Damn, I’m in deep and there’s nothing I can or want to do to make it any different. I know she wants me to live my life the way I did before her, but it won’t ever be the same, not if I have it my way.
Running my hand through my hair, I half listen to Dex’s conversation about the next meeting, and when Darrell’s name comes up, I know I need to stay a little longer.
Locking my cell before I lean back on my seat, I close my eyes as if I’m taking a minute when in actual fact I’m listening intently.
“He said he’s gonna send his lackey again,” one of the guys says.
“Again?” Dex asks. “If he doesn’t show his face soon, I’ll have to reconsider this arrangement.”
Someone grunts in agreement before saying, “He thinks he’s hot fuckin’ shit. Dick needs to be taken down a peg or two.”
“And here I thought Canadians were meant to be the nice guys,” the first guy says, a loud belly laugh sounding out.
I frown. Canadian?
“Either way, he has one last chance after this meeting and if I don’t see his face, we’re done with him. I don’t deal with lackeys.”
Opening my eyes before I lift my beer to my lips, I drink the last little bit then push my chair back. “Gonna head out,” I grunt, grabbing my jacket and pushing my arms through the sleeves.
“Gotta service the wife, huh?” the first guy says, and when I stare at him, fire in my eyes, his grin drops from his face.
Leaning my palms on the table, I watch the tattoo on my hand move as I get into his face. “You don’t know me,” I start, my voice low and threatening. “So, you wouldn’t understand how I’d react to someone talking about my wife like that.” I advance on him. “This is your first and only warning, talk about my wife in any context again and I’ll end you.” I pause a beat. “End. You.”
His throat bobs as he visibly swallows, his head nodding like one of those dogs you have in the back of your car. Not moving my gaze from him, I stand up and crack the knuckles on my hand before rolling my shoulders back and looking over at Dex.
“I’ll need you in a couple days.”
I nod. “You got my burner number.”
He tilts his head in acknowledgment and I spin around before walking out of the bar and right to my SUV. I work on automatic, turning the key in the engine before starting the drive home. I pull up at a stop sign and my hands grip the steering wheel tighter, my breaths coming faster as I look left, knowing if I head that way I’ll be going past my mom’s… and Lily’s dad’s.
I know I shouldn’t go there—all it’ll do is cause more trouble—but the thought of leaving him out there, threatening Lily and any other woman who falls for his charms, has my blood pressure rising.
Charlie’s right, we should be taking the bad people off the street but doing it the legal way will only cause Lily more pain.
I press my foot to the gas pedal as I head toward her dad’s house, but all I see is red—red lights as they make my journey longer, red blood as it marks Lily’s pale skin, red knuckles from knocking Jonah out—and when I look down as I pull up outside his house, I see the blood dripping over my palms, slipping through my fingers. I blink but it’s still there, overflowing, not stopping, dripping onto my jeans and mixing in with a woman’s screams. Only when I look up, it’s not my mom sitting against the wall asking what I’ve done… it’s Lily. Terror on her face, her eyes widening as I step toward her.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I open them again, shaking the images from my head.
It’s easy… too easy to end him right now. To pull the gun from my holster and walk in there. I could shoot him between the eyes and have him buried within an hour, no one any the wiser. But could I live with that… again? Could I take away another person's life without a second thought?
The answer is yes, and that’s what has me speeding away from his house and back to the compound.
Lily doesn’t know the true me, the me who damages the people he loves. I may not physically hurt them, but bruises fade whereas memories haunt you.
Protecting the people you love sometimes shows them parts of you that you don’t want them to see. And you can never take it back once you’ve shown that side.
I don’t want Lily to see that part of me, and I’m not afraid to admit I hate how quickly I react when someone hurts a person I love. I hate being the one who loses his temper, who hurts the people who are hurting him.
It’s always in the back of my mind—the terror of turning out just like my dad.
For years I’ve worked to control my anger, to not let it guide me, and until now I’ve not had to worry about it, but as I pull up in the compound and look over at my house, I know it wouldn’t take much for me to do what is necessary to protect Lily.
Whatever the consequences.
LUKE
“Eat it!” he screams, his hand gripping onto her hair, pushing her face into his dinner. “Eat the shit you cooked me!”
“I… I’m sorry—”
“You stupid bitch.” He yanks her head back and stands over her before his fist comes out of nowhere and slams into her eye. “You’ll never learn, will you?”
“I’m sorry, Hank, I never—”
“You never what? Huh? What?” He sends his fist into her stomach, causing her to cry out as she pleads with him to stop, all the while I’m sitting opposite them, silent tears streaming down my face, my voice not working. I want to shout at him to stop hurting her, to stop shouting at her, but nothing is working.
“I’ll do better,” my mom tells him, her face pleading with him. He stares for a beat before letting her go and pulling out his chair between us.
“Eat your dinner,” he commands at me, his ice-blue eyes lighting with fire when he looks at me. My shaky hands cause the fork to rattle, but I look down, doing as he said, afraid if I don’t, I’ll be next.
I shoot up in bed, sweat coating my skin as my breaths come in pants, my hands curled into fists. It takes me a minute to come to and realize where I am.
I’m not there anymore. He can’t get to me or my mom.
My whole body shakes with pent-up anger but also panic. I’ve never told anyone about the nightmares, and when I look down at Lily in the bed next to me, I know I can’t sleep with her tonight.
I can’t let her see that side of me. I know what she’ll view me as when she finds out what I did, and then she’ll look at me just the same as her dad.
We’ve shared the bed for the last week since she’s been here but being back on the job and outside her dad’s house last night has triggered more than I can handle.
The memories have always haunted me, but not to the extent they have since she’s been sleeping peacefully at my side.
Normally I’d lie here, imagining the scene I dreamed over and over again, only with a different outcome. Sometimes I’d shout at my dad to leave my mom alone, sometimes I wouldn’t confront him on that particular day and he kills her instead.
But I can’t do that with Lily next to me. I need air, I need to breathe.
Yanking the covers back before I get out of the bed, I run my hands over my face and pull against the waistband of my sweatpants that sit low on my hips. I don’t look back as I walk out of the bedroom and down the stairs before pulling open the front door and inhaling a deep breath of fresh air.
The sky is just starting to lighten, not enough for the sun to be breaking through the sky, but enough to tell me it’s imminent.
Leaning against the wooden frame, I look out at the compound, the gates secure, everyone’s lights off. Just knowing I’m not the helpless boy I used to be calms me, but as I’m about to step back inside, I tilt my head at the small light coming from over by the warehouse.
I don’t move an inch as the gravel crunches under someone’s feet, and when the light shines on my SUV and someone crouches down, I know it’s Dean. I step back, about to close the door and head inside for my boots to confront him, but when a soft hand lands on my back, I twirl around.
“Hey,” Lily whispers, her sleepy eyes staring up at me before she looks around my body. “What’s—”
Grabbing hold of her arm, I push her inside and shut the door behind me. I push her up against the wall and lean my body into hers so we can’t be seen through the glass window in the door.
His footsteps come closer, and I look down at Lily. “Shhh,” I tell her, placing my finger over her lips.
Her eyes widen, the blue becoming alert as she hears it too. “Who is it?” she whispers, her breath on my neck.
Looking down at her, I realize where I’m holding her hip and start to let go, but when the light shines through the glass, I yank her down and cover my body with hers.
“Dean,” I say in her ear, my voice low. “He was looking at my SUV too.”
Lifting my head a little, I look into her eyes, trying to portray something I’m not sure she understands, but when the light disappears and the footsteps trail away, she says, “I met him earlier.”
Listening out, I wait a minute before asking, “You did?”
“Yeah.” Frowning, she says, “He was looking at me weird, like… I don’t know.” She shakes her head.
“Like what?”
Biting her bottom lip, she whispers, “Like he already knew who I was. I don’t know.” Waving her hand in the air, she says, “I was probably—”
“No,” I tell her with more force than I meant to. “Your gut tells you something, you listen to it.”
She stares up at me, the blue in her eyes darkening, and when I look down, I realize I’m on top of her, my bare chest against her t-shirt-covered one, and just as I’m about to get up, she says, “Why haven’t you touched me?”
“What?”
“Touched me.” She swallows, the sound echoing around us. “Is it because someone else already has? Or do you not want me like that?” Her face pales. “Or maybe I’ve read things wrong and—”
“Lily—”
“I don’t know why I’m asking this, I just thought a man like you would—”
“A man like me?” I ask, my voice deeper as I push myself off her before standing up and holding my hand out for her.
“Yeah… I…” She places her hand into mine and I pull her into a standing position. “All big and broody… and… ugh.” She covers her face with her hands. “What am I saying?”
I chuckle at her awkwardness before taking her hands from her face and pushing my fingers between hers. “I got no idea, darlin’.”
“Just… forget it.”
“No.” I shake my head. “You can talk to me about anything.” Leading her back up the stairs, I wait until we’re back in our room, before saying, “You got something on your mind, you say it.”
Sitting on the end of the bed, she stands in front of me, looking anywhere but at me as she says, “I thought you’d want sex.”
My eyes widen, a surprised laugh and cough coming out at the same time. “What?”
“I mean, I know you only married me to get me away from my dad, but I thought maybe we could try and be like… erm… together?”
“Okay. One.” I pull on her hand and bring her between my legs. “I may have married you to keep you safe, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you like that.” She looks down at me and I wrap my arms around her waist. “And the first time we sleep together—and we will by the way—you won’t have anything on your mind but me and you.” I pause. “You’re not ready, angel. And that’s okay.”
“It is?” she whispers, her voice raw with emotion.
“It is,” I confirm.
She stares down at me as I keep my gaze focused on her, telling her it doesn’t matter how long it takes for her to heal, I’m here no matter what.
“So, we’re going to be open with each other?” she asks. Tilting my head, she must see the confusion because she adds, “You said I can talk to you about anything… but it’s the same for you, Luke.” She threads her hand through my hair. “You know that, right?” I swallow, not knowing what to say so instead I nod. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, her voice soft.
“Talk about what?”
“The nightmares you’ve been having.”
My heart thumps in my chest, my palms sweating as I let her go. She steps back, a frown on her face as I stand up and walk to the bathroom.
“I’ve got to work out before today’s meeting.”
“Luke—”
“You should get some more sleep,” I tell her, not looking back as I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.
LUKE
“Kitty?” Ty asks, going around each of us to catch him up on the jobs we’re working. “How’s the intel coming?”
“Good.” She slides a folder over to him. “I got some pics, but I think I need an extra pair of hands to investigate him more.”
Ty stays silent as he opens the folder and scans through the photos. “Okay. Dean can go with you. Go inside, ask some stuff but don’t be obvious.”
“Actually.” Kitty’s gaze settles on me. “I was thinking Luke could come with me. He always has this sense of things and I could use it on this case.”
Ty’s attention turns to me, a silent question in his eyes, and when I nod, he says, “Take Luke.” He leans back in his seat. “Dean? I need you on this job.”
He pushes another folder across the table. “What is it?”
“I need to know who comes and goes to and from this warehouse. I think I have a lead on Darrell.”
My gaze focuses on Dean, the same way Ty’s is, watching and waiting for any little sign but his face gives nothing away.
After following Dex to a warehouse on the other side of the town, I knew it was an important place. I watched it for several hours but didn’t see anyone coming or going. When I brought the information back to Ty, he said he’d get Dean on it. However much I hate him being in on the job even though he doesn’t directly know I’m undercover, it’s necessary to get the intel.
We wrap up the meeting, my head starting to thump from the lack of sleep and the way I left the house this morning. I’m more focused now that I know Lily’s here and safe, but now there’s different things I worry about. Like not being able to be truthful with her. I’ve never been this close to anyone, never mind a woman. I have no idea what I’m meant to do. If I reveal that part of me, I’ll destroy the image she has and I’m not sure where that’ll leave us.
This is why I don’t tell anyone about my past, or the thoughts that roll through my mind at times. It’s why I think before I speak and have a filter. Only with her, there doesn’t seem to be one. She pulls at a part of me I didn’t know existed and I don’t know what to do about that.
“Ready?” Kitty asks, bouncing on the spot next to me.
Grunting, I push my chair back before pulling out my key and walking out of the warehouse and to my SUV. I don’t look back at my house or the warehouse as I pull out of my spot, Kitty sitting next to me punching in the address on the navigation system.
“We haven’t been on a job together for a while, eh?”
“Mmm.”
I grip the steering wheel as I follow the directions and keep my mouth closed, my mind working overtime.
“Ty keeps putting me with Dean, but if I’m honest, I’m sick of sitting next to him.” She huffs out a breath. “He doesn’t play my games… it’s almost like he’s a different person now.” Frowning, I wonder what she’s saying but she doesn’t give me a chance to reply before she starts talking again. “He’s always got his head stuck in his cell, and you know me, I want to know who he’s talking to.”
Raising a brow, I chuckle. “Yeah, I know.”
“But he won’t tell me.” She pouts, but I know she’s exaggerating. “I don’t like being in the dark.”
I look over at her when I pull up to a stop sign and stare into her hazel eyes, wondering if she means something else to what she’s actually saying. She doesn’t look away, keeping all her attention on me.
I don
’t say anything, but the spark in her eyes tells me there’s more to what she’s saying. Does she know we’re investigating Dean? Does she not like it?
I want to ask her, but instead I turn back to face the front and press my foot on the gas pedal, not willing to say anything right now.
Kitty’s the person who has been on the most jobs with me, and I trust her. But right now, I’m not sure where she stands so she needs to stay in the dark until we have solid evidence—if there is any.
“So, what’s the job?” I ask, coming to a stop outside the shop.
“Credit card fraud.”
Raising a brow, I ask, “Shouldn’t Charlie be—”
“He’s got a lot going on at the moment with some kind of undercover case.” She pauses. “So I said I’d look at this for him. Besides.” She shrugs. “This dude is ripping off old ladies. Not cool, man. Not. Cool.” Turning the engine off, I nod before pushing out of the car. “Where you going?”
Turning to face her, I grunt, “Inside,” before shutting the door and walking toward the store.
I hear her feet slapping against the ground as she catches up with me. “Luke,” she growls. “You can’t go in, he’ll—”
“You want to close this case?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you need to catch him in the act. You won’t do that by sitting in the goddamn car and waiting for something to happen.” I look over at her. “Turn on your camera.”
She clicks a button on her cell and I know she’s turned on the camera she’s wearing in the earrings Evan gave her.
She’s silent as we walk inside and look around before grabbing some stuff and heading to the counter. I know what he’s gonna do before he’s done it, and when he swipes my card on the wrong side of the machine, I grab him.
“Hey!” he shouts when I yank him over the counter. He tries to get out of my hold, but it’s no use because I have my cuffs on him before he can even blink.
“Did you get it?” I ask Kitty. She pulls her cell out and watches the recording back. She nods and grabs the machine before taking it apart, revealing the chip that collects all the data.
Catching Teardrops (MAC Security Series Book 5) Page 25
