by Brent, Cora
“No,” I shook my head grimly. “There’s no such thing.”
His smile disappeared and the thoughtful look returned. “You’re right, Promise.”
I turned and started walking toward the house. I didn’t say goodbye and neither did he. Because we both knew it wasn’t.
Chapter Ten
Kira wasn’t a total disaster in the kitchen. It just seemed no one had taught her there was more to cooking than boiling water. And that ingredients shouldn’t be substituted willy-nilly. And furthermore that the temperature of the oven mattered somewhat.
“Brown sugar,” I frowned, looking at the gingersnap recipe she had set her heart on. “If you don’t have a jar of dark molasses, you can use brown sugar. After all, it’s made from white sugar and molasses so it will be the closest taste substitute.”
Kira triumphantly produced a bag of brown sugar which had been left open at some point, leaving the contents rock hard. I turned the oven temperature down and rolled the whole chunk onto a tin baking sheet. I let Kira slide it into the oven since bending down was still a bit rough for me.
“How long?” she asked, wrinkling her nose.
“About five minutes,” I said.
She appraised me silently as she played with her golden hair. “How’d you learn all this?”
I laughed hoarsely. “Are you kidding? We have the domestic arts drummed into us from the cradle. With the intention that it will make us into suitable brides.”
“Oh,” Kira said uncomfortably. She stared out the window with a frown. “My mom took off when I was five and my dad wasn’t really equipped to train anyone on the ‘domestic arts’.” She smiled to herself. “He used to tell me that men would be pigs unless you demanded otherwise from them. He also told me to look every damn one of them in the eye and not flinch because there was no man better than me.”
“You’re lucky,” I said with a head shake, thinking how I’d always been taught the very opposite.
Her face darkened. “I was,” she said softly. She saw my puzzled face so she explained. “My father was murdered three months ago.”
I touched her shoulder. “Kira. I’m so sorry.”
She smiled through the tears in her pretty eyes. “He was a good dad. Regular folks wouldn’t have thought so to look at him, but he was. You know, he grew up with Orion. They were best friends, brothers of a sort, for a long long time.”
“What happened?”
She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. But it was bad and it was painful and it’s the one thing Orion won’t talk about with me.” Then she laughed. “I take that back. There are fucking buckets filled with shit Orion won’t talk about with me. But I guess I don’t want to know all of it anyway.”
After a few minutes Kira removed the brown sugar from the oven and discovered it had softened as I told her it would. I watched as she carefully measured out ingredients and showed her how to use a sifter which, surprisingly, was located deep in the recesses of the kitchen cabinet.
“What’s this shit?” a voice growled and I spun around.
He loomed in the doorway, a great hulking presence with a bottle of Jim Beam in his fist. His gaze didn’t seem particularly friendly as his sharp blue eyes watched me.
But Kira waved him off. “Oh, go away, Orion. We’re doing women’s work in here, right Promise?”
“Go away?” he barked with extreme menace. He reached Kira in two long steps and seized her around the waist. She squealed as he lifted her onto the counter and positioned himself between her legs. I relaxed slightly when I realized Kira was smiling.
Orion put the bottle down on the counter. “I seem to remember fucking begging to be left to my sleep this morning.” He touched the top button on her low-cut shirt and she leaned into him. “But a certain girl had her own goddamn ideas.”
“I think your dick agreed with me,” she responded quickly, reaching low. I blushed furiously, not knowing where to look.
“You almost done here?” Orion asked, the threat gone from his voice and a husky quality replacing it.
Kira consulted her recipe with one hand and kept her other hand cupped between Orion’s legs. “I think so.” She smiled at me. “Promise is teaching me how to cook.”
“Good,” he nodded. “A man gets sick of macaroni and cheese.”
“Sometimes I make spaghetti. So fuck you.”
Orion groaned. “Now,” he said urgently, pressing into her.
“Fifteen minutes,” she smiled.
“Now,” he insisted and threw her over his shoulder.
Kira looked at me laughingly, her hair falling all around her face as Orion carried her away. “Promise, don’t let my cookies burn. Promise me, okay?”
“I promise,” I smiled, letting her get away with a joke I’d heard ten thousand times in my life.
I ran the kitchen faucet to blot out the noise of Kira and Orion enjoying each other down the hall. Most of the yelling came from Kira. I couldn’t help but be astonished that sex could ever be so agreeable.
But then, I reminded myself that I hadn’t had sex. What Winston had done to me was something else entirely.
The big hairy man whose name I remembered was Brandon walked into the kitchen and sniffed the air.
“What’s your name again?” he asked by way of greeting.
“Promise,” I answered, shuffling away when he made a beeline for the bowl containing the remaining cookie batter.
“Okay if I eat this, Promise?”
Seeing him close up I realized he was younger than he’d seemed at first. I looked into the bowl doubtfully. “You shouldn’t. It contains raw eggs. Plus Kira won’t be happy.”
And at that Kira let out a wild shriek of pleasure.
Orion’s deep voice followed. “Oh yeah, you like that don’t you, baby?”
“I like it!” she yelled. “I fucking love it!”
Brandon scooped a finger into the bowl and deposited a wad of cookie batter in his mouth. “I think Kira’s plenty happy,” he said cheerfully. Then he picked up the bowl of cookie batter and left the room with it, calling over his shoulder, “Thanks for the snack.”
I shook my head but smiled. The people here were very different from the sort I was used to being around, but they all had a certain unique charm. And their lives seemed so free spirited. I envied them.
Kira came bounding back into the kitchen just as I was trying to figure out how to extract the cookie sheet from the oven with a minimal amount of pain. She withdrew the finished cookies with an oven mitt, marveling over their perfect appearance. Then she looked around with a frown. “Where’s the rest of my batter?”
I shrugged guiltily. “Brandon was hungry.”
“Fucking Brandon.”
Orion eased into the kitchen and took two of the warm gingersnaps, finishing them with one swallow. Out of all the men he made me the most nervous. Perhaps it was because he was the one in charge. Or perhaps it was because he looked at everyone and everything (excepting Kira) with a sharp intensity which seemed unpredictable. But just then he leaned against the counter and seemed almost pleasant.
“You see that old trailer?” He pointed out the window at the shoddy structure which Rachel had indicated was abandoned.
“Yes,” I said slowly.
“You get all that shit cleaned up and you can stay there for a while.”
“She’s a good cook,” said Kira helpfully. “Plus, since Talia quit and Adele left we could use some help at the bar.”
“Hmm,” Orion glanced at Kira. “Yeah, Adele did leave. Good thing she had a pile of money to keep her going.”
Kira smiled sweetly. “Lover, you told me it was mine. So I did what I wanted with it.”
“I remember,” he said softly, then drew her to him gently, kissing her.
I shifted awkwardly. What was between these two people was so intense it was difficult to be in the same room with them and not feel virtually invisible.
Kira dangled the keys to the trailer and offe
red to help me go through it. Orion didn’t seem like the type who appreciated fawning female gratitude so I only nodded curtly at him before following Kira out the door.
He popped a few more cookies into his mouth and smiled. “These are good,” he said. Then he picked up his bottle and left.
“How old are you anyway?” Kira asked me once we were outside.
“I just turned twenty one.”
“Oh, so you’re only a year older than me. Rachel told me you were in school?”
“Yes, I have a Bachelor of Science in Midwifery.”
“Midwifery. Wow, I didn’t know that was still around.” She paused and seemed like she wanted to ask me more questions but thought better of it. I figured I must be quite a curiosity to her.
The trailer did look pretty rough. Some of the siding had peeled off and whatever color it had once been had receded into a sun-baked pale gray. A swamp cooler perched precariously on the roof along with an ancient television antenna.
“It’s better on the inside,” Kira said apologetically and opened the door.
I nodded, thinking that it wouldn’t really trouble me if it was a moldy henhouse. It was a place to stay. Still, I’d never lived anywhere alone. Not even close. Even at school I’d had several roommates at all times. I didn’t know whether or not to be grateful for the new solitude, but I couldn’t go taking up Rachel’s bed every night. Before I followed Kira inside I glanced around and saw Grayson’s trailer sat less than thirty yards away. It made me feel a little better that he would be close by.
“Well,” Kira said cheerfully, turning on the cooler to relieve the stifling air, “this is it.”
The carpet had been ripped out and the cabinets of the tiny kitchen were missing their doors. It would take days of old fashioned elbow grease to get the grime and dust cleaned out.
“It’s nice,” I said softly.
Rachel found us in there a few minutes later. She was delighted that Orion was allowing me to stay in the old trailer.
“Your influence?” she asked Kira.
Kira grinned and wiped the sweat from her forehead. “Maybe.”
“Thanks, babe,” Rachel said with quiet sincerity.
Kira offered to go take care of things at the bar so Rachel could help me begin to clean the trailer out. My cousin frowned at me as she watched the way I grimaced periodically with pain as I tried to scrub and dust.
“Why don’t you go back to my place and rest awhile?”
I shook my head. “No. I’ve got to keep moving.” It was true that when I kept up a steady stream of motion my body didn’t have time to stiffen up, but I’d meant something else. By keeping busy I was able to crowd out all of the terrible things I couldn’t bear to think about. I also was uneasy about the grim feeling of violence which kept coursing through me. The ugliness of such thoughts gave me more strength but the impulse was unfamiliar and I didn’t like it.
The cooler couldn’t keep the extreme heat at bay enough to spend the afternoon in there comfortably, so I agreed to go back to the bar with Rachel. She said she would have Casper haul over an air mattress for me to sleep on until we got around to something more permanent.
Riverbottom was small and dim and smelled thickly of lacquered wood and smoke. I had never been inside a bar before but it was just a room with tables, chairs and a long wooden counter.
Casper, Grayson and Maddox turned around when we entered and I knew they had been talking about me. Rachel put her arm around Casper and kissed his neck as he stroked her hand absently.
Kira materialized and handed me a bottle of water. “Figured this was more your speed,” she said gamely.
Maddox seemed amused at the sight of me. Or perhaps that was just his default expression. “You know the plumbing’s shot to shit in that place,” he said to me.
“Oh,” I blinked. I hadn’t given any thought to the plumbing.
“What Mad means,” Grayson intervened, “is that he’s a licensed plumber and he’d be glad to see what he can do.”
Maddox wasn’t sure about that. “What if a job comes up?” he complained.
“I’ll pay you,” Grayson said quietly and took a drink from a beer bottle.
“Fuck that,” Maddox sighed. He walked over to me and held his hand out. “Key?”
“Oh, I didn’t lock it.”
Maddox grunted, shot a look at Grayson, who smiled at him, and left.
Casper and Rachel were completely involved with each other and Kira had disappeared. Grayson watched me silently as I played with the cap on the water bottle.
“So,” I finally said, “it seems we’ll be neighbors.”
He nodded and stood. “Yeah, I’ll be around so let out a shout if you need anything.” He started to walk past me and paused, looking me right in the eye. “I mean that.”
“I will,” I told him, feeling a strange flush due to how close he was.
Grayson seemed satisfied and called to Casper that he was going to take a ride into Parker to give a quote for a painting job.
After he’d left Rachel explained to me. “Gray, Brandon and occasionally Maddox do some general contract work. Exterior painting, tile laying, et cetera. They team up with a pair of brothers who are also club members, but live in town.”
Kira proudly brought us bowls of her famous macaroni and cheese. I sat down in a chair at Riverbottom Bar in Quartzsite, Arizona and ate it happily.
I couldn’t just sit and do nothing so I helped clean up around the bar as the afternoon blazed away outside. After a few hours Maddox returned, looking as if he’d just bathed in a tub of perspiration.
“Fucking dry heat my ass,” he panted and took a long swallow of beer. He nodded at me. “Okay, so shitter’s up and running. Shower is something of a slow trickle but should work well enough for the time being.”
“I really appreciate it,” I said sincerely.
He took a step closer, a strange smile on his face. “How much do you appreciate it, Promise?” he asked seductively. “You’re pretty cute, you know.”
I took an unsteady step backwards, alarm rising in my chest.
“Mad,” Casper warned in a threatening tone. “No.”
Maddox rolled his eyes and laughed. “Come on, I wasn’t fucking serious.”
Casper and Rachel both glared at him.
“You better go fish elsewhere,” Rachel said in a tense voice.
“Fine,” he said with mock grumpiness, winking at me before departing.
Rachel was looking at me. “Don’t worry about him.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean anything,” I grumbled, but the doubtful look on Rachel’s face said she thought otherwise.
Night was approaching and Riverbotton was evidently the happening spot in Quartzsite. I started to get a little uncomfortable when customers began arriving en masse. A handful of tough-looking men barged through the door. The sleeveless denim jackets they wore were emblazoned with the words ‘Mojave Marauders’ underneath the fierce visage of a skull. When one of them, a hefty bearded man, looked me up and down, openly leering, I began clenching my fists, wanting to escape the knowledge of the dirty things in his head. Rachel noticed and led me away, back to the lonely comfort of the trailer I was going to be living in.
We spent some more time cleaning up and presently Casper arrived with the air mattress, which he promptly pumped full of air. Rachel covered it with crisp sheets and gave me the same shorts and t-shirt I’d worn the night before. It still seemed surreal that I was here, that this would be the place I was to live.
Casper took off after a few minutes, but first shared a passionate kiss with Rachel. She let him back her against the wall and they breathed heavily against one another for a full minute. I guiltily watched them out of the corner of my eye and to my surprise found myself curious about it was like to be in a man’s arm and feel truly wanted, secure. Then I bit back the feeling of self-pity and fluffed the bed pillows.
Rachel lingered by my side. “You sure you’ll be okay h
ere alone tonight?”
I looked out the window at the dark sky. The music and laughter carried from the bar but I found it comforting, that life was proceeding all around me. I was a bit sore, both from my injuries and from the exertion of cleaning out the trailer, but I felt wearily satisfied.
“Yes,” I said firmly. “I’ll be fine tonight, Rachel.”
She twirled a length of dark hair around her finger and seemed lost in thought.
“Promise?” she finally asked. “Did they ever talk about me?”
“Of course. The jilting of Emory Thayne will be gossip until the end of time, no matter how forbidden your name is.”
She smiled vaguely. “No, but I mean did they ever talk about me?” Rachel seemed very young and vulnerable all of a sudden. I knew what she was asking. She wanted to know if her mother and her siblings and everyone she’d loved as child remembered her. Remembered her and spoke of her with affection and longing.
It was on the tip of my tongue to lie to her but I hesitated too long.
“That’s what I thought,” she said wryly, her hand on the door. “Love you, girl,” she said quietly before stepping out into the night.
I had some difficulty getting comfortable on the air mattress but eventually my eyes closed and the solitude soothed me to sleep. I hadn’t dozed off long when I jackknifed upright, crying out at the pain the sudden movement cause me. Somewhere in my subconscious Winston’s cruel face had surfaced and I had lashed out, every fiber within me wanting to destroy him.
As I tried to calm my breathing and pull the sweaty shirt away from my skin, Callie’s words haunted me.
If you do not get your period….
All day long I’d been trying to banish the thought from my mind. But it was impossible for me to begin to move forward until I knew. Pregnancy tests were remarkably accurate these days, detecting hormone levels at an absurdly early time. In six days if my period hadn’t arrived, then I would need to take one. I didn’t want to think about what might lie beyond that.
My heart was pounding too hard to try sleep again at the moment and I figured a few minutes of fresh air might do me some good.
I pulled on Rachel’s sandals and stepped carefully down the rickety steps of the trailer.
