couldn’t make myself speak. My mind was going wild and I found myself lost in the possibilities of my future.
“Let’s take this off.” Alex unzipped my jacket and I let him take it to the closet. When he came back to me, I realized I was standing in the same location. He was holding a cup of hot chocolate and I hadn’t even realized he’d been gone long enough to make it. My heart was starting to race and there was an odd sense to run. To just start running and not stop until I was in a location where no one knew who I was … or what I might be. But there was no running. Not from this.
“I’m scared,” I whispered, taking the cup. “I don’t think I’m okay.”
Concern masked his features and Alex led me to the sofa, taking the mug to set it on the coffee table.
“Talk to me. What are you afraid of? Why do you think you’re not okay?”
Did I tell him? What if the full moon came and nothing happened? I’d look ridiculous with my suspicions.
“Erin, please. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”
“It’s probably nothing. I’ve always overanalyzed everything.”
Alex lowered his head until he was in my line of vision. I brought my face up, nodding. “Fine. It’s probably nothing, but I’ll tell you.” I took a deep breath. “Food is starting to taste different. Bland, I guess you could say. That could easily be explained away as anything, I guess. “I … my mind. I’m so preoccupied. I find myself wanting to argue with my own thoughts.” My eyes shut at how absurd I sounded. “This is stupid,” I laughed, pushing to my feet. “I’m just a nervous wreck. I’m sure this has happened before, it just never registered because it isn’t a big deal.”
“You need to calm. Come back over here. Sit on my lap and let me hold you.”
“Alex…”
“Come.” The order had me obeying. I crawled into his lap, curling to put my head on his chest. Fingers brushed back my hair and I felt myself begin to relax. “There,” he said, lowly. “Better?”
I nodded, but stayed quiet while he continued. Minutes went by before he spoke again.
“My parents really like you. I knew they would.”
“I like them, too. Your mother.” I glanced up. “She’s so inviting. I liked her the moment I saw her. It’s her energy. It’s so calm and loving. I almost feel like I could tell her anything and she’d understand. I rarely get the feeling from people.”
Alex’s smiled, hugging me into him even more. “She does have that kind of energy. I find it fascinating that we can both feel the same thing, yet, you’re not a wolf. Not in the true sense, anyway.”
“What do you mean?” I wiggled on his lap and he sat me up so I could face him.
“Well, let’s say you were infected. I think you’d get a glimpse of how it is, but not to the extent I do. Your wolf is in a simmering process. Your blood is altering. Gearing up for the full moon. In truth, your wolf isn’t born yet. Don’t mistake what I’m saying though. She’s there, listening, watching, but you won’t necessarily have to deal with her until she takes you over for the first time.” He frowned. “Once she comes, though, things will never be the same for you. She’ll never go away.”
“She? So is she not me?”
“It’s hard to explain. I put her in a third person because she’ll have a personality of her own. It’s like you’ll be two people. The Erin you know, and a darker part of yourself you never knew existed.”
I clutched my hands in fear.
“Let’s not think of that, now. You still have time. There’s no point in worrying just yet. Besides, you’d tell me if there was something really wrong. Wouldn’t you?”
Wrong—like hearing his parents conversation in the house?
“Alex?”
“Erin?”
He was waiting for my answer. One I didn’t think I could give just yet. It could have been …no. It couldn’t have been a hallucination or my mind creating something that didn’t exist. What was I going to do?
“If I do turn, you promise you won’t let me hurt anyone?”
“You have my word.”
I took a deep breath, resting my head back against him. How could life just be starting to get good for me, yet end up like this? Alex talked as though we shared something special. As if we’d have an amazing relationship together. I didn’t doubt his passion for us, I felt it too. It was like a fairytale to the heartbroken woman I had become. The only problem with our fairytale were the monsters that existed within it. They were real. They were us.
Alex adjusted me in his arms, leaning me further back so he could look into my face. “Hey.” His finger traced over my lips. “I have an idea.”
“What’s that?”
There was hesitation in my question. It had him laughing as he lifted me and stood.
“Why don’t you and I draw up the greenhouse? You can tell me how you want it and then we can pick a location.”
Happiness fluttered back in, giving me hope. I wanted this. If I was going to be doomed anyway, why shouldn’t I be happy with him? What if it wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be? What if I wasn’t even a fucking wolf? Alex and I … the future … it had me dreaming up so many things.
“Okay,” I said, smiling. “Let’s do this.”
“The greenhouse?” His eyebrow rose. “Or are we talking about something else?”
I giggled. “I’m talking about the green
house, of course. Unless you have something else in mind? Shall I try to guess what it is? I have a knack for figuring out mysteries.”
“I could think of a lot of things we could do, Mrs. Investigator.”
“Hey now,” I laughed. “I’m not Mrs., yet. It’s Ms. Investigator. I’m single and unattached at the moment.”
Alex let out a growl. “Like hell you are. We’re building a greenhouse together. That’s roots, baby.”
My eyes studied his as I began to smile. “You want set up roots with me?”
“Will you run if I say yes?”
My pulse was pounding as I brought my hands up to rest against his rough cheeks. God, he was ruggedly beautiful. So much so that it took me a moment to respond. “Will you stop me if I try?”
“The fact that the thought of me stopping you turns you on, has me saying yes to that question.”
My eyes widened and I laughed, wiggling in his arms. “That’s not fair.”
Alex spun me to straddle his waist. His hands squeezed against my ass and I gripped the back of his neck, moaning.
“I happen to like the advantage I have.”
I lowered, pressing my lips to his. The pressure of his fingers pushed over my opening and I deepened the kiss as I rocked against him.
“Tell me more about these roots,” I mumbled against his mouth. “Not just that I’m yours for the moment. You really want a future with me?”
Alex slid one of his hands up the back of my sweater, bringing the top half of me closer. “I do. I want to make this official. I want you to be mine for real,” he said more seriously. “Officially. Do you think you’re ready for that? Can you belong to only me? There’s a lot that comes with this commitment. You don’t live here in reality, Erin, but I want you to. I want you to stay and be with me.”
Committing myself to him was the simple part. I couldn’t imagine coming anywhere close to feeling something like this for another person. Not even with Martin. Alex was all I truly wanted. Getting my stuff packed up and moved here was something entirely different. I’d be putting roots here for real. For good. I wasn’t a quitter. When things got tough, I gave it everything I had. But could I trust Alex to do that? I was risking a lot for someone who had run from me before. I knew his reasons now, though, and everything within me said to go with this. I wanted him, and wasn’t that what mattered—our happiness?
WOLF (Wolf River Book 1) Page 22
